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  1. - Top - End - #571
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    So in the space of about a day I got kicked out of a friend's group I was having a lot of fun with over a dumb political argument that got started this morning and around the same time I learned this one of the few really strong friendships I made on this forum decided to leave the place permanently due to the same issues (albeit nothing to do with me in his case). This would've been a small thing on its own but it feels like the straw breaking the camel's back.

    Everything I say and do feels like a mistake. I make friends with people who think I'm subhuman, or I say the wrong thing to people whose company is mutually enjoyable, and stuff I was enjoying or looking forward to gets aborted or canned. Talking about any of this stuff never works out but I can't just ignore the topic when it's brought up, that's not healthy either! One step forward, five steps back because a metal bat just slammed into my face.

    I've been told that if someone stops being your friend because they disagree with you politically they weren't really your friend. And that... honestly I'm not sure I believe it. I understand it, logically speaking, but it feels like bull, especially when it just keeps happening.

    Sometimes it's the other person's fault and I know that in my bones ("you're subhuman" is pretty unambiguously in that category). Others... I mean... we were joking around, having fun, then I say something wrong and I get blocked and kicked out because I crossed some line. I'm not saying this came out of nowhere or that there weren't problems before then, just... this felt like I ruined something good I had going. Sooner or later you stop being able to say or even think "it's not my fault" when the same problem keeps popping up over and over.

    I've gotten better as a person and stabilized emotionally (it doesn't sound like it I know) but nowhere near enough. Not for me, not for the people I interact with... I miss my friends, I miss our games, I miss being able to play without getting into a stupid argument that ruins everything.

    And I am... much more upset about all of this than I should be. All I had to do was keep my stupid ****ing mouth shut for like an hour and I couldn't and now I'm ****ing alone all over again!! I just... I'm sick of everything. I hate my life, I hate myself, and I hate whatever stupid ****ing twist of fate decided I can only make friends with people I disagree with in the most extreme degree imaginable.

    I don't want people to hate me but that's all I ever get them to ****ing do and sooner or later ya start to think you deserve it.
    Last edited by HalfTangible; 2020-11-22 at 10:09 PM.
    It's hard to forgive those who have wronged you but every moment you don't is another they have hurt you.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

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  2. - Top - End - #572
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    So in the space of about a day I got kicked out of a friend's group I was having a lot of fun with over a dumb political argument that got started this morning and around the same time I learned this one of the few really strong friendships I made on this forum decided to leave the place permanently due to the same issues (albeit nothing to do with me in his case). This would've been a small thing on its own but it feels like the straw breaking the camel's back.

    Everything I say and do feel like a mistake. I make friends with people who think I'm subhuman, or I say the wrong thing to people whose company is mutually enjoyable, and stuff I was enjoying or looking forward to gets aborted or canned. Talking about any of this stuff never works out but I can't just ignore the topic when it's brought up, that's not healthy either! One step forward, five steps back because a metal bat just slammed into my face.

    I've been told that if someone stops being your friend because they disagree with you politically they weren't your friend. And that... honestly I'm not sure I believe it. I understand it, logically speaking, but it feels like a bull, especially when it just keeps happening.

    Sometimes it's the other person's fault and I know that in my bones ("you're subhuman" is pretty unambiguously in that category). Others... I mean... we were joking around, having fun, then I say something wrong, and I get blocked and kicked out because I crossed some line. I'm not saying this came out of nowhere or that there weren't problems before then, just... this felt like I ruined something good I had going. Sooner or later you stop being able to say or even think "it's not my fault" when the same problem keeps popping up over and over.

    I've gotten better as a person and stabilized emotionally (it doesn't sound like it I know) but nowhere near enough. Not for me, not for the people I interact with... I miss my friends, I miss our games, I miss being able to play without getting into a stupid argument that ruins everything.

    And I am... much more upset about all of this than I should be. All I had to do was keep my stupid ****ing mouth shut for like an hour and I couldn't and now I'm ****ing alone all over again!! I just... I'm sick of everything. I hate my life, I hate myself, and I hate whatever stupid ****ing twist of fate decided I can only make friends with people I disagree with in the most extreme degree imaginable.

    I don't want people to hate me but that's all I ever get them to ****ing do and sooner or later ya start to think you deserve it.
    To be honest, I don't hate you. We all say things that we regret but we're human after all.
    It's time to get my Magikarp on!

