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  1. - Top - End - #61
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Tawmis's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2004

    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by DevilMcam View Post
    This is awesome.
    If you ar still accepting submissions, here is mine.

    Name : Lucy Feelfreetocomeupwithacoollastname
    Class : Probably some bard or paladin, maybe both.
    Race : Aasimar, Fallen more likely due to "bloodline interference" rather than properly falling from grace.

    Backstory outline : Lucy Was a self ignoring aasimar. Lived a simple life working at the family luthery shop.
    Until she got abducted by local vampire. Due to her divine blood though the vampire got very messed up. So much noone has seen it or heard of it ever since. Everyone in the town now believe she is the greates hero of all time.
    She takes on adventuring to avoid her people and beeing asked to go slay the dragon around.
    So since you were unsure about Paladin or Bard... I left it very ambiguous...
    This is what I listened to when I started writing the vampire portion... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgT0cxlaZhw
    Anyway - if you have feedback, I'd love to hear it...
    ==========================================



    They say there is a perpetual war between the Heavens and the Planes of Hell.

    A war of gods and angels, devils and demons – for reasons, long lost through the sands of time. This war has bled out into the mortal world – where Aasimar – like myself were born, where the angels and gods tampered with our bloodline. On the other side, there were Cambions – which were plane-touched by a demon or devil. All so their petty war could spill into the land of Mortals.

    I was one of those Holy Warriors – I fought in their Wars, until I saw that’s all it was. An endless cycle of fighting, where the gods and devils squabbled for reasons long lost. When I had asked what the fighting was about – it was simply, “They are evil. We are good. They want we have and we can’t allow it.” Asking what it was “we had” that “they wanted” – none could answer.

    I turned my back upon the gods, the angels, the demons and the devils and learned to live among the mortals.

    My name is Lucy Briarthorn. I am a weapon of the heavens, who now lived a simple life in the small town of Fall’s Edge.

    My family owned a Luthier shop called “The Sound of Fall’s Edge.” It was named after the waterfalls of Fall’s Edge and the sound that the nearby waterfall created.

    Several bamboo-like trees known as ‘strenbows’ grew through the stones of the waterfall at different lengths and widths – which generated the sounds of musical pipes. The strenbow were notoriously strong – withstanding the power and pressure of the waterfall – and the vines of the strenbow were slung between the branches and often created a haunting melody, sounding like someone furiously strumming a harp.

    I enjoyed living in Fall’s Edge – here, the people treated me with respect. I knew what I was doing – I knew why I got up every morning, and why I was exhausted when I went to bed (though, admittedly my endurance surpassed most humans, due to the bloodline).

    A few years ago, the peaceful town of Fall’s Edge was changed. People had begun to vanish. My adopted father, one night, when a young girl had gone missing, turned to me, and said, “Lucy, I know you don’t want to – but Mayla has gone missing. She’s just five years old. The people of Fall’s Edge are simple people. You… you have the ability to find out what’s going on… to put a stop to these disappearances… and perhaps, if it’s not already too late, save Mayla.”

    I put down the fork and pushed my plate aside. I knew this day would come – where I would have to rise above the person I had enjoyed being. But he was right.

    I walked out of the house and headed to the barn in the back. A cool breeze blew my hair and sent shivers down my spine. I spun around, feeling as if though I was being watched – but as my eyes pierced the darkness, I could see no one… but my heart was beating unusually fast.

    I swung the old barn doors open and inside, my armor hung, and my sword lay against the wall, just as I had left them years ago. The only difference was that they were both covered in webs. There was no time to deal with that now. I slid on the armor and clenched my sword and walked over to the home of Mayla, where I asked her sobering mother and father, where they had last seen her.

    They explained she had been playing near the Mill. I began my search there, where I found a young boy who had been hiding in the tree. It took a moment but I recognized him. “Var, what are you doing up there?”

    “Hiding from the shadow-man,” the young boy replied.

    “The Shadow Man?” I asked. “Wait, did you see what happened to Mayla?”

    “The Shadow Man came,” Var explained as he climbed down. “We were playing – we made little boats and put them in the stream… and then the Shadow Man came… He looked into Mayla’s eyes… and it was like she couldn’t hear me anymore. She took his hand… and they … turned to smoke.”

    “Turned to smoke?” I had asked.

    “Like fog,” Var corrected. “Cold.”

    “Did they go a certain way?” I asked.

    “Yes,” he pointed to the west.

    A long time ago, just west of Fall’s Edge, there was a human who built a large manor – a blemish, the people of Fall’s Edge thought – compared to the rest of the land, that had been small homes. The people were fearful that this would attract others here to build larger homes and destroy the natural beauty that surrounded Fall’s Edge.

    The old man was rarely seen – and he only ventured out at night to get food from the small shops in Fall’s Edge. This of course, led to rumors and speculation that he was a mad wizard, creating horrible experiments deep in his basement.

    But if what Var saw is true – then this was worse than some “mad mage.” This meant an ancient evil had taken up residence near Fall’s Edge and now had the courage to feed upon the people, believing it was safe. The trips to the town at night were never about truly getting food – it was scouting, observing, seeing if there was anyone here who could be a threat.

    The man who had lived in that manor was no wizard; he was a Vampire.

    I escorted Var back to his home – called for an alarm through the city for everyone to keep their doors locked. I raced over to the home of Ansun Marebreaker and pleaded for her fastest horse. I rode hard for an hour, never resting. When I arrived at the manor I could feel it again – the same feeling I had when I had walked to the barn.

    I kicked down the door and began walking through the halls, gripping my sword.

    As I walked into the foyer, at the top of the grand stairs, stood a tall figure. He was slender, but very handsome. Besides him, a young girl – Mayla!

    “When I saw you,” he said, his voice, thick, rich, accented. “You… took my breath away. Your hair, golden like the sun… the sun I’ve not seen… for so… very … long. And your eyes, ice blue, like the cool spring waters. But you never ventured out of your home at night… and I am bound by the curse to never enter a home I am not invited to. I sensed power in you… You were different… I knew you would come for me, eventually.”

    He released his hold on Mayla. “The little girl can go free now that you’re here.”

    Mayla quickly ran down the stairs. As she ran by me, I told her to get on the horse – it would ride back to Fall’s Edge.

    He seemed to glide down the stairs. “You remind me of someone I lost… long ago…”

    His words were soothing. I could feel my arms going limp. The urge to run my sword through his heart had seeped away with each word he spoke.

    Before I knew it, he was standing in front of me. As he suddenly lunged forward, I could see his fangs – and just before they sank into my flesh I smiled.

    It looked as if the sun itself had erupted inside of his manor as a blind flash exploded from outside of me. I heard him scream – and watched – seemingly in slow motion – as he turned to ash.

    Mayla, who had been riding the horse had turned her head and saw the light piercing the windows.

    It took me a day to recover. I awoke on the manor floor, weakened. I knew the moment he would try to bite me he would ingest blood composed of holy light. This was a risk. On a vampire that had fed, and been at full power – this may not have worked. I could tell, once I learned he had been scouting that he was probably feeding on livestock, before attracting any potential unwanted attention towards himself.

    I walked back to Fall’s Edge and was greeted by cheers.

    Mayla had told them what happened – what the man was.

    This isn’t what I wanted. I wanted a simple life.

    I’d never have that again here.

    They’d always look at me differently.

    I sighed and thanked everyone as I walked towards my home.

    That night at dinner, I told my family, I was leaving, and that perhaps one day I would return to Fall’s Edge to visit…
    Last edited by Tawmis; 2019-07-08 at 05:07 PM.
    Need a character origin written? Enjoyed what I wrote? How can you help me? Not required, but appreciated! <3

    Check out my 5e The Secret of Havenfall Manor or my character back stories over at DMsGuild.com! (If you check it out - please rate, comment, and tell others!)

    Subscribe to my D&D Channel on Youtube! (Come by and Sub)

  2. - Top - End - #62
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Devil

    Join Date
    Aug 2017

    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    This is pretty awesome,
    Actually Maybe à little to awesome for What I expected. to me Aasimar are like TIEFLING, they most lakely have never seen the planes.
    For lvl 1 character I expected est less heroic behavior (for example we swap lucy with mayla in the first part : lucy get kidnapped, rescue party comme to save her, and vampire crumble to dust when they arrive, lucy is now à héro that did nothing)

    Man the music though, totally on point

  3. - Top - End - #63
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Tawmis's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2004

    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by DevilMcam View Post
    This is pretty awesome,
    Actually Maybe à little to awesome for What I expected. to me Aasimar are like TIEFLING, they most lakely have never seen the planes.
    For lvl 1 character I expected est less heroic behavior (for example we swap lucy with mayla in the first part : lucy get kidnapped, rescue party comme to save her, and vampire crumble to dust when they arrive, lucy is now à héro that did nothing)

    Man the music though, totally on point
    I can totally change it up then. :) I have some back to back meetings at work today - but after that, I will sit down and do something closer to what you mentioned above. :)
    Need a character origin written? Enjoyed what I wrote? How can you help me? Not required, but appreciated! <3

    Check out my 5e The Secret of Havenfall Manor or my character back stories over at DMsGuild.com! (If you check it out - please rate, comment, and tell others!)

