Playing straight characters? (I'm asexual aromantic)

[Zhentarim]

Is there a way to play straight characters without it seeming off? I rolled up a male stereotypical dwarf and another player rolled up a female prostitute-like character, and I get a little confused how I'm supposed to respond sometimes. Is there a formula to playing straight characters? I'm confused due to my sherlock-like orientation in real life.

[prabe]

There isn't any single way for your character to respond, which is probably not all that helpful a response. If the female character isn't a dwarf, maybe he's completely uninterested. Maybe he's more concerned with the prostitute-ish character putting herself in harm's way than any moral/sexual purity. If prostitution is legal where they are (or even just where the dwarf is from), he may think of it as a job, but not a particularly high-class one (or, if she's more of a courtesan-type, a particularly high-class one).

It's a tricky question to answer. At most of my tables, there hasn't been a lot of intra-party romance, because it can be awkward even if handled well. It seems from inside my head as though it's maybe easier to imagine not having an interest than it is to have an interest you've never experienced; maybe, I said.

[Xervous]

Please define stereotypical dwarf. It really varies setting to setting.

A 3.5e dwarf for instance could be saving himself for marriage as per tradition and will want none of that.

A dwarf inspired by Nordic mythology would be another matter entirely.

[NorthernPhoenix]

You've probably seen 1000 movies that handle this. Just do what they do and don't overthink it.

[Mastikator]

You mention Spock but Spock is straight, he flirts with women, he even dates Uhura in that dreaded JJAbrams-universe. I don't think you have to do anything differently.

[Composer99]

Is there a way to play straight characters without it seeming off? I rolled up a male stereotypical dwarf and another player rolled up a female prostitute-like character, and I get a little confused how I'm supposed to respond sometimes. Is there a formula to playing straight characters? I'm confused due to my spock-like orientation in real life.

I don't know that you should feel like you're "supposed" to respond at all, unless you want romantic interactions to be part of your character's experiences (as it were).

If you do, I think there are three broad archetypes/stereotypes your character could adhere to:
- sweetly bashful
- confident
- awkward

(Strictly speaking, there is a fourth such archetype/stereotype, which is "creeper"; I can't recommend portraying that.)

Sweetly Bashful
The general idea is that someone like this is shy around people they have feelings for.

Honestly, the first example that comes to mind is Gimli's reaction to Galadriel in The Fellowship of the Ring, but that's not really a good example, because it's hardly fleshed out at all in the story.

Another example that springs to mind is, well... WALL-E. Probably also not a good example.

Confident
Someone who knows the business (as it were), isn't afraid to fail, and is good about finding out from other people early on what they're interested in, their preferences for romantic gestures (not necessarily related to sex).

Awkward
Someone who doesn't really know what they are doing, and/or doesn't want to be seen to lose face suffering rejection or "putting themselves out there". They're a bit like sweetly bashful, but with less earnestness and more angst.

It's probably a bit trite and even inaccurate to suggest most adolescent romances appearing in pop culture fit this last archetype. But I should think a fair few do.

Hopefully you get a few more responses - this is the sort of thing where a variety of perspectives is helpful.

[JNAProductions]

Well, first off, straight people are people too. I know, shocking! But if, for instance, your dwarf dislikes the lady character, it doesn't really matter that he's straight, he's not interested.

Now, assuming that (since you're in a party together) you do get along well, Composer had some good examples. But, the first thing you should probably do, out of character, is figure out how comfortable you and the other player are with romance/sexual stuff between PCs. If the other player doesn't want interparty romance, then don't do interparty romance. If you'd feel uncomfortable with even just a "fade-to-black" intimate encounter, make that known.

Once you get all that OOC stuff figured out, you can start figuring out how to play it IC.

Good luck! And happy gaming!

[Psyren]

Is there a way to play straight characters without it seeming off? I rolled up a male stereotypical dwarf and another player rolled up a female prostitute-like character, and I get a little confused how I'm supposed to respond sometimes. Is there a formula to playing straight characters? I'm confused due to my spock-like orientation in real life.

Your party members are your coworkers. That's enough reason for your character to not have any attraction at all, regardless of their orientation - and even if they do, acting on it is probably not a good idea anyway (especially if it's one-sided.)

[el minster]

just because you are sexually/romantically doesn't mean you need to express it in any way. You could just be an uptight lawful dwarf

[Tvtyrant]

Is there a way to play straight characters without it seeming off? I rolled up a male stereotypical dwarf and another player rolled up a female prostitute-like character, and I get a little confused how I'm supposed to respond sometimes. Is there a formula to playing straight characters? I'm confused due to my spock-like orientation in real life.

