Personal Woes and Advice 6

[togapika]

The Good: I finally figured out what I want to do for a career

The Bad: I'd need to go to grad school in order to do it, and I didn't do very well in college

The Ugly: I found out about a year ago that I'm on the spectrum, and while submitting that to disability assistance could get me some sort of help, my wife is worried about who would have access to that information and of the idea of me being labeled as an "other", especially with the precarious state of the world

[Velaryon]

I've caught feelings for a coworker (in another department, but there's only ~25 people on staff and I see her almost every day). I think the chances that my interest is reciprocated are fairly low, but a) I'm oblivious enough that I probably wouldn't recognize if she was interested, and b) I struggle with self-confidence all the time.

We're friendly, maybe even friends, and I don't want to jeopardize that. I also generally subscribe the idea that getting involved with coworkers isn't a brilliant idea. The thing is, I really like her, have felt this way for months, and I really feel like the dating pool where I live is pretty damn shallow so I worry that excluding someone I really like just because we work in the same building might leave me with no one at all.

I have been trying to work on myself in terms of appearance, fitness, etc. and it has been slow going, to say the least. My belt is looser but I still have a gut, I am seeing gains in terms of how much I can do at the gym but the needle is barely moving for weight. I'm not quite making myself miserable in terms of dieting, but I am trying to eat less and healthier and I'm definitely missing a few things I would like to have more of. And it's frustrating because it doesn't even really seem like it's paying off that much.

I bring up this last part because I have been telling myself that I should wait until I am happier with how I look before I shoot my shot, but it feels like that time could be a long way off, or not at all. And a conversation I had with my coworker last week made me realize she was actually dating someone for a couple months recently and broke it off. It doesn't sound like it was serious or long-lived, but I didn't even know at the time and it has me wondering if maybe I should go ahead and ask her out soon, because I'd hate for this to be yet another time in my life when I didn't say anything and then somebody else swooped in and it was too late.

I've always struggled to ask women out in person because in addition to fear of rejection I also don't want to bother them with unwanted attention, and thus I've tried to stick to online dating. The problem is that online dating is such a dumpster fire now that I no longer feel like I have any real hope of meeting someone that way.

What would you do in my position? Should I ask out my coworker and risk awkwardness and rejection, or keep my peace and look elsewhere?

[Rynjin]

Always better rejection than regret, IMO. The pain of one fades but the other never does.

[Velaryon]

Well, I shot my shot with my coworker... and I missed.

She went on a first date with someone else tonight. I feel miserable, and doubly so because I can't bring myself to be happy for her.

[Solamnicknight]

The Good: I finally figured out what I want to do for a career

The Bad: I'd need to go to grad school in order to do it, and I didn't do very well in college

The Ugly: I found out about a year ago that I'm on the spectrum, and while submitting that to disability assistance could get me some sort of help, my wife is worried about who would have access to that information and of the idea of me being labeled as an "other", especially with the precarious state of the world

Can you get into grad school with your grades? My advice is to look into local colleges in particular, not the big schools. They tend to be cheaper too. I'm in grad school in my state college system online and it's been going fairly well. Also why are you worried about the spectrum diagnosis? I have had one since I was six. It's up to you whether you disclose that information to employers or people you know/meet. My experience is that there's pros and cons to both approaches since if you don't disclose it, people don't have an explanation for certain odd behaviors at times. If you do people tend to be condescending, or oftentimes will treat you different but either way they are going to perceive you as different to begin with.

[Liquor Box]

Well, I shot my shot with my coworker... and I missed.

She went on a first date with someone else tonight. I feel miserable, and doubly so because I can't bring myself to be happy for her.

Better to shoot and miss than to never fire at all. There will be other coworkers, but if you can't bring yourself to shoot you'll never bag any of them.

[Velaryon]

Better to shoot and miss than to never fire at all. There will be other coworkers, but if you can't bring yourself to shoot you'll never bag any of them.