  3. - Top - End - #573
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    I don't really have anything to say here except that something told me to go to this thread right now and give support to anyone who is struggling or feeling lonely. This includes those of you who have not actually posted anything. So I guess I'm just saying I'm here with you, listening.

    ...While I'm at it, I'll say I've been disappointed by some people and I am finding it difficult to forgive them.
    Thanks to Daryk for the Paladin avatar.
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  4. - Top - End - #574
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    @halftangible
    I relate and sympathize with you almost 100%
    I feel the exact same way.

    As far as advice: If you say something you regret, apologize. Not just to others, but for yourself. Apologizing will help you recover and relieve stress. If you cannot apologize, just use your emotions in a practical way: Learn and adapt, resolve to work towards not repeating the mistake. You won't fix your own problems instantly, but you have to keep working towards it. Finally: most people will forget what you said (not 100% of the time though) If the thing is cringey, but still relatively minor, most other people will forget about it, you just have to resolve your own feelings about what you said.
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  5. - Top - End - #575
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by D&D_Fan View Post
    @halftangible
    I relate and sympathize with you almost 100%
    I feel the exact same way.

    As far as advice: If you say something you regret, apologize. Not just to others, but for yourself. Apologizing will help you recover and relieve stress. If you cannot apologize, just use your emotions in a practical way: Learn and adapt, resolve to work towards not repeating the mistake. You won't fix your own problems instantly, but you have to keep working towards it. Finally: most people will forget what you said (not 100% of the time though) If the thing is cringey, but still relatively minor, most other people will forget about it, you just have to resolve your own feelings about what you said.
    Apologies never seem to help. If anything they just take it as a sign that I was in the wrong and it was okay to go on the attack. Over and over again.

    People will forget what you've said but they will never forget how you made them feel. For this most recent incident "maybe in another life, we'll share dice again" (followed by a block) seems pretty definitively over even if he doesn't remember exactly why he decided that. Can't really get into specifics due to forum rules, but in my eyes, what I said was contentious but not harsh. The GM thought it was cruel even if I didn't mean it to be and then blocked me. The guy I was talking to certainly didn't seem to think so, he's submitting to another game I'm running and we're talking over his character.

    The GM helped me out of some pretty low points when I had fights with other friends, and... *sigh* I dunno. Maybe he'll forgive me in a month, or even a year or two but if past experience is anything to go by we'll never speak again and that knowledge hurts.
    Last edited by HalfTangible; 2020-11-28 at 11:34 PM.
    It's hard to forgive those who have wronged you but every moment you don't is another they have hurt you.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Discord: HalfTangible#7505

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  6. - Top - End - #576
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    Apologies never seem to help. If anything they just take it as a sign that I was in the wrong and it was okay to go on the attack. Over and over again.

    People will forget what you've said but they will never forget how you made them feel. For this most recent incident "maybe in another life, we'll share dice again" (followed by a block) seems pretty definitively over even if he doesn't remember exactly why he decided that. Can't really get into specifics due to forum rules, but in my eyes, what I said was contentious but not harsh. The GM thought it was cruel even if I didn't mean it to be and then blocked me. The guy I was talking to certainly didn't seem to think so, he's submitting to another game I'm running and we're talking over his character.

    The GM helped me out of some pretty low points when I had fights with other friends, and... *sigh* I dunno. Maybe he'll forgive me in a month, or even a year or two but if past experience is anything to go by we'll never speak again and that knowledge hurts.
    That is the problem I have had. Not everyone will forgive you, or even give you a chance at all. It is really hard to recover from those things. I had an incident a while ago where I was banned from a group, and while I apologized, and appealed, they have not responded at all. at this point I basically told them that I gave up with trying to appeal the ban. Recently I had to turn to them and ask if there were any other groups that played the game. At a certain point, even I don't know what to do. It is hard to know what to do when you cannot forgive or be forgiven.
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  7. - Top - End - #577
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by D&D_Fan View Post
    That is the problem I have had. Not everyone will forgive you, or even give you a chance at all. It is really hard to recover from those things. I had an incident a while ago where I was banned from a group, and while I apologized, and appealed, they have not responded at all. at this point I basically told them that I gave up with trying to appeal the ban. Recently I had to turn to them and ask if there were any other groups that played the game. At a certain point, even I don't know what to do. It is hard to know what to do when you cannot forgive or be forgiven.
    Decided to give this a shot. Doesn't seem like it worked.

