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Thread: Personal Woes and Advice 6
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2022-12-14, 11:48 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2005
- Location
- Sydney, Australia
- Gender
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
Grytorm, I hope you're still there. It sounds like you need professional help right now. Do you know which phone helplines are available in your area? If not, if you're happy to share which country you are in, I can look them up for you.
We all make mistakes. Sometimes we hurt people with our words. Understanding that you didn't make great choices is actually useful - you're not doubling down. You can learn from it and be better in the future.
My own vent:
I finally have the dreaded bug. And, since I tested negative on Sunday when I first got symptoms, I didn't isolate properly or re-test soon enough, so my husband has it now, too. He might have got it anyway, isolating from my husband and 8yo daughter in the same household was never really all that practical, but I feel like I've let them down. And now my daughter probably has to miss Picnic Day tomorrow - she was really looking forward to it. And we have to wait for her to get it, too.I'm pretty much the opposite of concise. If I fail to get to the point, please ask me and I'm happy to (attempt to) clarify.
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2022-12-15, 01:43 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
I'm still here. I unfortunately burnt bridges to the discord server and now feel very alone. I might try and reconnect there if I am ever not depressed. Like. Just. When I get upset and lash out it is usually in a weird pity party self destructive way. I don't get straight up angry with anyone. I just. I said something that really upset some people and they reacted strongly. And that launched me into a bout of self loathing. And when I lash out its like a weird combination of abnegation, pity party, and passive aggresive behavior. Just. It isn't direct I guess. I don't know how people actually react to my actions. I do know that moderators probably talked about me at least a little.
As for my safety. Honestly I am still not in a great place. I will be mostly alone tomorrow and that probably isn't the best idea. I'll make certain to check in here so you know I am okay. Typing this right now is making me feel much better. If I think I need to I will call a number. Thank you.DEGENERATION 86: Copy this into your sig and subtract 1 from the degeneration when you first see it. This is an antisocial experiment.
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2022-12-15, 03:38 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2005
- Location
- Sydney, Australia
- Gender
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
I'm very glad you're still here. Please do check in tomorrow.
Also, help lines are not just for worst case scenarios. You need professional help, and that's my professional judgement speaking. A help line can put you on the path to connecting with the help you need, whether that be social support, talk, medical, whatever.
Think of it this way: a phone call for help is not something you can "fail" at. Whichever way you do it, it's still something.I'm pretty much the opposite of concise. If I fail to get to the point, please ask me and I'm happy to (attempt to) clarify.
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2022-12-15, 10:42 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
- Location
- Netherlands
- Gender
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
Once one person in a household gets it, everyone gets it. I mean, what can you do? Assign a single room as your quarantaine prison and stay there all the time? Wear a hazmat suit? It quickly gets kind of ridiculous. This is just what happens when any one person in a household gets infected. As for Picnic Day... well, you can always postpone it a little. It's not as if there's not going to be Picnic Day anymore.
Sometimes bridges can be rebuilt. You're aware you made some mistakes and that you should get some help. That's a very good first step and just acknowledging that can go a long way to rebuilding said bridge. Alternatively you can build new bridges elsewhere. I'm not saying that'll be easy, but I am saying that's within your power. But you're going to need some help.
Call the number. It's what it's there for. They can point you in the right direction so you can get the professional help you need.
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2022-12-15, 08:16 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
I'm doing better today. Still feeling down and lonely.
DEGENERATION 86: Copy this into your sig and subtract 1 from the degeneration when you first see it. This is an antisocial experiment.
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2022-12-18, 01:19 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Gender
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2022-12-21, 04:19 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2007
- Location
- France
- Gender
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
I'm glad you're feeling better. Although I'm sure you'll have other times when you're feeling worse and although we all wish that wouldn't happen, it does and you're allowed to feel that way too.
I don't know how long it will take to get better but we're around and we care. *hugs* (if you would like them)
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2023-01-06, 08:27 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2022
- Location
- GitP, obviously
- Gender
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
I've typed up some variation of this probably 8 times now an have been debating whether or not to bring this on here, but here it is.
SpoilerIt's been rough for a couple months. The usual struggling with finances, kids mess up faster than we can clean, work has begun spiraling downward, and above all (technically below now, <insert unenthusiastic "ha">) my father's illness. He was diagnosed with stage 4 renal carcinoma (kidney cancer). The man has never been a patient in the hospital in his entire life, consistent check-ups every 6 months (you'd think they would've noticed sooner), always been in good physical shape, doesn't drink or smoke... But only took 3.5 months, and he lost his battle just a couple weeks before the holidays. (Get the pun up there? Yeah, this is one of my coping mechanisms.)