The fact that she's a coworker is a drawback, in terms of my romantic interest. Truth is, I'd rather keep my workplace free of that kind of entanglement. It's just that I liked her that much that I was willing to risk it anyway.

However, I've now landed a date with someone else I'm pretty excited about too, although we live about an hour's drive apart. It'll certainly require some planning, but on the other hand I don't have to worry about awkwardness in my job from it.

[Trixie_One]

I suspect I may have got super lucky for the last decade and not known it at the time until now.

I'm in a converted old house building which I'm in a section where I'm the bottom flat, there's a flat above me, and then one more above that.

When I moved in the flat above was an older couple. Guy was a bit of a grumpy sod who I mainly interracted with but we generally got on all right and could exchange pleasantaries. In my first couple of months living there I quickly learned that using the 5.1 sound system I brought when I first moved in was going to result in a very passive aggressive pounding on the ceiling when I used it during the day. Of course I wouldn't use it too late at night as even when I was much younger I was at least that aware it might be loud enough to keep people from sleeping. So the sound system got sold and peace resumed.

Then the couple moved out late last year. Apparently the main reason was due to having issues with the people above them who my confirmation they actually existed was they occasionally got mail.

I think after that it was being rented out, and I didn't notice a difference until a couple of months back when I was woken up a loud raucous conversation at 5 am. I couldn't believe it so lay in bed going WTF at the ceiling until normal wake up time.

This repeated a couple of times at 5-6am until I completely lost it, not wanting to be passive aggressive myself it was clearly better to go make my feelings clear directly, pulled on some clothes, stormed upstairs and pointedly pointed out exactly what time it was. That seemed to sort that at least.

From last month though it's been pretty much every night. So much so it might be someone different from the early morning talkers. Loud slams, stamping, banging, and listening to stuff loud enough to hear through the ceiling from 1-4am. Almost like the concept of being careful with your stuff, volume controls, and headphones are entirely alien concepts to them.

One night I was even treated to the unmistakable sounds of DIY.

This time when I was next up for engaging in a direct confrontation which was 3am of that same night I didn't get an answer when I knocked, and not much of a reduction in noise after I said my piece to the closed door.

Tried again just last Friday, this time not bothering to go to bed, and trying to catch them doing it as early as possible to try and talk this out in a mature fashion. That ended up being 1am so up I go, knocked, and no answer again. Could hear plates moving so clearly they're not down for confrontation either... Knocked a few more times, said another piece about the concept of yes I understand not everyone does the same hours but also sleep deprivation is a thing, etc.

So I've now emailed the flat management company documenting what happened asking for some kind of help though I don't know if there's anything they can do. I'm hoping that they're renting from someone who brought the flat, and that they've got that standard wording in regard to being quiet from 11pm-7am proviso which they can be reminded of in an official manner.

Not sure what else to do myself other than that. I've had to start using ear plugs every night to get any kind of sleep, so yay extra expense I didn't need, the ear plugs are annoying to sleep in just with the pressure in the ears, I'm not someone who drops off easily as it is at the best of times, and then sometimes they're loud enough to hear through the plugs waking me up.

Can't ask the family in the top flat if they're having problems with the up all night lifestyle too as they've got a newborn baby so I'm well aware that'd be a dang silly question to ask because of that.

[Bohandas]

I'm currently sick but I don't have enough paid time off left for the year to stay out of work as long as I should. And this is a terrible week for it too because they're also making us do an hour extra each day this week and they were very rude to me and accused me of malingering when I asked to be excused from the extra time because I was sick.

[Velaryon]

The fact that she's a coworker is a drawback, in terms of my romantic interest. Truth is, I'd rather keep my workplace free of that kind of entanglement. It's just that I liked her that much that I was willing to risk it anyway.

However, I've now landed a date with someone else I'm pretty excited about too, although we live about an hour's drive apart. It'll certainly require some planning, but on the other hand I don't have to worry about awkwardness in my job from it.

So... that date I had did not work out. I'm still trying (without a lot of success) to get over my coworker. However, I met another person online who seems promising. We haven't met up in person yet because holidays, but have had a couple of online "dates" playing board games that have been a lot of fun.