    But... least I tried.
    It's hard to forgive those who have wronged you but every moment you don't is another they have hurt you.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

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  8. - Top - End - #578
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    Decided to give this a shot. Doesn't seem like it worked.

    But... least I tried.
    Sorry to hear that.

    For what it's worth, it might help to keep in mind that them declining to take you back doesn't mean that they've decided what you did was unforgivable, or that they think you're an irredeemably bad person. Ultimately, they're there to have fun, and a good GM is supposed to take the lead in making sure everything goes smoothly. That means that sometimes, he might decide that there's too much history with somebody to risk bringing them back into the game.

    This also means that staying out of the game doesn't have to prevent you from individually repairing your relationships with your friends from that game. It sounds like you have at least one person on your side. You can still have an active relationship with them even if you're no longer playing that one game together, and they might even be able to help you to think through how you might want to do things with your next group.

  9. - Top - End - #579
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Xyril View Post
    Sorry to hear that.

    For what it's worth, it might help to keep in mind that them declining to take you back doesn't mean that they've decided what you did was unforgivable, or that they think you're an irredeemably bad person. Ultimately, they're there to have fun, and a good GM is supposed to take the lead in making sure everything goes smoothly. That means that sometimes, he might decide that there's too much history with somebody to risk bringing them back into the game.

    This also means that staying out of the game doesn't have to prevent you from individually repairing your relationships with your friends from that game. It sounds like you have at least one person on your side. You can still have an active relationship with them even if you're no longer playing that one game together, and they might even be able to help you to think through how you might want to do things with your next group.
    The history here is, by his own logic, a singular comment that didn't hurt anyone's feelings. I asked about other things I might've done wrong and he said no.

    The GM did say he didn't go democratic about it to avoid resentment, but he also said he's not personally angry about it and knows I meant no harm. He blocked me immediately after telling me to GTFO and seems to think what I did was unforgivable even if only by accident. Which is really confusing because the guy also said I'm a better GM than him and I'll find a better game somewhere else. Even though I loved his game, he knew that, and GMing and playing a game are two very different experiences.

    And he tells me "maybe we'll share dice again in another life". That's pretty definitively over, not a simple matter of 'this group doesn't like you' (in fact he went out of his way to deny that).

    I lost a good friend over a single comment and even by his own story I did nothing wrong. I am upset and so ****ing confused.

    Part of me wants to stay angry and hold a grudge. The better part of me is pointing out that a grudge is pointless because it's on him if we ever speak again, and also because it'll just hurt more.

    *sigh* Nothing to be done about it now.

    EDIT: And the very next morning I get news that's even worse that I'm not sure is a great idea to talk about in public.
    Last edited by HalfTangible; 2020-12-02 at 04:35 PM.
    It's hard to forgive those who have wronged you but every moment you don't is another they have hurt you.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Discord: HalfTangible#7505

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  10. - Top - End - #580
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    It has been some time since I last posted.
    I am back at square 3 plan I.
    I just want to play my Homestuck game. Nobody else wants to. All of the other groups just aren't for me. I am sad, and I feel I may just admit defeat here.
    I have been trying for so long, it just wasn't meant to be. of course, I can always retry Plan G or Plan E if I want but I doubt anything new will come out of it.

    Just recently I told my friends about the next campaign I had planned, which was what I wanted to do, and they all didn't like it all. None of the other Homestuck TTRPG groups play the same game or have other fun games, and none of them feel right for me.

    :((((((((((((((
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  11. - Top - End - #581
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    The woman I later married gave me the happiest months of my life 27 to 28 years ago, and everytime she smiles at me I fall in love with her again, but more and more the near certain knowledge that she will never kiss me again breaks my heart and gives me tears, last night was an example, I brought home treats and roses for her this week and she screamed at me “I hate roses, why did you get roses?!”, and I answered “They were pretty and I thought they’d be nice on our wedding anniversary”, she got quiet, and said “Oh” and walked out of the room, a little later she came back into the room gave me a little hug and smile and said “Sorry I forgot, you know I’m not sentimental, next time get flowers without thorns”, and then she went back to her bedroom of nine years that I’ve never slept in – it’s just never been cold enough for her to want to share a bed with me anymore (the sole exception is when we went up to her mother's house this year to deal with her mother's dementia, we shared a bed then - and also with a four year old).

