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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Jul 2006

    Default Lovely in-game quotes

    Just got out of session, got some rather nice quotes from a pack of newbs, never played before:

    Sorc: HAHA! You got lockjaw(not really, but hey, I wasn't going to correct them) and now you can't talk!
    Rogue: (ooc) You forget that I ahve a sap, and I can tell you EXACTLY how I feel.

    Guy who walked up: So what classes are you again?
    I'm a rogue.
    Bard here!
    Me? Sorc.
    Three. (He was looking something up, didn't hear the new guy. Still funny, as it was perfect timing...)

    I know there are more, lets hear them.

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    BizzaroStormy's Avatar

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    Jul 2007
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    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    My friend will likely have my head for posting this, again, but its worth it. We were attacked by some kind of burrowing insect. This is back in like our 2nd campaign.

    DM: Ok, the bug chrages out of the ground 4 feet in front of you.
    Player: It cant charge!
    DM: Why not?
    Player: Its 4 feet away!
    DM: Yeah but...
    Player: Its 4 feet away! 4 feet! It cant charge!
    DM: Yes it...
    Player: NO!
    DM: Bu...
    Player NO! Its 4 feet away! It cant FU***** charge!!!

    It ended up with the player getting knocked on his ass.
    The Swallowfield Children - Stredexon Intwisca

  3. - Top - End - #3
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    Nebo_'s Avatar

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    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    A few here, most from games I'm in.

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Enguhl's Avatar

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    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    Long story short? I told someone to roll a Knowledge(Dungeoneering) check...

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Reinboom's Avatar

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    Santa Monica, CA, US
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    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    This occurred Sunday, over the course of the session:

    (9214) Sylvia: Spot [1d20+14] => [20,14] = (34) (for birds?)
    (9214) Sylvia: ((LOL))
    ==
    (9173) Reina: spot checks
    (9214) Sylvia: [1d20+14] => [20,14] = (34)
    (9214) Sylvia: ((...wtf...))
    ==
    (9173) Reina: Spot checks
    (9214) Sylvia: ((I'd like to cover our tracks as we move.))
    (9206) Corvin: [1d20+4] => [13,4] = (17)
    (9214) Sylvia: [1d20+14] => [20,14] = (34)
    ==
    (9214) Sylvia: Spot [1d20+14] => [20,14] = (34) Listen [1d20+14] => [13,14] = (27)
    Avatar by Alarra

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Setra's Avatar

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    Dec 2006
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    Kentucky

    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetRein View Post
    This occurred Sunday, over the course of the session:

    (9214) Sylvia: Spot [1d20+14] => [20,14] = (34) (for birds?)
    (9214) Sylvia: ((LOL))
    ==
    (9173) Reina: spot checks
    (9214) Sylvia: [1d20+14] => [20,14] = (34)
    (9214) Sylvia: ((...wtf...))
    ==
    (9173) Reina: Spot checks
    (9214) Sylvia: ((I'd like to cover our tracks as we move.))
    (9206) Corvin: [1d20+4] => [13,4] = (17)
    (9214) Sylvia: [1d20+14] => [20,14] = (34)
    ==
    (9214) Sylvia: Spot [1d20+14] => [20,14] = (34) Listen [1d20+14] => [13,14] = (27)
    Hehehe, dunno why that is so funny.

    Ps. Nice avatar <3
    Avatar by Abardam.

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    Sep 2007

    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    <Ted> <You don't even understand me. For all you know, I could be name Susan>
    <Ted> *named
    <GM> Nate shakes Karen and Teds hands.
    <Kennedy> "I'm Kennedy, this is Karen my pet and that's Susan"
    <Kennedy> "Susan's mute"
    Whose pulling the strings?

    NOIRSCAPE

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

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    Mar 2007

    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    Epic level campaign. Was just a couple sessions until a couple players got back from vacation.

    BBEG had made a trap for us and lured us into a fight with a dragon. He was going to leave us to fight the dragon then come back and take us out when we were weakened (that was the plan at least).

    DM: Initiative
    Players: ::rolls initiative::

    order goes BBEG Dragon then me then the rest of the party. BBEG buffs himself

    Dragon goes full attack on us......... Rogue gets messed up.