    Subscribe to my D&D Channel on Youtube! (Come by and Sub)

  4. - Top - End - #64
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Tawmis's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2004

    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by DevilMcam View Post
    This is pretty awesome,
    Actually Maybe à little to awesome for What I expected. to me Aasimar are like TIEFLING, they most lakely have never seen the planes.
    For lvl 1 character I expected est less heroic behavior (for example we swap lucy with mayla in the first part : lucy get kidnapped, rescue party comme to save her, and vampire crumble to dust when they arrive, lucy is now à héro that did nothing)

    Man the music though, totally on point
    Modified, per the above... just ended up writing it this morning (keeping most of it and change it up so it matched more with what you mentioned above)...
    Hopefully it hits closer to the mark! If not, do please let me know!
    =========================

    They say there is a perpetual war between the Heavens and the Planes of Hell.

    A war of gods and angels, devils and demons – for reasons, long lost through the sands of time. This war has bled out into the mortal world – where Aasimar – like myself were born, where the angels and gods tampered with our bloodline. On the other side, there were Cambions – which were plane-touched by a demon or devil. All so their petty war could spill into the land of Mortals.

    But that wasn’t me. I turned my back upon the gods, the angels, the demons and the devils and learned to live among the mortals.

    My name is Lucy Briarthorn. I am a weapon of the heavens, who now lived a simple life in the small town of Fall’s Edge.

    My family owned a Luthier shop called “The Sound of Fall’s Edge.” It was named after the waterfalls of Fall’s Edge and the sound that the nearby waterfall created.

    Several bamboo-like trees known as ‘strenbows’ grew through the stones of the waterfall at different lengths and widths – which generated the sounds of musical pipes. The strenbow were notoriously strong – withstanding the power and pressure of the waterfall – and the vines of the strenbow were slung between the branches and often created a haunting melody, sounding like someone furiously strumming a harp.

    I enjoyed living in Fall’s Edge – here, the people treated me with respect. I knew what I was doing – I knew why I got up every morning, and why I was exhausted when I went to bed (though, admittedly my endurance surpassed most humans, due to the bloodline).

    A few years ago, the peaceful town of Fall’s Edge was changed. People had begun to vanish. My adopted father, one night, when a young girl had gone missing, turned to me, and said, “Lucy, I know you don’t want to – but Mayla has gone missing. She’s just five years old. You have to do something.”

    “Me?” I asked, somewhat in shock. “I’ve never really been one for fighting…”

    “Everyone else,” my father gestured around the table, but I knew he was encompassing the whole village, “are just simple folk. You,” he placed his hand on my shoulder, “my dear Lucy, were born to be special.”

    “I don’t want to be special,” I retorted. “I want to be normal. Just like everyone else,” I added, mimicking my father’s gesture.

    “Lucy, you were born to be something more,” he said, shaking me slightly with his hand on my shoulder. “The blood in you is holy. You’ve been touched by the gods. This may be the passage to your destiny.”

    “I want my destiny to be here,” I replied, shaking myself free of my father’s hand. “To build harps and lutes and guitars, and play them near the waterfalls, and make music,” I pleaded.

    My father’s face looked both proud and sad at the same time. “I wish that were the case. These disappearances have been happening for weeks. This is the first time someone so young has gone missing. It will keep happening until something happens. You are the something that needs to happen,” he pleaded. “After all, it will only be a matter of time before myself, your mother, or,” he looked at my two younger brothers and sisters, “they, disappear.”

    Guilt. It was an arrow through my heart. My father never used guilt against me. He truly wanted me to find out what was going on.

    I took in a deep breath, and sighed. “Fine, I will look into this.”

    I walked out of the house and headed to the barn in the back. A cool breeze blew my hair and sent shivers down my spine. I spun around, feeling as if though I was being watched – but as my eyes pierced the darkness, I could see no one… but my heart was beating unusually fast.

    My father had kept his armor here – old and beaten up as it was – from the years he had worked in the Militia before setting down, getting married, and moving to Fall’s Edge. Next to the armor was a beaten up sword – his – also from his days at the militia. It was rusty, and the armor was tight – not being made for a woman of my figure. I slid on the armor and clenched my sword and walked over to the home of Mayla, where I asked her sobering mother and father, where they had last seen her.

    They explained she had been playing near the Mill. I began my search there, where I found a young boy who had been hiding in the tree. It took a moment but I recognized him. “Var, what are you doing up there?”

    “Hiding from the shadow-man,” the young boy replied.

    “The Shadow Man?” I asked. “Wait, did you see what happened to Mayla?”

    “The Shadow Man came,” Var explained as he climbed down. “We were playing – we made little boats and put them in the stream… and then the Shadow Man came… He looked into Mayla’s eyes… and it was like she couldn’t hear me anymore. She took his hand… and they … turned to smoke.”

    “Turned to smoke?” I had asked.

    “Like fog,” Var corrected. “Cold.”

    “Did they go a certain way?” I asked.

    “Yes,” he pointed to the west.

    A long time ago, just west of Fall’s Edge, there was a human who built a large manor – a blemish, the people of Fall’s Edge thought – compared to the rest of the land, that had been small homes. The people were fearful that this would attract others here to build larger homes and destroy the natural beauty that surrounded Fall’s Edge.

    The old man was rarely seen – and he only ventured out at night to get food from the small shops in Fall’s Edge. This of course, led to rumors and speculation that he was a mad wizard, creating horrible experiments deep in his basement.

    So was it some wizard abducting people and doing experiments on people in his basement after all?

    I escorted Var back to his home – called for an alarm through the city for everyone to keep their doors locked. I raced over to the home of Ansun Marebreaker and pleaded for her fastest horse. I rode hard for an hour, never resting. When I arrived at the manor I could feel it again – the same feeling I had when I had walked to the barn.

    As I walked into the foyer, at the top of the grand stairs, stood a tall figure. He was slender, but very handsome. Besides him, a young girl – Mayla!

    “When I saw you,” he said, his voice, thick, rich, accented. “You… took my breath away. Your hair, golden like the sun… the sun I’ve not seen… for so… very … long. And your eyes, ice blue, like the cool spring waters. But you never ventured out of your home at night… and I am bound by the curse to never enter a home I am not invited to. I sensed power in you… You were different… I knew you would come for me, eventually.”

    He released his hold on Mayla. “The little girl can go free now that you’re here.”

    Mayla quickly ran down the stairs. As she ran by me, I told her to get on the horse – it would ride back to Fall’s Edge.

    He seemed to glide down the stairs. “You remind me of someone I lost… long ago…”

    His words were soothing. I could feel my arms going limp. The urge to run my sword through his heart had seeped away with each word he spoke.

    Before I knew it, he was standing in front of me. As he suddenly lunged forward, I could see his fangs – and just before they sank into my flesh.

    I screamed as his fangs bore deep into my skin.

    I could feel the warmth of my blood running down my neck as he slowly pulled back and looked deep into my eyes.

    I wanted to run away – but I couldn’t. When he saw, deep in my soul, I had wanted to resist but could not – he smiled.

    He had enthralled me.

    For over a week, I was bound to him.

    Until the day came, where adventurers had kicked down the door and began storming the house. I tried to defend the Vampire, but they had easily shoved me aside, made their way to the basement and put a stake through his heart.

    That action had slain the vampire – and in the process – freed me from being enthralled, but the pain to my chest seemed to be shared by whatever the Vampire had felt. I was left gasping for breath. The adventurers, ran past me and began rummaging through the house.

    They seemed to care very little about my well-being. I grabbed the one that looked like a fighter, “Who sent you?” Suspecting that it might have been my father.

    “We’ve been tracking Darnak Bloodmoore for weeks now,” the fighter explained as he helped me stand. “He has kept relocating. But when news of people vanishing began appearing, we knew we were on his trail again. This is the first time, we’ve actually managed to track him down inside his home during daylight."

    It took me a day to recover, taking shelter in the manor, after the adventurers had pillaged it of any valuables that they could carry.

    I walked back to Fall’s Edge and was greeted by cheers.

    Mayla had told them what happened – or what she thought happened. That I had come and rescued her. It wasn’t the truth, and as much as I tried to tell the others the truth, they all twisted it, that I had held off the vampire until help came.

    This isn’t what I wanted. I wanted a simple life.

    I’d never have that again here.

    They’d always look at me differently.

    I sighed and thanked everyone as I walked towards my home.

    That night at dinner, I told my family, I was leaving, and that perhaps one day I would return to Fall’s Edge to visit…
    Need a character origin written? Enjoyed what I wrote? How can you help me? Not required, but appreciated! <3

    Check out my 5e The Secret of Havenfall Manor or my character back stories over at DMsGuild.com! (If you check it out - please rate, comment, and tell others!)

    Subscribe to my D&D Channel on Youtube! (Come by and Sub)

  5. - Top - End - #65
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Griffon

    Join Date
    May 2018

    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    This is really awesome. I've always been bad at making up backstories that aren't bullet points of things that had happened, so do you mind if I leave a character?

    Name: Krusk Bonesmasher
    Race: Orc (full Orc)
    Class: Celestial Warlock

    The best I came up with was having him be beaten up by a celestial of some variety and begin following the celestial because the strongest is the boss.
    Last edited by Daghoulish; 2019-07-09 at 10:34 AM.

  6. - Top - End - #66
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Tawmis's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2004

    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by Daghoulish View Post
    This is really awesome. I've always been bad at making up backstories that aren't bullet points of things that had happened, so do you mind if I leave a character?

    Name: Krusk Bonesmasher
    Race: Orc (full Orc)
    Class: Celestial Warlock

    The best I came up with was having him be beaten up by a celestial of some variety and begin following the celestial because the strongest is the boss.
    Sure! I'd love to! I've got some meetings at work... but will try to whip something up at lunch. :)
    Need a character origin written? Enjoyed what I wrote? How can you help me? Not required, but appreciated! <3

    Check out my 5e The Secret of Havenfall Manor or my character back stories over at DMsGuild.com! (If you check it out - please rate, comment, and tell others!)

