Anonymouswizard's Random Banter #227 and Free Cup of Tea

[Anonymouswizard]

Maybe I should seek better romantic advice elsewhere.

Think of this as less romantic advice and more of a 'how to not make a social faux pas. (I really can't spell.)

You want my honest to god advice on romance? Go out and meet fifty people.

Five will become friends.

One might be interested in more.

In the likelihood that it doesn't work out take as much time as you need to cool off, and go and meet another fifty.

And never, ever tell somebody that you love them without a personal connection or clear context if it's nonromantic. Like them yes, of you've had an actual one to one conversation, maybe 'you're cute' if you're 100% sure it's non creepy, bit nothing more until you've built a relationship.


Plus I'm certain I've acted as a massive creep in my current it's complicated, I'm lucky that if I have it's not something that the other person seems to mind.

[The Fury]

Look nothing bad happen at all stuff that transpired and I didn't harm her to make her feel uncomfortable. If she said she was comfortable hearing to said I love her, then she was very comfortable hearing me say it. I wasn't pressuring her at all. So I really don't see the big deal was at this point. Because it's pretty much very moot at this point.

Full disclosure-- I am hopelessly inept at romance, so anything I say on the subject should probably be taken with a pinch of salt. Cool? Cool.

It might do to try to talk with her in private. That is, if she's up to it. If nothing else, I think it'll allow you to get a better sense of her feelings on the matter. If you've already done this, cool. As others have said, it's all well and good to confess your feelings to someone, as long as you're meeting on equal terms.

Because that secretary definitely wants to sleep with their boss, or so I heard.

We've explained, several times, why it's likely not the case. I guess it's up to you if you liste, me I'm going to talk to somebody who's agreed to a second date with me. Why?

Because I enjoy talking to her and come away feeling happy.

Heey, that's good! I've needed some good news, and I'm glad for you, buddy.

The job search is going... uh, going. At least there are three dealerships that have my resume now, though there may still be a hiring freeze on account of... everything. The Chevrolet dealership seemed to appreciate me being a car nerd, so there's that.

[Anonymouswizard]

Full disclosure-- I am hopelessly inept at romance, so anything I say on the subject should probably be taken with a pinch of salt. Cool? Cool.

It might do to try to talk with her in private. That is, if she's up to it. If nothing else, I think it'll allow you to get a better sense of her feelings on the matter. If you've already done this, cool. As others have said, it's all well and good to confess your feelings to someone, as long as you're meeting on equal terms.

Honestly if I was in her shoes I'm not sure if I'd even respond to such s request, and if I did I wouldn't be able to post the reply here. Certainly I'd have some very choice words.

Maybe that's not how she thinks. But it's not nice to be wolf whistled when you come on stage (even if you're the principle boy in s panto wearing the traditional garb), and that informs my decisions

Heey, that's good! I've needed some good news, and I'm glad for you, buddy.

I mean, the main need is that it is more officially a second date, we're still waiting until the Apocalypse end and we can travel to actually see each other in person.

The job search is going... uh, going. At least there are three dealerships that have my resume now, though there may still be a hiring freeze on account of... everything. The Chevrolet dealership seemed to appreciate me being a car nerd, so there's that.

Just remember, if you sell a single car you can officially put 'better car salesbeing than Buzz Aldrin' on your CV

[LaZodiac]

I'm going to talk to somebody who's agreed to a second date with me. Why?

Because I enjoy talking to her and come away feeling happy.

Congrats! I hope it goes well Anon. You're cooler than you realize.

[The Fury]

Honestly if I was in her shoes I'm not sure if I'd even respond to such s request, and if I did I wouldn't be able to post the reply here. Certainly I'd have some very choice words.

Maybe that's not how she thinks. But it's not nice to be wolf whistled when you come on stage (even if you're the principle boy in s panto wearing the traditional garb), and that informs my decisions

Point being, that she should feel OK with saying "No." For that matter, if she does have some choice words it's be nice if she were allowed the space to say them. Though I'm willing to give Bartmanhomer some benefit of the doubt, you generally get a better sense of what people really feel when they're in a space that's not quite as public.

I mean, the main need is that it is more officially a second date, we're still waiting until the Apocalypse end and we can travel to actually see each other in person.

I hope that you do eventually see one another in person. I kind of miss face to face interactions. I met an old coworker today, just by random chance. It made me happier than it reasonably should have.