    Me: Im gonna cast dominate monster (knowing the dragon doesnt even have to roll to make the save). Just let me know if it rolls a 1.

    DM: I dont feel like rolling, roll for Spell Resistance.

    Me: ::rolls:: (beats it by one)

    DM: ::rolls dice::

    Me: ohh well it was worth a shot, quicken invis

    DM: (sits back in his chair, then stares at me)

    Me: My head in my character sheet and going over spell options, not paying attention.

    DM: (continues to stare at me)

    Me: still not paying attention

    DM: So Ed, what are you going to do with your dragon now?

    Me: Wha??!!?!?!?

    DM: I rolled a one (uncovers the die)

    Me: (evil grin) (Lock stares with BBEG)

    BBEG: well then.....it WAS a good plan......crap

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Orc in the Playground
     
    nobodylovesyou4's Avatar

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    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    i was playing with my uncle, and when he dms, he really just improvs and screws around. still turns out pretty fun, though. we had met some kobolds in the forest:

    Me: What are you guys doing in here?
    K: We own this forest! Go home, gnome!
    Me: You have an awfully deep voice for a kobold.
    K: Yeah, well, you know... steroids.
    Me: Doesn't that make your penis smaller?
    K: O RLY? *unzips pants; drumroll*
    Me: OH GOD, IT HIT ME IN THE EYE!

    so from then on out, "it's in my eye" was our response to any ranged attack or anything of the sort.

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Feb 2006
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    uk

    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    during a game a player stated entirely seriously 'we need sheep' has been used since that time!
    78% of DM's started their first campaign in a tavern. If you're one of the 22% that didn't, copy and paste this into your signature.
    if this thread is a 4e thread then play 3.5
    if this thread is a 3.5 thread then play 4e

    devils advocacy by signature

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    horseboy's Avatar

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    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    Says the 17" "pixie": "I stick to the elf like glue to make sure that he's not taking the [dead guy's]effects to his evil turtle overlord. Rolled up parchment at the ready."
    Alot is not a word. It's a lot, two words.
    Always use the proper tool. If the proper tool isn't available, try a hammer.


  12. - Top - End - #12

    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    Best in-game quote ever: "Go for the eyes, Boo, go for the eyes!". Seriously good, made in a remake of BGII.

  13. - Top - End - #13
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGirl

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    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    (On completing one adventure and arguing with the privateer captain who runs the boat that we wanna stay land bound for a while...)

    Cheerful Necromancer: "Look, Brannegan, we know that your life, your love and your lady is the sea..."

    Halforc Rogue-girl: "It's just that some of us prefer brandy."

  14. - Top - End - #14
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    -Cor-'s Avatar

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    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    My group has a bunch, of course, none of them funny out of context.

    I think my favorite is our motto, "That's a neat trick. Can you teach me that?"

    Said anytime anyone uses a class ability or skill with spectacular results.
    When in danger or in doubt; run in circles, scream and shout.

    "Plot Fairy w/ Adventure Hook" avatar expertly crafted by Rowsen. Well done, sir.

  15. - Top - End - #15
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    SoD's Avatar

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    Oct 2007

    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    One from my last session. The party is just going down into the dragons lair. The charismatic sorcerer attempts a bluff check: ''We're not here to fight you!'' I gave a massive circumstance bonus to the opposed sense motive...when the half orc cleric looks at the sorcerer and says, as if explaining to a small child ''Yes we are.''

    And later on, after chasing said dragon into a dungeon (it's a wyrmling black, the party is still low level) and the sorcerer calls out ''Where are you hiding? We're coming for you!'' or something along those lines in draconic (he learned how the half orc reacts when he does in common). The six kobolds in the next room loaded their crossbows and aimed at the doorway. A few seconds later...the half orc cleric walks through the doorway.
    For the last time, it stands for Shadow of Darkness!

    Thankin' Nevitan fer me babytar!

    Kasaad Shadowweb-Chitine Paladin of Freedom (now a clickable link!).

