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Thread: Vending Machine

  1. - Top - End - #1
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Vending Machine

    Looks like the thread dropped off the forums. Well, here’s the next incarnation.

    A massive vending machine stands before you! Anything you put in will cause the Vending Gnomes in the machine to give you something else in return, like so:

    Player 1: I insert a cow.

    Player 2: You get a jug of milk.
    I insert a dragon.

    Player 3: You get a bunch of screaming, burned Vending Gnomes.
    I insert a battleship.

    Etc.

    So I insert a supercalifragilisticexpialidociously antidisestablishmentarianistic humuhumunukunukuapua’a.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a Babel Fish and a hula skirt.

    I insert Twelve Monkeys.
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    KAmber's Avatar

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    Aug 2019

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    Quote Originally Posted by Korith View Post
    You get a Babel Fish and a hula skirt.

    I insert Twelve Monkeys.
    You get back a bed with a single monkey, and eleven monkeys with various injuries.
    I insert a playing card with the words "Yeetus Fetus Self Deletus Avacado Diabeetus" written in blood on it, along with a pentagram instead of the single o.

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    SunderedWorldDM's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a very confused imp asking how you knew how to summon it.

    I insert the powers of life and death itself.
    See that cool Teifling? Thanks, potatopeelerkin! If you want something like it, they have more avatars up for adoption in the thread with the same name...

    Hey, I have an extended signature now!

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get the powers of Field and Heat themselves.

    I insert a xylophone enchanted to only play Baby Shark.
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    A great white shark jumps out of the machine and eats you.

    I insert a Blue Whale.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    SunderedWorldDM's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a can of blue paint, in which swims a minnow.

    I insert the meaning of life, the universe and everything.
    See that cool Teifling? Thanks, potatopeelerkin! If you want something like it, they have more avatars up for adoption in the thread with the same name...

    Hey, I have an extended signature now!

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get 42 marbles, which become lost as soon as you blink.

    I insert a weeping angel.
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Samba Mentality's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You are transported far back in time to the ancient Mayan empire, where with some wit and some skill you are elevated to the rank of shaman and live a long life of luxury.

    I insert Pando.


    Quote Originally Posted by tazbot View Post
    I roll to stop Samba Mentality from chattering.
    Check out my artwork here!

    He/him/his (What’s this?)

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    Assuming you meant this, you get a bunch of terrified dwarves telling you to run for your life.

    I insert Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a big folder of papers in Gnomish and a thumb drive labeled Supporting Documents. On inspection, it seems to be an application to join the United Federation of Planets.

    I insert a disassembled server rack.
    Ajax, Nexusites, Shun.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Orc in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    The machine deposits a quivering ball of fabric that reeks of excessive sweat and cheap coffee before your feet. When dig through it, discover it's a sysadmin wrapped in a trauma blanket.

    I insert a Bohemian Earspoon
    Quote Originally Posted by Gligarman2 View Post
    14. I will not counterspell when Celestia raises the sun.
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  13. - Top - End - #13
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a Poisonous Rhapsody, which sends anyone who listens to it into a coma for 1d4 years. DC18 Will Save negates.

    I insert a shiny gold doubloon and a gift basket full of exotic cheeses.
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  14. - Top - End - #14
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a bunch of pirates demanding the rest of the doubloons.

    I insert my dog.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  15. - Top - End - #15
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    SunderedWorldDM's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a little business card with a happy face on it.

    I insert a crinkled dollar bill with Arnold Schwarzenegger's face on it.
    See that cool Teifling? Thanks, potatopeelerkin! If you want something like it, they have more avatars up for adoption in the thread with the same name...

    Hey, I have an extended signature now!

  16. - Top - End - #16
    Orc in the Playground
     
    TinyMushroom's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a dvd of a Terminator knockoff movie titled "The Neutralizor".