I could go into detail about personal life and our relationship, but that's unnecessary. This just sucks, dude.
Okay, I'm doing well. I'm doing pretty ****ing good considering all this shenanigans (I think). I understand that the world keeps spinning and it's the circle of life, all that jazz. I have multiple people in my life who know what this feels like, so there's more support. I'm still going to be there for my friends and family. I'm still making jokes. I know time will begin to space apart those bad moments and thoughts. I've had the same wonderful therapist (off-and-on because finances) for over three years now. I still love me some D&D. I understand that people aren't going to change and their proclamations to "make amends" is a fat load of donkey doo-doo. Whatever. I just...ugh...you know?
Most days I just feel like I can't do anything without falling apart. So, I'll have my moments of grief, then keep moving along. It doesn't really change anything, but the thoughts begin to creep their way into everything I do, and sometimes - I just stop and look around and say to myself for the 87th time this week, "this is ****ing dumb. It doesn't make any sense."
My wife lost her mother to cancer a couple years before we met (the anniversary is exactly one week from my father's last day) so it was rough on her in a different way. Let's attempt to be supportive of each other while we're dealing with other daily struggles...
I'm also worried about my mom, naturally.
This website has been an excellent escape. It could have saved me from some dumb choices years ago, if I knew of its existence. I was invested in the community and conversations before I started using it to hide recently.
Anyway, thanks for reading.Last edited by animorte; 2023-01-06 at 08:28 PM.
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2023-01-06, 08:30 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2015
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2023-01-07, 05:07 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2020
- Location
- Jerusalem
- Gender
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
So sorry to hear that, animorte. Stay strong.
In other news: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Generalized anxiety has reached a decidedly not-fun point. Worst it's been in like, 5-6 years at least.
Also, worried I'm using a close female friend as a relationship-surrogate and going to **** up our friendship.
God I want a freaking lobotomy dude.Last edited by H_H_F_F; 2023-04-17 at 02:19 PM.
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2023-01-08, 04:05 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
- Location
- Netherlands
- Gender
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
No, you don't. You don't need a romantic relationship. I used to labor under the same delusion, but at some point I learned to reprioritize and instead on focus on the things that I do enjoy. Things became so much better the moment I did that. My advice to you as someone who went through the same thing is to simply not bother with romance at all for the coming year or so and focus on all the other stuff in your life. You need to learn to be content without a romantic partner in your life.
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2023-01-08, 08:29 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2022
- Location
- GitP, obviously
- Gender
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
Something Borrowed - Submission Thread (5e subclass contest)
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2023-01-08, 02:50 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2020
- Location
- United States
- Gender
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
SpoilerPlease accept my condolences. My father's death was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. But looking back at it, it forced me to un **** up my life and become an adult instead of a 30 year old teenager. So I suggest focusing your grief into something constructive.
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2023-01-08, 07:37 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2022
- Location
- GitP, obviously
- Gender
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
Something Borrowed - Submission Thread (5e subclass contest)
TeamWork Makes the Dream Work 5e Base Class Submission Thread
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2023-01-12, 10:48 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2019
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2023-02-22, 07:06 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2015
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
Hey everyone. My favorite Tarot YouTuber TarotOracle post a video that he got cancer. I was very sad and shock he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I hope he has a very quick recovery. 😭😭😭😭😭🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿 https://youtu.be/SyzIrzipj58
It's time to get my Magikarp on!
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2023-03-10, 06:21 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2006
- Location
- Eastern US
- Gender
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
In late January, my wife and mother-in-law were in a car crash. My wife is fine. My MiL broke her wrist and kneecap. Because of her job, she has had to go on short-term disability. (Can't work on a computer all day when your arm is in a cast almost to the shoulder and your fingers can't move much...)
Due to the pay schedule, my MiL got her early February paycheck. But when she was supposed to get the late month one, it wasn't there. After several calls to the disability company, they found out that the disability company had been attempting to contact my MiL's previous primary care (who died last August and the office closed). Also, they said they tried to call my MiL's phone, but it didn't ring and only went to a message saying there was no voicemail set up. (I know the phone works because it's on the same account as my and my wife's phones.) So they gave the disability people my wife's phone number and passed on the info for my MiL's new doctor and we thought everything was fine.
Until the next paycheck was due yesterday. And it wasn't there.
We're now approaching crisis mode. I pay most of the household expense, but we have it set up for some of my MiL's pay to come to me. Also, my MiL's pay is used to buy groceries. We cannot place a grocery order because there is no money to pay for them. And while the bills are covered through the end of March, if the late March paycheck doesn't come through, I'm not sure I can pay April.