    Subscribe to my D&D Channel on Youtube! (Come by and Sub)

  7. - Top - End - #67
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    PirateCaptain

    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Name: Darin Stronback
    Race: Kobold
    Class: Finesse Barb (Uses Dex and tactics instead of Strength)

    I swear this idea will gain traction in the main stream if it's the only thing I accomplish in life, haha.

    I know that he often uses a bow but still fights up close and personal most of the time. When he rages he's rabid and screaming as he weaves his flurry of daggers or scimitars or whatever else he's wielding. He sometimes tricks people by begging for mercy in the middle of a fight (Grovel, Cower, and Beg racial feature) before screaming and jumping back on them to fight again. And he is simple, good, and loyal.
    ~Toggle Yer Crouch~

    Kobold Finesse Barbarian Guide A fun, very viable build for a Barbarian.

    Quote Originally Posted by TyGuy View Post
    ...I've seen a fair amount of granola tree huggers play druids.
    And warlocks & rogues are a magnet for borderline sociopaths.
    Spoiler: Old Quotes I Can't Yet Abandon
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by stoutstien View Post
    ...But I concur you got to bump that con up to around 14 or be prepared to enjoy Proficiency in death Saving throws.
    Quote Originally Posted by Man_Over_Game View Post
    Worst-case scenario, it gets ignored and pushed back to page 2, AKA The Phantom Zone, never to be seen again.

  8. - Top - End - #68
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Tawmis's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2004

    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by DevilMcam View Post
    This is pretty awesome,
    Actually Maybe à little to awesome for What I expected. to me Aasimar are like TIEFLING, they most lakely have never seen the planes.
    For lvl 1 character I expected est less heroic behavior (for example we swap lucy with mayla in the first part : lucy get kidnapped, rescue party comme to save her, and vampire crumble to dust when they arrive, lucy is now à héro that did nothing)

    Man the music though, totally on point
    And here's the "less than courageous" version...
    ==================================================

    They say there is a perpetual war between the Heavens and the Planes of Hell.

    A war of gods and angels, devils and demons – for reasons, long lost through the sands of time. This war has bled out into the mortal world – where Aasimar – like myself were born, where the angels and gods tampered with our bloodline. On the other side, there were Cambions – which were plane-touched by a demon or devil. All so their petty war could spill into the land of Mortals.

    But that wasn’t me. I turned my back upon the gods, the angels, the demons and the devils and learned to live among the mortals.

    My name is Lucy Briarthorn. I am a weapon of the heavens, who now lived a simple life in the small town of Fall’s Edge.

    My family owned a Luthier shop called “The Sound of Fall’s Edge.” It was named after the waterfalls of Fall’s Edge and the sound that the nearby waterfall created.

    Several bamboo-like trees known as ‘strenbows’ grew through the stones of the waterfall at different lengths and widths – which generated the sounds of musical pipes. The strenbow were notoriously strong – withstanding the power and pressure of the waterfall – and the vines of the strenbow were slung between the branches and often created a haunting melody, sounding like someone furiously strumming a harp.

    I enjoyed living in Fall’s Edge – here, the people treated me with respect. I knew what I was doing – I knew why I got up every morning, and why I was exhausted when I went to bed (though, admittedly my endurance surpassed most humans, due to the bloodline).

    A few years ago, the peaceful town of Fall’s Edge was changed. People had begun to vanish. My adopted father, one night, when a young girl had gone missing, turned to me, and said, “Lucy, I know you don’t want to – but Mayla has gone missing. She’s just five years old. You have to do something.”

    “Me?” I asked, somewhat in shock. “I’ve never really been one for fighting…”

    “Everyone else,” my father gestured around the table, but I knew he was encompassing the whole village, “are just simple folk. You,” he placed his hand on my shoulder, “my dear Lucy, were born to be special.”

    “I don’t want to be special,” I retorted. “I want to be normal. Just like everyone else,” I added, mimicking my father’s gesture.

    “Lucy, you were born to be something more,” he said, shaking me slightly with his hand on my shoulder. “The blood in you is holy. You’ve been touched by the gods. This may be the passage to your destiny.”

    “I want my destiny to be here,” I replied, shaking myself free of my father’s hand. “To build harps and lutes and guitars, and play them near the waterfalls, and make music,” I pleaded.

    My father’s face looked both proud and sad at the same time. “I wish that were the case. These disappearances have been happening for weeks. This is the first time someone so young has gone missing. It will keep happening until something happens. You are the something that needs to happen,” he pleaded. “After all, it will only be a matter of time before myself, your mother, or,” he looked at my two younger brothers and sisters, “they, disappear.”

    Guilt. It was an arrow through my heart. My father never used guilt against me. He truly wanted me to find out what was going on.

    “Father, I can’t,” I cried. Feeling the pressure, I ran outside and sat outside of the barn. It was night, but not far away, I could see someone in the tree. Perhaps it was Mayla?

    But instead I found a young boy that lived a few farms down from our home. “Var, what are you doing up there?”

    “Hiding from the shadow-man,” the young boy replied.

    “The Shadow Man?” I asked. “Wait, did you see what happened to Mayla?”

    “The Shadow Man came,” Var explained as he climbed down. “We were playing – we made little boats and put them in the stream… and then the Shadow Man came… He looked into Mayla’s eyes… and it was like she couldn’t hear me anymore. She took his hand… and they … turned to smoke.”

    “Turned to smoke?” I had asked.

    “Like fog,” Var corrected. “Cold.”

    “Did they go a certain way?” I asked.

    “Yes,” he pointed to the west.

    A long time ago, just west of Fall’s Edge, there was a human who built a large manor – a blemish, the people of Fall’s Edge thought – compared to the rest of the land, that had been small homes. The people were fearful that this would attract others here to build larger homes and destroy the natural beauty that surrounded Fall’s Edge.

    The old man was rarely seen – and he only ventured out at night to get food from the small shops in Fall’s Edge. This of course, led to rumors and speculation that he was a mad wizard, creating horrible experiments deep in his basement.

    So was it some wizard abducting people and doing experiments on people in his basement after all?

    I escorted Var back to his home – called for an alarm through the city for everyone to keep their doors locked. As I walked home – I saw him walking towards me – the man from the manor. My heart stopped. I wanted to run and turn the other way.

    His words were like velvet. Even from here, it was like he was speaking into my mind… my soul.

    “When I saw you,” he said, his voice, thick, rich, accented. “You… took my breath away. Your hair, golden like the sun… the sun I’ve not seen… for so… very … long. And your eyes, ice blue, like the cool spring waters. But you never ventured out of your home at night… and I am bound by the curse to never enter a home I am not invited to. I sensed power in you… You were different… I knew you would come for me, eventually.”

    He seemed to glide towards me. “You remind me of someone I lost… long ago…”

    He wrapped his cloak around me, and the world went dark.

    I awoke and we were in his manor. “I will need you to guard me. I sense a power in you. I’ve had some trouble… but you, you can protect me.”

    As he suddenly lunged forward, I could see his fangs – and just before they sank into my flesh.

    I screamed as his fangs bore deep into my skin.

    I could feel the warmth of my blood running down my neck as he slowly pulled back and looked deep into my eyes.

    I wanted to run away – but I couldn’t. When he saw, deep in my soul, I had wanted to resist but could not – he smiled.

    He had enthralled me.

    For over a week, I was bound to him.

    Until the day came, where adventurers had kicked down the door and began storming the house. I tried to defend the Vampire, but they had easily shoved me aside, made their way to the basement and put a stake through his heart.

    That action had slain the vampire – and in the process – freed me from being enthralled, but the pain to my chest seemed to be shared by whatever the Vampire had felt. I was left gasping for breath. The adventurers, ran past me and began rummaging through the house.

    They seemed to care very little about my well-being. I grabbed the one that looked like a fighter, “Who sent you?” Suspecting that it might have been my father.

    “We’ve been tracking Darnak Bloodmoore for weeks now,” the fighter explained as he helped me stand. “He has kept relocating. But when news of people vanishing began appearing, we knew we were on his trail again. This is the first time, we’ve actually managed to track him down inside his home during daylight."

    It took me a day to recover, taking shelter in the manor, after the adventurers had pillaged it of any valuables that they could carry.

    I walked back to Fall’s Edge and was greeted by cheers.

    Mayla had told them what happened – or what she thought happened. That I had come and rescued her. It wasn’t the truth, and as much as I tried to tell the others the truth, they all twisted it, that I had held off the vampire until help came.

    This isn’t what I wanted. I wanted a simple life.

    I’d never have that again here.

    They’d always look at me differently.

    I sighed and thanked everyone as I walked towards my home.

    That night at dinner, I told my family, I was leaving, and that perhaps one day I would return to Fall’s Edge to visit…
    Need a character origin written? Enjoyed what I wrote? How can you help me? Not required, but appreciated! <3

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  9. - Top - End - #69
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by DrowPiratRobrts View Post
    Name: Darin Stronback
    Race: Kobold
    Class: Finesse Barb (Uses Dex and tactics instead of Strength)

    I swear this idea will gain traction in the main stream if it's the only thing I accomplish in life, haha.

    I know that he often uses a bow but still fights up close and personal most of the time. When he rages he's rabid and screaming as he weaves his flurry of daggers or scimitars or whatever else he's wielding. He sometimes tricks people by begging for mercy in the middle of a fight (Grovel, Cower, and Beg racial feature) before screaming and jumping back on them to fight again. And he is simple, good, and loyal.
    A Kobold! YES! I will love writing this one. Doing these as they come in - so there's one person before you! But I will love to do this one!
    Need a character origin written? Enjoyed what I wrote? How can you help me? Not required, but appreciated! <3

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  10. - Top - End - #70
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    BlueKnightGuy

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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    I think my faves so far are Jesse and Thaddeus, though I’m behind on page 3.

