What's your favorite headcanon? 2: Page 51 is clearly a metaphor for death

[Traab]

1.) Blasters in Star Wars are extremely difficult to aim

2.) In the remastered version of Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope, the scene with Greedo shooting first was added not to soften Han Solo's characterization but rather as an attempt to establish blasters as difficult to aim (Greedo misses from point-blank range) and thereby help justify Obi-Wan's assertion that imperial stormtroopers are expert marksmen (while the shots they make onscreen typically don't connect, they nevertheless come closer to hitting their mark than Greedo did, and we must remember that Greedo is a hardened gangster and presumably no stranger to weapons)

Why would anybody USE blasters if they cant hit someone less than 5 feet away reliably? Fricking MUSKETS were more reliable than blasters if that was the case.

[Keltest]

Why would anybody USE blasters if they cant hit someone less than 5 feet away reliably? Fricking MUSKETS were more reliable than blasters if that was the case.

Because theyre armor-piercing, and armor/shields technology has developed to the point where projectile weapons don't do much more than just knock your opponent over.

Amusingly, this does line up with the KOTOR games, where a character with a blaster will fire two or three shots per attack, missing wildly with all except one even on a successful hit.

[Peelee]

Because theyre armor-piercing

[new series comes out where blasters do not pierce armor]

Before you go all "but beskar" on me, he starts out without mandalorian iron, gets shot, and shrugs it off. Also, the latest episode of Star Wars: Resistance has armor impervious to blasters.

Also, Kotor games have lightsabers do not-immediately-lethal damage to animals. Realism takes a backplace to gameplay.

[Keltest]

[new series comes out where blasters do not pierce armor]

Before you go all "but beskar" on me, he starts out without mandalorian iron, gets shot, and shrugs it off. Also, the latest episode of Star Wars: Resistance has armor impervious to blasters.

Also, Kotor games have lightsabers do not-immediately-lethal damage to animals. Realism takes a backplace to gameplay.

Not all armor is created equal.

And the KOTOR example was meant to be an amusing anecdote. I also think this particular headcanon is rather unlikely, but I do have to admit its stronger than some others ive seen.

As far as lightsabers not killing animals immediately goes, my headcanon is that in the games, the saber wielders are trying to take measures to avoid being killed by the animal's death throes or momentum. If you lightsaber one of those animals in the AotC arena, for example, it doesn't matter if you decapitate it if you then get crushed under its dead body and die from it.

[hamishspence]

My recollection is that it wasn't seeing a normal shoggoth that drove him mad, it was seeing a mountainous monstrous thing at the heart of the mountain,

I think they were on the plane, high above, when Danforth looks back and has his reaction - at something beyond the mountains. The narrator suggests it may have something to do with "Kadath in the Cold Waste".

[Peelee]

Not all armor is created equal.

Imean, I have no problem with that statement, but you could just as well say "not all blasters are created equal." At which point, why does Greedo have a blaster so crappy it can't shoot straight from two feet away while Chewbacca over here is blowing up speeder bikes from a hundred yards.

[Keltest]

Imean, I have no problem with that statement, but you could just as well say "not all blasters are created equal." At which point, why does Greedo have a blaster so crappy it can't shoot straight from two feet away while Chewbacca over here is blowing up speeder bikes from a hundred yards.

Because Greedo is a crappy gangster while Chewie is a veteran of the clone wars, and also a wookiee. I mean really, that question stands even without the accuracy headcanon. My recall from at least oldcanon is that proper bowcasters are unwieldy for non-wookiees, although that's obviously not a hard and fast rule.

[Peelee]

Because Greedo is a crappy gangster

I know this wasn't you, but from the start of this whole thing:

we must remember that Greedo is a hardened gangster and presumably no stranger to weapons

For the record, I totally agree with you, but I also don't headcanon "blasters can't hit ****".

[Keltest]

I know this wasn't you, but from the start of this whole thing:

For the record, I totally agree with you, but I also don't headcanon "blasters can't hit ****".

