Favorite Quotes

[Flame of Anor]

“I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.”

Well, that's somewhat unsettling.

Anyway,

"Listen up, you primitive screwheads. See this? This is my boomstick."
--Ash

"Some grenades sure would be handy, don't you think?"
--Jayne

"Unfortunately, the sum of one shilling and ninepence remains
unaccounted for in one infantry battalion's petty cash, and there has
been a hideous confusion as to the number of jars of raspberry jam issued
to one cavalry regiment during a sandstorm in western Spain. This
reprehensible carelessness may be related to the pressure of
circumstance, since we are at war with France, a fact which may come
as a bit of a surprise to you gentlemen in Whitehall."
--Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington

"Nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
--Corporal Dwayne Hicks

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST DIE???"
--Doctor Who

[smart thog]

Presidential assassination related quotes

"Jakie, I have a splitting headache"- president Kennedy before he got shot

"Please tell me your all republicans"- president Reagan to the doctors at the hospital where he received treatment for his bullet wound.

[Z-dan]

Just thought of another... from a song that keeps finding its way into my head, and due to the following line I'm convinced it's about D&D

"I used to roll the dice/ feel the fear in my enemy's eyes/ listen as the crowd would sing/ Now the old king is dead, long live the king!" -Coldplay, Viva la Vida

Blatantly about someone getting a natural 20 against an evil monarch, and the campaign reward is becoming king

[Cleverdan22]

"Haldo!" (Anybody who gets this is cool)

"One has lepers!" - Shepard Book

"No power in the 'verse can stop me." - River Tam (Though technically it was Kaylee first)

"Surviving." - Sean, Sean of the Dead

"Arctic Banana." - Jeremy, Zits

"*snif* I try so hard to be an uber-geek!" Jason Fox, after being called a geek by kids at school, Foxtrot.

[Arrogonios]

There is no me. Only an entity; something illusory. And although I can hide my cold gaze, you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can sense that our lifestyles are probably comparable. I simply am not there. - Dunno where I heard it, but it's epic.

The way we are…does it make a difference? It’s just wordplay and it’s more dependent on how we act than on how we choose to label ourselves... - Rachel

See the happy moron? He doesn't give a damn. I wish I was a moron. Oh gods, what if I am? - No idea

"Love is like crack. Smart people will tell you that it's no good for you, but no, you have to try it for yourself. Then when you try it, you know for a certainty that it isn't good for you, but you keep going back, because you're addicted."

And now, Fight Club quotes: (caution: profuse profanity)

Spoiler

Show

You wake up at Seatac, SFO, LAX. You wake up at O'Hare, Dallas-Fort Worth, BWI. Pacific, mountain, central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. You wake up at Air Harbor International. If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?

Tyler Durden: **** off with your sofa units and strine green stripe patterns, I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let... lets evolve, let the chips fall where they may.

Tyler Durden: Only after disaster can we be resurrected.

Lou: [Lou hits Tyler in the face] Do you hear me now?
Tyler: No, I didn't quite catch that, Lou.
[Lou hits Tyler again]
Tyler: Still not getting it.
[Lou hits Tyler a few more times]
Tyler: Ok, I got it. ****, I lost it.
[Lou continues to beat up Tyler]

Tyler Durden: Now, a question of etiquette - as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?

Tyler Durden: Hey, you created me. I didn't create some loser alter-ego to make myself feel better. Take some responsibility!

[first lines]
[Tyler points a gun into the Narrator's mouth]
Narrator: [voiceover] People are always asking me if I know Tyler Durden.
Tyler Durden: Three minutes. This is it - ground zero. Would you like to say a few words to mark the occasion?
Narrator: ...i... ann... iinn... ff... nnyin...
Narrator: [voiceover] With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels.
[Tyler removes the gun from the Narrator's mouth]
Narrator: I can't think of anything.
Narrator: [voiceover] For a second I totally forgot about Tyler's whole controlled demolition thing and I wonder how clean that gun is.

Narrator: This is crazy...
Tyler Durden: People do it everyday, they talk to themselves... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it.

Tyler Durden: [pointing at an emergency instruction manual on a plane] You know why they put oxygen masks on planes?
Narrator: So you can breath.
Tyler Durden: Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. Emergency water landing - 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows.
Narrator: That's, um... That's an interesting theory.

[after vigorous sex with Tyler Durden]
Marla Singer: My God. I haven't been ****ed like that since grade school.

Narrator: I am Jack's smirking revenge.

Narrator: [about the soap] Tyler sold his soap to department stores at $20 a bar. Lord knows what they charged. It was beautiful. We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them.

Narrator: When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just...
Marla Singer: - instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?

Tyler Durden: All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I **** like you wanna ****, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.