    Spoiler: Here be feedback, and gushing. Mostly gushing
    Show
    Where do I begin? I really like the tension you’ve built between Gallindrann and Navani- admiration and rivalry are sides of the same coin, and you make Navani’s dilemma clear. She’s afraid to rock the boat with Gethel, and perhaps even took the relationship for granted, much like she took her powers for granted. This is the complexity that I was looking for in Navani’s background.

    A couple of lines that stand out as highlights are, to me, the most immersive.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tawmis View Post
    And that was the first part where my life took a drastic change. The Red Eye Orcs used some kind of sorcery to be able to move so quietly – their leaders were Shamans – using ancient magics. Somehow, one of them had got the drop on me – and I felt what seemed to be an electrified rope around my neck that had pulled me down to the ground. The last thing I saw that night was six orcs standing over me, each of them with an eye gouged out, before they all began thrusting their swords into me, well over sixty times, before I blacked out...

    … and died.

    There was quick flashes.

    Blurs. Visions.

    Then everything felt… upside down.

    Was this your reference? :3
    There’s a couple of implications in this paragraph in particular that hints to Navani’s familiarity with sorcery (if I’m reading this literally enough?) which I enjoy lots and lots.

    I think expounding on this scene, as the scene of her death, can be more immersive by her feeling the thrum of magic, before being left gasping for air as the orcs finish her off. I find the number and the fact she counted it in her memory speaks to the trauma of the event. I think 60 is a bit excessive, ten or so would do. That d6 hit dice isn’t doing her any favors.

    The second line I really enjoyed was:
    Quote Originally Posted by Tawmis View Post
    I looked at my hands. Is this what I was destined to become?
    This is the crux of her self imposed exile, which is reflected in her Hermit background. Destiny is a theme I like to explore with PC’s, as often their decisions can be the literal stuff of prophecy and legend. Can Navani escape her fate to wander the lands as a monster? Was it fate to have her experience this? These are the sort of questions that come to mind for this *single* line of text. I love it when small lines carry large themes.

    A couple of things I think you could improve upon:

    Quote Originally Posted by Tawmis View Post
    ... as more than just a friend – in the event anything ever went wrong with the relationship – how awkward it might become for our family. And so we buried those feelings – but each time we looked at each other – or our hands brushed against each other – magic surged from our veins – and not because I was a sorcerer – this was something deeper.
    There’s a whole bunch of unnecessary dashes here! I think I was catching what was happening- there was a lot of things happening within these two sentences. If I would go over it, I’d put it like this:

    “... as more than just a friend. In the event anything ever went wrong with the relationship, we reminded ourselves of how awkward it could be for our families. And so, we buried our feelings. But each time we looked at each other, or our hands brushed against each other, magic crackled and surged in our veins. I felt his way not because I was a sorcerer, but because this was something deeper.”
    (Italics for phrases I subbed in to help the sentence flow a bit, or at least tried to.)

    I broke up the two sentences into five here, but I still manage to vary the lengths and have it flow similarly. As Curly from City Slickers put it- Do one thing. I would add two things is okay for sentences. Most of the other instances this happens works out, because it’s often signaling an interruption when new information is presented, like Navani seeing her tongue when she’s already horrified by her skin.

    And this is perhaps a result of the ‘One hour and done’ mentality (which I admire a large deal because nothing is worse than having unfinished writing), but there are a few times where the character narrating might have more information than she would normally have. This is a really nit picky observation, so I’ll just drop a couple of lines where I think this is evident.

    The Red Eye Orcs used some kind of sorcery to be able to move so quietly – their leaders were Shamans – using ancient magics.

    This seems oddly specific, although it can reasonably be said that Gallindrann -could- have guessed this was the case, given that she was attacked before and might have heard chanting. However, if the point of the magic is to move quietly, then it likely would not be observable. Again, small nit pick.

    Also many of the instances where Navani would speak on behalf of herself and Gethel regarding their relationship- like how she knew both of them felt their magic surging, and how they both actively kept things at a friendship basis when growing up. If they both knew it, then why would Navani start to question things when Gallindrann starts to get into the picture? Her questions and her approaching Gethel makes much more sense if he keeps his relationship with her a mystery, and she needed confirmation like Gallindrann had thanks to her direct nature.


    Regardless, I love the direction you took with this backstory, and enjoyed the insights it gives into the Yuan-ti that just wants to cast disguise self forever. And that’s the big strength to your writing- as a background, it can be freely expanded upon. Things like other conversations and other elements can be freely added on.

  11. - Top - End - #71
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Tawmis's Avatar

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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironheart View Post
    I think my faves so far are Jesse and Thaddeus, though I’m behind on page 3.
    The Jesse one seems to be getting the most attention. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironheart View Post
    Where do I begin? I really like the tension you’ve built between Gallindrann and Navani- admiration and rivalry are sides of the same coin, and you make Navani’s dilemma clear. She’s afraid to rock the boat with Gethel, and perhaps even took the relationship for granted, much like she took her powers for granted. This is the complexity that I was looking for in Navani’s background.
    Excellent! I love when I get the details right! (Sometimes, like you can see on Page 3, I don't - and I want to go in and fix it) :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironheart View Post
    The Upside down - was that your reference?
    Indeed. The Upside Down is where the "monsters" live in Stranger Things.
    That whole scene is a "nod" to it - because in the Upside Down there's black clouds and red lightning.
    In the story, since it's a green dragon - it's black clouds and green lightning.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironheart View Post
    There’s a couple of implications in this paragraph in particular that hints to Navani’s familiarity with sorcery (if I’m reading this literally enough?) which I enjoy lots and lots.
    Very glad to hear this! :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironheart View Post
    I think expounding on this scene, as the scene of her death, can be more immersive by her feeling the thrum of magic, before being left gasping for air as the orcs finish her off. I find the number and the fact she counted it in her memory speaks to the trauma of the event. I think 60 is a bit excessive, ten or so would do. That d6 hit dice isn’t doing her any favors.
    So, the 10 would be enough to kill - but, because I was trying to paint the Red Eye Orcs as complete savages - they're not stabbing just enough to kill. They're thrusting their weapons into their targets fast and hard, and to excessive amounts.

    Maybe that could have been made more clear on my behalf!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironheart View Post
    This is the crux of her self imposed exile, which is reflected in her Hermit background. Destiny is a theme I like to explore with PC’s, as often their decisions can be the literal stuff of prophecy and legend. Can Navani escape her fate to wander the lands as a monster? Was it fate to have her experience this? These are the sort of questions that come to mind for this *single* line of text. I love it when small lines carry large themes.
    I love the redeeming storylines... so the idea that she could (one day) break from her "fate" appealed to me. :)


    Quote Originally Posted by Ironheart View Post
    A couple of things I think you could improve upon:
    There’s a whole bunch of unnecessary dashes here! I think I was catching what was happening- there was a lot of things happening within these two sentences. If I would go over it, I’d put it like this:
    “... as more than just a friend. In the event anything ever went wrong with the relationship, we reminded ourselves of how awkward it could be for our families. And so, we buried our feelings. But each time we looked at each other, or our hands brushed against each other, magic crackled and surged in our veins. I felt his way not because I was a sorcerer, but because this was something deeper.”
    (Italics for phrases I subbed in to help the sentence flow a bit, or at least tried to.)

    I broke up the two sentences into five here, but I still manage to vary the lengths and have it flow similarly. As Curly from City Slickers put it- Do one thing. I would add two things is okay for sentences. Most of the other instances this happens works out, because it’s often signaling an interruption when new information is presented, like Navani seeing her tongue when she’s already horrified by her skin.

    And this is perhaps a result of the ‘One hour and done’ mentality (which I admire a large deal because nothing is worse than having unfinished writing), but there are a few times where the character narrating might have more information than she would normally have. This is a really nit picky observation, so I’ll just drop a couple of lines where I think this is evident.
    This is actually a great observation. While I don't allow more than hour for each of these - being able to find things I can hone for my writing is exactly what I am looking for as I do these.
    I love helping everyone out with making character backgrounds - but it's two fold - in giving me a chance to be handed "writing challenges" - as in, "Make something out of Race A, Class B, and Notes C and make it make sense!" The vast combinations and notes people have make each of these wonderful and unique challenges.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironheart View Post
    The Red Eye Orcs used some kind of sorcery to be able to move so quietly – their leaders were Shamans – using ancient magics.
    This seems oddly specific, although it can reasonably be said that Gallindrann -could- have guessed this was the case, given that she was attacked before and might have heard chanting. However, if the point of the magic is to move quietly, then it likely would not be observable. Again, small nit pick.
    I was trying to show that the three main characters, were kind of caught in the moment, and a lull in the conversation suddenly revealed the unusual silence.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironheart View Post
    Also many of the instances where Navani would speak on behalf of herself and Gethel regarding their relationship- like how she knew both of them felt their magic surging, and how they both actively kept things at a friendship basis when growing up. If they both knew it, then why would Navani start to question things when Gallindrann starts to get into the picture? Her questions and her approaching Gethel makes much more sense if he keeps his relationship with her a mystery, and she needed confirmation like Gallindrann had thanks to her direct nature.
    Writing this, it was being questioned, because while they both knew it...
    It was the uncertainty of saying something, the relationship is great, but then a fight, they break up... now it's awkward.
    So it was more of feeling like a safety net... While they were friends, they were both attracted, but afraid of jeopardizing the friendship.
    Add the element of someone attracted to said friend, and suddenly it's that feeling of, "Why did I wait so long to say anything?"
    (Maybe I added too much of my own past in that part) :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironheart View Post
    Regardless, I love the direction you took with this backstory, and enjoyed the insights it gives into the Yuan-ti that just wants to cast disguise self forever. And that’s the big strength to your writing- as a background, it can be freely expanded upon. Things like other conversations and other elements can be freely added on.
    So glad that you enjoyed it - and thank you IMMENSELY for the feedback! Hoping I keep learning and each step is better than the last!
    Last edited by Tawmis; 2019-07-09 at 02:05 PM.
    Need a character origin written? Enjoyed what I wrote? How can you help me? Not required, but appreciated! <3

    Check out my 5e The Secret of Havenfall Manor or my character back stories over at DMsGuild.com! (If you check it out - please rate, comment, and tell others!)

