Vending Machine

[Odentin]

You get beer cheese sauce without any container to hold it in.

I insert soft pretzels.

Spoiler: Edit

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Now I'm hungry.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get a frozen cola.

I insert a gallon of olive oil.

[paddyfool]

You get a statue of Athena.

I insert a bottle of retsina

[bug_sniper]

You get a miniature replica of the Parthenon.

I insert an unlucky broken mirror.

[paddyfool]

You receive a high velocity horseshoe wrapped in four leaf clover and tied to a rabbit's foot. So high velocity, in fact, that you break a leg.

I insert a crutch.

[The Outsider]

You receive a small, gnome-sized cast with a bunch of signatures on it.

I insert a duffel bag full of cocaine.

[~Corvus~]

The vending machine spends the next 13 minutes churning out red DANGER tape. It then belches out a huge gout of black smoke. A small note floats into your hand:

Spoiler: note

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Please don't insert that stuff again. It's bad for morale.

I insert a painting of a pink-tinted lotus.

[farothel]

You get a ticket to the opening nocturn of an art gallery for that artist.

I insert a full set of scuba equipment.

[paddyfool]

You get a speargun and a shark's head trophy.

I insert a hunting rifle.

[Pex]

You get a plastic cork with a string attached.

I insert the Encyclopedia Britannica.

[farothel]

You get an Aardvark.

I insert a Seaking helicopter.

[bug_sniper]

You get a fish-type pokemon flying through the air with propeller fins.

I insert a housefly.

[~Corvus~]

Out plops a pebble-sized house with small mechanical wings that allow it to hover.

I insert the crossword from a newspaper.

[Odentin]

You get the answer key to a completely different crossword puzzle.

I insert a key for a warded lock that I do not own.

[paddyfool]

You get a completely different warded lock without a key.

I insert a set of lockpicks

[The Outsider]

You receive a set of opened locks, covered in tool markings.

I insert a miniature giant space hamster.

[~Corvus~]

You receive a hollow tree stump.

I insert the drawing of a Chuul.

[Dire Moose]

You get a copy of its latest album, “Chuul Kidz on da Block.”

I insert a Deck of Many Things.

[paddyfool]

You receive an "Idiot" card and lose 1d4+1 Int. It reads "Idiot! This deck is a death trap."

I insert a ballot box

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get a series of forms documenting that the vending machine is now an official polling place.

I insert a horned helmet!

[Magic_Hat]

I insert a horned helmet!

You get a hornet from Hell name Mitt.

I insert a vending machine into the vending machine.

[The Outsider]

You receive a vending machine from the vending machine, which is in turn stocked with nothing but vending machines.

I insert a bucket of steam.

[paddyfool]

You get a bucket of ice

I insert a bucket of dry ice

[Odentin]

You receive a fog machine.

i insert a case of Monster Energy Drink.

[Pex]

You get the Kool-Aid Man busting through the wall.

I insert a narwhal

[The Outsider]

You receive a rhinoceros in a swimming pool.

I insert a pound of bricks.

[paddyfool]

You get 4 brick walls. (Good luck getting out).

I insert a doorknob.

[bug_sniper]

The vending machine opens, letting us walk in.

I walk in and insert myself.

[Odentin]

You are charged with inappropriate insertion and receive a subpoena.

I insert my 2020 US Election ballot.

[paddyfool]

You get a small, life-like doll of your candidate of choice. Strangely, it has thirteen pins sticking into it.

I insert a dried fish.