Just remember, if you sell a single car you can officially put 'better car salesbeing than Buzz Aldrin' on your CV

That is the truth. Though I'm more on the service side, not so much sales.

[Liquor Box]

Maybe I should seek better romantic advice elsewhere.

Maybe you should.

It's probably fair to say that the people here are a bit of an echo chamber of a particular perspective which is probably not quite representative of most of the population. (I mean just a few pages ago someone advised that a co-worker asking to see someone's face was a massive red flag).

I see you have mentioned it in the relationship thread, and that may bring a slightly more (but not much more) diverse range of views than this thread.

in my opinion you haven't done anything wrong. Although, a confession of love was too much because people will see it as strange to fall in love with someone you've only seen on Youtube.

A fair rule of thumb is it's ok to ask, but stop immediately if she says no. The difficulty is that people will usually not be explicit, and instead you have to interpret their signals (which I take it you are not good at). In that case, its probably fair to say that if her 'signals' are more muted than your own (and pretty much anything is more muted than a declaration of love) it's a bad sign. In your case, I think you could try sending her a message asking her if she is interested in spending time with you, and if the answer is anything other than a clear 'yes', give up. Given the circumstances you've described though, I am not optimistic on your behalf.

[DataNinja]

(I mean just a few pages ago someone advised that a co-worker asking to see someone's face was a massive red flag)

It wasn't asking to see the face that was weird (and it wasn't so much asking to see the face as a problem - though, proper safety precautions should still be followed), the part that just felt off was commenting specifically that they liked it. Which, while not necessarily an issue in itself, could be indicative of more problematic situations in the future. It definitely felt weird, which is what said person was asking about in the first place.

[Liquor Box]

It wasn't asking to see the face that was weird (and it wasn't so much asking to see the face as a problem - though, proper safety precautions should still be followed), the part that just felt off was commenting specifically that they liked it. Which, while not necessarily an issue in itself, could be indicative of more problematic situations in the future. It definitely felt weird, which is what said person was asking about in the first place.

Yeah, fair enough - it was commenting on the face, rather than asking to see it.

Personally, I don't really think there's anything wrong with the comment either - I see it as a passing compliment (like hey you're kind - assuming kindness is also not relevant to the job). You felt a little differently - which is fine because we all have different perspectives informed by our different cultural setting and backgrounds. That's why its sometimes good to get diverse range of views rather than thinking there's one correct perspective on these sorts of issues.

[LaZodiac]

I'll be honest aside from the creepy "hmm, nice face" thing, I'm also concerned given plague times is a thing. That's just irresponsible to tell someone to remove their mask.

[The Fury]

Since it's my face, I think I should also clarify some things. It wasn't a coworker, but rather a manager at a place I was applying to work at. I should also mention that I usually don't know how to respond to compliments. The context of the compliment felt weird, and I'm still not sure if I'm the one with the problem or not.

[Insane Jeenyus]

Since it's my face, I think I should also clarify some things. It wasn't a coworker, but rather a manager at a place I was applying to work at. I should also mention that I usually don't know how to respond to compliments. The context of the compliment felt weird, and I'm still not sure if I'm the one with the problem or not.

I am not sure if this is mentioned or not, much less the answer, but what is the position for?

[The Fury]

I am not sure if this is mentioned of not, much less the answer, but what is the position for?

A tech at Jiffy Lube. I'd feel a little weird about working there. Not so much because of this manager that gave me a weird vibe, but because I actually went to mechanic school and actually learned quite a lot of stuff about how cars work. Accepting a job at Jiffy Lube feels a little like going to culinary school and accepting a job as a fry cook.

[Liquor Box]

I'll be honest aside from the creepy "hmm, nice face" thing, I'm also concerned given plague times is a thing. That's just irresponsible to tell someone to remove their mask.

Yeah, it's not an unreasonable question to ask. But we don't know whether they were in close proximity, nothing in Fury's post indicated that was his/her concern, and most of the responses were not focused on the health aspect.

Since it's my face, I think I should also clarify some things. It wasn't a coworker, but rather a manager at a place I was applying to work at. I should also mention that I usually don't know how to respond to compliments. The context of the compliment felt weird, and I'm still not sure if I'm the one with the problem or not.

I certainly don't think you should feeling bad about how you felt (if that's what you mean by problem).

