Results 31 to 59 of 59
Thread: A joke thread
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2020-05-25, 04:26 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2007
- Location
- Some rainly old island
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
Time to make some sourdough, as a woman of culture.
I had enough yeast in the starter to make it rise, but I had no proof.
I'd have started again, but I had to go back to work because I knead the dough.Hi, I'm back, I guess. ^_^I cosplay and stream LPs of single player games on Twitch! Mon, Wed & Fri; currently playing: Nier: Replicant (Mon/Wed) and The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons (Thurs or Fri)
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2020-05-26, 04:30 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2014
- Location
- Tulips Cheese & Rock&Roll
- Gender
The Hindsight Awards, results: See the best movies of 1999!
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2020-05-28, 07:09 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2018
- Location
- Belgium
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
A redshirt and a stormtrooper get into a firefight.
The stormtrooper misses every shot.
The redshirt dies anyway.Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett
"Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
"I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."
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2020-05-30, 11:47 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2019
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
I'll drop one off from my friend:
A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender he has a problem. The bartender reaches into a drawer and points a gun at the man. The man thanks him and walks away.
The man had hiccups.
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2020-05-31, 04:25 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2019
- Location
- Israel
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
Since me and my wife are now watching "Vikings", remembered this one.
Vikings ship is in the middle of the sea. Suddenly, a huge one-eyed bearded face appears in the sky.
"Vikings!", the face yells.
"Yes, Odin", vikings reply.
"Do you love me, vikings?"
"We do, Odin!"
"Do you believe in me, vikings?"
"We do, Odin!"
"Jump overboard!"
So, they all jump overboard and drown. A moment later, another same face appears, right near the first one.
"Loki, you bastard!"
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2020-06-02, 09:03 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Location
- Near Atlanta,GA USA
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
So if K/CO-Bolds are stereotypically only brave in large groups, does that mean that the race created to lead them is called the Main-Bold and is only brave when those nearby will be inspired to bravery themselves by it?
Guy walks into a bar. Now, he is new in town, and while he's had some of the more memorable people pointed out to him by a local, he hasn't been out much since then.
In the corner he sees a frog, a person born with brain-damage who derives great schadenfreud at his father's "Rent a Rod" booth on the pier putting new worms on hooks for those too squeamish to do it themselves, and someone who works at the Returns desk at the local Walmart. This trio are having a great time, laughing and sharing their joys and sorrows. Obviously the very best of friends.
So the guy walks up to the bartender and says "So, tell me, how did such disparate individuals become such great friends?"
The bartender replies "Why they bonded over their shared love of..."
Spoiler: Punchline (or, really, punch-WORD)Re-baiting.
(ribbiting, rebating)[Public Service Announcement]P.E.A.C.H stands for Please Examine And Critique Honestly[/Public Service Announcement]
Currently Running: Equestria Begins (A High Tactics campaign)
Extended Signature
My Homebrew is meant to be used, but, if you do, PLEASE tell me how it goes.
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2020-06-03, 04:34 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2018
- Location
- Belgium
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
A Voldemort knock-knock joke:
-Knock knock
-who's there?
-You know.
-You know who?
-Exactly.Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett
"Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
"I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."
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2020-06-03, 06:19 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2019
- Location
- Israel
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
A woman comes to a psychiatrist.
"Doctor", she says, "something is wrong with my husband. Every time after he finishes with coffee, he eats the mug".
Doctor stares at her with a worried look.
"What, really the whole mug?", he asks.
"Actually no. He always leaves the handle".
"This is really strange. Handle is the most tasty part!"
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2020-06-04, 12:09 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2020
- Location
- a kobold warren
- Gender
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2020-06-07, 02:29 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2020
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
A QA engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 99999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a ueicbksjdhd.
First real customer walks in and asks where the bathroom is. The bar bursts into flames, killing everyone.
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2020-06-08, 09:56 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2019
- Location
- Somewhere over th rainbow
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2020-06-09, 01:09 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2015
Re: A joke thread
Why did the zombie cross the road?
To get to the other side to eat human brains.
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2020-06-09, 03:03 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2013
- Location
- Slovakia
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
A rich top-manager drives his sports car through a rough neighborhood when he notices a drunkard sitting on a curb.
The drunk guy holds an old-fashioned oriental lamp and rubs it. A genie appears, they exchange few words and *poof* - a bottle of beer appears. The manager stops and observes.
When the bottle is empty, the process repeats - drunk guy summons a genie, they exchange few words and he gets another beer.
The manager decides to make his move.
- Hey you. I'll buy the lamp.
- Nope. Not interested.
- I'll give you a thousand dollars.
- Nope. Not interested.
- I'll give you my car.
- Nope.
- I'll give you my car, all my money from all my accounts and my house!
...
- Okay.
The manager quickly transfers all his money, gives the guy his keys and calls his notary to arrange everything. The drunk guy just holds the lamp, waiting.
After all is transferred and set, the guy hands him the lamp and leaves, rich.
The top manager, excited, immediately rubs the lamp. A genie appears, bowing to him.
- Oh, master. Please choose...
The manager interrupts him.
- Okay, genie! My first wish is to have 10 trillion dollars in my account!
The genie bows again, this time lower.
