SZbNAhL's Similarly Sibilant (if unpronouncable) Random Banter #223

[Tvtyrant]

Wait, what?

I'd be incredibly worried if that didn't lead to a court forbidding them from going near the library for years, at minimum. Why would you need any kind of weapon in a library, we drove the book goblins to extinction over a millennia ago. Why would a normal person ever need a weapon anyway? It's not like most people have a sudden need to commit murder (unless they're a PC in a modern day game).

Living on the streets is dangerous, and lots of people live on the streets here. The guy probably couldn't stash it anywhere, and he needed access to water, bathroom and heating.

It doesn't make it any safer for the rest of us, by his objections were legit.

Feeling down because I have to see friends being happy and in relationships while I'm miserable and alone, and struggling to meet new people (due to those problems with social situations that people swear I don't have) with not even online dating helping me to make friends (doesn't help that I don't very any mutual matches anymore). Oh, and my friends utterly refuse to introduce me to any of their friends, even only as people who like the same thing and not as relationship material.

It doesn't help that I occasionally have to deal with 'somebody likes you, not going to say who' and other teasing at work, because people can't see how utterly soul crushing that could be. So I feel stuck in a feedback loop where feeling down and unable to be in a relationship is keeping me down and in a place where I can't/shouldn't be in a relationship. And then I have to deal with the implication from society that I've failed because obviously this is what matters and not being able to do mental maths or deconstruct a story.

I think you are thinking of this backwards. You aren't unhappy because you aren't in a relationship, you aren't in a relationship because you are unhappy.

Focus on having fun and being well adjusted, and people will respond to that. Confidence and self-assurance is attractive, and happy people don't blow past red flags and get into bad relationships.

[DataNinja]

Got spotted at the restaurant by someone who used to know me in school. They said I was looking really good today.

This might not seem all that noteworthy or relevant but I used to have a crush on her and it has basically made everything feel weird and floaty all day. My fingers don't even feel attached right now.

Oh, I'm happy for you! It's always nice to have acknowledgement from those people whose opinions you cherish, especially if it's from an unexpected source who probably isn't saying it just to make you feel good.

Feeling down because I have to see friends being happy and in relationships while I'm miserable and alone, and struggling to meet new people (due to those problems with social situations that people swear I don't have) with not even online dating helping me to make friends (doesn't help that I don't very any mutual matches anymore). Oh, and my friends utterly refuse to introduce me to any of their friends, even only as people who like the same thing and not as relationship material.

It doesn't help that I occasionally have to deal with 'somebody likes you, not going to say who' and other teasing at work, because people can't see how utterly soul crushing that could be. So I feel stuck in a feedback loop where feeling down and unable to be in a relationship is keeping me down and in a place where I can't/shouldn't be in a relationship. And then I have to deal with the implication from society that I've failed because obviously this is what matters and not being able to do mental maths or deconstruct a story.

I do very much understand the crushing despair of this variety of loneliness, and I very much have to second TvTyrant's advice. It immensely helps one's mental state to be able to be in a place where you can be happy with you, and you don't feel that you need someone else in your life to be complete. I know that I was there for some time, and it takes a lot of effort to get out. But... eventually, it'll just click, and it'll be like a weight's lifted from your shoulders.

It does suck about your coworkers, though. Have you mentioned that you're not really fond of that teasing to them?

[enderlord99]

Have you mentioned that you're not really fond of that teasing to them?

...Because telling abusive trolls who want to make you miserable "it's working" will surely get them to stop{.}

[Peelee]

Ah, yes. Telling abusive trolls who want to make you miserable "it's working" will surely get them to stop

Eh, I choose to believe by the time someone is in the workplace they're mature enough to recognize such requests and tailor appropriately. Sure, there'll always be people who won't, but I choose to believe the default is on the good side.

And in any event, it's at a workplace, so HR is always a venue if that fails.

[Bartmanhomer]

Eh, I choose to believe by the time someone is in the workplace they're mature enough to recognize such requests and tailor appropriately. Sure, there'll always be people who won't, but I choose to believe the default is on the good side.

And in any event, it's at a workplace, so HR is always a venue if that fails.

I agree HR helps a lot.