As to whether the manager's comment was normal/creepy/acceptable/a red flag you've received a variety of views. Probably more thought it was odd than not (although as noted above, I suspect this thread is a bit narrow in terms of perspective), but a couple thought it was ok. You might interpret this to suggest that it was borderline - the sort of comment that some people would find slightly strange and others wouldn't.

If you need a job though, I wouldn't turn it down on the basis of this. If the manager truly is creepy or dismissive of your heath and safety, then that will become apparent when you get to know him or her better, so you can always leave (or raise it with a more senior manager) then.

[The Fury]

Yeah, it's not an unreasonable question to ask. But we don't know whether they were in close proximity, nothing in Fury's post indicated that was his/her concern, and most of the responses were not focused on the health aspect.

I should also mention that I usually don't worry about my health or safety, and truthfully have a really bad sense of when I should.

I worry more about other people, which is the main reason why I bother with the mask in the first place.

[Peelee]

The Mod on the Silver Mountain: Posts entirely regarding COVID have been moved to the COVID thread.

A tech at Jiffy Lube. I'd feel a little weird about working there. Not so much because of this manager that gave me a weird vibe, but because I actually went to mechanic school and actually learned quite a lot of stuff about how cars work. Accepting a job at Jiffy Lube feels a little like going to culinary school and accepting a job as a fry cook.

Oof, that stinks. Would manufacturing plants need mechanics, or is that a different skill set? I hear the Honda and Hyundai plants around here are supposed to have fantastic benefits.

[Anonymouswizard]

A tech at Jiffy Lube. I'd feel a little weird about working there. Not so much because of this manager that gave me a weird vibe, but because I actually went to mechanic school and actually learned quite a lot of stuff about how cars work. Accepting a job at Jiffy Lube feels a little like going to culinary school and accepting a job as a fry cook.

I know what it's like to find yourself in a job you're massively overqualified for (traditionally people who came out of uni with similar degrees to mine would find skilled work in factories, but there's no factories in this half of the country and I'm not taking a three hour train ride plus up to two hour bus ride just for a factory job interview). My current plan if my current 'worm my way into QA' scheme fails is to get on a bookkeeping course and move to the finance department.

So yeah, while the job might be a little on the 3.5 Samurai class side, remember that being in work doesn't stop you looking for work. Make sure you take some time, even if it's just an hour or two a week, to fill out online application forms and email CVs, although don't go around canvassing for better jobs or anything so clear. While your employer is likely aware that you're doing so nobody has to say anything, and nobody will be shocked if the staff member who's overqualified walks in to hand in their notice (disappointed maybe, but not surprised).

[Insane Jeenyus]

A tech at Jiffy Lube. I'd feel a little weird about working there. Not so much because of this manager that gave me a weird vibe, but because I actually went to mechanic school and actually learned quite a lot of stuff about how cars work. Accepting a job at Jiffy Lube feels a little like going to culinary school and accepting a job as a fry cook.

My advice is simple and that is to be cautious. i am sorry you have to undersell your skill set.

The Mod on the Silver Mountain: Posts entirely regarding COVID have been moved to the COVID thread.



Oof, that stinks. Would manufacturing plants need mechanics, or is that a different skill set? I hear the Honda and Hyundai plants around here are supposed to have fantastic benefits.

Also, there is a Nissan plant in Murfeesboro, Tenn.

[The Fury]

There aren't any car manufacturing plants in my area. At least none that I know of and nothing that turns up in a cursory search. I guess I'd probably be qualified to work at a place like that, though it would involve moving to some new corner of the country. I'm hesitant to do something like that, but it's good to keep my options open I suppose.

[Peelee]

There aren't any car manufacturing plants in my area. At least none that I know of and nothing that turns up in a cursory search. I guess I'd probably be qualified to work at a place like that, though it would involve moving to some new corner of the country. I'm hesitant to do something like that, but it's good to keep my options open I suppose.

How good do you think your skills are? Enough to take a gamble and try to open your own garage? An honest and competent mechanic is always a treasure to find.

[The Fury]

How good do you think your skills are? Enough to take a gamble and try to open your own garage? An honest and competent mechanic is always a treasure to find.

