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  1. - Top - End - #361
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Sep 2013

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    I am glad to hear that you feel that things are looking up for you. Surprise shifts are never fun to go through.

  2. - Top - End - #362
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    The Fury's Avatar

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Mith View Post
    I am glad to hear that you feel that things are looking up for you. Surprise shifts are never fun to go through.
    It does suck realizing that I haven't actually healed from a painful experience, but just got so used to hurting that I stopped noticing the pain.

  3. - Top - End - #363
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by The Fury View Post
    It does suck realizing that I haven't actually healed from a painful experience, but just got so used to hurting that I stopped noticing the pain.
    That is true, but with healing, it's better late then never.

  4. - Top - End - #364
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    The Fury's Avatar

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Mith View Post
    That is true, but with healing, it's better late then never.
    I guess so. Maybe I won't ever fully recover, but I have people in my life that care about me, so maybe that's OK too. Admittedly, having to isolate because of the virus is putting a lot of strain on all of us but hopefully we'll all be OK in the end.

  5. - Top - End - #365
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    I now feel silly, for writing a poem as an opener to talk to someone on online dating. Mind you, it wasn't a love poem. (They had a question as a conversation starter, and I'd been reading/listening to the Poetic Edda, so I decided to try and answer in norse Ballad style.)

    But I still feel silly for putting like... twenty minutes effort into making a poem that very well might never get read if they just decide they don't like my face.
    Spoiler
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    Quote Originally Posted by AvatarZero View Post
    I like the "hobo" in there.
    "Hey, you just got 10000gp! You going to buy a fully staffed mansion or something?"
    "Nah, I'll upgrade my +2 sword to a +3 sword and sleep in my cloak."

    Non est salvatori salvator, neque defensori dominus, nec pater nec mater, nihil supernum.

    Torumekian knight Avatar by Licoot.

    Note to self: Never get involved in an ethics thread again...Especially if I'm defending the empire.

  6. - Top - End - #366
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by druid91 View Post
    I now feel silly, for writing a poem as an opener to talk to someone on online dating. Mind you, it wasn't a love poem. (They had a question as a conversation starter, and I'd been reading/listening to the Poetic Edda, so I decided to try and answer in norse Ballad style.)

    But I still feel silly for putting like... twenty minutes effort into making a poem that very well might never get read if they just decide they don't like my face.
    On the other hand, that's one hell of an ice breaker with some decent momentum behind it.

  7. - Top - End - #367
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    The Fury's Avatar

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Mith View Post
    On the other hand, that's one hell of an ice breaker with some decent momentum behind it.
    Right. The fact that you chose a poem to open with says a lot about you and opens the door to a potentially interesting conversations. Plus, anyone that gets put off by the poem probably wouldn't be a good match for you anyway.

  8. - Top - End - #368
    Titan in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Hey everybody. I'm very down at the dumps today because I hear some horrible news that my friend told me on the phone that his mother got the coronavirus. I was very shocked to hear this news. I'm trying to stay on the positive side but I'm really hoping his mother will feel better.

  9. - Top - End - #369
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    The Fury's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bartmanhomer View Post
    Hey everybody. I'm very down at the dumps today because I hear some horrible news that my friend told me on the phone that his mother got the coronavirus. I was very shocked to hear this news. I'm trying to stay on the positive side but I'm really hoping his mother will feel better.
    If it helps, from what I've read most people that get it recover in about a week. Give or take a few days.

  10. - Top - End - #370
    Titan in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by The Fury View Post
    If it helps, from what I've read most people that get it to recover in about a week. Give or take a few days.
    Really? Yay! I really hope she'll recover from it. Now I'm happy again.

  11. - Top - End - #371
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    The Fury's Avatar

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Y'know, after having a lot of alone time to be introspective with, I think I figured something out about myself. I think that the reason I'm more comfortable with people just needing me to do things for them than I am with them just liking me might have to do with how I process rejection.

    If someone just needs me to do things like help them move furniture, bring pizza or something, it feels less personal when they decide that they're done with me. Either they don't need my help anymore or they found someone else that can do it better than me.

    If someone wants me around because they like me... When they decide they're done with me, it's because they decide that they don't like me anymore or don't want me around anymore. For me, it's hard to not take that personally. It's hurtful and it feels like genuine rejection.

    If I could think of rejection as being a possibility, rather than an inevitability I think I could actually accept love when it's shown to me. Unfortunately... it hasn't worked out well for me.

  12. - Top - End - #372
    Titan in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    So anyway I called my friend on the phone today about the update of her mother health and it's not looking too good. She's hooked in a machine to keep her alive.

  13. - Top - End - #373
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    The Fury's Avatar

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Bartmanhomer View Post
    So anyway I called my friend on the phone today about the update of her mother health and it's not looking too good. She's hooked in a machine to keep her alive.
    Oh man. Look, I know that it's scary. If I were you, I'd be scared too. There's still a chance that she'll pull through and be OK, right? I know that it's too small to mean much of anything, but the best I can do is just hope that thing will be alright. I'm sorry.