[enderlord99]

Eh, I choose to believe by the time someone is in the workplace they're mature enough to recognize such requests and tailor appropriately. Sure, there'll always be people who won't, but I choose to believe the default is on the good side.

Isn't "teasing" defined as "doing something because you were asked not to and you want to cause as much suffering as possible in the world"

EDIT:

And in any event, it's at a workplace, so HR is always a venue if that fails.

I agree HR helps a lot.

HR's job isn't to help you; HR's job is to help profits. Bring a lawyer.

EDIT2: Actually, maybe check with HR without a lawyer first, then bring a lawyer the second time if nothing changes.

[Bartmanhomer]

Isn't "teasing" defined as "doing something because you were asked not to and you want to cause as much suffering as possible in the world"

EDIT:




HR's job isn't to help you; HR's job is to help profits. Bring a lawyer.

EDIT2: Actually, maybe check with HR without a lawyer first, then bring a lawyer the second time if nothing changes.

That's not true. About by more than a decade ago. I used to work with an abusive boss at my old job. I complain to HR and she got in trouble for it.

[Peelee]

Isn't "teasing" defined as "doing something because you were asked not to and you want to cause as much suffering as possible in the world"

No.

teasing
/ˈtēziNG/
adjective
intended to provoke or make fun of someone in a playful way.
"teasing comments"

EDIT:

HR's job isn't to help you; HR's job is to help profits. Bring a lawyer.

EDIT2: Actually, maybe check with HR without a lawyer first, then bring a lawyer the second time if nothing changes.

A.) HR's job is to protect the company. If a worker is antagonizing another worker, the best way to protect the company is to put a stop to that.
2.) Lawyers cost money. Talking to HR is free.

[Tvtyrant]

Teasing is provoking or making fun of someone in a playful way. It is usually a way of establishing intimacy and comradery. Like friends calling each other twiggy or big butt, or bringing up your friend's commitment issues "when are you getting married again?"

Bullying often is the same actions, but it is about establishing power and hierarchy in a nominally equal group. Bullies often pretend they are friends with the degraded person to avoid scrutiny, and create an external illusion of intimacy where there is none.

Edit: a perfect example of this in practice is boys groping each other. It is a common form of social bonding among athletes into adulthood, but also abuse. The line there is the relationship between the individuals and how comfortable they were with that as a form of bonding. I hated it, and made lots of enemies by treating bonding as bullying because I am naturally bad at distinguishing social interactions.

[Bartmanhomer]

If HR fails then I would report to the Department of Labors about it.

[enderlord99]

Teasing is provoking or making fun of someone in a playful way. It is usually a way of establishing intimacy and comradery. Like friends calling each other twiggy or big butt, or bringing up your friend's commitment issues "when are you getting married again?"

Bullying often is the same actions, but it is about establishing power and hierarchy in a nominally equal group. Bullies often pretend they are friends with the degraded person to avoid scrutiny, and create an external illusion of intimacy where there is none.

Really? I've had complete strangers lick their lips loudly at me because I told them (as politely as I could) to stop when they licked them incidentally earlier, and my mother defended them to me as "just teasing"

[Tvtyrant]

Really? I've had complete strangers lick their lips loudly at me because I told them (as politely as I could) to stop when they licked them incidentally earlier, and my mother defended them to me as "just teasing"

That's not teasing, it is passive agressive behavior. Teasing between strangers might be the checkout clerk mentioning how many condoms you are buying, which acknowledges the awkwardness of them gaining intimate knowledge of you they normally would not have.

A teasing version of your story would be them saying something like "kissing must be hard," which acknowledges your request and that you are overstepping some bounds.

[LaZodiac]

Really? I've had complete strangers lick their lips loudly at me because I told them (as politely as I could) to stop when they licked them incidentally earlier, and my mother defended them to me as "just teasing"

The shocking revelation that needs to be learned one way or another: your mom can be wrong sometimes.

[enderlord99]

The shocking revelation that needs to be learned one way or another: your mom can be wrong sometimes.

Apparently so, yeah.

[Bartmanhomer]

Apparently so, yeah.

She doesn't sound like a very supportive mother to me.

[enderlord99]

She doesn't sound like a very supportive mother to me.