I am straight and have literally run away from someone hitting on me before (and I do mean literally.) Being straight just means you are attracted to some individuals of the opposite sex, not that you are universally interested or good at gauging/reacting to interest.

The biggest difference I would imagine to your experience is the low key scoping everyone you meet for possible romantic connections if the character is single. There is a slight tension between most single people to find if the other person might scratch your itch, kind of like dogs sniffing each other at the park. Play mate? no. Play mate? no. Play mate? no. This usually gets resolved in a couple seconds to a minute, but it is kind of omnipresent.

[NotASpiderSwarm]

Let's call the 2 chars Gloin and Rose, for simplicity.

First off, what do you as a player want? It could be a fun roleplaying challenge(and that's sort of how I read you asking us the question), but if you're not going to enjoy this plot thread then that's the only relevant fact.

I see 3 basic routes forward:
OOC ask the other player to flirt with someone else
IC turn her down, possibly repeatedly(that sort of thing can be a fun 'bit' over the course of a campaign if both players lean into it)
Pursue an IC romance.

Turning her down IC shouldn't be too hard. Yes, if your char is interested in her then it's a bit like repeatedly saying you don't want cake when it's RIGHT THERE, but there's no reason your char needs to be interested in her unless you think that's more fun. Whether your char is interested or not, turning someone down is ALWAYS awkward, so you feeling awkward is perfectly fine. Repeated firm nos and looking for any excuse to be literally anywhere else are perfectly fine.

Now, if you want to pursue this as a storyline, you can talk with the other player. What do they want? What are you each comfortable with? Probably explicitly mention that you're aroace at this point, just so the other player doesn't get any ideas about an OOC recreation of this plot. Anyone at the table should be able to ask you to "fade to black" at any point, but it might be helpful for you two to come up with a safeword to indicate "I want this scene done, let's not take it any farther". (And if you reach that point at "Gloin compliments Rose and asks her out", that's fine. It's probably better to err on the side of less description is more with this).

RP tips if you're pursuing her in-char:
Your char is a dwarf, how do they court someone? What do Dwarf gifts look like, what does dressing up formally look like?
Dwarf generally means low Cha, your char probably isn't going to be smooth, so let your awkwardness show. This means both acting the fool when she's around and flirting, but also making bad decisions in combat etc when she's relevant.
It's fine if you take too long to respond in conversation, plenty of people can't get the words right when there is someone cute RIGHT THERE being all cute. Especially since she is experienced and probably making comments that are fairly sexual, Gloin's brain may well shut down while those images flood it and he has to reboot. Don't worry, that's why she's making those comments.
Rose picked Gloin to pursue for a reason. Gloin may try to figure out why, which can lead to all sorts of interesting places depending on what he finds or doesn't.
Also Gloin will probably be trying to be impressive, which we know is a great plan and never goes horribly wrong(don't even try to make him fail here, the dice will do that for you).

[Zhentarim]

Please define stereotypical dwarf. It really varies setting to setting.

A 3.5e dwarf for instance could be saving himself for marriage as per tradition and will want none of that.

A dwarf inspired by Nordic mythology would be another matter entirely.

I was going with the gruff and rowdy tolkien dwarves.

On one hand, attraction is alien enough to me I have no idea how to play it properly, on the other, it will make an interesting roleplay challenge.

[Incorrect]

You dont have to, I have never engaged in romantic or sexual content in my games.

But if you want the challenge..
I suggest going for the romantic emotions, as the sexual might get even wierder.
Try to see the other character as someone that you have a burning desire and motivation to become best friends with.
This character is the coolest and most amazing person, and you feel like you will be constipated and sick for the rest of your life if she does not declare that you are best friends forever! Maybe this even takes away some of your capability for rational thinking?
Does this female like chocolate? Give her the biggest chocolate money can buy?
Is she in trouble? It might be worth to risk injury yourself, just to show her how important she is to you.
You just have to find some way, any way possible, to convince her to be best friends with you.

Want the lust emotions in stead?
Imagine that this character has some tasty, tasty porridge.. and if you are really good friends (or pay in some way) she might share it with you.
Here you have to decide for yourself how much your character is willing to give up/pay.
But this just gets super wierd, I would not recommend unless everyone is extremely comfortable.

Disclaimer, this is not what romantic love is, but I hope it can help you roleplay it.
Talk to the player before, make sure you are on the same page.
A prostitute type character might look to exploit some victims, or just seek to make more money.