And my MiL does not seem to care. It took her almost a month to fill out the forms that disability sent her, and she only did it because my wife and I were going out of town for a week and my wife forced her to do the paperwork before we left. (That was early February.) My wife spent all day yesterday trying to get her to call the disability people to find out what the problem is. (Granted, part of the problem is the company is not responsive and getting through the automated phone system is difficult.) She finally sent an email, which was not responded to. I am hoping that after spending a weekend at home (because we don't have the money to do anything), she'll get the picture and get more focused on working out the disability.Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
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2023-04-11, 08:37 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2015
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
So anyway a while back I post about my favorite YouTube Tarot Reader, TarotOracle that he got cancer. So anyway he going to get it today through Thursday.
It's time to get my Magikarp on!
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2023-04-13, 10:49 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2019
- Location
- Laniakea Supercluster
- Gender
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
Misc. Thoughts
I used to think I knew what burnout was. Well, I didn't. If I'm a gear pulling the chain that represents something, all of my gear-teeth have been ground down to nothing. It feels like no matter how much I spin, nothing will happen, no more work will get done, and it is hellish. I feel crushed and like I'm going to go ******* ******* insane sometimes. And yet I never will. All I can do is hide in a corner and cry. I have so many goals and every passing moment, they just get further away from being feasible, I can't keep up.
I started a new medicine and it feels like it's been doing the exact opposite of what it is supposed to do. And it lowered my body heat by like, 2 degrees, and gave me headaches for days. I just feel like I'm getting behind, there's no way to catch up in time. Everything is going to crumble sometime soon I reckon.
I don't know if anyone really loves me anyway, I mean, who says that anyway? My parents? How do I know they aren't just lying? They've lied before on other ****. I know they have before.
I try to do things that make me happy, but it just wastes time it feels. I want to create things people like, so that they might like me, but few people like what I create. It's just a distraction from by ******** physics class I've been taking this year. And C++ and Calculus. I can't work AT ALL anymore. I am trapped. I want to cry. ****, I did cry earlier this week.
I think one of my goals in life is to be able to be the person that I never had growing up. Well, technically, I had a person like that, but we don't talk anymore, had a sort of conflict. But I do think all people are deserving of empathy. When I see people, many of them younger than me, struggling with problems and lashing out at the world, basically being ******** and annoying as ****, it stops people from caring about them. But these people need care too. A lot of them are hurt people. I used to be like them too. And I still am, although I am trying to be better. But I got a ****** hand, and I don't want other people to suffer. I think. Otherwise, what happens then if people who have a rough time never get support? A lot of things can happen, none of them good.
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2023-04-19, 12:24 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
- Location
- The Primus Imperium
- Gender
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
Mom came up to visit me a few days ago, still staying until the end of the week.
Now, my mother has a lot of trouble walking already due to a car wreck before I was born (one leg doesn't fully bend properly), but tonight she was wobbling and swaying every time she got up to move anywhere. She knocked over all of her drinks, and I noticed that she had a near-empty bottle of rum (back says 750ml). I hid the bottle and dumped out her drinks which she insisted were not alcohol (my sense of smell is not THAT bad Mother) because she was barely able to go like 3 or 4 feet tops (the length from my right shoulder to my left hand) from her door to the bathroom door.
The entire time she also lied to me about the alcohol she was drinking despite clearly being drunk. Like stupid drunk. Like "I once drove home a man who was too drunk to see and I thought my strangle me from the backseat and he was still more coherent than she was"
Then, while I was cleaning up the mess left over from her rum, diet coke and what I hope was water, the front of the toilet cracked right across the reservoir and now the bathroom's flooded. I'm pretty sure mom sitting on that toilet at the time drunk off her ass is just a coincidence (it honestly probably is but damn that's some timing).
So yeah, been a ****in' fun night.
God dammit I ****ing hate alcohol.Hate me if you want. But that's your issue to fix, not mine.
Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo.
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2023-05-09, 11:50 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2015
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
So anyway. I just have a bad night which has something to do with my older brother and his now ex-friend. His ex-friend was knocking at the door I ignore her until she mention the word seizure. I think "Oh no." She said that she needs to get her seizure medication. She has been having out at my house for a few weeks. She is a nice woman but with so many issues. She always knock at the door at a very inappropriate time even went my brother and I was asleep. She's kind of a nuisance who doesn't respect people's boundaries. So anyway back to the story. I call my brother about the situation and she talks to him on the floor. After that my brother got home and he and his ex-friend got into a huge argument he kick her out of the house and throw her show at the house which cause me some stress because I didn't need this sort of drama. My brother asked me am I good. I told him yes. And that is my story.
It's time to get my Magikarp on!