    I thought the beauty of a rose made it worth the thorns, but I made a mistake that night, and maybe almost thirty years ago as well when I was blinded by beauty, sentimental fool that I am. Judging by her mother and my father I will die first, and I keep telling myself if she holds my hand again while I’m dying it will be worth it.

    Will she?

    I can’t be sure anymore, what I can be be sure of is that while I still feel it for her any romantically “in-love” she felt for me died years ago, I think I’m like her little brother to her now – so tears.

    I did get another small smile and half hug the next day after I hugged her and told her "I'll always love you" - but left unsaid (by me) was 'even after were separated' as I'm still pretty much "in-love" with girls I loved 30+ years ago (including the lady I dated who committed suicide - which haunts me).

    Likely I won't leave her, there's my 15 year old step-son who while he knows that I'm not his (in the words of his mother) "real father" is very affectionate towards me, and there's the four year old test tube baby (neither of us is the genetic parent). Meanwhile I do have a genetic daughter (blood tests seldom lie) that I've never met face-to-face who's living in another State, who's mother I really don't remember, and she's now a young adult and seems to have turned out well - which makes me even more regret that my wife chose to conceive with a donor (after the still birth of her first child she said she wanted to "have a baby together" but soon she changed her mind, so both of our surviving children aren't mine by blood but I'm the only Dad they've known).

    So I need to reconcile myself to never being kissed again.

    Unintentionally this last year I've lost a lot of weight and now fit pants I haven't been able to squeeze into since the '90's, still unexplained, for a week my Doctor said there was an 80% chance that I had lung cancer, but that was rescinded (a biopsy of my lungs showed a fungal infection instead), and afterwards I really didn't feel much happier knowing I didn't have cancer after all, it may have been something besides the long lonely years of unrequited longing I expect (actually not that long, if I live as long as my father I have about 27 years left, if I live as long as my wife's father it will only be about 14 years left).
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  12. - Top - End - #582
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Geh,

    OOUUUUCCCHHH

    Well that...
    Damn I...I have no real words here, mate. Not ones I have confidence in at least.

    Should have been a pshrink. So I'd recommend you talk to one. No seriously...I'm normally good at this stuff but this, yeah, I'd recommend a professional. . . Or a priest if that is more your cup of tea. This is a step up from a tear in your beer level...besides no beer for you...not in those meds.

    Because this hurts my soul

    (Especially about still being in love with the girl who committed suicide 30 years ago)

    ...
    Its rough, you have basically looked into death this year and not liked what you see especially now that you know you'll make it. So there is a LOT on your plate. And so now seeing this...and seeing the future is now hard.

    How are you feeling about your health and the not gonna die by cancer stuff?

    So you have my deepest sympathies.
    And PM box open if you need it.
    Last edited by sktarq; 2020-12-27 at 11:27 AM.

  13. - Top - End - #583
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    ....
    I'm sorry to hear about your struggle.
    it seems to me you two need to have a long series of conversations.
    possibly, at some stage, involving a neutral party in attendance.
    you describe several serious issues both in your wife's behaviour and in your relationship.
    these things do not solve themselves, and you can't do all the legwork on them either.
    it must be a shared load to bear, and you need to find out if she's willing.
    neither of you, probably, deserves to just wait around to die, or for the other to die, to be somehow comforted in the relationship or, maybe, move on from it.
    you might find out that, irrespective of your feelings, the relationship is functionally over and onesided at best..or maybe that it is in fact perfectly salvageable through communication.
    don't let the fear of the inevitable pain of discovery, one way or another, stop you from starting that process. it is not a band-aid.
    Last edited by dehro; 2020-12-27 at 11:33 AM.
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  14. - Top - End - #584
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by sktarq View Post
    [...]This is a step up from a tear in your beer level...besides no beer for you...not in those meds.[...]

    Yeah, I'm forbidden alcohol (and most headache medicines) now because of the anti-fungal pills I'm taking for my lungs put a strain on my liver, so no beer for me

    ]...]How are you feeling about your health and the not gonna die by cancer stuff?

    I still have the symptoms that prompted the now rescinded lung cancer diagnosis (and I've been tested for covid-19 five times this last year, all tests showed negative), the weird weight loss thing (which is one of the reasons my physician suspected cancer) is still unexplained, now I get a blood test every couple of months to make sure my liver isn't failing (and I've been at the death bed and was a pall bearer for a man who died from a failed liver so I know what that's looks like), and about every few months there's another x-ray of my lungs, the last one did show the "growths" in my lungs were subsiding.