Tyler Durden: God Damn! We just had a near-life experience, fellas.

Narrator: A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.
Business woman on plane: Are there a lot of these kinds of accidents?
Narrator: You wouldn't believe.
Business woman on plane: Which car company do you work for?
Narrator: A major one.

Tyler Durden: Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy **** we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

Tyler Durden: It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

Tyler Durden: You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your ****ing khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

Narrator: On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

Tyler Durden: Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

Narrator: A guy who came to Fight Club for the first time, his ass was a wad of cookie dough. After a few weeks, he was carved out of wood.

Narrator: [while brutally beating Angel Face] I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke.

Narrator: Is Tyler my bad dream? Or am I Tyler's?

Narrator: Marla's philosophy of life is that she might die at any moment. The tragedy, she said, was that she didn't.

Tyler Durden: Hitting bottom isn't a weekend retreat. It's not a goddamn seminar. Stop trying to control everything and just let go! LET GO!

[to the Narrator who has just fired a warning shot into the window of an explosives filled van]
Tyler Durden: WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! Ok, you are now firing a gun at your 'imaginary friend' near 400 GALLONS OF NITROGLYCERINE!

Narrator: I know this, because Tyler knows this.

[Pyrian]

While I'm no fan of absolutist positivism, I do think the focus on personal responsibility and power are more than a little enlightening. So many people view their lives as something that happens to them, rather than something they happen to... Here's some quotes from Richard Bach:

Illusions:

"Remember where you came from, where you're going, and why you created the mess you got yourself into in the first place."

"There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts."

"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours."

"Automatically, as we shine who we are, asking ourselves every minute is this what I really want to do, doing it only when we answer yes, automatically that turns away those who have nothing to learn from who we are and atracts those who do, and from whom we have to learn, as well."

"In order to live freely and happily, you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice."

One:

"I gave my life to become the person I am right now. Was it worth it?"

"A tiny change today brings us to a dramatically different tomorrow. There are grand rewards for those who pick the high, hard roads, but those rewards are hidden by years. Every choice is made in the uncaring blind, no guarantees from the world around us."

"No one can solve problems for someone whose problem is that they don't want problems solved."

"Commerce is idea and choice expressed. Look about you this moment: Everything you see and touch was once invisible idea until someone chose to bring it into being."

[Berserk Monk]

"I wish I were stupid and violent! Then we'd see! I'd show them all!"
"This concept of wuv confuses and infuriates us!"
-Futurama

[Darius Midnite]

"The sweet smell of a great sorrow lies over the land..." - The grapes of Wrath.

"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams..." - Arthur O Shaughnessy.

"The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." H.P Lovecraft

"...Here's looking at you, kid." - Casablanca, Rick Blaine.

[Elm11]

Gee Mal! it sure would be great if we had some GRENADES about now, wouldn't it?! - jane, firefly

i might'nt have gotten the quote completely correct, sorry

[Fredthefighter]

"The Phrase that comes to mind rhymes with Cukking Bell"- Cpt.Blackadder, last episode

[smart thog]

Some more Quotes

"A belief that you only believe in when its convenient for you is'nt a belief, its a hobby"- Jon Stewart

"Thank God it landed in that smoking crater"- Chief Wiggum, referring to an explosive dessert.

"expletive deleted"-Richard Nixon

[Rigel Cyrosea]

"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were. Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee..."
-John Donne

"The world will look up and shout, 'Save us!' ...and I'll whisper, 'No.'"
-Rorshach

Two very conflicting viewpoints, both of which I find myself sympathizing with. My views conflict with each other, which is rather frustrating.

[JellyPooga]

"Run Run as fast as you can,
You can't catch me,
I'm the gingerbread man!"

uh...by the Gingerbread Man I guess

[Grim ranger]

"This city is afraid of me. I've seen its true face. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"... and I'll look down, and whisper "No.""-Rorschach

"We are on Eastern Pain Time, and it is Dan-o-clock!"-Dan McNinja

[Comet]

Dunno if this has been posted already, but what the hey:

"Look at you, Hacker. A pathetic creature of meat and bone, panting and sweating as you run through my corridors. How can you challenge a perfect, immortal machine?"

SHODAN, from the original System Shock. One of my favourite villains ever.

"In my talons, I shape clay, crafting life forms as I please. Around me is a burgeoning empire of steel. From my throne room, lines of power careen into the skies of Earth. My whims will become lightning bolts that devastate the mounds of humanity. Out of the chaos, they will run and whimper, praying for me to end their tedious anarchy. I am drunk with this vision. God: the title suits me well."

Isn't she adorable?

[Rigel Cyrosea]

I forgot a couple. These ones are of a more comedic bent than those I've already posted.