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  12. - Top - End - #72
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Tawmis's Avatar

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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by Daghoulish View Post
    This is really awesome. I've always been bad at making up backstories that aren't bullet points of things that had happened, so do you mind if I leave a character?

    Name: Krusk Bonesmasher
    Race: Orc (full Orc)
    Class: Celestial Warlock

    The best I came up with was having him be beaten up by a celestial of some variety and begin following the celestial because the strongest is the boss.
    Side note... orcs are some of my favorite humanoid monsters... they're always powerful figures (and as common as humans) in my campaign so I always spend a lot of time developing them...
    The way I explain your character having magic is almost "Sorcerer" in nature (but it's not intended) - the actual thing is how it ties to Gruumsh, which is where he's truly drawing his (corrupted) power... it explains it down below. :)

    I had a lot of fun writing this - and if there's anything that misses the mark - or you have any feedback - let me know! I'd be happy to rework parts of it. :)

    ===========================================

    Strength and power ruled the Red Eye, Orc Clan.

    Devotion to Gruumsh was unquestionable. Unbreakable.

    The most devote followers of Gruumsh in the Red Eye Orc Clan, would carefully take a dagger an extract one of their own eyes – and sacrifice it in Gruumsh’s name – throwing into a bonfire, so that the ashes carried to the heavens would reach their god. With these ashes, he would spread them across the world, so that he could see everything. The Red Eye Orcs believed that Gruumsh would guide their blade during battle, so the inconvenience of visual impairment did not matter to them – after all, what was more glorious than dying in battle in the name of Gruumsh?

    Some claimed that Gruumsh had been born with one eye – and that their god was infallible. But others – like the Red Eye Orcs believed that Gruumsh had been tricked by Corellon Larethian, God of the Elves, and on that – the blood of Gruumsh bled onto the world giving birth to orcs, who were infused with hatred for Corellon and his people.

    My name is Krusk Bonesmasher, brother of Kreen Bonesmasher. Kreen was raw strength and savagery. He had been one of the Red Eye Orcs who had cut his own eye out during tonight’s preparation for our upcoming battle. While I still had the same fuel of hatred for elves, my strength was not in my body, but rather my mind. I was born to wield magic. My father was disappointed, but my mother has told me in secrecy that she had had a dream, before becoming pregnant that Gruumsh came to her and said that he had blessed her to wield a child of powerful magic – and that the child’s destiny would be different than his elder brother. He would walk a different path.

    By the age of five I was able to manipulate the magic in the air. Only a select few were born to yield and shape magic – this was considered a blessing from Gruumsh. The story goes that when Corellon Larethian struck Gruumsh in the eye, and his blood fell – some of Corellon’s magic had dripped down with the blood – and through there, came those born with magic. It was a twist of fate that the Sorcerers of the Red Eye tribe were using Elven magic that they corrupted and changed to suit the needs of the Orcs.

    Tonight we would march upon the Misty Forest, and from there, continue our march to the North. I dipped my fingers into the war paint, which had been made with dyes, mixed with the blood of elves we had already slain.

    The Misty Forest had some mystery surrounding it. Rangers and Druids were known to fiercely protect it – and though we’d used the edges of the forest to hide and ambush caravans passing on The Trade Way, we had never pressed the advantage to dive deeper into the forest.

    Ombar Breaksky stood on a boulder and raised his axe. “Tonight, we invade the Misty Forest! Tonight we kill every Ranger and Druid, every Wild Elf and Wood Elf, and every animal we find. Tonight, the roots of the Misty Forest will feed on the protectors of their land! We will marsh through the mud that is mixed with their blood and the soil they strived to protect! Tonight, we claim the Misty Forest as ours!”

    We cheered. He signaled with a pointing of his axe, and like a rippling tide from the ocean, the orcs charged forward. Instantly a volley of arrows seemed to be thrown from the tree tops themselves – Rangers! Hundreds of orcs collapsed, but the tide did not stop – we stepped on or stepped over our dying or dead – and continued the charge. Once we were inside the forest, the warriors climbed the trees, launched spears or used ropes to pull down the Rangers and Wood Elves who had attacked from the trees.

    When the very land and animals turned on us, I stepped up. Burning Hands, Fog Cloud, Sleep, Thunderwave – these were the spells The Shadow Blessed, as we had been called – unleashed on the forces attacking us.

    It was several hours between fighting the Rangers and Wood Elves on one side, and Druids and Wild Elves on the other – but we had amassed several other Orc Tribes under our banner for this assault. It was thrilling to see the Elves falling, dying, even being forced to retreat.

    We pressed on until we reached a small clearing in the forest – and suddenly – everything was silent. The Elves, the Rangers, the Druids – they had all ceased their attack.

    The hair on the back of my neck began to stand – not because it was cold – but magic. A great sense of power. I looked up just in time to see a lightning bolt of pure white energy hit the ground with such force that not only had it thrown back several hundred orcs – but it had incinerated them. The flash was blinding, leaving those who had survived the strike, blinded.

    I saw what was there though.

    It was a unicorn.

    First, once the blindness wore off, a few orcs nervously laughed. But the laughing increased and grew with confidence as others joined in at the notion a single Unicorn was going to stop the remaining two hundred orcs that still stood to destroy the Misty Forest.

    I shook my head. This was no normal unicorn. The magical energy crackling from it was suffocating me. I wanted to say something – to call for a retreat – but my brothers and sisters and fellow orcs were all laughing at the unicorn – they would shame me for calling for a retreat.

    A few orcs glanced amongst each other and nodded. The orcs had encircled the lone unicorn and called for a charge.

    “This was foolish! Stop! Turn around!” I shouted in my head.

    But they charged forward, and all I could see was the Unicorn moving at blinding speeds, impaling orcs with blinding speed, and crushing others between its hooves. The other Shadow Blessed began launching a volley of spells – all of which simply bounced off the Unicorn’s pristine white fur. As it moved to kill them, its tail seemed to become a fiery trail.

    I watched, frozen in terror and awe as this magnificent creature slaughtered my people.

    Before I knew it, I stood amongst the bodies of my tribes, the only orc standing with the unicorn standing in front of me, eyes burrowing into my soul.

    “Well, orc,” it said to my mind. “You have not dared attack like the others, so I have not killed you. Yet.”

    I immediately dropped to one knee and averted my gaze.

    “You are all powerful,” I choked, not out of fear, but from sheer admiration. We had all prayed to Gruumsh before marching in here – and yet this creature had bested all of my brethren. I looked up at the unicorn whose gaze was still burrowing into me. “Allow me to serve you.”

    “Serve me,” the unicorn’s voice sounded as if it might be scoffing at me.

    “We have always served the strongest,” I said aloud. “That has always been how we picked who was Chief. You,” I pointed to Ombar Breaksky, whom the unicorn had impaled against a tree, “destroyed the strongest of the strong - Ombar Breaksky had united six different warring tribes by proving his strength. We all believed he was an avatar of Gruumsh. And you… destroyed him.”

    “How would you serve me,” the unicorn probed into my mind.

    “By showing the world, your power. I will speak of you. I will change my ways. Accept the messages you bestow upon me,” I said.

    “I am no god,” the unicorn said, “I have no need for priests or paladins.”

    “You are no normal unicorn,” I retorted respectfully. “I have seen them before. They did not move like you. Have power like you.”

    “I am a representation of the unicorns,” it said, “My name is Truestrike, and I am a Celestial Being composed of their energy.”

    “Let me serve you still,” I asked.

    “You have my attention and my curiosity,” Truestrike said. “Fine. Stand and receive my gift.”

    I stood – and in that moment watched as Truestrike impaled me with his horn.

    Blood trickled out of my mouth, as he pulled back.

    I collapsed to the ground.

    When I woke up, I was at the edge of the Misty Forest.

    I heard thunder across the cloudless skies and knew that was Truestrike running through the heavens. He had not killed me after all.
    Last edited by Tawmis; 2019-07-09 at 03:41 PM.
    Need a character origin written? Enjoyed what I wrote? How can you help me? Not required, but appreciated! <3

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  13. - Top - End - #73
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Griffon

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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tawmis View Post
    Snip
    Wow, that's pretty fantastic. Way better than anything I could come up with. With the sorcerer sounding magic, yeah I can see that but I more see it that some orcs of the tribe are born into a pact(fiend in this case). Kind of like orc teiflings. With Truestirke carving out the old pact to make space for the pact, thus the unexpected stabbing. As for the unicorn, that was a surprise. I honestly forgot about the humble unicorn when I was looking at celestials, I was thinking a couatl but I really like this idea better. You wouldn't expect a orc to listen to a unicorn. I'm not sure what else to say beyond fantastic job, I love the picture you weave.

