Vending Machine

[SunderedWorldDM]

You get a thermometer reading 0 Kelvin.

I insert a battered paperback version of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Lord of the Rings and/or Flies.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get a bunch of sepia-tone paper swans. Some of them are bloodstained.

I insert a barrel of hair clippings from the local salon.

[Korith]

You get Cousin It, who squawks something indecipherable and wanders away.

I insert TPBM (the person below me).

[Woodzyowl]

You get a bottle of ghost pepper hot sauce. Not the spicy peppers. Ethereal peppers.

I insert a vinyl record of Boston by Boston.

[Samba Mentality]

You get a CD of John Denver’s Greatest Hits (by John Denver).

I insert a cellularly respirating bison.

[Korith]

Spoiler: You get a note

Show

That was delicious! Please send more!

-The Vending Machine Gnomes

Attached to the note is a Mysterious Token. You can tell it's Mysterious because it has the words "Mysterious Token" clearly printed on it.


I insert a Grue.

[Dire Moose]

You get barbecue sauce dumped all over you. Then the lights all go out, leaving you in darkness. And then you get several more Grues. Trust me, you don’t want me to describe the next part.

I insert whatever is left of Korith.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get a fresh new Korith! I guess he was still under warranty.

I insert a dirty coffee mug.

[Samba Mentality]

You get a dirty mug full of whole coffee beans. Upon closer inspection, they appear to be of a type completely foreign to any on this planet.

I insert the “mysterious token” I received from the vending machine a couple turns back.

[Korith]

You get a mysterious Black SUV. You can tell it's mysterious because it has "Mysterious Black SUV" printed on both sides.

Inside there are eight vending machine gnomes with a wide array of fancy gadgets. "The moonlight pains the fickle maiden" says their leader. You can tell he's the leader because he's wearing dark shades that have "I'm the leader" written on the lenses. You're not sure how he sees through them.

I insert a hockey skate, a baseball bat, a basketball net and a soccer ball.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get a bowling shoe, a Lacrosse stick, a volleyball net and a ping-pong ball.

I insert a pile of 20-year-old computer hardware.

[Korith]

You get a bowling shoe, a Lacrosse stick, a volleyball net and a ping-pong ball.

I insert a pile of 20-year-old computer hardware.

You get a resurrected Giantitp.com forum.

I insert a pair of quantum entangled fermions.

[Snowblaze]

You get a wormhole too small to fit through.

I insert a stack of pancakes.

[bored_acel]

You get a textbook in a language unfamiliar to you.

I insert a USB cord, it seems there's plenty lying around these days.

[Samba Mentality]

You get an Apple 30-pin cord, which doesn’t seem to be lying around much at all anymore.

I insert a dollar.

[Korith]

You get a bag of chips.

I insert three one-gallon bags, each full of nickels.

[SunderedWorldDM]

You get so many recycled soda cans the weight nearly crushes you.

I insert a single onion cell.

[SquirrellyOtter]

You get a crying paramecium.

I insert a VHS copy of Leonardo DiCaprio's Titanic, but it's missing the second cassette.

[Samba Mentality]

You get the top half of the Titanic, with the top half of Leonardo DiCaprio.

I insert the ice age baby.

[SunderedWorldDM]

You get back the hatred and ire of every vending machine gnome. Apparently the pure malice towards that darn baby transcends species.

I insert a melodica.

[Korith]

You get a song in your head. No method known to any sentient species can get it out, and for some reason it's impossible to play it on an instrument or even hum along with it.

I insert a tuning fork and an oscilloscope.

[Libro]

You get a near-perfect replica of Hokusai’s The Great Wave off Kanagawa, signed in indecipherable gnomish.

I insert a jar of homemade pesto.

[Korith]

You get two tickets to Bob's Burgers LIVE!

I insert a feeling of Deja Vu into the Vending Machine




You get two tickets to Bob's Burgers LIVE!

I insert a feeling of Deja Vu into the Vending Machine

[SunderedWorldDM]

You get two tickets to Bob's Burgers LIVE!

I insert a feeling of Deja Vu into the Vending Machine

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Welcome to Corneria!

I insert a sword.

[Laughing Dog]

You get a medical license.

I insert a dead man's chest.

[Samba Mentality]

You get a live man’s chest, which seems to be fully sentient. You have an in-depth conversation with it about theology.

I insert a mysterious black SUV.

[Korith]

You get an invoice for parking fees. Seems parking spaces inside the vending machine are rather pricey! But, oh, they came with a fancy Gnomish Travel Mug, so I guess that came out too!

I insert some inconvenient evidence alongside a briefcase filled with gold pieces and

Spoiler: a note

Show

Make sure that this never again sees the light of day.

[Shoelessgdowar]

You receive a dossier that incriminates you for election tampering, a crossbow with enchanted bolts that home in on you, and a letter thanking you for your services that will self-destruct and trigger the enchanted crossbow's autofire spell, signed by the Pig Rod wielding ton of lint collecting Hill Hag.


I insert an M'Kraan Crystal, a Siege Perilious, a Cosmic Cube, six Infinity Gems, an Eye of Agamotto, and the eight artifacts of the Octessence.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get 49 canteloupe-sized crystalline objects, coming in seven different shapes and seven different colors. None of them interest you at all.

I insert a box containing a parallel universe.