[Zhorn]

How to play a straight character: same way you play any character.
(intentionally no blue text, but still a little tongue in cheek)

I see these types of questions pop up in forums all over the place. The challenge comes from an internal perception of people of identities other than your own being ONLY that other identity. A single aspect of a character's identity is not them as a whole person.

For your character, think of what they value. Not just for attraction, but everything else. Wealth, safety, comfort, beauty, trust, friendship, responsibility, honour, etc etc etc. Aspects about what a character finds attractive are mixed throughout, and rarely just a single component. There are must-haves and deal breakers, positives and negatives, some are immediate wants, while others are deep subconscious needs. There can be a person that checks all of the boxes and still not trigger an attraction, while someone could only hit a couple of low-ranked wants and yet you cannot stop thinking about them every moment of the day.

This is probably not very helpful, but at the very least I hope you find some use in it to not fall into the trap of diluting your character down to a 2-dimensional "want fug" as the entirety of their identity because they are straight.

[Eldan]

Sex doesn't really come up in our games, and neither does romance all that much, at least not with the PCs involved. We all found it a bit uncomfortable and weird. There's one player who's occasionally with us who always has to play the super slutty kung-fu chick dressed in black leather, no matter the setting (it's one of the main reasons he's only there occasionally) and most of the other characters tend to view his characters with either contempt, disgust or pity, because they are so over the top.

So, honestly, saying "no" is almost always perfectly fine.

[Lvl 2 Expert]

Sex doesn't really come up in our games, and neither does romance all that much, at least not with the PCs involved. We all found it a bit uncomfortable and weird. There's one player who's occasionally with us who always has to play the super slutty kung-fu chick dressed in black leather, no matter the setting (it's one of the main reasons he's only there occasionally) and most of the other characters tend to view his characters with either contempt, disgust or pity, because they are so over the top.

So, honestly, saying "no" is almost always perfectly fine.

I came here to write roughly this. You know how some real life people seem to always be either talking or at least thinking about sex? Most RPG characters don't do that. Romance is typically kind of awkward to roleplay, and while it can be fun between player's with a good enough understanding of each others limits and sense of humor, it's always fine to just not do it. The prostitute character keeps coming on to your dwarf? Not interested.

Feel free to try it if you want. The response they're hoping to evoke is probably "Hey baby, let's doink, har har", so you can go with that. Have some sex the next short rest while the rest of the party complains loudly both in and out of character that they shouldn't have to watch this and continue with the game while the other player, happy with their accomplishment, finds their next target.

As long as you try to keep it in good taste and the rest of the table can stomach it you should be fine. But not doing it is always a good option as well.

[Delta]

You've probably seen 1000 movies that handle this. Just do what they do and don't overthink it.

This so much. If I look at any kind of mainstream fiction released during the last... I don't know, forever, be it book, movie, tv series, whatever, "straight romance" seems to be an at least remotely important part of a very, very big chunk of it.

[J-H]

To the OP, I'd say don't worry about it. Sex generally occupies less than 1% of the average person's waking hours*. Thinking about it doesn't occupy more than maybe 5% of waking time for a healthy** person with a balanced life. It's an important thing but I would not let a character be defined by a 1% to 5% activity any more than I'd try to let a character be defined by what he or she likes to eat (even though eating is a critical activity consuming 30-60 minutes per day).

*Citation needed, ballpark estimate
**YMMV, teenagers and those obsessed with too much or too little being available may not fit this definition

I would look more at other areas like:
-Religion/Faith
-Family and cultural practices, mores, and expectations
-Past tragedies, traumas, and triumphs
-Occupation/job and how it influences things... or maybe not if your character is a Professional Adventurer
-Future goals

If you have good definitions down for all of those, then you should have at least two perspectives or relevant things to help drive any decision-making around topics you're not as comfortable with.

Edit:
For the post right above me - yes, it's so freaking annoying. My dad and I always complained to each other when watching movies about the obligatory romance. It's like.... look, I'm here to watch the good guys shoot the bad guys and have some cool fight scenes. Why do they need to infect a 2 hour movie with 10 minutes of romance? Do rom-coms get infected with 10 minutes of gun-fu?
Not sure if this still happens, I mostly avoid hollyweird these days.

[LibraryOgre]

Sex doesn't really come up in our games, and neither does romance all that much, at least not with the PCs involved. We all found it a bit uncomfortable and weird. There's one player who's occasionally with us who always has to play the super slutty kung-fu chick dressed in black leather, no matter the setting (it's one of the main reasons he's only there occasionally) and most of the other characters tend to view his characters with either contempt, disgust or pity, because they are so over the top.

So, honestly, saying "no" is almost always perfectly fine.