- Apologies, master. I am actually very narrowly specialized genie - not one of those "three wishes, anything goes" types. You actually have unlimited number of wishes - so please choose what you wish for: a bottle of Heineken, Guiness or Pilsner?Call me Laco or Ladislav (if you need to be formal). Avatar comes from the talented linklele.
Formerly GMing: Riddle of Steel: Soldiers of Fortune
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2020-06-09, 01:45 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2015
Re: A joke thread
What do you call when a stingray is down on the dumps?
Blue-Ray.
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2020-06-09, 06:05 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2011
- Location
- Germany
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
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2020-06-10, 01:56 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2015
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
What's the difference between a sausepan and a dumpster?
SpoilerYou don't know? Please don't cook me dinner!!!
How did 60 chicken cross the street?
SpoilerIn the KFC truck.
Where's the cat?
SpoilerI don't know, did you look inside the box?" -Schrodinger
How do you call a frog who lives in seclusion?
Spoilerhermit the frog
What's the Lion's slag term for Antelopes?
SpoilerFast Food
How does the playboy from last night call you?
SpoilerHe Doesn't
How does a cannibal call his wife?
SpoilerSweet Heart
What's the difference between boy friend and boyfriend?
SpoilerThe space between them
What do you call a vegan pizza?
SpoilerBread
What do you call a Vegan Dog?
SpoilerDead
What do you call Vegan Cheese?
SpoilerDread
Disclaimer: If you're Vegan please don't get offended, it was meant as a joke.
I know some more "mature" ones, but I'm not sure if I should post them here or not. If an admin/mod would advise me on weather it's ok or not to post them, I'd be grateful.
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2020-06-10, 02:17 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2012
- Location
- UK
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
I am not an admin, but the general advice here is "if you are not sure it is OK to post, then don't post it" so you started well.
More specifically, looking at the Rules of Posting (linked at the top of every forum): "Excessive profanity" is listed as "please don't" and "Explicit sexuality" is listed a an "Inappropriate Topic".
Given that so-called "mature" humor usually involves one of those two, I would recommend not posting them.
That said, I did like some of your jokes, especially the secluded frog!
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2020-06-10, 02:43 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2019
- Location
- Israel
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
This joke is harmless. I think I once posted it.
A hunter walks in the woods and suddenly falls into a bear den. He screams, then notices there is a only a little bear cub inside. He stares at cub, the cub stares at him and both are terrified.
"Is mother at home?", the hunter asks.
"No", the poor cub replies shaking.
"And father?"
"No!", shaking even more.
Hunter finally calms down. He points rifle at cub and says:
"Then die foul beast!"
"Granny!"
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2020-06-22, 12:27 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2018
- Location
- Belgium
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
I wish I was a vulcano. You can lie on your back the whole day smoking and people will point at you saying: look, he's working.
Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett
"Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
"I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."
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2020-06-22, 04:07 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2013
- Location
- Slovakia
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
Saleslady: "Oh, these pants fit you so well, you look very handsome."
Customer: "I dunno. They are kinda tight around the armpits."Call me Laco or Ladislav (if you need to be formal). Avatar comes from the talented linklele.
Formerly GMing: Riddle of Steel: Soldiers of Fortune
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2020-06-23, 09:58 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
- Location
- On the edge of my seat
Re: A joke thread
It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub, but it's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
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2020-06-24, 07:46 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2007
- Location
- Some rainly old island
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
What do you call a raven that plays games?
A caw gamer!Last edited by BisectedBrioche; 2020-06-24 at 07:46 AM.
Hi, I'm back, I guess. ^_^I cosplay and stream LPs of single player games on Twitch! Mon, Wed & Fri; currently playing: Nier: Replicant (Mon/Wed) and The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons (Thurs or Fri)
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2020-06-24, 08:01 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2019
- Location
- Israel
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
Schwarzenegger has a long one. Bush a short one. Madonna doesn't have any at all, and the Pope stopped using it ages ago. What I am talking about?
Spoiler
Last name!
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2020-07-15, 05:44 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2018
- Location
- Belgium
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
What if soy milk is just regular milk, indroducting itself in spanish?
what's your best childhood memory. Falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed. I miss teleporting, it never happens to me anymore.
never sing in the shower. Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked.Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett
"Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
"I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."
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2020-07-15, 08:12 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Washington D.C.
- Gender
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2020-07-16, 06:04 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2020
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? "You're too young to smoke." : D
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2020-07-17, 10:30 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2018
- Location
- Belgium
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
Here are the scifi football results. R two - D two, C three - P nill.
Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett
"Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
"I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."
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2020-07-17, 11:44 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2016
Re: A joke thread
In, In, In, In, In, In, In, In, In, In
Don't mind me, I am practicing my enchanting.
... did ten ins pun?
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2020-07-20, 07:04 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2007
- Location
- Some rainly old island
- Gender
Re: A joke thread
Q. What's the difference between Shadowrun and Disney?
A. One's what happens when capitalism gone mad gets ahold of magic...and the other's a cyberpunk tabletop RPG.Hi, I'm back, I guess. ^_^I cosplay and stream LPs of single player games on Twitch! Mon, Wed & Fri; currently playing: Nier: Replicant (Mon/Wed) and The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons (Thurs or Fri)