    Spoiler
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mauve Shirt
    SoD is my favorite too.
    Quote Originally Posted by TigerHunter View Post
    SoD casts Pun
    SoD's Pun crits TigerHunter for 10k.
    TigerHunter dies.


    Genderbender week comin' up! SoDess by Bisected8 *applause*

  16. - Top - End - #16
    Orc in the Playground
     
    blackspeeker's Avatar

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    Jul 2007

    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    Well me and my party of a bard, a monk, wizard, rogue, fighter and Dwarven Cleric (me) have infiltrated a castle filled with three legged hostiled, I dunno why three legs, our DM was retarded and thought that this would be cool.

    Well they tower over us and suround us while we try and formulate a way out, then this comes from me in character "Let's kill these three legged bitches." They make their listen checks battle ensues and we barely make it out.

  17. - Top - End - #17
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Lemur's Avatar

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    Jan 2007
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    Toon Town

    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    Prior to combat, I say to a baddie:

    "Hey ugly! Were you born that ugly, or were you just born that way?"

    The DM just pauses for a few seconds, obviously trying to convince himself it wouldn't be sporting just to instakill me on the spot.

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    SoD's Avatar

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    Oct 2007

    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    Quote Originally Posted by Lemur View Post
    "Hey ugly! Were you born that ugly, or were you just born that way?"
    Can I steal that for my sig? Please?
    For the last time, it stands for Shadow of Darkness!

    Thankin' Nevitan fer me babytar!

    Kasaad Shadowweb-Chitine Paladin of Freedom (now a clickable link!).

    Spoiler
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mauve Shirt
    SoD is my favorite too.
    Quote Originally Posted by TigerHunter View Post
    SoD casts Pun
    SoD's Pun crits TigerHunter for 10k.
    TigerHunter dies.


    Genderbender week comin' up! SoDess by Bisected8 *applause*

  19. - Top - End - #19
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    MCerberus's Avatar

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    St. Louis
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    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    First ever DnD the party is in a generic orc cave going to get a cure for something that I would likely get banned if I describe. Eventually we come across a seeming dead end. There's an orc library with carpet and everything inside the dungeon.

    Me: Well what's in the books?
    DM: Orc porn.
    Me: Well I'm getting the fire.
    Cleric: Well we should rest in the room right next to the fire.

    Later that night...

    Orc: My porn!
    Ask me about our low price vacation plans in the Elemental Plane of Puppies and Pie
    Spoiler
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    Evoker avatar by kpenguin. Evoker Pony by Dirtytabs. Grey Mouser, disciple of cupcakes by me. Any and all commiepuppies by BRC

  20. - Top - End - #20
    Titan in the Playground
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    Jun 2006
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    Fairfield, CA
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    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    "The merchant offers you 350 gold for your suit of plate mail."
    "...that's not even half of what I paid for it!"
    "Economy is rarely fair. Welcome to capitalism."

  21. - Top - End - #21
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Lolzords's Avatar

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    Mar 2007
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    England!
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    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    DM: The drow priestess pushes you on to the bed, undos the clasps on her armour and mutters something seductively in undercommon. You're going to need to make a check of some sort. *leafing through player's handbook*
    Me: Ride check?
    Random Player: How about a use rope check?

    Turns out while I was having hot four hour sex with this drow, the rest of the party were off getting arrested in this drow city. After sex, me and the priestess had to meet this big black dragon and he found out I was really a surface elf instead of a drow (I had an illusion on) and the priestess got angry.

    I grabbed the priestess and threatened to kill her, the dragon didn't give a hoot, so I threw the sobbing priestess at the dragon, drank a potion of gaseous form and exited the temple, stage left.

    Much fun was had by all.
    Round Four: Eat Brains.
    SPLAT!
    Cheers for the avvy, Rincewind

  22. - Top - End - #22
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    AslanCross's Avatar

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    Metro Manila, Philippines
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    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    Kieran is a Half-elf rogue, 15 INT, 8 WIS, 15 CHA. Is also a girl, despite the masculine name.
    Milica is a Human swashbuckler, 17 INT, 9 WIS, 14 CHA.
    Alioth is an Aasimar paladin with more charisma than either girl.


