Vending Machine

[Korith]

You get a box containing this universe.

Don't sit on it!

I insert 399 grams each of Adamanium, Carbonadium, Uru, and Vibranium.

[Shoelessgdowar]

You get a box containing this universe.

Don't sit on it!

I insert 399 grams each of Adamanium, Carbonadium, Uru, and Vibranium.

You get a lump of indestructible, immalleable, and immovable metal that absorbs all vibrations, sound, energy, and life around it.

I insert a jalapeno on a stick.

[bug_sniper]

You get a dollar on a string, covered with gasoline and on fire.

I insert a jar of strawberry jam.

[Samba Mentality]

You receive a jar of [REDACTED] jam.

I insert a boggart.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get the thing you're most afraid of in the world, but for real this time.

I insert the seeds from inside these red grapes I bought.

[Shoelessgdowar]

You receive a handful of a dozen or so castor beans, rich in ricin.

I insert tab a into lot b.

[Korith]

You get a parking pass for Lot K, which is unfortunately on the underside of the building. And there's no garage door, entrance or exit. It's really sort of a mystery why they even built the thing, or how the cleaning crew we sent down there last week managed to get into it in the first place. Come to think of it, I don't think they ever managed to actually get out.

Oh, but where were we?

I insert plans for world domination into the Vending Machine.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get a series of work orders saying to install rows of new vending machines all across town. Weird.

I insert an unsorted box of plastic, paper and cardboard.

[Shoelessgdowar]

You get back the box which has now been sorted and now has a stamp for House Crumpledstuff.

I insert a dragon heartstring and 18 inches of Bamboo, very flexible.

[Samba Mentality]

You narrowly dodge an Avada Kedavra.

I insert.

[Laughing Dog]

You feel intense pain. When you next look down you see that you are missing a chunk of your body.

I insert three gold pieces, 9 silver pieces and half-a-dozen copper pieces.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get three bottles of cola.

I insert a second-edition core rulebook.

[bug_sniper]

You get a monstrous compendium with tanar-ri and baatezu, and a THAC0 table.

I insert the guns that the previous poster is using for hands.

[Samba Mentality]

You receive normal, human hands pointing finger guns at you.

I insert orders to destroy this object immediately, along with the object, which looks looks like a rusty bolt. However, one can take off the head of the bolt to find a secret compartment inside containing [REDACTED].

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

The machine dutifully destroys the container and spits out the [REDACTED] directly into your face.

I insert a squid-flavored Kit-Kat bar.

[Korith]

You get snail flavored ice cream.

I inset a Ninja into the vending machine

[Grand Arbiter]

You get an angry-looking mask, with its samurai still attached.

I insert 1d3 hours of procrastination.

[Bohandas]

You get 1d4 hours of overtime

I insert toilet paper

[Korith]

You get stampeded by a legion of toilet paper seekers.

I insert a clove of garlic into the vending machine.

[Bohandas]

You get Wario

I insert Six Golden Coins into the vending machine

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get three bottles of diet cola.

I insert a pot of steamed carrots.

[Grand Arbiter]

You get a pot of creamed corn.


I insert an invocation to the dice gods.

[Korith]

You get a 14. Hopefully that's good enough.

I insert the hopes and dreams of a generation into the vending machine. The generation that lived around 5200 BCE, to be precise.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get $1. The transaction is not as dramatic as you might have imagined.

I insert a 12.4 kg bar of gold!

[Samba Mentality]

You receive roughly 610,000 bags of chips.

I insert a lime and sausage muffin.

[SunderedWorldDM]

You get a vending gnome with food poisoning. I mean, seriously, lime and sausage?!

I insert a whisk and a plunger.

[Laughing Dog]

You get a cake and Mario.

I insert three bottles of moonshine.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get a pocket full of sunshine!

I insert a dragon egg.

[Korith]

You get a rampaging Tarrasque with a pink collar and a Huge tag that reads "Fifi"

I insert a fully charged Wand of Remove Disease into the Vending Machine.

[bug_sniper]

There are absolutely no pathogens in the vending machine anymore. You get a wand of remove disease with 1 charge fewer.

I insert this:

Spoiler

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