My coworker's date did work out for a while, but the clueless idiot dumped her a week before Christmas. This has stirred up a lot of stuff I would rather not be feeling, given that I don't seem to be her type, but nonetheless here I am.

I feel like I have a good thing beginning, but I'm worried that I'm gonna blow it because I'm not over somebody who already said no to me anyway. Feelings are stupid.

[Salbazier]

Same old problem

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God, I need to vent.
My older brother and mother both have hobby with plant and gardening, though they deal with different plants. One of brother's was a papaya tree. This morning my mother spray baygon (a brand of insectice, mostly used against mosquito) on the papaya tree trunk because she didn't like how it got surrounded by many ants. That made my brother angry and there was a fight.

And like, I got it, spraying insecticide is not good. Its not even farming purpose insecticide. But the way my brother angry is just, its throwing tantrums like a child. I was stupefied seeing it. And this is over a tree.

In fairness to not cast stone, there's time not too many years ago when I lost it (I posted about when I went in this thread). That does not make it better though.

Worse is that my brother is still sulking half a day after, and apparently have not been eating all day.

Thank goodness my mother is sleeping soundly. But I'm dreading when she wakes up because she's inevitavlbly be worried about my brother not eating and she likely will talk to him to eat (reminding & pushing her children to eat is something she does, you know the type surely). I'm worried that could lead to more fight.

This the nth time I'm watching my brother and mother and feeling useless to help. There's nothing I can do.
The only thing I can do is staying out of it so it doesn't get any worse.

While I typed/posted the above

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Good news, my mother wake up and there won't be fighting for a while.

Bad news is that's because my brother just went of God knows where with his bike before my mother woke up. Prolly won't say anything if I don't caught up and ask him where he want to go, and even there's his answer was flippant 'going out, going whenever'. Its made me pissed off honestly.

Like what the **** is the point worrying about him when he will just respond to concerns with spite like this.

In many other occasion he will goes off lecturing me about stuffs. I'm especially ever upset because he like to mouth off about religious-based manners, but here he goes, going out without almost any word when it was parting words and greeting I understood as something important in our faith. Like, I never forget to say parting words and greeting when going out and in even when I'm upset with the person in the house.

Also, my mother is a bit sickly and now I have to tell her about this.

Sigh.

[Bartmanhomer]

Earlier yesterday at my Men's Group Therapy Session. My therapist dropped the bombshell to everyone that she's going to be replaced by a new therapist which makes me upset that I don't like change. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[Grytorm]

I don't like me or my life. I'm almost thirty and feel very alone. Never had a relationship and don't know where to start. I am incapable of completing creative endeavors. I was kicked (politely encouraged to leave) an RPG group because I made several women uncomfortable. I find myself physically disgusting. I have squandered my intellect and I consider my history degree to be worthless. I feel like I have missed out on a huge portion of the human experience and feel like I will never regain what I have lost.

[Coppercloud]

I don't have much to offer but platitudes, but still.
You are not alone. I can understand and empathize with what you are going through. Your choice of studies might not have been the optimal move for a career that you would want to pursue, but it isn't worthless either because you were pursuing your interests. And no matter how bleak things might seem, you are not worthless.

[Bartmanhomer]

I feel very sad that my two favorite YouTube Tarot Readers of all time: TarotOracle and Doctor Mystical got cancer. To explain even more TarotOracle was diagnosed with advanced cancer almost a year ago and he's in a challenge stage that he won't be doing Tarot Reading Livestream anymore to focus on his health. Doctor Mystical posted a video a few days ago that he was diagnosed with cancer and he's getting treatment. I was so devastated about it. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[JeenLeen]

So, I'm posting this mainly to have something to read back in case I get into a dark place later on.

But general depression feelings.
No official diagnosis, but I've had times of days to months of just wishing I was dead. Never to the degree of suicidal, but like "wow, it'd be nice if an accident happened and I didn't have to deal with all this hassle of living." This is a very emotionally draining perspective to have. It's like a dark cloud or shadow smothering everything.