"Dad, I'm not a crazed gunmen, I'm an assassin! ... well the difference being that one is a job and one is mental sickness!"

"Feelings!? Look mate, you know who has a lot of feelings? Blokes that bludgeon they're wives to death with a golf trophy. Professionals have standards. Be polite. Be efficient. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet."

Both from Meet the Sniper.

[Chas the mage]

"Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. that way you'll be a mile away from then, and have their shoes"

[LadyMeyers]

What smells like crank and screams like a girl?
-Eliot Spencer, Leverage

[Jack Squat]

"The greatest scholars are not usually the wisest people" - Geoffrey Chaucer

"I like women. I don't understand them, but I like them" - Sean Connery

"You are not beaten until you admit defeat" - Gen. George S. Patton

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made." - Groucho Marx

[gabado]

"i have deep-seated emotional problems"- Belkar, of corse!

"swearing is f***ing bad for you"- my friend

"omfgmbjbuwm!"- anonymous

"this city's afraid of me, i've seen it's true face"- Roshach

"Quiet you bawling, blasphemes, incharitable dog!"- Shakespeare

[Berserk Monk]

"this city's afraid of me, i've seen it's true face"- Roshach

Anything that Rorschach says qualifies as awesome.

Here are some from Clone High:

"Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedies!"
"Did you see the pool? They flipped the bitch!"

[Innis Cabal]

"The world will look up and shout, 'Save us!' ...and I'll whisper, 'No.'"
-Rorshach

Not one to like misquotes on a quote thread. The actual quote is

The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"... and I'll look down and whisper "No"

[Trog]

Josh Billings:
Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do.

Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.

Groucho Marx:
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

James Thurber:
There is no exception to the rule that every rule has an exception.

W.C. Fields:
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

Henny Youngman:
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

[RS14]

I looked at the Rorschach blot. I tried to pretend it looked like a spreading tree, shadows pooled beneath it, but it didn’t. It looked more like a dead cat I once found, the fat, glistening grubs writhing blindly, squirming over each other, frantically tunneling away from the light. But even that is avoiding the real horror. The horror is this: In the end, it is simply a picture of empty meaningless blackness. We are alone. There is nothing else.
-- Dr. Malcolm Long, Watchmen

There is only one group which would ever call for the banning of The Diary of Anne Frank, and I don't care what they happen to be calling themselves these days.
-- Alan Moore

One of the bulldozers uncovered the decomposing body of an enemy soldier, complete with AK47. I happened to be standing right there, looking down into the hole and pulled the AK out of the bog. "Watch this, guys," I said, "and I'll show you how a real infantry weapon works." I pulled the bolt back and fired 30 rounds - the AK could have been cleaned that day rather than buried in glug for a year or so.
-- David Hackworth

I don't know which is worse...that everyone has his price, or that the price is always so low.
-- Hobbes

Cyclists have a right to the road too, you noisy, polluting, inconsiderate maniacs! I hope gas goes up to eight bucks a gallon!
-- Calvin's Dad

Death solves all problems — no man, no problem.
--Children of the Arbat, mis-attributed to Stalin.

Conquering the world on horseback is easy; it is dismounting and governing that is hard.
--Genghis Khan

[_Zoot_]

Some of my favorite quotes;

From my teachers

"He's just one of those annoying people that you just want to kill"

"He's obviously retarded" about a student

"it's ok to forget some times, in the holidays i forgot what an avocado was"

That was a history teacher, this is a PE teacher

"They can't run with out any legs"

My economics teacher

"Cetarus Paribus"

My Dad (to me)

"I believe in the right of freedom of choice, you may choose to do as i ask, or you may suffer."

JRR Tolkien
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."

And me!

"Life is like a ball of yarn, it’s bloody confusing"

Oh, and the ones in my sig =P !

[Rigel Cyrosea]

Not one to like misquotes on a quote thread. The actual quote is

Eh, sorry. I didn't remember the whole thing, and I got what I take as the important part anyway.

[Anuan]

"It is better to have loved and to have lost than to have flossed with the anal hairs of an african silverback gorilla" - Klaus Auzenschweitelcher

[Ilena]

One of the best quotes ive ever seen,

"You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe."
Marcus Cole

[CrimsonAngel]

"The ony thing worse than ten babies glued to one tree is one baby glued to ten trees." - Some wierd kid at my school

[Cristo Meyers]

One of the best quotes ive ever seen,

"You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe."
Marcus Cole

I find it more difficult to find quotes that actually aren't entertaining in Babylon 5.

One that makes me laugh, and thus keeps me from killing the character in question:

"Take these as my way of saying 'Sorry I took your DNA and twisted it like a kitten with a ball of yarn.'"

Moira, Fallout 3