  14. - Top - End - #74
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Tawmis's Avatar

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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by Daghoulish View Post
    Wow, that's pretty fantastic. Way better than anything I could come up with. With the sorcerer sounding magic, yeah I can see that but I more see it that some orcs of the tribe are born into a pact(fiend in this case). Kind of like orc teiflings. With Truestirke carving out the old pact to make space for the pact, thus the unexpected stabbing. As for the unicorn, that was a surprise. I honestly forgot about the humble unicorn when I was looking at celestials, I was thinking a couatl but I really like this idea better. You wouldn't expect a orc to listen to a unicorn. I'm not sure what else to say beyond fantastic job, I love the picture you weave.
    The hatred commonly seen between Orcs and Elves made this one easy for me...
    I knew immediately I was going to go with that. Then thought, "What creatures do Elves deal with that could be Celestial?"
    And... Unicorns! A Celestial Unicorn!
    And this would be PERFECT! Here you have an army of BRUTES seeing a "girly unicorn" - so naturally they're going to think it's no threat.
    And be proven wrong.
    And with your character in awe of it's power and never raising a finger and being spared...

    The story literally wrote itself, once I had the Unicorn idea.

    I figured that could be some fun for roleplaying, if anyone asks - and here you are - an orc talking about the power of a unicorn named Truestrike...
    Need a character origin written? Enjoyed what I wrote? How can you help me? Not required, but appreciated! <3

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  15. - Top - End - #75
    Orc in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    This is an absolutely fantastic thread - loving reading all the characters! If it's not too late, would you mind having a look at this one?

    Name: Alathiel Nightbreeze
    Race: Half-elf
    Class: Paladin (will be Ancients when he gets there)
    Background: Folk hero

    • Raised by humans, eleven part of parentage currently unknown
    • Faced down a monster threatening the village at some point
    • Feels some kind of calling, and slightly out of place where he is despite the love he bears for family and friends
    • Has a certain joie de vivre

  16. - Top - End - #76
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jaryn View Post
    This is an absolutely fantastic thread - loving reading all the characters! If it's not too late, would you mind having a look at this one?

    Name: Alathiel Nightbreeze
    Race: Half-elf
    Class: Paladin (will be Ancients when he gets there)
    Background: Folk hero

    • Raised by humans, eleven part of parentage currently unknown
    • Faced down a monster threatening the village at some point
    • Feels some kind of calling, and slightly out of place where he is despite the love he bears for family and friends
    • Has a certain joie de vivre
    Not too late at all. So long as I keep breathing (and don't end up banned for some reason!), I plan on keeping this active! I just do them in the order they come in - so there's one above you that I need to write up - then yours is next! Already have an idea for yours, based off of what you put up there. :)
    Need a character origin written? Enjoyed what I wrote? How can you help me? Not required, but appreciated! <3

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  17. - Top - End - #77
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tawmis View Post
    Not too late at all. So long as I keep breathing (and don't end up banned for some reason!), I plan on keeping this active! I just do them in the order they come in - so there's one above you that I need to write up - then yours is next! Already have an idea for yours, based off of what you put up there. :)
    THIS MAN IS UNSTOPPABLE!
    I think it's the beard that gives him powers

  18. - Top - End - #78
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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by DrowPiratRobrts View Post
    Name: Darin Stronback
    Race: Kobold
    Class: Finesse Barb (Uses Dex and tactics instead of Strength)

    I swear this idea will gain traction in the main stream if it's the only thing I accomplish in life, haha.

    I know that he often uses a bow but still fights up close and personal most of the time. When he rages he's rabid and screaming as he weaves his flurry of daggers or scimitars or whatever else he's wielding. He sometimes tricks people by begging for mercy in the middle of a fight (Grovel, Cower, and Beg racial feature) before screaming and jumping back on them to fight again. And he is simple, good, and loyal.
    I really enjoyed this...! I apologize for not focusing entirely on your character...
    I also wanted to show how lethal attacking Kobolds in general could be... So I had some fun there.
    I painted your Kobold with some intelligence... and tried to fit in everything you mentioned. :)
    Let me know if you liked it, hated it, what you may have liked or hated, what could be improved on, or any general feedback!
    Enjoy!
    ==============================


    The Greycloak Hills are my home.

    And they have been for a long time now.

    With the wastelands of the Anauroch to the east, food wasn’t readily available. But me – and the tribe of Kobolds I was a part of – we called ourselves The Sand Wyrms. Story is that the Greycloak Hills were once towering mountains, but the sands of Anauroch continued to encroach on the land, eventually burying the Greycloak Mountains so that they became known as the Greycloak Hills.

    The Hills run deep in every direction, and the caves have become our home. Some days, we can find animals that have wandered too close to the Greycloak Hills to hunt – other times, we have to travel deep into the ground and live off the glowing mushrooms.

    Life was good.

    One day, Boon Bumblethorn was on watch, when he said he spotted a big dust cloud coming from the east. This wasn’t entirely uncommon – sandstorms blowing out of Anauroch and hitting the Greycloak Hills during the hot Summer days was common.

    But Boon Bumblethorn swore there was something else. I stood next to Boon and stared out into the bright morning’s light. Though we, as Kobolds, disliked daylight, we always had someone on watch, even during the day. Too many times in the past, others who would seek to take shelter in our caves and begin venturing further in, ransacking our homes and killing our kind.

    I cupped my hands over my eyes to shade it from the sun

    As I peered closer, I could see what Boon was talking about. There were shadows inside the sandstorm, at the base of it.

    Boon looked at me, “What do you think it is?”

    “Riders,” I replied.

    Riders in general were not all that uncommon. Nomadic tribes had somehow made a living in the harsh conditions of the Anauroch wastelands. The problem came when those riders were not the human nomads, but rather a marauding group known as the Bloodspear.

    The Bloodspear were a band of hobgoblins, whose name comes from the deep red hue of their skin. One of the only known Hobgoblin groups that adapted to the sea of endless sand, adopting the nomadic lifestyle. Most of their kind preferred the darkness, just as we do – but not the Bloodspear. They changed the way they lived to maximize their lives and their raiding.

    I looked at Boon and nodded, “Get the others ready.”

    The Bloodspear were notorious for throwing their weight around – and that included raiding our home, as well as the goblins, who had made their home on the other side of the Greycloak Hills.

    Boon signaled the horn as the Bloodspear made their way up the mountain. Boon then ran up to me and smiled, “They will regret this day.”

    “Yes,” I smiled, and the two of us ran deeper into the caves, with Boon stopping halfway. “I will see you again.”

    The Bloodspear tied their horses to a fallen tree near the base of the cavern’s entrance and slowly made their way inside.

    Boon barked at them and quickly bolted away.

    “Kobolds,” one of the Hobgoblins growled.

    Boon ran down the cavern with several Hobgoblins chasing him. As he crossed a wooden bridge that swayed. The Hobgoblins seemed to pause and wonder why Boon had stopped running. One of the Hobgoblins barked an order than the first one slowly began to make his way across the bridge. Just as it had reached the middle, a Darkmantle – a creature that was nearly indistinguishable from the cavern celling, appearing to be a stalactite-octopus creature dropped down on the Hobgoblin both toppled over the edge. The Darkmantle had always survived these falls, and frequently fed on other creatures, besides the Kobolds, whom it had grown accustomed to “feeding” it. After feeding – especially on a creature the size of a hobgoblin – it would slowly crawl its way back to the ceiling and allow the creature to digest for the next few weeks.

    Boon then ran down the hall as the Hobgoblins pushed and shove, cautiously looking at the ceiling to ensure there were no more such creatures. He tagged me in and I appeared in the hall so that Boon could catch his breath. I darted around a corner, and side stepped a frayed carpet that was laying on the stone floor and paused just beyond. The furious hobgoblins did not even pay attention as they turned the corner and stepped on the frayed rug – and found themselves falling into a pit. As the hobgoblins who had fallen recovered, some with broken bones – eyes glowed from the darkness.

    You see, several years ago, a gypsy caravan had been attacked by the Bloodspear, near the Greycloak Hills. They had only cared about things of value – such as gold, weapons, and the like. They had left several animals in cages – one of which, had been a small kitten. That small kitten soon bloomed into something more as the truth revealed itself – and quickly grew to be more than we could handle – because we had thought it was a panther (which we could train) – but when the tentacles appeared, it was evident it was a displacer beast.

    The hobgoblins screamed in horror as the beast fed upon them.

    I pulled on the string and pulled the rug back up. We’ve kept it fed, usually with scraps. Now, it would be fed for quite a long time.

    They were furious as they made their way, edging across.

    As they reached me – they seemed uneasy, since I had not run away – as if they were expecting another trap. In a sense, they were right – they had walked into a trap. You see, there’s a secret they don’t know about me – and it’s that, deep down inside – there is a sense of fury that pounds to escape.

    My name is Darin Stronback – and I have grown up a survivor – and there is a rage inside of me begging to be set free. Drawing my daggers, I scream a battle cry and lunge forward. The Hobgoblins started, take a step back, sending three of them toppling backwards into the Displacer Beast pit.

