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Thread: Vending Machine

  1. - Top - End - #241
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    The machine spits out an irritated nightgaunt that tickles you mercilessly before beginning the long journey home to unknown Kadath.

    I insert an HP Lovecraft novel.

  2. - Top - End - #242
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    ElfRangerGuy

    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Location
    Belgium
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    Hastur comes out, after having eaten all the vending machine gnomes who accidentally summoned him.

    I insert new vending maching gnomes.
    Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett

    "Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
    "I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."

  3. - Top - End - #243
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    BarbarianGuy

    Join Date
    May 2020
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    The machine spits out the HP Lovecraft novel, which bonks you on the head.

    I insert (nearly) the whole Harry Potter series, with the second half of the last book missing.

  4. - Top - End - #244
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Odentin's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Austin, TX
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You receive a completely rewritten final book with information that retcons the entire story and adds a ton of false inclusivity and tokenism, while simultaneously invalidating minority voices.

    I insert a gift basket full of snacks for the gnomes.
    Last edited by Odentin; 2020-09-06 at 07:39 PM.
    -Odentin

    Quote Originally Posted by Skype
    Odentin: Wait. Weren't we going to stop off in the capital and murder the emperor?
    Bladecutter: We might as well, it's on the way.
    GM: "We might was well" has never been used in that way!
    Bladecutter: Well, we really don't like him...

  5. - Top - End - #245
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a big chocolate gnome full of gummi baskets to snack on.

    I insert a bottle of red wine.
    Ajax, Nexusites, Shun.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  6. - Top - End - #246
    Troll in the Playground
     
    ~Corvus~'s Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Perched in a tree
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    Finally, a gnome falls out. His beard is full of snack crumbs and he's rather drunk from the red wine. He looks askance at the machine, and bangs on it with his fist while shouting in gnomish.

    I could have inserted this fabulous houseplant that I'd brought to the gnomish vending machine, but instead I re-insert the drunk, snack-filled gnome.
    GreedLing avatar by Ceika
    DM of Rokugan ItS | Shinomen | OOC

    more

  7. - Top - End - #247
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    No good deed goes unpunished. The machine spits out the drunk gnome's vomit. Pity you had your mouth open at the time.

    I insert an alcoholics anonymous brochure.

  8. - Top - End - #248
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    ElfRangerGuy

    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Location
    Belgium
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get an ingot of Anodized Aluminium (AA).

    I insert a car battery.
    Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett

    "Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
    "I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."

  9. - Top - End - #249
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    lacco36's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Slovakia
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a really battered toy car.

    I insert a gnome driver.
    Call me Laco or Ladislav (if you need to be formal). Avatar comes from the talented linklele.
    Currently recruiting for Brűtâl Racing, postapocalyptic semi-comedic cannonball run across the Europe in worst cars you can imagine. Sign up and get ready to burn.
    Formerly GMing: Riddle of Steel: Soldiers of Fortune

  10. - Top - End - #250
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Aug 2019

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a gnome-sized golf club.

    I insert 12 cubic feet of grass and sod.
    I can see it from the outside.
    And I know you're on the inside... lookin' out.


  11. - Top - End - #251
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a shrinking potion and an invitation to a round of "gnome mad crazy golf".

    I insert an RSVP to say yes on The Outsider's behalf.

  12. - Top - End - #252
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Odentin's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Austin, TX
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You receive an identity validation error, along with an error code that takes up a whole ream of paper. It takes forever to print out, too. Are they using a dot matrix printer?

    I insert a water bottle filled with vodka.
    -Odentin

    Quote Originally Posted by Skype
    Odentin: Wait. Weren't we going to stop off in the capital and murder the emperor?
    Bladecutter: We might as well, it's on the way.
    GM: "We might was well" has never been used in that way!
    Bladecutter: Well, we really don't like him...

  13. - Top - End - #253
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jan 2016

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a gnome who is drunk for no apparent reason.

    I insert a doomsday device.

  14. - Top - End - #254
    Troll in the Playground
     
    ~Corvus~'s Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Perched in a tree
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    Out pops an movie reel labeled THE TERMINATOR - 1984. Also, the book 1984 drops out, only to be snatched back up by a gnome hand.

    I insert a huge box of extra tea bags neither I nor my family will ever drink.
    GreedLing avatar by Ceika
    DM of Rokugan ItS | Shinomen | OOC

    more

  15. - Top - End - #255
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Aug 2019

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You receive twelve old, slightly chipped porcelain teacups, as well as a tarnished copper teapot.

    I insert my boxed set of Pauly Shore movies.
    I can see it from the outside.
    And I know you're on the inside... lookin' out.