    Otherwise, this is sick, I had hoped if I was really dying soon my wife would've been more affectionate towards me, but during the week between being told "80% chance of lung cancer" and the biopsy results showing a fungal infection instead, I didn't see much affectionate, only anger - she told me she cried (I didn't see it), but she also told me "I can't do all three" (raise kids, deal with her mother's dementia, and also with me).

    So you have my deepest sympathies.
    And PM box open if you need it.

    Thanks @sktarq, you're very kind.

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    I'm sorry to hear about your struggle.
    [...]

    Thanks for your kind words @dehro
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  15. - Top - End - #585
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    ...
    I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. If you think I am of any use to talk to, feel free to PM me as well.

    However, I also second the discussion with either a professional to help sit down and unpack your own thoughts, as well as with you and your partner. Because this isn't good for either of you (not if the observation is "I cannot do all of this.").

    I really recommend looking to some way to mend this rift, even if it is an amiable parting. That is still better closure than limbo.

    *sigh* I wish I have better words to say, but I think the others have covered it in better than I can.

    Best wishes to you and yours.

  16. - Top - End - #586
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    I've been looking for an entry level programming position for a year. I've had 4 job offers since the pandemic kicked into high gear. One didn't get past the interview stage. The remaining three were all scams, one of which cleaned out every cent I've ever earned (this is referenced in an earlier post as something I wasn't sure I should talk about but **** it I need to say it here). I have family I can fall back on, but at this stage, it feels like I'm going to spend the rest of my life as my crippled mother's personal manservant. Or more accurately, all of HER life, and then by that point I won't be able to do anything else and will just die in a ditch somewhere. Just learned today we're not going to Washington DC in January (she wanted that for Christmas), thank ****ing Christ.

    I've mentioned this a few times, but my demented grandmother also had to stay at our house starting in... I think late January? And she was adamant that my mother be the one to help her with everything. My crippled mother. Neither she nor I got to sleep uninterrupted for that entire time frame. We found poop everywhere and objects moved constantly. Oh, and said grandmother also hit me and my mother (who is in a ****ing wheelchair), so that was fun.

    I was in two friendgroups at the start of this year. One I'd already been having problems with even before the pandemic, and the pressure brought on by that just made it worse. I miss that group as a whole, but not all of them; I was not sad to say goodbye to the pair of *******s who thought I was a subhuman Nazi and openly told me so. The other, though... from the GM's comments, the reason I was booted then was because I'd confided in him about the falling out with the previous group, not because of anything I actually did (and in fact went out of his way to deny any other potential problems that I brought up)

    So, yeah. Was in a group where I had to deal with toxic AF people, trusted the wrong person later, spent what little time this year DIDN'T have a pandemic taking care of an old woman with dementia who outright hated us for it, AND got scammed out of all my money.

    Everything was going so well. I'd actually started coming out of the house, talking to people, writing more of my novel (hit 50k yesterday, for what that's worth), I was going to conventions and actually fighting back depression. Now I feel like I'm worse off than when I started and that the last 10 years and three degrees (two Bachelor's, one Associates) were a complete waste of time and money.

    People keep telling me it'll get better and they're full of garbage. It won't get better. It only ever gets worse. If anything in your life is good, it's just so when you lose it, it can hurt you more.
    It's hard to forgive those who have wronged you but every moment you don't is another they have hurt you.

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  17. - Top - End - #587
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Well, this morning I woke up to the news that my mum (who's been in hospital with COVID related complications)'s conditioned has worsened, and my dad should go in to see her (I offered to drive him, be he insisted he's fine).

    On a more selfish level, I suspect I might have been infected too, with milder symptoms (because why not be stuck working retail for a year, but trip over just when I'm supposed to be off for a while). I'm terrified this'll rule out my Gender Confirmation Surgery (which I was overjoyed to hear I'd finally made it to the top of the queue for after 5 years), as my blood test results have been saying my white blood cell count is low...

    I had a lot of plans for 2021, but now I haven't got any idea what I'm going to do...

    EDIT: My dad called from the hospital, and put my mum on the phone. She repeated "I love you" several times, and wasn't sure if I could hear her (I said I could several times), before my dad reassured her that I'd answered that I can. My dad going in is absolutely the only exception they're making to rules against visitors in the current climate, so...that's all I'm getting.