    The other six are started at the speed and agility I possess, dodging between their legs, cutting them along their exposed calf – and sometimes, in the privates – as I made my way through them. As some buckled forward, I would climb them, and springboard from them, onto the next one, stabbing them in the eyes, and kicking off from them, onto the shoulder of the next one, who was screaming now in fear. I was like a mosquito – they could hear me screaming, but I was moving too quickly, and I was too small – to effectively target in these constrained hallways. As one collapsed, I stopped and looked at the nearest Hobgoblin, and with pleading eyes said, “I am sorry. Do you have any gold?” He looked at me strangely, then I smiled, and shoved my dagger under his chin. The shocked hobgoblin collapsed to the side, dead.

    By the time I was done, six hobgoblins lay dead at my feet. I edged my way across the pit and found several others – and proceeded to attack them.

    The few that had stayed at the cavern entrance were now calling for a retreat.

    Boon and I watched as they quickly scrambled down the mountain side.

    “Think they’ll come back?” Boon asked.

    “No,” I said smugly.

    But that had gotten me thinking. What was out there in the world beyond our cave?
    Need a character origin written? Enjoyed what I wrote? How can you help me? Not required, but appreciated! <3

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  19. - Top - End - #79
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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jaryn View Post
    This is an absolutely fantastic thread - loving reading all the characters! If it's not too late, would you mind having a look at this one?

    Name: Alathiel Nightbreeze
    Race: Half-elf
    Class: Paladin (will be Ancients when he gets there)
    Background: Folk hero

    • Raised by humans, eleven part of parentage currently unknown
    • Faced down a monster threatening the village at some point
    • Feels some kind of calling, and slightly out of place where he is despite the love he bears for family and friends
    • Has a certain joie de vivre
    Just finished the one before yours! Almost done with my work day - so I will get started on this when I get home. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Bjarkmundur View Post
    THIS MAN IS UNSTOPPABLE!
    I think it's the beard that gives him powers
    Hah! I do have an epic sized (graying!) beard, which is why I added it to the avatar. :)
    Last edited by Tawmis; 2019-07-09 at 07:30 PM.
    Need a character origin written? Enjoyed what I wrote? How can you help me? Not required, but appreciated! <3

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  20. - Top - End - #80
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    PaladinGuy

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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Your work is amazing. I wish I had your quick writing ability.

    Name: Kergal
    Race: Protector Assimar
    Class: Barbarian
    Background: Barbarian Tribe Member
    Notes: Exiled from his tribe, looking for his sister, maybe forgotten realms setting, not sure yet.

  21. - Top - End - #81
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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by AH0098 View Post
    Your work is amazing. I wish I had your quick writing ability.

    Name: Kergal
    Race: Protector Assimar
    Class: Barbarian
    Background: Barbarian Tribe Member
    Notes: Exiled from his tribe, looking for his sister, maybe forgotten realms setting, not sure yet.
    Thank you! There's one in front of you - but I should be able to easily knock these both out tonight when I get home from work (as long as the wife doesn't drag me around to do something)! :)
    Need a character origin written? Enjoyed what I wrote? How can you help me? Not required, but appreciated! <3

    Check out my 5e The Secret of Havenfall Manor or my character back stories over at DMsGuild.com! (If you check it out - please rate, comment, and tell others!)

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  22. - Top - End - #82
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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jaryn View Post
    This is an absolutely fantastic thread - loving reading all the characters! If it's not too late, would you mind having a look at this one?

    Name: Alathiel Nightbreeze
    Race: Half-elf
    Class: Paladin (will be Ancients when he gets there)
    Background: Folk hero

    • Raised by humans, eleven part of parentage currently unknown
    • Faced down a monster threatening the village at some point
    • Feels some kind of calling, and slightly out of place where he is despite the love he bears for family and friends
    • Has a certain joie de vivre
    Done!
    I really enjoyed getting into your character's head space of not knowing who is true parents are...
    And yet having this loving family - but also having a yearning to know the truth about himself...
    If you have ANY feedback - things you liked, hated, enjoyed, or if I missed the mark anywhere (or the whole thing!) please do let me know!
    Enjoy!
    =========================================
    It’s strange.

    Not knowing where you come from – who your parents are.

    It’s not to say I am not thankful for what I have. I am. I truly am.

    But I’ve always wondered who my parents were. Why they had abandoned me. If they had abandoned me, for that matter. Not knowing at all has always been something that’s lived in the back of my mind and found its way to my thoughts.

    I have a loving family now; humans by the name of Bryston and Aunna Nightbreeze.

    You might be wondering why I specified humans. I’m getting to that.

    They were merchants traveling northwest from Nightstone to Waterdeep for the Twin Moon Festival. From what they’ve told me, it had been a brisk, cool night and the only sound was their creaking wagon. No wolves. No owls. An unusual silence. That’s when they said they heart an infant’s cry and brought their wagon to a stop. Just off the path, in a small basinet, a child. Because of my ears they had assumed I was an elf. They had named me Alathiel (meaning ‘watcher of the moon’) because the way the moon seemed to be shining on me, as if it were destiny for them to have found me.

    But the age of five, they could tell, because I was not as slender as other Elven children my parents had seen. Despite having pointed ears, I did not have the eyes of an elf and by the time I was sixteen, it had become clearer, as I grew facial hair, a trait not frequently found amongst most elves.

    My father, Bryston was a hardworking man. He was honest, and cared deeply for his community, often offering things well below cost, for those who could not afford his ware. He always told me to kindle the light of hope, because the world was often cruel and unpredictable. A person could have everything in the world, but a single, random, unpredictable event could strip that from them.

    My mother, Aunna, was a beautiful woman, despite her age. She seemed to always glow, was always thankful and happy, and volunteered her time to help those in need. She would sew blankets for those who lost their homes, make shoes for those who had none. Like my father, she encouraged me to always bring hope and laughter to those around you. We can never know what a person has endured, what pain they may be going through. She always told me – laughter and love were like a campfire. If you do not tend to it, and feed it, it will die. She would say, when someone was lost in darkness, be the light that guides them home.

    Then, one night – the Orcs came; a tribe known as the Red Eye Clan.

    I heard the city guard issue an alarm. I rushed to the city gates to see – and outside of the city gates, a large mass of orcs had launched a volley of arrows into Nightstone. People all around me screamed as arrows struck random targets, including the guard perched on the city wall.

    One of those guards, struck, tumbled backwards, and nearly fell on top of me as I rushed to brace myself against the wall, to avoid the next volley of arrows that came.

    I heard my mother and father calling for me to come back.

    But their shouts were drowned away by the sound of something smashing the front gate. Then came the sound of splinters.

    I knelt down and closed the eyes of the fallen guard. “May the gods grant you peace, your watch has ended,” I whispered. I then took his sword in my hand. I quietly whispered a prayer to any of the gods that might be listening.

    I stepped away from the wall, just as the front gate gave way. Orcs began to charge into Nightstone.

    I gripped the hilt of my sword and took several deep breaths.

    “Kindle the flame,” I took a deep breath. “Shelter the light,” I gulped hard as they were rushing towards me. “Stroke the fires.”

    I took one deep breath as the orcs swarmed over me, shouting, “Be the light!”

    And in that moment, I felt something; a presence guiding me.

    I moved and dodged, and swayed – everything was in slow motion. Each movement was so fluid; one strike moving into the next, as if the entire thing had been professionally choreographed. Orcs were falling all around me, and behind me, I heard people cheering. Then I heard the clash of weapons and shields, and saw others rushing around me, to stand next to me.

    “Be the light,” they were all chanting as they fought off the onslaught of orcs.

    It was nearly an hour of this, but to me, it felt as if perhaps ten seconds had passed.

    The orcs were fleeing.

    I took a deep breath, and suddenly felt exhausted and collapsed to the ground.

    I woke up to both my adopted mother and father standing over me, and priests moving about rapidly. “Where am I?” I stammered.

    “You’re in good hands, son,” my father said proudly, his eyes brimming with tears.

    “What possessed you to do that?” my mother was a nervous wreck. “I’ve never seen you pick up a sword before! You could have been killed.”

    “You possessed me,” I said, smiling at my mother, patting her hand assuring her I was fine. “You both did. You both have taught me about how the world can be horrible and we must do what we can to preserve the light. If I didn’t stand to fight – I could have lost you.”

    “You worried us so much,” my mother cried on my chest.

    “People can’t stop talking about you though,” my father smiled. “Some even say you were glowing like a beacon.”

    “That’s nonsense,” I laughed. “Just hyped up imagination.”

    But I was lying to my parents.

    What had possessed me? What had made me so fluent with a sword? The energy I felt? It was more than bravery or courage. Something had guided my hand, and I wanted to know what it was…
    Need a character origin written? Enjoyed what I wrote? How can you help me? Not required, but appreciated! <3

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  23. - Top - End - #83
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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by AH0098 View Post
    Your work is amazing. I wish I had your quick writing ability.

    Name: Kergal
    Race: Protector Assimar
    Class: Barbarian
    Background: Barbarian Tribe Member
    Notes: Exiled from his tribe, looking for his sister, maybe forgotten realms setting, not sure yet.
    I was trying to think of how to get a Barbarian Aasimar... while typically angelic from an angel or god...
    I thought I wanted to do something more... savage like... something that really lends to a barbarian's ... desire to fight... be strong...
    And then I thought, "Well, he's looking for his sister... so tracking would be important..."
    Then I thought... "How am I missing this? Wolves are my favorite animal. Expert trackers... Let's start there..."
    You weren't sure if you were going to do Forgotten Realms - so I stuck with that theme, but the story is general enough that the mentioned gods could easily be changed to be whatever...
    If there's anything I missed the mark on, please let me know - I'd be happy to rework it!
    Let me know what you liked, hated, or whatever! Any and all feedback - even if it's negative (as long as it's constructive!) I will be happy to hear!
    =================================


    There is a legend among my people that centuries ago, the god Silvanus had enchanted a magnificent wolf to hunt down The Prince of Lies, the god known as Cyric. This great wolf was named Frostmane, and it is said that the stars that fall from the skies are Cyrics running away from Frostmane. Cyrics was widely hated among the gods for his viciousness, so much so that evil the gods of darkness and shadow despised him.