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2023-05-24, 07:06 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2010
- Location
- Canada
- Gender
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
I just finished reading Becky Chambers' debut Monk & Robot novella, 'Psalm of the Wild-Built'. The emotional climax of the piece really hit home for me.
Spoiler: Spoilers for 'Psalm of the Wild-Built'"I have it so good. So absurdly, improbably good. I didn't do anything to deserve it, but I have it. I'm healthy, I've never gone hungry. And yes, to answer your question, I'm - I'm loved. I lived in a beautiful place, did meaningful work. The world we made out there [...] it's a good world, a beautiful world. It's not perfect, but we've fixed so much. We made a good place, struck a good balance.
And yet every f*cking day in the City, I woke up hollow, and... and just... tired, y'know? So, I did something else instead. I packed up everything, and I learned a brand new thing from scratch, and gods, I worked hard for it. I worked really hard. I thought, if I can just do that, if I can do it well, I'll feel okay. And guess what? I do do it well. I'm good at what I do. I make people feel happy. I make people feel better. And yet I still wake up tired, like... like something's missing.
I tried talking to friends, and family, and nobody got it, so I stopped bringing it up, and then I just stopped talking to them altogether, because I couldn't explain, and I was tired of pretending like everything was fine. I went to doctors, to make sure I wasn't sick and that my head was okay. I read books and monastic texts and everything I could find. I threw myself into my work, I went to all the places that used to inspire me, I listened to music and looked at art, I exercised and had sex and got plenty of sleep and ate my vegetables and still. Still. Something is missing. Something is off.
So, how f*cking spoiled am I, then? How f*cking broken? What is wrong with me that I can have everything I could ever want and have ever asked for and still wake up in the morning feeling like every day is a slog?"
At the risk of sounding hyperbolic, I can't remember a time in my life that a text has specifically called me out so thoroughly. I feel seen through. Which, oddly enough, made me feel a bit better. Because if someone has it in them to write those words, in that order, then maybe it's going to be okay?Spoiler: Stuff I'm Working OnSmall Justice
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2023-08-03, 06:11 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
- Location
- The Primus Imperium
- Gender
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
So... my brother has been talking about joining the army for a little over a year. He was supposed to go off to Basic this morning, but he was still here when I went into his room around noon. He tells us he needs to talk to us, and mom and I spend the next few hours worried.
Last Wednesday he went for a medical evaluation and it turned out he was pre-diabetic with blood pressure 140/90. He didn't tell anybody until today, so he's going to go get a medical exemption.
So... yeah.
Suddenly very distracted from **** like my primarch quest and the indie game jam.Hate me if you want. But that's your issue to fix, not mine.
Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo.
When Gods Go To War comes out March 8th
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2023-08-04, 08:27 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2007
- Location
- France
- Gender
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
I don't know how reassuring it will be to you, but pre-diabetic means it can only be type 2, which is possible to manage through diet and exercise and might not require insulin (or if it does, it can stop being required). That is if it even develops into diabetes, as it was discovered beforehand. I hope this is what happens with your brother, and that his dream of joining the army hitting a hitch like this doesn't bum him out too much. He might even be able to join later on if he gets better, although I wouldn't want to give him hope if the doctors have said otherwise. Unless he has joined but his exemption is for only some activities? I'm not entirely sure from your post.
Either way, big hugs, and of course this is big and probably scary but it's probably a good thing that it was found out now rather than later.
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2023-08-04, 12:43 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
If you want an eye-opener on how less busy this forum is nowadays than it used to, consider "posting in the PWA or RWA threads officially constitutes necromancy" :P
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2023-08-08, 05:28 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2005
- Location
- Santa Barbara, CA
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2023-09-07, 05:39 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2016
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
I hate my job, management has been on my case for several months now, especially the guy who used to be my friend before he got promoted and went mad with power. I'm on some kind of kafkaesque performance improvement plan whose requirements and timeframe keep changing and about which nobody can explain the implications of succeeding or failing at it.
Unfortunately I'm no good at applying for jobs, so it looks like I'm stuck here for the time being. I'd hire a career coach or a reverse-recruiter or something but they're so expensive."If you want to understand biology don't think about vibrant throbbing gels and oozes, think about information technology" -Richard Dawkins
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2023-09-16, 04:51 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2020
- Location
- United States
- Gender
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
I realized the other day that I have gone as far as I can with my current employer; that I will never get promoted again or placed into a higher paying position. I have started looking for a new job in the same field. Message me if you want to compare notes on searching for a new job in 2023.
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2023-09-16, 06:05 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2016
Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6
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2023-09-16, 09:03 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2005
- Location
- Sydney, Australia
- Gender