    EDIT 2: This morning I got the news she died in the small hours. So...yep, that's the nearest I got to being able to say goodbye.

    Wear a mask.
    Last edited by BisectedBrioche; 2021-01-01 at 07:25 AM.
    Hi, I'm back, I guess. ^_^
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  18. - Top - End - #588
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by BisectedBrioche View Post
    Well, this morning I woke up to the news that my mum (who's been in hospital with COVID related complications)'s conditioned has worsened, and my dad should go in to see her (I offered to drive him, be he insisted he's fine).

    On a more selfish level, I suspect I might have been infected too, with milder symptoms (because why not be stuck working retail for a year, but trip over just when I'm supposed to be off for a while). I'm terrified this'll rule out my Gender Confirmation Surgery (which I was overjoyed to hear I'd finally made it to the top of the queue for after 5 years), as my blood test results have been saying my white blood cell count is low...

    I had a lot of plans for 2021, but now I haven't got any idea what I'm going to do...

    EDIT: My dad called from the hospital, and put my mum on the phone. She repeated "I love you" several times, and wasn't sure if I could hear her (I said I could several times), before my dad reassured her that I'd answered that I can. My dad going in is absolutely the only exception they're making to rules against visitors in the current climate, so...that's all I'm getting.

    EDIT 2: This morning I got the news she died in the small hours. So...yep, that's the nearest I got to being able to say goodbye.

    Wear a mask.
    condolences and virtual hugs. I am sorry...
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  19. - Top - End - #589
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    condolences and virtual hugs. I am sorry...
    you are not alone.
    Thanks...it hurts, but I've got to keep going.
    Hi, I'm back, I guess. ^_^
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  20. - Top - End - #590
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by BisectedBrioche View Post
    Thanks...it hurts, but I've got to keep going.
    Very true. but do let yourself mourn too.

    Best wishes and my deepest sympathies.

  21. - Top - End - #591
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by BisectedBrioche View Post
    Thanks...it hurts, but I've got to keep going.
    Yes.

    But you also need to mourn. There's nothing wrong with it, and it's healthier in the long run.
    It's hard to forgive those who have wronged you but every moment you don't is another they have hurt you.

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  22. - Top - End - #592
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    First time I went to this thread since a long time following Oots, and... well ****. Decided to finally create a account.
    That's a lot of trauma.

    I don't know what to say. Had some, but reading this page I see i'm rather a lucky one.

    I just have to say...

    If you ****ed up, if you know you ****ed up, well, that's bad, but at least you know it.

    One of the problem I had to solve last year was about someone that ****ed up, and despite several warning that he ****ed up, disregarded them as mobbing on him, and kept ****ing up until forcefully removed of our life.
    If I had less anger I would say I would feel pity on him. If he don't perceive or refuse to see any fault, he will never change and improve.

    And well BisectedBrioche, sorry for your loss, and the circonstance it happened.
    Take your time to mourn, and i would say have a ritual, religious or not, to say goodbye. Those are important for the ones who are left.
    I personally felt more solace after a bar rendez-vous with all the friends of someone that died than during his cremation, strangely. I've seen, and heard about a lot of facets on the man than I have ever know in his live.
    Of course with the current crap you can't do exactly that.

  23. - Top - End - #593
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Some time ago, I needed to take a break from things that required much mental engagement. I was a little coy about the specifics, but in truth it's been wearing me down a lot.

    Spoiler: CW: Substance use and suicide
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    My friends have been needing some distance from me, which is fine and totally understandable. I've been worried that I've been drifting apart from them, that isn't fair for me to think like that and the fact that I know I'm being unfair is eating away at me. This isn't to say that they never interact with me, they usually need to have someone else there to act as a buffer. So this has been the background radiation of my life for months now.

    One night one of my roommates had gotten into some cannabis edibles and came into my room having cut up their arm. They asked if we had bandaids, we didn't have any that were big enough so I drove to a 24 hour grocery store to buy some. Later they explained that in their altered state of mind they thought their arm was dead and saw no problem with cutting it. Before any of you try to explain that "cannabis doesn't work like that!" this is how they explained it to me. Or rather, it was how they explained it to someone else while I was in the same room.

    Afterward, they started looking into the possibility of a hospital stay and being put on suicide watch. Their father agreed to take them. Unfortunately he also thought it would be a good idea to get their mother involved too. Their mother has a history of being emotionally and physically abusive. The mother was against the idea and insisted that they stay with her instead. Eventually old problems with their mother resurfaced and my roommate came home.