Neither do I, im just arguing the point for the sake of it. Anyway, I didn't mean greedo was bad at being a gangster, I meant that being a mid level gangster on a backwater planet, he doesn't have access to the highest level of equipment even if he could use it effectively.

[Friv]

Imean, I have no problem with that statement, but you could just as well say "not all blasters are created equal." At which point, why does Greedo have a blaster so crappy it can't shoot straight from two feet away while Chewbacca over here is blowing up speeder bikes from a hundred yards.

I think at a certain point, you just have to accept that some people in Star Wars are magically blaster-proof.

See also Rise of Skywalker, in which the heroes can pick up a First Order blaster and use it to shoot stormtroopers, creating three-inch wide cauterized holes that fire all the way through two layers of armor, leaving super-visible still-glowing wounds on both sides, but when Poe gets shot by the exact same blaster he gets a light injury to his arm instead of it falling the heck off.

[Keltest]

I think at a certain point, you just have to accept that some people in Star Wars are magically blaster-proof.

See also Rise of Skywalker, in which the heroes can pick up a First Order blaster and use it to shoot stormtroopers, creating three-inch wide cauterized holes that fire all the way through two layers of armor, leaving super-visible still-glowing wounds on both sides, but when Poe gets shot by the exact same blaster he gets a light injury to his arm instead of it falling the heck off.

Obviously the First Order was so resource starved that they made their hostile environment suits out of Self-Destructium.

[Peelee]

I think at a certain point, you just have to accept that some people in Star Wars are magically blaster-proof.

Spoiler: Not Leia, at least.

Show

See also Rise of Skywalker, in which the heroes can pick up a First Order blaster and use it to shoot stormtroopers, creating three-inch wide cauterized holes that fire all the way through two layers of armor, leaving super-visible still-glowing wounds on both sides, but when Poe gets shot by the exact same blaster he gets a light injury to his arm instead of it falling the heck off.

I think I've been pretty outspoken about my feelings re:Poe.

Also, this is the same trilogy that took stun shots, which just drop the person, and decided they should fling you across the room in a potentially deadly fashion. For a cheap laugh.

[Rogar Demonblud]

That's more part of the whole Hollywood rocket ammunition thing where anybody who gets shot goes flying.

[Bohandas]

See also Rise of Skywalker, in which the heroes can pick up a First Order blaster and use it to shoot stormtroopers, creating three-inch wide cauterized holes that fire all the way through two layers of armor, leaving super-visible still-glowing wounds on both sides, but when Poe gets shot by the exact same blaster he gets a light injury to his arm instead of it falling the heck off.

low on power/ammo maybe?

[Peelee]

low on power/ammo maybe?

Blasters having a finite power supply is absolutely canon, but usually only pulled out for plot reasons, and called out as such. I'm not saying it's not the case here, but I'm leery of it.

[Fyraltari]

Spoiler: Not Leia, at least.

Show

Just as blaster-proof as Poe, then? They both were shot by a weapon that usually instant-kills its target but because they were just shot in the arm, they just get a minor burn that nobody mentions ever again.

Because plot armor.

[Rogar Demonblud]

To be fair, the arm was bugging her a bit in the book set right after Endor. Thought that was a nice touch, not only did the injury stick around for a bit but the medical teams had much bigger issues to worry about than her booboos.

[Sapphire Guard]

Greedo's blaster just happened to be faulty or damaged, maybe.

When Leia was shot, was that a shrapnel wound from a near miss on the door?

See also Rise of Skywalker, in which the heroes can pick up a First Order blaster and use it to shoot stormtroopers, creating three-inch wide cauterized holes that fire all the way through two layers of armor, leaving super-visible still-glowing wounds on both sides, but when Poe gets shot by the exact same blaster he gets a light injury to his arm instead of it falling the heck off.

I got nothing.