    I insert a set of scented markers.
    Quote Originally Posted by Gligarman2 View Post
    14. I will not counterspell when Celestia raises the sun.
    Do you want an avatar?
    Adopt one, or ask for a custom avatar!
    Portfolio

  17. - Top - End - #17
    Pixie in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a substantial number of pennies.

    I insert my marching baritone.


    Quote Originally Posted by tazbot View Post
    I roll to stop Samba Mentality from chattering.
    Check out my artwork here!

    He/him/his (What’s this?)

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a tenner.

    I insert Fifty-dollars Bill.
    Ajax, Nexusites, Shun.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  19. - Top - End - #19
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get five Trespassers Williams and a little stuffed Piglet.

    I insert a Caution: Wet Floor sign, a mop, and the desiccated remains of the 13th Emperor of Atlantis.
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  20. - Top - End - #20
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a very angry Aquaman.

    I insert the severed heads of my slain enemies.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  21. - Top - End - #21
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    SunderedWorldDM's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a small pile of toenail clippings and a broken sword.

    I insert the duodenum.
    See that cool Teifling? Thanks, potatopeelerkin! If you want something like it, they have more avatars up for adoption in the thread with the same name...

    Hey, I have an extended signature now!

  22. - Top - End - #22
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Samba Mentality's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a steaming pile of unidentifiable, partially digested food.

    I insert the Mar. 4 issue of the New Yorker.


    Quote Originally Posted by tazbot View Post
    I roll to stop Samba Mentality from chattering.
    Check out my artwork here!

    He/him/his (What’s this?)

  23. - Top - End - #23
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Laserlight's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a history book dealing with the House of York and their battles in the War of the Roses.

    I put in a maple syrup cheesecake.
    Junior, half orc paladin of the Order of St Dale the Intimidator: "Ah cain't abide no murderin' scoundrel."

    Tactical Precepts: 1) Cause chaos, then exploit it; 2) No plan survives contact with...(sigh)...my subordinates.

  24. - Top - End - #24
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a moose on a major sugar high.

    I insert an army of 10,000 orcs.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  25. - Top - End - #25
    Orc in the Playground
     
    TinyMushroom's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get 2500 4-orc adventurer parties. They all independently decided a 4-barbarian party is optimal, bless their hearts.

    I insert the christmas spirit.
    Quote Originally Posted by Gligarman2 View Post
    14. I will not counterspell when Celestia raises the sun.
    Do you want an avatar?
    Adopt one, or ask for a custom avatar!
    Portfolio

  26. - Top - End - #26
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get The Ghost of Easter Present, The Ghost of Thanksgiving Past and The Ghost of Halloween future, who visit you at night. What revelation this may lead to I'll never guess.

    I insert 10,000 Chocolate coins and 600 barf bags.
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  27. - Top - End - #27
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    SunderedWorldDM's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a small plastic baggie of miniature stomach gummies.

    I insert the color blue.
    See that cool Teifling? Thanks, potatopeelerkin! If you want something like it, they have more avatars up for adoption in the thread with the same name...

    Hey, I have an extended signature now!

  28. - Top - End - #28
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get the mutant alien berry they use in certain drinks as a, 'natural flavor.'

    I insert all of my shame and frustration.
    Ajax, Nexusites, Shun.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Bohandas's Avatar

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a holiday family gathering

    I insert an old christmas tree
    Omegaupdate Forum

    WoTC Forums Archive + Indexing Projext

    PostImage, a free and sensible alternative to Photobucket

    Temple+ Modding Project for Atari's Temple of Elemental Evil

    Morrus' RPG Forum (EN World v2)

    If we shadows have offended, think but this, and all is mended. That you have but slumbered here, while these visions did appear, and this weak and idle theme, no more yielding but a dream. -Midsummer Night's Dream, Act 5, Scene 1

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a voucher that lets you take Arbor day off work/school/etc.

    I insert a bunch of fancy magic rings that whisper strange things to whoever wears them.
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

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