    On the plus side, they seem much better and a little more at ease at home. They still don't want to talk to me, and in light of recent events, they're off the hook. I'd like to be able to talk with them again like I used to, but they just aren't interested.

  24. - Top - End - #594
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    this has more to do with them than with you.. maybe they're keeping their distance because they fear they migh treat you unfairly and lose you, if they don't.. or maybe it's something else.. this is one of those situations where you can't make the decision for them, other than being there should they decide to reopen communication
    Last edited by dehro; 2021-01-03 at 02:50 PM.
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  25. - Top - End - #595
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    this has more to do with them than with you.. maybe they're keeping their distance because they fear they migh treat you unfairly and lose you, if they don't.. or maybe it's something else.. this is one of those situations where you can't make the decision for them, other than being there should they decide to reopen communication
    Oh, it's definitely not a decision that I can make for them. If they need me to keep my distance, that's what I'll do. It's isolating me though and there are fewer people that I can reach out to now.

    They might decide to reopen communication, but they tend to get comfortable with situations and changing them can cause distress.

  26. - Top - End - #596
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Well I am posting here again which can mean only ome thing. I am depressed. Or more depressed. Now much else to say really. I could whine about my life which isn't that bad. Or I could seek advice which I would most likely fail to follow through on.
    DEGENERATION 86: Copy this into your sig and subtract 1 from the degeneration when you first see it. This is an antisocial experiment.

  27. - Top - End - #597
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    To put it bluntly I'm feeling sad about my Ma who died on my 18th birthday a few months ago. She was always my role model and after she passed I had to go live with my step-brother who I barely know. It's been hard and there's nothing I can do except sit around all day and try not to think of the future. I'm not comfortable with talking to my brother about this so here I am.
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  28. - Top - End - #598
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by thisdude9001 View Post
    To put it bluntly I'm feeling sad about my Ma who died on my 18th birthday a few months ago. She was always my role model and after she passed I had to go live with my step-brother who I barely know. It's been hard and there's nothing I can do except sit around all day and try not to think of the future. I'm not comfortable with talking to my brother about this so here I am.
    did you share the same mother, or the same father instead? maybe he's just as uncomfortable.. I hope you will find a way to talk through your grief with him and others in your life..
    until then, you did the right thing by reaching out to us..
    if we can, we will try to help.
    All hail Smutmulch for crafting my avatar!
    Quote Originally Posted by kpenguin View Post
    Cursed zombies are more realistic.
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  29. - Top - End - #599
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    did you share the same mother, or the same father instead? maybe he's just as uncomfortable.. I hope you will find a way to talk through your grief with him and others in your life..
    until then, you did the right thing by reaching out to us..
    if we can, we will try to help.
    My Ma was my adoptive mother. She adopted me (as well as 8 of my other siblings) after my Mom died when I was 4. So it's the same mother, kinda. I've never felt able to discuss this type of stuff with my family, even though I care about them all.

    I once had a panic attack in front of my closest sibling while we were walking back from the store, what felt like nearly getting jumped, and then him yelling at me the whole walk home because I didn't listen to him sense he would have wanted to get stabbed rather then me (no one got stabbed). We ended up just sitting in some random backyard until I calmed down so the rest of our family wouldn't see me having a panic attack. The whole thing just felt awful and I really don't want people to see me exposed like that. I'm crying because I'm typing this all out so Ima stop for now.
    Last edited by thisdude9001; 2021-01-10 at 12:49 PM.
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  30. - Top - End - #600
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by thisdude9001 View Post
    My Ma was my adoptive mother. She adopted me (as well as 8 of my other siblings) after my Mom died when I was 4. So it's the same mother, kinda. I've never felt able to discuss this type of stuff with my family, even though I care about them all.

    I once had a panic attack in front of my closest sibling while we were walking back from the store, what felt like nearly getting jumped, and then him yelling at me the whole walk home because I didn't listen to him sense he would have wanted to get stabbed rather then me (no one got stabbed). We ended up just sitting in some random backyard until I calmed down so the rest of our family wouldn't see me having a panic attack. The whole thing just felt awful and I really don't want people to see me exposed like that. I'm crying because I'm typing this all out so Ima stop for now.
    I'm so sorry to hear that.
    It's time to get my Magikarp on!

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