[Saintheart]

I think at a certain point, you just have to accept that some people in Star Wars are magically blaster-proof.

See also Rise of Skywalker, in which the heroes can pick up a First Order blaster and use it to shoot stormtroopers, creating three-inch wide cauterized holes that fire all the way through two layers of armor, leaving super-visible still-glowing wounds on both sides, but when Poe gets shot by the exact same blaster he gets a light injury to his arm instead of it falling the heck off.

Likewise, Finn takes a lightsaber wound to the back which should have basically ripped his spine out. Even allowing for advanced medical tech, he's up and walking around less than 24 hours later (i.e. between TFA and TLJ.)

Or maybe it's just that blaster bolts are unstable, being spun pockets of plasma, and thus very random in their actual effect? Some bolts are armor-carving, other bolts are close to duds?

EDIT: Oh, and Obi-Wan himself provides some possibility of this being the case in ANH: when comparing blasters with lightsabers, he says that a lightsaber is "not as clumsy or random as a blaster". So the bolts themselves are powerful enough to rip through armor, but the randomness of the energy in any given bolt means they can also just inflict light wounds?

[Kantaki]

Greedo's blaster just happened to be faulty or damaged, maybe.

Possible.

Didn't the novelization and/or Legends call Greedo out as a absolute greenhorn?

Maybe a combination of both.
I mean, he basically let Han control the situation, what with letting him drop his hand out of sight.
Where Han could draw a weapon.

Having a badly calibrated blaster and firing wildly in a combination of intimidation attempt and panic attack- because that naked monkey is just so smug and sure of himself -isn't much of a stretch.

[Bohandas]

Are you sure it didn't just say that he had green horns

[No brains]

Are you sure it didn't just say that he had green horns

My headcanon is that Greedo's green horns were head cannons and if he fired those first, we'd have far fewer pages of headcanon.

[Kantaki]

Are you sure it didn't just say that he had green horns

I knew I shouldn't have used that word talking about the bugface.

But yes, from what I remember Greedo's experience and his skin (scale?) colour can be described with the same word.
He's green!Like this smiley.Smileys.

[Bohandas]

I thi k it would be funny if in The Elder Scrolls it turned out that the ending of the 23rd Lesson of Vivec ("I give you an ancient road tempered by the second walking way. Your hands must be huge to wield any sword the size of an ancient road, and yet he who is of right stature may irritate the sun with only a stick.") is not metaphorical and that at some point in time Vivec has literally harassed the sun god Magnus by poking him with a stick.

EDIT:

Speaking of Elder Scrolls, I have another beadcanon that involves both Elder Scrolls and The LEGO Movie

The scene in the LEGO movie where Emmet moves while outside of the Lego world is technically an example of CHIM (''This is not an easy concept, I know. Imagine being able to feel with all of your senses the relentless alien terror that is God and your place in it, which is everywhere and therefore nowhere, and realizing that it means the total dissolution of your individuality into boundless being. Imagine that and then still being able to say “I”.'' -Vehk's Teaching)

[Lvl 2 Expert]

(Assuming this can be revived because there would be no functional difference between that and opening "What's your favorite headcanon? 3: The mods must be crazy", as it's not really a "reply to the first poster" kind of thread. Also if this does get closed for thread necromancy that's totally the next thread title.)

Some GiantITP headcanons:

- The Giant is an actual giant publishing in our world under the pseudonym Rich Burlew and acting all humany.

- Our Earth is the monster in the dark, and the planet in the rift is Snorlax.

- This is the only thread where you can say Redfel Redfel Redfel and he won't appear.

- Anyone who posts a headcannon joke in a headcanon thread is there for the first time. (Whether this point counts as one of those is left up to the reader as an exercise.)

- The forum rules have a hidden clause that describe this exact post word for word and state it's worth 20 infraction points.

- After the comic concludes Thog will be outed as having been Dumbledore all along.

[Peelee]

The Mod on the Silver Mountain: Closed for necromancy.