    Cyrics had tried for centuries to kill Frostmane, but never could. Every wound that would have murdered a god seemed to heal instantaneously. Cyrics then presumed that Silvanus had enchanted the great wolf so that he would never be able to wound it. Cyrics developed a new plan. Knowing that Frostmane was relentlessly chasing him, he led the great wolf to Tyr’s kingdom. Tyr had just lost his hand to Kezef The Chaos Hound – and when Frostmane entered, Cyrics had used an illusion to make Tyr appear as Cyrics, while making Frostmane appear as Kezef the Chaos Hound.

    Tyr, believing that Frostmane was Kezef struck a mighty blow and drew blood. Perhaps because of his own ego, Cyrics revealed the truth, rather than allow the charade to continue. Tyr, realizing what he had done felt great shame and called for Silvanus. He took great pleasure in seeing Tyr’s shame, Frostmane’s wound, and the hurt in Silvanus’ eyes.

    As Frostmane bled, drops of blood fell to the world. Those that were touched by the blood of Frostmane were granted wondrous powers, and those powers carried on in their bloodline for generations.

    My name is Kergal, and my bloodline has been blessed by Frostmane, who died that night. If you were to look at me, you would think I was simply a barbarian and nothing more. I stand just over six feet tall, adorned in furs from polar bears. I have a weapon whose hilt is also wrapped in fur. But it’s my eyes that give me away. Like all who are touched by Frostmane’s blood, my eye are not the traditional brown of all my people – rather they’re blue – and they almost appear to look like sapphire.

    When I was born, I was immediately given over to the Shamans. My own family was not permitted to raise me, because of my blessing of Frostmane’s blood. I was given the best care that I could possibly be given – often times, given food while the rest of my tribe was starving.

    There had been a band of gnolls called the Skulldiggers that had taken up residence in the frozen wastes not far from my village. Food on the frozen tundra is similar to finding food in the endless sea of sand – simply put there was some, but not enough to go around.

    Eventually, under new leadership, the Skulldiggers gained the courage to attack our village. I had wanted to go to the town’s defense – but the Shamans insisted I was too important to be wounded in such a battle, and that the others would take care of it.

    The Skulldiggers were driven away – eventually – but to a great cost to our village. Sixteen had been slain, and eight taken away as prisoners. One of those eight was my sister. While I had never had the chance to know her because I was forced to spend time with the Shamans who were “preparing me for my destiny” – there was no denying that she was my sister – born of the same blood as myself.

    On top of that, there was no plan to track down and free those who had been taken or extract our revenge for this attack. Despite the commands of our Chief, who followed all the words whispered in his ear by the Shamans, I denied our Chief’s command to remain calm.

    I grabbed my spear, and began tracking the Skulldiggers. I had tracked them to their den, where I had single-handedly killed three of them, and found evidence that the others had moved on. But among the things I found in the den were three members of my tribe, who had been dragged off, now dead. This made me fearful that my sister’s fate would be the same if I did not find her.

    I found another den – this one looked to be older than the previous one. Probably one of their original dens as they moved about, relocating, hoping to find food. This den had no gnolls but it did have two more bodies from members of my tribe, both of which had been dead for two days, at the most.

    Two more bodies were found, while I was tracking them – leaving the last one to be my sister.

    The trail however, came to an end near a merchant’s road – and three gnolls were found slain. Undoubtedly they had tried to attack the merchant caravan for supplies, and perished, but there was no sign of my sister.

    Had she been taken with the merchants? Was she a slave? Or was she wounded and taken to be healed?

    The caravan seemed to be moving southwest. From what I had learned from the Shamans, a large city called Luskin was in that direction.

    That’s where I would continue my search for my sister…
    Need a character origin written? Enjoyed what I wrote? How can you help me? Not required, but appreciated! <3

    Check out my 5e The Secret of Havenfall Manor or my character back stories over at DMsGuild.com! (If you check it out - please rate, comment, and tell others!)

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  24. - Top - End - #84
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Well since you're all cought up, finally I don't feel bad dropping this one off.
    I managed to come up with a character but didn't manage to make it all away to backstory. Well, I sorta did, but it lacks the "one thing lead to another" narrative a true story has.

    Tawmis, meet Barakas

  25. - Top - End - #85
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    Devil

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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    The 3rd version of lucy seems to be the one i'll keep, I'll most likely have to edit some bits to have it work with the dms univers and others pcs though.
    Awesome work, keep it up

  26. - Top - End - #86
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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by DevilMcam View Post
    The 3rd version of lucy seems to be the one i'll keep, I'll most likely have to edit some bits to have it work with the dms univers and others pcs though.
    Awesome work, keep it up
    Thank you! Glad I was able to land something closer to what you were looking for! I admit, it was difficult not writing her with some courage - because in my brain, I was trying to think - then why would she be adventuring? Because her life will be chalk full of danger! So I kept wanting to write her showing some courage. So that one you like the best was the most difficult to write! But still had a great time challenging myself.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bjarkmundur View Post
    Well since you're all cought up, finally I don't feel bad dropping this one off.
    I managed to come up with a character but didn't manage to make it all away to backstory. Well, I sorta did, but it lacks the "one thing lead to another" narrative a true story has.
    Tawmis, meet Barakas
    Do not worry about how many I have pending! The fact I had some pending was great! Means folks are liking what they see here!
    I will try to get your knocked out during my lunch at work! I look forward to meeting Barakas!
    Need a character origin written? Enjoyed what I wrote? How can you help me? Not required, but appreciated! <3

    Check out my 5e The Secret of Havenfall Manor or my character back stories over at DMsGuild.com! (If you check it out - please rate, comment, and tell others!)

    Subscribe to my D&D Channel on Youtube! (Come by and Sub)

  27. - Top - End - #87
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Devil

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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    It's not really like I imagine her as a coward character, but you know Man" dragons are scary, they got teeth as big as your sword "

    It's safer to go Hunt some wolves for some stranger that don't know you rather than some dragon, giant or any big scary things Because your neighbour think you are able to kill them all with one hand in your back

  28. - Top - End - #88
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    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tawmis View Post
    Snip!
    Thank you, that is brilliant! Pretty much spot on what I wanted. I particularly enjoyed the description of the parents and the scene where they found Alathiel.

    I would say possibly even better if it had maybe one more paragraph. Would the character go out into the world immediately, or would they need to do a little training/discovery of other abilities too before they felt ready? Genuinely not sure at the moment if it needs that or if it's a better story with him just setting out... Also, for some reason I found the villagers chanting 'be the light' slightly jarring - but this is incredibly subjective and I can't put my finger on why, particularly as I loved the build up of him muttering about it to psych himself up.

    Other things I very much enjoyed were the details like the name of the orc clan, and the closing of the guard's eyes before picking up his sword. Fantastic job, thank you again 😀
    Last edited by Jaryn; 2019-07-10 at 12:58 PM.

  29. - Top - End - #89
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    PaladinGuy

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    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tawmis View Post
    Do not worry about how many I have pending! The fact I had some pending was great! Means folks are liking what they see here! I will try to get your knocked out during my lunch at work! I look forward to meeting Barakas!
    I'm looking forward to this. I never liked tieflings or warlocks, but by making it a character of the type I generally enjoy, I hope I can learn to love the combo.

    * Works as a force of attraction for the group. Has some way of keeping the group together or give them a reason to join forces in the first place.
    * Has some trait that makes him a part of the setting. This might help the group explore an aspect of the world that might otherwise be left undiscovered.
    * Works as a sort of role model for other players regarding key aspects of character creation and roleplay. In this case, I decided it should be "How-to-tiefling-without-being-evil" and "How-to-have-a-patron".

    I'm pretty bad at warlocks, and have no idea how to keep the patron active in the story without having to go the stereotypical hyper-dramatic warlock backstory. Like I explained it to my girlfriend, each class does something a figher doesn't do. A fighter doesn't have to review and memorize his spells in the moring, a fighter doesn't have to stick to a code to stay on his diety's good side, a fighter doesn't have to pray to regain his powers in the morning. Flavor wise I see each of the warlock's powers as an individual gift from his patron. Is the thing a warlock does a Raven type "azarath metrion zinthos" in order to invoke the gift? What is it? What does a warlock do that a fighter doesn't

  30. - Top - End - #90
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Planetar

    Join Date
    Jul 2019

    Default Re: Need a character background written up?

    Bookmarked the thread for later reading. Absolutely love your writing style!
    I'm rather new to the rpg scene and D&D in general and have pretty much zero Imagination when it comes to stuff like this. I'd be super grateful if you could come up with something if you find the time.

    Forgotten Realms
    Name: Morgan
    Race: Human
    Class: Forge Cleric of Gond
    Background: Clan Crafter (Smith) Was trained by a dwarven master smith
    Alignment: Neutral Good
    Age: late twenties
    Personality traits: I work hard to be the best there is at my craft. I believe that anything worth doing is worth doing right. I can’t help it—I’m a perfectionist.
    Bonds: I owe my guild a great debt for forging me into the person I am today.

    Notes:
    • Doesn't shy away from a good fight and can take quite a punch but doesn't like unnecessary violence.
    • Loves his work and aspires to be the best in the craft.
    Last edited by MrSol; 2019-07-10 at 02:28 PM.

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