  16. - Top - End - #256
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Odentin's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Austin, TX
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get an autographed copy of The Room.

    I insert a crystal chandelier.
    -Odentin

    Quote Originally Posted by Skype
    Odentin: Wait. Weren't we going to stop off in the capital and murder the emperor?
    Bladecutter: We might as well, it's on the way.
    GM: "We might was well" has never been used in that way!
    Bladecutter: Well, we really don't like him...

  17. - Top - End - #257
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get ballroom dance lessons.

    I insert a tie-dye T-shirt.
    Ajax, Nexusites, Shun.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  18. - Top - End - #258
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a fat spliff

    I insert a prescription for blood pressure tablets

  19. - Top - End - #259
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Odentin's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Austin, TX
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You receive a super soaker full of blood.

    I insert the rest of Dr.Gunsforhands' ammunition.
    -Odentin

    Quote Originally Posted by Skype
    Odentin: Wait. Weren't we going to stop off in the capital and murder the emperor?
    Bladecutter: We might as well, it's on the way.
    GM: "We might was well" has never been used in that way!
    Bladecutter: Well, we really don't like him...

  20. - Top - End - #260
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    lacco36's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Slovakia
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a magazine called "Well-rested". A travel magazine that describes all inns in Skyrim. The editorial comes from certain doctor and contains only word "*Click*" written across the page.

    I insert an old nintendo. The cartridge slot contains a casette with Decathlon (for Atari) game.
    Call me Laco or Ladislav (if you need to be formal). Avatar comes from the talented linklele.
    Currently recruiting for Brűtâl Racing, postapocalyptic semi-comedic cannonball run across the Europe in worst cars you can imagine. Sign up and get ready to burn.
    Formerly GMing: Riddle of Steel: Soldiers of Fortune

  21. - Top - End - #261
    Troll in the Playground
     
    ~Corvus~'s Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Perched in a tree
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You receive a note that reads:
    Spoiler
    Show
    Come back tomorrow and insert this note.
    ATR -Decathlon
    1198jhvgy65e


    I insert several used facemasks found on a hiking trail.
    GreedLing avatar by Ceika
    DM of Rokugan ItS | Shinomen | OOC

    more

  22. - Top - End - #262
    Bugbear in the Playground
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get COVID.

    I insert a bean of coffee.

  23. - Top - End - #263
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    ElfRangerGuy

    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Location
    Belgium
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a gnome sized cup of espresso.

    I insert a COVID Vaccine.
    Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett

    "Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
    "I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."

  24. - Top - End - #264
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a short treatise on the biological distinctiveness of gnomes and humans, and the simultaneous lack of threat posed to them by human diseases and potential toxicity to them of human medicines.

    I insert a request for mass production of said vaccine.

  25. - Top - End - #265
    Bugbear in the Playground
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a church staffed by researchers and equipped with pharmaceutical materials.

    I insert a peanut butter and jelly toast.

  26. - Top - End - #266
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get some tea and oranges.

    I insert the ATR - Decathlon note that Corvus made for lacco36 yesterday.
    Ajax, Nexusites, Shun.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  27. - Top - End - #267
    Troll in the Playground
     
    ~Corvus~'s Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Perched in a tree
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr.Gunsforhands View Post
    I insert the ATR - Decathlon note that Corvus made for lacco36 yesterday.
    Out comes an oversized box of broken videogame controllers, snapped joysticks, and an 8-bit track tape that, if played, gives the sounds of sibilant wails of frustrated gnomes.

    I insert a bottle of 1989 Dom Perignon.
    GreedLing avatar by Ceika
    DM of Rokugan ItS | Shinomen | OOC

    more

  28. - Top - End - #268
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Devil

    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    Location, Location

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    A small purple gem comes out. It fills you with existential dread.

    I insert a miniature blue police box that contains a small purple gem inside of it.
    A fundamental truth about existence: All is to be laughed at.

    Lawful Evil with Chaotic Good tendencies. Have fun figuring that out.

    How to deal with Slowbro in Gen 1:
    1. Mewtwo
    2. there is no #2.

    Quote Originally Posted by Man_Over_Game View Post
    Well, that makes you Dr. Robotnik. So...yeah?

  29. - Top - End - #269
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Pex's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2013

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get the fez and bowtie someone inserted awhile ago.

    I insert a bag of chips.
    Quote Originally Posted by OgresAreCute View Post
    "Welcome to Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition, where the DCs are made up and the rules don't matter."

  30. - Top - End - #270
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    ElfRangerGuy

    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Location
    Belgium
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Vending Machine

    You get a bottle of good Belgian beer that goes perfectly with those chips.

    I insert the empty beer bottle.
    Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett

    "Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
    "I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."

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