Not that good. I don't have anything like an ASE master tech certification yet. Just from sheer lack of in-industry experience, I'm mostly qualified to do express tech stuff-- oil changes, tire rotations, bulb and wiper blade replacements. That kind of thing. Though I have done more advanced stuff like replacing suspension components, brake work, even an engine swap at one point. Just a little while ago, I replaced cam phasers in 5.4 Ford Triton. That was a pain. My favorite jobs were more in diagnosis-- for some reason, I find those jobs kind of fun. I've even done things like wheel alignment, though I don't think I'm very good at it.

There are a lot of dealerships and independent shops in my area though, so I'm a long way from running out of options. Though I will agree that mechanics that are actually honest and competent are unfortunately kind of rare.

[Insane Jeenyus]

dealerships would be an excellent source of employment, just keep a close eye on the integrity of your character, "Bad company corrupts good character"

[Liquor Box]

How good do you think your skills are? Enough to take a gamble and try to open your own garage? An honest and competent mechanic is always a treasure to find.

You are almost never ready to go it alone in a profession when you have just finished your training. Most learning happens on the job.


Fury, it sounds like your best option is to take whatever job you can get at the moment, then keep looking for a job working for a mechanic after that.

I don't really agree with Insane. Experience at a less reputable mechanic is better than no experience.

[Peelee]

You are almost never ready to go it alone in a profession when you have just finished your training. Most learning happens on the job.

Most learning happens on the job, yes, but it's not like you can't open a business once you're trained. Lawyers and mechanics are two fields where there is typically no shortage of business, and declining business you know you cannot handle is not out of the ordinary. Client outreach is the tricky bit. That's also why I asked if how they felt their skills were, because that absolutely matters.

Fury, it sounds like your best option is to take whatever job you can get at the moment, then keep looking for a job working for a mechanic after that.

I disagree with this. Jiffy Lube would be much less valuable to have in a resume than a dealer, just as a quick example.

I don't really agree with Insane. Experience at a less reputable mechanic is better than no experience.

I wholly agree with you here, especially as dealers have a depression for overcharging, which is not on the mechanist's end. Dealers can also help one specialize, which can be valuable.

[Liquor Box]

Most learning happens on the job, yes, but it's not like you can't open a business once you're trained. Lawyers and mechanics are two fields where there is typically no shortage of business, and declining business you know you cannot handle is not out of the ordinary. Client outreach is the tricky bit. That's also why I asked if how they felt their skills were, because that absolutely matters.

Well, I am a lawyer, and it is extremely uncommon for a newly qualified lawyer to go into business for themselves. Uncommon enough that I have never encountered it. Simply you have only of the fraction of the knowledge you'd need to do your job, which would put you at risk of being sued for making a mistake.

Now admittedly I am not from USA, and it may be that things work differently in USA. I'd imagine it wouldn't be hard to check because you'd just have to find a lawyer whose profile showed they were just out of law school. I'm not personally invested enough in the question to do that, but if you're interested, go ahead.

I disagree with this. Jiffy Lube would be much less valuable to have in a resume than a dealer, just as a quick example.

The suggestion was to work at Jiffy Lube until Fury found a mechinics job. Of course a mechanics job would be better experience for other mechanical jobs.

I wholly agree with you here, especially as dealers have a depression for overcharging, which is not on the mechanist's end. Dealers can also help one specialize, which can be valuable.

[Qwertystop]

I disagree with this. Jiffy Lube would be much less valuable to have in a resume than a dealer, just as a quick example.

If you've got the money to wait, I suppose. I was a CS major but I'm not going to pretend I'd be above going for an unrelated training-happens-on-the-job position somewhere if I'm still out of work when the pandemic clears up. Especially if it leaves time to try freelancing on tech-related stuff so my resumé doesn't have a huge gap beyond what the pandemic can account for. Better than pulling from retirement savings.

[Liquor Box]

If you've got the money to wait, I suppose. I was a CS major but I'm not going to pretend I'd be above going for an unrelated training-happens-on-the-job position somewhere if I'm still out of work when the pandemic clears up. Especially if it leaves time to try freelancing on tech-related stuff so my resumé doesn't have a huge gap beyond what the pandemic can account for. Better than pulling from retirement savings.

I agree, but I think it's worth taking a job even if you can afford to survive with nothing.

A year from now Fury might be applying for a job as a mechanic. Fury can either have a CV that showed he/she is qualified, but didn't work for a year. Or a CV showing that not only is Fury qualified, but a year's work experience backed p by a reference confirming his or her work ethic, punctuality, friendliness and nice face. I think the second would be the better position to be in.