A lot of this. Unless it's something you want to actively explore (and picking a straight character, it seems this is something your party is willing to do), most people ignore it. We've got one guy at my library group who is ALWAYS a lizard man, who ALWAYS is looking for a lizardman girlfriend. He's like 12, so it's a bit more charmingly naive than creepy, but it's a trait you can count on from him.

However, as a straight dude who played a straight woman who wound up attracted to a straight dude played by another straight dude, here's my pointers.

1) Decide if your character finds them attractive. If the answer is no, then you don't need to worry.

2) Think about WHAT your character finds attractive about them. Is it their body? Is it some part of their personality? Is it that they are willing and not technically dead? Is it some combination of those things? If they character in question is relatively low charisma, consider that what you find attractive about them might be a bit unusual... high charisma characters might be pretty, or they might have magnetic personalities, which makes "I am attracted to this person" a bit obvious. Lower charisma individuals are less likely to have either of those traits, so it might not be as obvious. But attraction is weird, so bear in mind that it might be something unusual.

3) Who's taking the lead? Who is going to make the first move? If you're doing it, what will that move be? Are you buying her beers? Are you taking stupid chances to help her when she's in danger? Are you taking stupid chances to impress her? Are you supporting her when she's making choices or expressing opinions? Are you just walking up and saying "Nice boots, wanna ****?" Your character's personality will determine this.

4) Where do you see this going? Are y'all just gonna be in-town hookups? "Underground doesn't count?" Are you angling towards something long-term?

5) What happens if #2 changes? You feel in love with Oog's righteous anger... he gets religion and doesn't rage anymore. How do you fee about this? Jacob's drive attracted you, but he got his revenge and he's listless. Or you change... you're no longer the person you were when you met them. Or you learn more about them, and you find that their righteous anger was just general anger at everything. Their wise-ass, cutting, comments that were so charming never stop towards you. What do you see your character doing if this happens?

Rough out what you see going on, here. Consult with the other player, of course, because you don't want to make them uncomfortable, and the rest of the group, since they're also involved in the story y'all're telling. But think about these points, and how your character will react to them.

[False God]

A lot of this. Unless it's something you want to actively explore (and picking a straight character, it seems this is something your party is willing to do), most people ignore it. We've got one guy at my library group who is ALWAYS a lizard man, who ALWAYS is looking for a lizardman girlfriend. He's like 12, so it's a bit more charmingly naive than creepy, but it's a trait you can count on from him.

However, as a straight dude who played a straight woman who wound up attracted to a straight dude played by another straight dude, here's my pointers.

1) Decide if your character finds them attractive. If the answer is no, then you don't need to worry.

2) Think about WHAT your character finds attractive about them. Is it their body? Is it some part of their personality? Is it that they are willing and not technically dead? Is it some combination of those things? If they character in question is relatively low charisma, consider that what you find attractive about them might be a bit unusual... high charisma characters might be pretty, or they might have magnetic personalities, which makes "I am attracted to this person" a bit obvious. Lower charisma individuals are less likely to have either of those traits, so it might not be as obvious. But attraction is weird, so bear in mind that it might be something unusual.

3) Who's taking the lead? Who is going to make the first move? If you're doing it, what will that move be? Are you buying her beers? Are you taking stupid chances to help her when she's in danger? Are you taking stupid chances to impress her? Are you supporting her when she's making choices or expressing opinions? Are you just walking up and saying "Nice boots, wanna ****?" Your character's personality will determine this.

4) Where do you see this going? Are y'all just gonna be in-town hookups? "Underground doesn't count?" Are you angling towards something long-term?

5) What happens if #2 changes? You feel in love with Oog's righteous anger... he gets religion and doesn't rage anymore. How do you fee about this? Jacob's drive attracted you, but he got his revenge and he's listless. Or you change... you're no longer the person you were when you met them. Or you learn more about them, and you find that their righteous anger was just general anger at everything. Their wise-ass, cutting, comments that were so charming never stop towards you. What do you see your character doing if this happens?

Rough out what you see going on, here. Consult with the other player, of course, because you don't want to make them uncomfortable, and the rest of the group, since they're also involved in the story y'all're telling. But think about these points, and how your character will react to them.

This is a good post.

In addition, if the OP is not emotionally-inclined IRL, their character being straight does not mean the character needs to. They can quite literally have a checklist for what they find attractive(or think they find attractive) in a potential partner, a top requirement that they need to be of the opposite sex. Clever? Tall? Curvy? Ambitious? Kind? Likes beer?