She's plenty supportive.

She didn't see it happening in either of the cases I'm referring to; if she had, I'm sure she'd have intervened. She wasn't saying "it's fine that they're doing that" but rather "they don't know how much you hate it, because they don't know you" which is weird because I had literally told them "don't do that" but...

[Bartmanhomer]

She's plenty supportive.

She didn't see it happening in either of the cases I'm referring to; if she had, I'm sure she'd have intervened.

Then she should have been supportive in this case. Anyway as I mention before I stop going to the library more than a year ago for the real reason is that my older brother got internet at our house.

[enderlord99]

Then she should have been supportive in this case.

She was. She expressed sympathy and tried to reassure me; she just messed up with the second part.

[Bartmanhomer]

She was. She expressed sympathy and tried to reassure me; she just messed up with the second part.

The second part would have been nice.

[enderlord99]

The second part would have been nice.

Right. She tried to. She just failed.

[Bartmanhomer]

Anyway. I'm enjoying D&D 3.5 games so far on Play by post here.

[Teddy]

Really? I've had complete strangers lick their lips loudly at me because I told them (as politely as I could) to stop when they licked them incidentally earlier, and my mother defended them to me as "just teasing"

Sometimes, polite isn't the right way to go about it. People sometimes counter-tease by acting offended in order to try and provoke an escalation of the teasing and see who gets uncomfortable first. Sometimes, light protests can be mistaken for this, and sometimes, the teaser want to find the point when you really lose your patience and drop the veneer of politeness. The latter can seem (and can be) mean-spirited, but establishing boundaries is important in a social relationship.

My response when people tease me in a way I'm not okay with is to drop into a very serious and deadpad voice and express I'm not finding it fun anymore. The idea is to show that my boundary has been crossed, and at the same time, they aren't going to get a fun reaction out of me. It works extremely well, but that might in part be because of my full personality and not just my behavour in the situation, so I'm not promising miracle results.

[enderlord99]

Sometimes, polite isn't the right way to go about it.

I didn't say I was being polite; I said I was being as polite as I could manage.

I didn't want assault charges.

[AMFV]

Wait, what?

I'd be incredibly worried if that didn't lead to a court forbidding them from going near the library for years, at minimum. Why would you need any kind of weapon in a library, we drove the book goblins to extinction over a millennia ago. Why would a normal person ever need a weapon anyway? It's not like most people have a sudden need to commit murder (unless they're a PC in a modern day game).

I own livestock, theres a pretty good chance I'll have a sudden need to commit murder of the animal variety fairly often. And to be fair if there ever is a situation where somebody else has a weapon they want to use on me i don't want to be the one without.

[factotum]

I own livestock, theres a pretty good chance I'll have a sudden need to commit murder of the animal variety fairly often.

...in a library?

[AMFV]

...in a library?

That was a response to the "why would a normal person need a weapon" bit. The library would be more likely to be the somebody else might have a weapon and nefarious purpose and I don't want to be without a weapon in a situation where somebody with bad intent has one.

[Insane Jeenyus]

I dunno, I've been called a smart-ass plenty of times.

which is always better then being called a dummb-ass

Gin Rummy or Tonic Rummy?

what about coke-rummy?

[Anonymouswizard]

To everybody who gave me advice re: my mental state, yeah, I know it's probably more that way round than the other way, but it still hurts for people who've not been outside a relationship for a decade or longer to go 'oh don't worry about it, it's nothing important'.

Even worse are those who don't understand how me being single can be a sore point when I'm attractive*, because obviously if I wanted a relationship I'd be with one of the people attracted to me (who, of course, don't exist). It mixes with the fact that people refuse to believe I could have social anxiety or any problems interacting with people because I can mask well when I have to. There's a lot going on in this area that is bringing me down, and a lor of it comes down to social anxiety.

* assume for the purposes of this thought experiment that I am not ugly.

[Peelee]

* assume for the purposes of this thought experiment that I am not ugly.

I don't have to assume, I've seen photographic evidence!

[Bartmanhomer]

Well, I got my Halloween costume today. I was going to be Deadpool but they didn't have the size I wanted so I'm going to be a Glowing Grim Reaper instead.