Vending Machine

[tazbot]

You get a red turtle shell, which promptly knocks you to the ground.

I insert a SNES controller.

[Odentin]

You receive a SEGA Genesis.

I insert a gold ring.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get a white pellet.

I insert a censor bar.

[Captain_Fancy]

You get an image that is mostly flesh tone mosaic.

I insert a chocolate digestive biscuit

[tazbot]

You get a bunch of ants with healthy guts.


I insert an AC remote control.

[Laughing Dog]

You get it back with a note taped to it. The note reads: Give us the A/C unit as well next time.

I insert a cat, an oven, an elf, and three crates of whiskey.

[Samba Mentality]

You get a dog, a stove, a dwarf, and—wait! Where’s the rum gone?

I insert the May 18, 2020 issue of the New Yorker.

[bug_sniper]

You get homemade ventilators.

I insert the big end of a phone charger. The small end is connected to my phone.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You download the vending machine's transaction history.

I insert fifteen pineapple pizzas.

[tazbot]

You get fifteen mango sandwiches.


I insert five $1 coins from five different currencies.

[Dire Moose]

You get a five-dollar bill.

I insert a Steller’s Sea Cow.

[el minster]

You get a duogong
I insert a tommy guh

[lacco36]

You get a duogong
I insert a tommy guh

You get a self-propelled 155mm Howitzer model 2000 "Zuzana".

I insert an Insert key.

[Dire Moose]

You get a cheap hotel room full of cockroaches.

I insert a Great White Shark.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get a registered nurse who makes predatory loans on the side. She also has way too many teeth.

I insert a two-bladed lightsaber.

[Bohandas]

You get both halves of Darth Maul

I insert a dictionary

[lacco36]

I insert a dictionary

You get two halves of a dictionary back, and an apology card. It seems something got stuck.

I insert a well-lubricated bowling ball.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get your ball back. I guess the gnomes couldn't get a good grip on it...

I insert a belt sander.

[Samba Mentality]

You get some very smooth vending machine gnomes.

I insert 445.024 trillion cookies.

[tazbot]

You get some very obese vending machine gnomes.

I insert insulin shots.

[Odentin]

You receive a 5000 mL IV bag of glucose.

I insert Bachelor Chow.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get a puppy!

I insert an empty brass urn.

[bug_sniper]

You get a cremated gnome.

I insert a giant in the playground.

[lacco36]

You get the Big Footprint.

I insert a whisper of the name of the fel that is coloured red. Three times.

[Odentin]

The vending machine bucks and shakes and rattles. Horrendous noises emanate from within. The process takes 17 times as long as normal. But in the end, a year's supply of questionable-looking meat is provided, along with a note that says, "We kept the rest for ourselves, as payment for our trouble. Jerk."

I insert a Rare Candy.

[farothel]

You get the latest edition of Candy Crush

I insert a Discworld book.

[tazbot]

The Reaper sticks its head from the vending machine: "EXCUSE ME, DO YOU MIND IF I BORROW THIS BOOK FOR A FEW DAYS?"


I insert a turtle with four plastic elephants glued on top of its shell. The elephants have a snow globe glued to their backs.

[lacco36]

You get a black knight.

I insert a faulty flux capacitor, a freshly knitted sock and two cherries.

[bug_sniper]

You get a cherry scented explosion and a shattered vending machine.

While waiting for a replacement to arrive, I insert a power cord into a nearby fax machine.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

The machine pulls in the cord and transmits an image of it to the Gnomish Vending Company. Sensing that something is up, they send someone out to check on it and the machine is fixed in no time!

I insert a scratched country CD.