  14. - Top - End - #374
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    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by The Fury View Post
    Oh man. Look, I know that it's scary. If I were you, I'd be scared too. There's still a chance that she'll pull through and be OK, right? I know that it's too small to mean much of anything, but the best I can do is just hope that thing will be alright. I'm sorry.
    Thank you for your support. I mean I really hope she pulls through this virus.

  15. - Top - End - #375
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    So, between the rejection I'm dealing with and the physical isolation, no school, no work, I'm spending more time in my own brain. I forgot that my brain's a pretty dark, scary place.

    For a while now, I've been feeling like the best thing I can do for anyone is to not exist. Yeah. I'm going there. I'm sorry.

    Spoiler: TW: Thoughts of suicide
    Show
    I called the national suicide hotline for the first time. I've felt bad before, but I can't remember the last time I've felt this bad. I feel pathetic and useless, and I can't get a certain thought out of my head-- If I died, how long before anyone noticed?

  16. - Top - End - #376
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by The Fury View Post
    So, between the rejection I'm dealing with and the physical isolation, no school, no work, I'm spending more time in my own brain. I forgot that my brain's a pretty dark, scary place.

    For a while now, I've been feeling like the best thing I can do for anyone is to not exist. Yeah. I'm going there. I'm sorry.

    Spoiler: TW: Thoughts of suicide
    Show
    I called the national suicide hotline for the first time. I've felt bad before, but I can't remember the last time I've felt this bad. I feel pathetic and useless, and I can't get a certain thought out of my head-- If I died, how long before anyone noticed?
    I cannot find the exact words, so I will have to paraphrase the best I can:

    You are not your work.

    You are not your productivity.

    You hold value beyond all of these things.

    Wisdom dictates that the death of a person is the same as the death of the world, for the loss of one person stops the incalculable changes from now into the future.

    Not just because of work and what you know. But just by you being You.
    ====================================

    I believe that the undeniable fact of existence is that no one can stand where you are. The paths of life takes us over many mountains and valleys, but always following our own trails. We can offer advice based on where we've been, but no matter the similarities, we cannot offer advice based on where _you_ are.

    Why all the preamble? First to say that you are valuable just for being you. Today, at the bottom of the valley that might not feel like much, but it is true. Second to say that while I hope that my words lend some help, I do not know your full experience to perfectly support you. But I'll give it my best.

    From what you've written here and elsewhere, I gather that you are distancing, or losing many friendships within your current circle (or a current circle). Do you have others that you can reach out to? Friends? Family? Neighbours? You may not be able to physically see and connect, but phone calls or video calls may help you reach out.

    If you don't think outreach to those you know would work, I would suggest looking into support groups. Not even therapy, to give you tools to process your thoughts, but as a lifeline and anchor outside your head. This can be anything, including online game night to play and interact with other people. You are not the only one who social isolation is difficult to deal with.

    Outside of social groups, do you have anything that you enjoy focusing on? Not necessarily anything with an end product in mind (art etc.), but something that allows you to mentally and emotionally rest. For example, I enjoy reading and listening to music. This allows me to stop thinking about things outside if "Now" and just relax and enjoy being. Find what you can focus on as far as self enjoyment and embrace it. Quarantine gives you time to do so.

    Best wishes,

    Mith

  17. - Top - End - #377
    Titan in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    So anyway I called my friend on the phone today about the updated of his mother health and he said that her health is in critical condition. I'm very sad at the moment.

  18. - Top - End - #378
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    The Fury's Avatar

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Mith View Post
    From what you've written here and elsewhere, I gather that you are distancing, or losing many friendships within your current circle (or a current circle). Do you have others that you can reach out to? Friends? Family? Neighbours? You may not be able to physically see and connect, but phone calls or video calls may help you reach out.

    If you don't think outreach to those you know would work, I would suggest looking into support groups. Not even therapy, to give you tools to process your thoughts, but as a lifeline and anchor outside your head. This can be anything, including online game night to play and interact with other people. You are not the only one who social isolation is difficult to deal with.

    Outside of social groups, do you have anything that you enjoy focusing on? Not necessarily anything with an end product in mind (art etc.), but something that allows you to mentally and emotionally rest. For example, I enjoy reading and listening to music. This allows me to stop thinking about things outside if "Now" and just relax and enjoy being. Find what you can focus on as far as self enjoyment and embrace it. Quarantine gives you time to do so.

    Best wishes,

    Mith
    The short answer is no. I don't really have anyone that I can reach out to at the moment. A longer answer is that this forum is about all I have right now as the bottom fell out of my safety net.

    Right now I'm having a hard time focusing on anything. The only thing I can kind of do is clean the floor and tidy the kitchen.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bartmanhomer View Post
    So anyway I called my friend on the phone today about the updated of his mother health and he said that her health is in critical condition. I'm very sad at the moment.
    How's your friend holding up?

  19. - Top - End - #379
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    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by The Fury View Post
    The short answer is no. I don't really have anyone that I can reach out to at the moment. A longer answer is that this forum is about all I have right now as the bottom fell out of my safety net.

    Right now I'm having a hard time focusing on anything. The only thing I can kind of do is clean the floor and tidy the kitchen.