[Anonymouswizard]

I agree, but I think it's worth taking a job even if you can afford to survive with nothing.

A year from now Fury might be applying for a job as a mechanic. Fury can either have a CV that showed he/she is qualified, but didn't work for a year. Or a CV showing that not only is Fury qualified, but a year's work experience backed p by a reference confirming his or her work ethic, punctuality, friendliness and nice face. I think the second would be the better position to be in.

Yeah, the advice I've recieved is generally that holes on your CV are bad, and that especially just after qualifying menial work is better than no work (my CV shows a break of maybe six months after uni followed by a short lived job itself followers by my current, two years and counting position).

Being able to hold down a job is a good skill to be able to show in and of itself. I'm about a qualification away from holding any catering job if I can't get into a more technical or mathematical field.

I have occasionally also joked about using this terrible job period to audition for minor roles in TV dramas, but I'm honestly not sure I'm good enough to turn acting into a career (the same with writing, if I can remember to actually write something).

[Peelee]

Well, I am a lawyer, and it is extremely uncommon for a newly qualified lawyer to go into business for themselves. Uncommon enough that I have never encountered it. Simply you have only of the fraction of the knowledge you'd need to do your job, which would put you at risk of being sued for making a mistake.

Now admittedly I am not from USA, and it may be that things work differently in USA. I'd imagine it wouldn't be hard to check because you'd just have to find a lawyer whose profile showed they were just out of law school. I'm not personally invested enough in the question to do that, but if you're interested, go ahead.

Does your country have as large a glut of fresh lawyers year after year as the US, with a market that isn't growing at the same rate? There are only so many associates private firms, even smaller ones, need, clerkships even more so, PD is always wanting but also notoriously overworked and underpaid, to the point that some only meet their client literally minutes before trial (if you'd like to PM me your email I could share a couple of books that go into more detail on this, and other facets of the US court systems), and the same could be said for other government work, though not to that same degree. With a quick googling I found an article from 2011 talking about the increase in law grads (the biggest increase in 30 years, during a time already known for increases) with a decline in the hiring market. All of which indicate that jumping straight to hanging your own name on the door with the ink still wet on the JD is probably more attractive a gamble around here than it is over yonder.

The suggestion was to work at Jiffy Lube until Fury found a mechinics job. Of course a mechanics job would be better experience for other mechanical jobs.

If you've got the money to wait, I suppose. I was a CS major but I'm not going to pretend I'd be above going for an unrelated training-happens-on-the-job position somewhere if I'm still out of work when the pandemic clears up. Especially if it leaves time to try freelancing on tech-related stuff so my resumé doesn't have a huge gap beyond what the pandemic can account for. Better than pulling from retirement savings.

If they can't get a job elsewhere, sure, but no cost in casting a wide net.

[Qwertystop]

I'm worried enough as-is about the current gap on my resumé, and that's with the ready-made explanation that hiring has gotten a lot slower even for those companies where everyone's smoothly shifted to remote work.

[Liquor Box]

Does your country have as large a glut of fresh lawyers year after year as the US, with a market that isn't growing at the same rate? There are only so many associates private firms, even smaller ones, need, clerkships even more so, PD is always wanting but also notoriously overworked and underpaid, to the point that some only meet their client literally minutes before trial (if you'd like to PM me your email I could share a couple of books that go into more detail on this, and other facets of the US court systems), and the same could be said for other government work, though not to that same degree. With a quick googling I found an article from 2011 talking about the increase in law grads (the biggest increase in 30 years, during a time already known for increases) with a decline in the hiring market. All of which indicate that jumping straight to hanging your own name on the door with the ink still wet on the JD is probably more attractive a gamble around here than it is over yonder.

Yes.

There is an oversupply of lawyers graduating and there are not enough jobs for them all. Generally only the graduates with better marks get law jobs (who then pay for them to qualify through our equivalent of the bar). We don't have a public defenders office, our systems works differently. There is significant government legal work which I think pays better here than in USA (but not as well as a good firm).

But that doesn't translate into people working for themselves. It translates into lots of people who graduate law school not being able to find work as lawyers. There are lots of people with law degrees in policy work or in business or other fields. Fortunately for them, a law degree is a pretty good thing to have on your CV generally.

The books you mention, they aren't John Grisham novels are they? Because I find those a good read, but I think they are pretty far removed from reality.