That feeling passed a long time ago, but for a good while I'd been in a spot of "well, I don't actively want to die, but living is still a hassle." This is manageable. Being is draining, but not too hard.

For reasons I don't quite fathom, that faded last week. I am enjoying things. I might not have anything long-term I'm looking forward to, but just the day-to-day concerns, the celebrations of life and love*, are worth living. I had literally forgotten it could be this nice, and thought the prior state (not wanting to die, but still hard to act) was the best I ever got.

Like, last week I went to the beach with my wife and kids while in the "medium sad" range. It was a good time, but it was so much effort to put forth the energy to play and interact.
Last few days, I just have had fun. Even when things are hard, like my wife and I in an argument, or the kids being misbehaved badly, it's okay. I played with my kid on the playground, and it was just fun, able to freely (without great emotional drain) smile and enjoy the action.
I don't care a ton about this for myself, but it's not fair for my kids to have a father struggling to be there emotionally.

So, hoping this lasts. Or, if it doesn't, then at least I remember there's goodness and (to my personal experience at least) remembering that helps me break through the metaphorical clouds and restore my emotional and mental balance.
Note: doing something productive helps. Life, in general, is actually harder and tougher now than a few weeks ago. I'm starting learning Godot to make a video game, and I think that goal of learning and doing something (beyond day-to-day "got to"s of work and chores) helps. Keeping up on chores helps, too. Kinda just being active and doing what needs doing helps. At least for me.

*paraphrasing Terra's speech at end of original Final Fantasy 6 translation in US (as FF3). I remember this being so poignant as a kid, and maybe hard times made me forget why.

[halfeye]

So, I'm posting this mainly to have something to read back in case I get into a dark place later on.

But general depression feelings.
No official diagnosis, but I've had times of days to months of just wishing I was dead. Never to the degree of suicidal, but like "wow, it'd be nice if an accident happened and I didn't have to deal with all this hassle of living." This is a very emotionally draining perspective to have. It's like a dark cloud or shadow smothering everything.

That feeling passed a long time ago, but for a good while I'd been in a spot of "well, I don't actively want to die, but living is still a hassle." This is manageable. Being is draining, but not too hard.

For reasons I don't quite fathom, that faded last week. I am enjoying things. I might not have anything long-term I'm looking forward to, but just the day-to-day concerns, the celebrations of life and love*, are worth living. I had literally forgotten it could be this nice, and thought the prior state (not wanting to die, but still hard to act) was the best I ever got.

Like, last week I went to the beach with my wife and kids while in the "medium sad" range. It was a good time, but it was so much effort to put forth the energy to play and interact.
Last few days, I just have had fun. Even when things are hard, like my wife and I in an argument, or the kids being misbehaved badly, it's okay. I played with my kid on the playground, and it was just fun, able to freely (without great emotional drain) smile and enjoy the action.
I don't care a ton about this for myself, but it's not fair for my kids to have a father struggling to be there emotionally.

So, hoping this lasts. Or, if it doesn't, then at least I remember there's goodness and (to my personal experience at least) remembering that helps me break through the metaphorical clouds and restore my emotional and mental balance.
Note: doing something productive helps. Life, in general, is actually harder and tougher now than a few weeks ago. I'm starting learning Godot to make a video game, and I think that goal of learning and doing something (beyond day-to-day "got to"s of work and chores) helps. Keeping up on chores helps, too. Kinda just being active and doing what needs doing helps. At least for me.

*paraphrasing Terra's speech at end of original Final Fantasy 6 translation in US (as FF3). I remember this being so poignant as a kid, and maybe hard times made me forget why.

If you are really out of it, expect an "I'm not going back there" moment in 3 to 6 weeks, Fear is a big thing, and it won't die quietly, but we can beat it, it's not easy,.but the way ahead is easy to see.

When they say "the only thing to fear is Fear itself", they are right, but Fear is not in any way a small thing.