    How's your friend holding up?
    Awful. He told me the doctor wouldn't even let him see his own mother. Just what kind of doctor wouldn't let him see his own mother. She's fighting for her life.

  20. - Top - End - #380
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by The Fury View Post
    The short answer is no. I don't really have anyone that I can reach out to at the moment. A longer answer is that this forum is about all I have right now as the bottom fell out of my safety net.

    Right now I'm having a hard time focusing on anything. The only thing I can kind of do is clean the floor and tidy the kitchen.
    Ok. I only ask because I know people who focus on absences without always noticing those who are still around. But again, you know your situation better than I do.

    Focus might be the wrong word, but I find that music drowns out those negative thoughts and feelings for me. It's not that I focus on music to exclude but that it erases everything else for a time.

    I know for some other people, an exercise schedule also fills that idea of a routine, a sort of inertia that keeps them going through tough times. Again that is why I mention even online gaming groups as another source of "schedule" to keep things moving. You've lost your old schedules and routines, so I hope this gives some ideas to replace them with new ones.

  21. - Top - End - #381
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Bartmanhomer View Post
    Awful. He told me the doctor wouldn't even let him see his own mother. Just what kind of doctor wouldn't let him see his own mother. She's fighting for her life.
    My husband was in the hospital for a while, I wasn't allowed anywhere near him either. It sucks, but it's part of the lockdown/quarantine, to protect the general population. But I agree it sucks so bad, made me so angry. He was begging to see me and said nobody seemed to care. I'm sorry for your friend and for you :( I hope his mom recovers although I realise it seems dire right now :S

  22. - Top - End - #382
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    DrowGuy

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lissou View Post
    My husband was in the hospital for a while, I wasn't allowed anywhere near him either. It sucks, but it's part of the lockdown/quarantine, to protect the general population. But I agree it sucks so bad, made me so angry. He was begging to see me and said nobody seemed to care. I'm sorry for your friend and for you :( I hope his mom recovers although I realise it seems dire right now :S
    I didn't know that you were married and you're right about the lockdown/quarantine part to protect the general population. I really hope she gets better.

  23. - Top - End - #383
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    The Fury's Avatar

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Lissou View Post
    My husband was in the hospital for a while, I wasn't allowed anywhere near him either. It sucks, but it's part of the lockdown/quarantine, to protect the general population. But I agree it sucks so bad, made me so angry. He was begging to see me and said nobody seemed to care. I'm sorry for your friend and for you :( I hope his mom recovers although I realise it seems dire right now :S
    Is your husband alright now?

  24. - Top - End - #384
    Titan in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    I feel that this whole situation is very hopeless at this point. I spoke to my friend on the phone today about an update of his mother health and she's still in critical condition and she's very close to death. I don't care if we're not related and blood. She's like a mother to me and my friend and his family is considered my family as well.

  25. - Top - End - #385
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by The Fury View Post
    Is your husband alright now?
    He's doing much better, thank you for asking. He was able to come back home on Friday last week and is resting.

  26. - Top - End - #386
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Bartmanhomer View Post
    I feel that this whole situation is very hopeless at this point. I spoke to my friend on the phone today about an update of his mother health and she's still in critical condition and she's very close to death. I don't care if we're not related and blood. She's like a mother to me and my friend and his family is considered my family as well.
    I have people that I feel that way about. For all intents and purposes they are real family, and the possibility of losing them is scary.

    Don't write off the mother yet, but I encourage you and your friend to be there for each other.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lissou View Post
    He's doing much better, thank you for asking. He was able to come back home on Friday last week and is resting.
    That's a relief. Both of you stay safe.

  27. - Top - End - #387
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    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by The Fury View Post
    I have people that I feel that way about. For all intents and purposes they are real family, and the possibility of losing them is scary.

    Don't write off the mother yet, but I encourage you and your friend to be there for each other.



    That's a relief. Both of you stay safe.
    Thank you. I know I've been post updates for a few days now and I feel like I want to expressed my emotions about it. I know my friend for a long time and we go to the movies together every first Saturday of the month. We're very close.

  28. - Top - End - #388
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    The Fury's Avatar

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    It seems a small thing, I know, but I'm a little less cripplingly depressed. My friend group is at least talking to me again, so that's good. I'm still stuck thinking really mean things about myself.

    I accept that professionally, I am easy to replace, though I feel like I'm pretty easy to replace in my interpersonal relationships too. Going down the list of people I know, most of them fill a particular niche as well or better than me. I guess it's good to know that people I care about will be fine without me, but I'm still stuck wondering what my place is and whether or not anyone would notice if I disappeared.

  29. - Top - End - #389
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    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Great news. My friend's mother is alive and well. He spoke to me on the phone a few minutes ago that his mother has woken up in the machine and she's alive and well. I'm so happy now.
    Last edited by Bartmanhomer; 2020-03-27 at 11:40 AM.

  30. - Top - End - #390
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Bartmanhomer View Post
    Great news. My friend's mother is alive and well. He spoke to me on the phone a few minutes ago that his mother has woken up in the machine and she's alive and well. I'm so happy now.
    That is great news! Best wishes for continued recovery!

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