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  1. - Top - End - #151
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Devil

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    I have no problems with that. Out of curiosity, who told you had to do all of that instead of just going through the officer's academy?

    Why yes I did create a way to transmute squirrels into bears. I also created a way to transmute Squirrels into Eldritch Abominations that never should have been. They have far less confusion in that second transmutation.
    A fundamental truth about existence: All is to be laughed at.

    Lawful Evil with Chaotic Good tendencies. Have fun figuring that out.

    How to deal with Slowbro in Gen 1:
    1. Mewtwo
    2. there is no #2.

    Quote Originally Posted by Man_Over_Game View Post
    Well, that makes you Dr. Robotnik. So...yeah?

  2. - Top - End - #152
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    As King: You are hereby sentenced to the Alchemist's lab. There, you will teach your strange methods to the next generation of creepy folks who like doing that sort of stuff, and will do it for me.

    As Criminal: I tawt I taw a puddy tat!
    This is a boring signature.
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  3. - Top - End - #153
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Jul 2008

    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    That's fine, but you still need to fill out the rest of your sentence: 20 years in a hanging cage at an old lady's house.

    I sat in a tub of jello for two days instead of working.
    Mina, Lynera, Ajax, Vena.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  4. - Top - End - #154
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Devil

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    You're fired.

    I threw a book at someone.
    A fundamental truth about existence: All is to be laughed at.

    Lawful Evil with Chaotic Good tendencies. Have fun figuring that out.

    How to deal with Slowbro in Gen 1:
    1. Mewtwo
    2. there is no #2.

    Quote Originally Posted by Man_Over_Game View Post
    Well, that makes you Dr. Robotnik. So...yeah?

  5. - Top - End - #155
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Aug 2018

    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    Quote Originally Posted by Laughing Dog View Post
    I threw a book at someone.
    Books are dumb. You found a good use for them. I appoint you to Secretary of Education.

    I found a way to weaponize every piece of literature and converted the libraries into military training camps. In my defense if you outlaw books only outlaws will have books.

  6. - Top - End - #156
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Scarlet Knight's Avatar

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    as King: "Brilliant! Now here are the enemy lines. Get the catapults to lob every piece of erotica you have at them. When their men are exhausted, I want you to take their positions....Oh, stop giggling! You know what I mean!"


    as accused: "Your Highness, this is but a minor misunderstanding. When I said I am promoting a new King, it's not to replace you! He's naught but a troubadour to help me sell blue suede shoes!"
    A long surcote of pers upon he hade, / And by his syde he baar a rusty blade. - Chaucer

  7. - Top - End - #157
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    As King Do you know who I am? Don't think twice, it's all right. Relax. Only believe. You gotta stop. Starting today, you'll never walk alone. You're a heartbreaker, your mama don't dance, Judy. Men with broken hearts tell me why there's no tomorrow. Cross my heart and hope to die, Baby, if you'll give me all your love, I'm yours.

    As Criminal I stepped on his blue suede shoes. I didn't think they were real!
    This is a boring signature.
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  8. - Top - End - #158
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    You'll be fined full price for a new pair, none of which will go to the claimant because you're both wasting my time.

    I didn't kill anyone! I just found her face in a jar by the door! I don't even know who it was for.
    Mina, Lynera, Ajax, Vena.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  9. - Top - End - #159
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    As King (of the Orcs): YOU NO KILL? IS ANNUAL KILL AND WEAR FACES OF ENEMIES DAY! FOR NO KILL, YOU SHALL BE KILL!

    As Criminal: In my defence, the visiting Orc Princess was the one who tried to seduce me, and not the other way around.
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  10. - Top - End - #160
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Scarlet Knight's Avatar

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    as King: "You expect me to believe... by the branches of Yggdrasil! Is this the olive beauty in question? You are not what I expected, and therefore will require further investigation. My dear, will you join me in the Royal Garden where we can enjoy the...greenery?"

    as accused: "Yes, your highness, using your image to sell ale with comedic ads has made the people think you're a ...um, ... lovable...ah... buffoon. But in my defense, the Royal coffers are chock full! Dilly dilly!"
    Last edited by Scarlet Knight; 2019-10-09 at 06:42 AM.
    A long surcote of pers upon he hade, / And by his syde he baar a rusty blade. - Chaucer

  11. - Top - End - #161
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Devil

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    As King: Let the people think what they may, I suppose I shall have to reward you. Guards, take this man and get him a cup from my Cask of Amontillado...

    Petitioner: I won't apologise, I honestly can't tell gnomes from halflings! They look the same to me! How is that my fault?
    GNU Terry Pratchett

  12. - Top - End - #162
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    As King: YOU SHAVED THE VISITING HALFLING PRINCESS IN HER SLEEP. Now we're at war. SEND HIM TO THE FRONTLINES! MAYBE THE HALFLINGS WILL RELENT WHEN THEY'VE CUT HIM DOWN TO THEIR SIZE!

    As Criminal:Well, yes your majesty. I did build a replica of your palace out of cheese, as your vizier instructed would be the test to win the hand of the princess. It's completely accurate, though it seems to not be doing very well in the noonday sun...
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  13. - Top - End - #163
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    King: What? No vizier of mine would suggest such a... oh no... Cheekon has returned. Alright, change of plans: your sentence is go on a quest to find and slay Cheekon.

    CHEE-kon: CHEE-heeheehee! You're too late, my measly monarch! My CHEEse Palace is already complete! Little did your silly subjects know, their test would give MEE the hand of the princess! I have already encased her in my Swiss Prison at the center of the CHEEse palace, pending our impending wedding! CHEEEEheeheeheeheeheeeee!
    Mina, Lynera, Ajax, Vena.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  14. - Top - End - #164
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr.Gunsforhands View Post
    King: What? No vizier of mine would suggest such a... oh no... Cheekon has returned. Alright, change of plans: your sentence is go on a quest to find and slay Cheekon.