This need not be because they are particularly intelligent or calculating, they could have a "soulmate" perspective on things(only a woman with XYZ qualities could be the one), or perhaps they were prophesied as a child that they would find the "perfect woman" and were given some general notes to which they have embellished(memory is a funny thing) over the years. They could be arrogant and believe that only a "perfect woman"(which of course there is a list, and possibly a quite sexist one) can be the one for them.

The fact that there is a woman in the party does not mean a straight character is attracted to them. Heck, they could even fit the majority of the straight character's preferences and for reasons beyond reason they do not find the woman attractive. Attraction can be an odd thing. You need not give any particular reason to the party for why your character does or does not find a woman attractive.

[Jay R]

First of all, their is no single way that all straights act, any more than all gamers agree about gaming.

Secondly, you can easily bypass the question if you want. We don’t play 99% of a character’s life. We don’t role-play most meals, what fashions they like, bath time, packing their gear, and ten thousand other things that don’t affect the adventure.

If this is something you’re not interested in, and it doesn’t impact the dungeon crawl or quest, then ignore it like you ignore color of his socks.

Focus on the parts of the role that you] want to role-play.

[Segev]

I wouldn't really worry about it. Nobody is going to notice you playing a "straight dwarf" "wrong" if he's gruffly disinterested. If you want to play up his romantic side, watch some romantic comedies. No, they're not perfect representations of how romance works, but they're reasonable enough that you can pick up on the cues that fiction uses for "he's interested in her" and the like. And you can play to those. I assure you, very few straight folks will be offended by you portraying somebody straight "wrong." At worst, they will assume you're doing a stereotype of something narrower than "a straight person." The only risk I can think of is if they assume you're stereotyping something narrower than "being straight" in a derogatory way, and they take offense (personally or by proxy) at the stereotype. I... would have a mature conversation with anybody who does so, and if they can't discuss it maturely... then things get difficult. But worrying about offending "somebody" when you're covering the entire spectrum of every possible person in the world is a losing game. Play your character how he's fun for you. If playing him being romantically interested is fun, go for it. If ignoring that is fun, go for that.

Straight people don't even notice aesexual people as being different, because not all straight people respond to the same stimuli the same way. "She's/he's not my type" is something anybody can say regarding anybody else and have it be accepted, because people's tastes differ. Then there's the fact that social mores frown on ogling people. It's considered a loss of self-control, a lack of self-control, and/or outright rude and crude. So showing no interest can just mean iron self control, or supreme shyness, or actual disinterest.

In other words...don't worry about it. Play him how you want to play him. If you WANT to play up interest, go ahead. If you need tips for that, watch a romantic comedy or few. Hitch is a surprisingly good one for this, I think.

[paddyfool]

If you want to give your character an "out" of things getting too involved... a lot of real life straight people have these too. Hang-ups of one kind or another. Take your pick out of moral hang-ups, romantic ideals, emotional baggage from prior relationships, a distant current or prospective relationship with an NPC, pragmatic concerns re getting involved with a coworker or whatever else. Plenty of reasons your character might want to pull out if you're finding it all too weird.

[Knaight]

There are a lot of good table reasons to avoid straightness being a relevant trait between PCs, unless you're playing games which center romance a bit (Monsterhearts, Hearts of Wulin, several Fiasco playsets).

As for representational issues, the straights already have entirely too much friendly, sympathetic, internal representation. Their recreational banging hobby somehow manages to make it into a truly ridiculous amount of storytelling, either directly or by implication. If you end up playing a ridiculous caricature (which seems unlikely, because you've read/watched/listened to some amount of this sympathetic internal media) whatever, they can deal.

[Chaos Jackal]

I'll echo the general sentiment. Play like you would.

Contrary to popular belief, straight males don't think of sex all the time, and they aren't interested in everything that moves and has breasts either. Sexual orientation in general isn't some sort of all-defining personality trait.

You can do anything from feigning ignorance to flat out rejecting. It's normal. You don't have to respond in a particular way. If you don't care, you don't care and that's that.

[Max_Killjoy]

I've been struggling with how to say this in way that doesn't get political... so I'll just be brief.

Individuals are not defined by their orientation.

[False God]

I've been struggling with how to say this in way that doesn't get political... so I'll just be brief.

Individuals are not defined by their orientation.

Unless they're a Bard.

[Segev]

Unless they're a Bard.

There’s a joke about orienteering and being all over the map here, but I can’t do better than Andressen does with his bard and said bard’s many, many half-human children.

[Psyren]

There’s a joke about orienteering and being all over the map here, but I can’t do better than Andressen does with his bard and said bard’s many, many half-human children.

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