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Thread: Vending Machine

  1. - Top - End - #361
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Pex's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2013

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a bowling ball that turns invisible when no one looks at it.

    I insert a sock.
    Quote Originally Posted by OgresAreCute View Post
    "Welcome to Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition, where the DCs are made up and the rules don't matter."

  2. - Top - End - #362
    Troll in the Playground
     
    ~Corvus~'s Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Perched in a tree
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    Out floats a coupon for new socks at the local Gnome market.

    I insert a bottle of fine whisky.
    GreedLing avatar by Ceika
    DM of Rokugan ItS | Nezumi

    more

  3. - Top - End - #363
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    Quote Originally Posted by ~Corvus~ View Post
    I insert a bottle of fine whisky.
    You get a flash drive containing video files for every PSA against alcohol ever made.

    I insert a bigger vending machine into the vending machine.

  4. - Top - End - #364
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You receive a non-Euclidian can of soda, which somehow has all the pop on the outside of the can.

    I insert the concept of geometry.
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    Work is the scourge of the gaming classes!

  5. - Top - End - #365
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Ubiquitous
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a bottle of distilled gnosis. Don't know what it is? Drink it and you'll find out.

    I insert:
    • Twelve Balors Belting
    • Eleven Quasits Quilting
    • Ten Hezrous Hunting
    • Nine Marilith's Marching
    • Eight Retrievers Running
    • Seven Vrocks Vamoosing
    • Six Dretches Dreading
    • Five Succubi
    • Four Bebiliths
    • Three Bugbears
    • Two Ettercaps
    • And an Ancient Red Dragon



    into the vending machine
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  6. - Top - End - #366
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Aug 2019

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    Out pops Graz'zt in a festive hat and Santa outfit, looking highly confused.

    I insert fifteen cents, a nail, and the shell of a great-great-great grandfather snail into the machine.
    I can see it from the outside.
    And I know you're on the inside... lookin' out.


  7. - Top - End - #367
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2020

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    15% of a really, really old snail crawls out of the machine slowly, dragged down by nails. It's mostly intestines and bones, and is as creepy as it sounds.

    I insert a tiny vending machine into a vending machine into a vending machine, which I than insert into this vending machine.

  8. - Top - End - #368
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    ElfRangerGuy

    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Location
    Belgium
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a t-shirt with a nice Mandelbrot pattern on it.

    I insert a Ticondorega class cruiser.
    Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett

    "Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
    "I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."

  9. - Top - End - #369
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Arizona
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a game of Battleship.

    I insert a donkey.
    Last edited by Dire Moose; 2020-12-14 at 08:43 AM.
    LGBTitp

  10. - Top - End - #370
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Ubiquitous
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get Gordon Ramsay, who's looking rather confused.

    I insert a pair of Pikachu socks into the vending machine.
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  11. - Top - End - #371
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a pair of Raichu feet. Not connected to the rest of a Raichu.

    I insert the vending machine's own power cord.
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    Work is the scourge of the gaming classes!

  12. - Top - End - #372
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Aug 2019

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You receive a boa constrictor busily engaged in eating its own tail.

    I insert a "Kick Me" sign.
    I can see it from the outside.
    And I know you're on the inside... lookin' out.


  13. - Top - End - #373
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You receive an old gnome-sized boot at high velocity.

    I insert a gift-wrapped pair of gnome-sized socks.

  14. - Top - End - #374
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Ubiquitous
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You receive a gift basket containing

    A box of chicken stock
    A shiny purple rock
    A chocolate chicken flock
    A dolly that can talk
    A door knocker that can knock
    Self-charging jumper cables that shock
    A solid gold statue of a hawk

    I insert conclusive written evidence that gnomes are ficticious creatures into the vending machine.
    Last edited by Korith; 2020-12-15 at 11:23 AM.
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  15. - Top - End - #375
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    ElfRangerGuy

    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Location
    Belgium
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get the sound of disappearing gnomes.

    I write a counter thesis confirming the existence of gnomes and put it into the machine.
    Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett

    "Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
    "I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."

  16. - Top - End - #376
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Odentin's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Austin, TX
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You receive two copies of a thesis on the Burden of Proof, one of which is addressed to Korith.

    I insert Simon Whistler.
    -Odentin

    Quote Originally Posted by Skype
    Odentin: Wait. Weren't we going to stop off in the capital and murder the emperor?
    Bladecutter: We might as well, it's on the way.
    GM: "We might was well" has never been used in that way!
    Bladecutter: Well, we really don't like him...

  17. - Top - End - #377
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Arizona
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get Simon’s Cat, who annoys you until you give him food.

    I insert a penguin with a machine gun.
    LGBTitp

  18. - Top - End - #378
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Aug 2019

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You receive a tuxedo-clad mobster who smells strongly of fish.

    I insert a piggy bank shaped like a dinosaur.
    I can see it from the outside.
    And I know you're on the inside... lookin' out.


  19. - Top - End - #379
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a round, jingling T-Rex plushie.

    I insert a broken refrigerator and try not to think about how its as big as the vending machine itself.
    Nexusites, Angred, Dorothy.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  20. - Top - End - #380
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Ubiquitous
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get an invoice for junk removal with a business card attached.

    Gnome B Quick Junk Removal
    Vending Machine

    555-555-7890
    [email protected]
    Nobody's as quick as Gnome B Quick!
    I PREPARED EXPLOSIVE RUNES TODAY

    I insert the mangled corpse of whoever highlighted the off-white text first.
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  21. - Top - End - #381
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    Quote Originally Posted by Korith View Post
    I insert the mangled corpse of whoever highlighted the off-white text first.
    You get a reanimated copse that scolds you for overusing this joke.

    I insert a VHS copy of The Silence of the Lambs signed by Sir Anthony Hopkins.

  22. - Top - End - #382
    Troll in the Playground
     
    ~Corvus~'s Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Perched in a tree
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    Out falls a to-go container of pork-belly soup. Well it's probably pork. You never know.

    I insert an infinitely-regenerating magical celery stick.
    GreedLing avatar by Ceika
    DM of Rokugan ItS | Nezumi

    more

  23. - Top - End - #383
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a dozen infinitely-regenerating magical celery sticks.

    I insert an oil can.
    Nexusites, Angred, Dorothy.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  24. - Top - End - #384
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2020

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a pair of ruby slippers and a note on 'How to Lubricate Your Heartless Robot's Heart'.

    I insert a miniature house into the vending machine from above at high velocity.

  25. - Top - End - #385
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Oct 2020
    Location
    In my head

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You receive a miniature dead witch and a Kansas girl.

    I insert another Wizard of Oz reference

  26. - Top - End - #386
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2020

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a marching column of soldiers holding up spears and a container of Oreo cookies.

    I throw a bucket of water into the vending machine.

  27. - Top - End - #387
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Oct 2020
    Location
    In my head

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    The vending machine melts. A random dwarf drops a new one with extra buttons in the puddle then leaves.

    I insert a radioactive spider and 20 lbs of pork

  28. - Top - End - #388
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2020

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a crocodile wrapped in spider webs and a cool red spider-y suit.

    I insert an application to join the Avengers.

  29. - Top - End - #389
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a rejection letter. :<

    I insert a keyboard where all the letters have worn off from use.
    Nexusites, Angred, Dorothy.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  30. - Top - End - #390
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get it back with each key labelled with an arcane symbol, along with a short primer on summoning circles.

    I insert a bouncy rubber ball.

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