    CHEE-kon: CHEE-heeheehee! You're too late, my measly monarch! My CHEEse Palace is already complete! Little did your silly subjects know, their test would give MEE the hand of the princess! I have already encased her in my Swiss Prison at the center of the CHEEse palace, pending our impending wedding! CHEEEEheeheeheeheeheeeee!
    As Queen: I sentence you to become fondue!

    As criminal: I must confess that I stole the last of the crumb cake.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

  15. - Top - End - #165
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    DruidGuy

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    Sep 2019

    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    As Monarch: Crumbs! I sentence you to make me ten more crumb cakes.

    As Criminal: I stole the ringmaster's hat from your majesty's favorite circus
    I'm a Lawful Good Human Wizard at 1st level

    Quote Originally Posted by Peelee View Post
    Who's to say a Fortune 500 won't serve McDonald's?
    Campaigns I'm running:
    Carrion Crown (IC|OOC)

    Campaigns I'm playing in:
    None right now!

  16. - Top - End - #166
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Devil

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    King: What secret hat collection? What obsession with obtaining every hat I think is cool? What secret hat theft ring funded from the public purse? I know nothing about the allegations I murdered my entire family to become king and get the most awesome hat. Its all lies I tell you! Take this liar (who I totally don't employ and who didn't provide a mission update in the middle of trial day for some inexplicable reason) and throw him the the hat factory! And confiscate that hat he's holding!!

    Criminal: All I said was it was a dish fit for a king. These idiots assumed that meant I stole it from your majesty! Its all a misunderstanding! I just make really good steak and kidney pie!
    Last edited by Evil DM Mark3; 2019-10-14 at 03:20 AM.
    GNU Terry Pratchett

  17. - Top - End - #167
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    Quote Originally Posted by Evil DM Mark3 View Post
    Criminal: All I said was it was a dish fit for a king. These idiots assumed that meant I stole it from your majesty! Its all a misunderstanding! I just make really good steak and kidney pie!
    I order your kidneys to be removed and turned into a pie and then you shall be burned at the stake.

    I opened up an illegal nude beach.

  18. - Top - End - #168
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Scarlet Knight's Avatar

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    as King: "How can we solve this illegality? Ah! The nude beach in question will become royal property; since we cannot seize land without good reason, we shall donate it to the Artists guild where it may remain a nude beach so they can use it for their annual summer model recruitment contests. The arts are important for the people and provide employment for many poor young maidens. You are free to go after you tell the Queen that I found a wonderful place for the summer cottage she wanted. Hmmm. Perhaps I should allow the Winemakers guild to use it, too."

    as accused: "Yes, mighty King Under the Mountain, I did take the Arkenstone. In fairness, you did say I may choose my portion of the treasure & I'm sure this comes in as less than 1/ 14th. "
    A long surcote of pers upon he hade, / And by his syde he baar a rusty blade. - Chaucer

  19. - Top - End - #169
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    As Queen: Hmm. Yes. I see. This is...probably a terrible deed to have performed. But, as I have no idea what an Arkenstone is, I'll let you off with a mere slap on the wrist.

    As Criminal: Sire, I had no intention of insulting the ambassador; he just pushed my buttons one too many times, and that thing about him being a slimy scumbag slipped out in the heat of the moment.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

  20. - Top - End - #170
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    As Monarch: "Still, I must detain you for using hate speech on palace grounds. Slime beings like Minister Gloob should not have to suffer racial slurs under my reign."

    As a Random Crow: Sits on a nest stuffed with the crown jewels. "Caw!"
    Last edited by Dr.Gunsforhands; 2019-10-14 at 02:33 PM.
    Mina, Lynera, Ajax, Vena.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  21. - Top - End - #171
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Devil

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    King: Bake him and his 23 co-conspirators into a pie!

    Criminal: I's sowwy but I was really hungry and sleepy. I didn't mean to eat allof the babie's powidge and bweak his chair, I didn't! And the poppa was all scary and said he was gonta kill me!
    GNU Terry Pratchett

  22. - Top - End - #172
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    As King: Goldilocks, on the charges of Breaking and Entering, Trespassing and Vandalism, I hereby find you GUILTY! You are hereby banished from Flavortown!

    As Criminal: Well your honor, I found this girl inside my home and she'd totally trashed the place! I admit I might have been angry, but it's a bear's duty to defend his home and family!
    This is a boring signature.
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  23. - Top - End - #173
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    Queen: This dispute should have been settled in a civil proceeding, should it not?
    Prince: They sent it up to us because he's an ambassador to the fey confederacy.
    Queen: Still, instead of attacking her, perhaps you should have hired-
    Prince: Don't say it.
    Queen: ...a BEAR-ister.
    Prince: Oh my god.

    Accused: I swear I didn't know where Ms. DeVille got those furs from! I just took them and made the coat...
    Mina, Lynera, Ajax, Vena.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  24. - Top - End - #174
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Scarlet Knight's Avatar

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    Default Re: If I sat on the Throne....

    as King: "Well, you'd better find out and quick! The Queen saw it and has her heart set on a coronation anniversary robe of the stuff!"

    as accused: " Yes, your Highness, I captured the thief Flynn Rider and his acomplice, bold as brass, walking in the castle gate! He's being tortured right now as a warning to other thieves. His companion? The young girl? Well, with him in the dungeon, I suppose. Is there a reward for her, too?"
    A long surcote of pers upon he hade, / And by his syde he baar a rusty blade. - Chaucer

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