    Kieran <taunting an enemy rogue who took a nasty hit from the ranger's elven hound>: I know what that feels like, it's just a flesh wound!
    Milica <to Milica>: Yeah, last time you nearly had your liver cut out!
    Kieran: I got bitten in the leg. My liver is nowhere near my leg.
    Alioth: In case you two don't notice we're in the middle of a fight here!
    Kieran: I know! We are fighting!


    Eberron Red Hand of Doom Campaign Journal. NOW COMPLETE!
    Sakuya Izayoi avatar by Mr. Saturn. Caella sig by Neoseph.

    "I dunno, you just gave me the image of a nerd flying slow motion over a coffee table towards another nerd, dual wielding massive books. It was awesome." -- Marriclay

  23. - Top - End - #23
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    CrazedGoblin's Avatar

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    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    so where do i have to be to flank him??

    said by me, shortly after i was reducsed to -7
    http://s9.bitefight.org/c.php?uid=97391

    On No Accounts Must the Above Link Be Clicked!


    Best Avatar by Sampi!

  24. - Top - End - #24
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    WolfInSheepsClothing

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    May 2007

    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    After mopping up a group of rampaging evil Knights we save ones life to interrogate...
    (the party) All right you! Whats your name?
    (the knight) I am........(long Pause).... Sir Not Designed to Survive this Encounter?

  25. - Top - End - #25
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    WolfInSheepsClothing

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    Aug 2007

    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    We were walking along a dusty road toward a village when we spotted a group of mounted guards riding toward us, chasing someone. Out of sheer impulse, someone threw up a wall between the guards and their prey. After they got around it, they rode over and manacled us and the following took place:

    DM: The guard says, "So you think you're a funny man?"
    Player: I say, "No, but I think I'm a fast man!" and take off running into the fields!
    DM: ...The mounted guards wheel around and chase after you, spears levelled at your back.
    Player: I start pulling up tufts of grass as I run, stuffing them into my clothes to give me a bonus on my hide check.
    DM: No. You get stabbed in the back.
    Boaz's Law
    Don't. Just don't.

  26. - Top - End - #26
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

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    Aug 2007

    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    A few from my Call of Cthulhu game; I'm keeper.

    Player (Discussing tactics with the party): "You two ladies are taking up the rear. Uh...Bringing up the rear."

    Player (attempting to tell me he's readying his gun): My ****'s clicked...

    Player: I walk forwards, into the line of fire.

    Player 1 (in a swamp): I throw a rock into the darkness.
    Keeper: *Splash*
    Player 2: "I think that's water."

    Player (trying to flirt with a librarian): I want to impress her.
    Keeper: Roll Biology.

    Keeper: Which of them are you aiming at?
    Player: I'm shooting her. Because she can FLY.

  27. - Top - End - #27
    Orc in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

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    Jan 2007
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    USA
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    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    Alright, the main player in most of these is Elina d'Lyrandar, my windwright captain character.

    Me: I'm going to try to match the other airship's flight so we can board.
    DM: Roll Profession (sailor).
    *Die roll: 1*
    Warmage's player: .....Natural 1.
    DM: Yeah, right. You fail-
    Me: 24.
    DM: Wait, what?
    Me: Between all the modifiers, that's a 24.
    DM: You succeed.

    After facing a dragon with a DC 39 frightful presence.......

    Druid's player: I'm going to act stupid the whole way home!
    Me: No, you won't. I'll fascinate you.
    Druid's player: La la la la....
    Me: Okay, I'm using my fascinate ability. *Rolls* Will save, DC 40.
    DM: Skill checks scale up much faster than saving throws.
    Warmage's player: Yep.
    Elina d'Lyrandar, Bard 4/Dragonmark Heir 4/Windwright Captain 5/Storm Sentry 2

    "Arise, my children. Only the honor of a paladin is unbreakable...... even by death itself." -Soon, OOTS #449

  28. - Top - End - #28
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    WolfInSheepsClothing

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    Oct 2006
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    Norway
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    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    Quote Originally Posted by MCerberus View Post
    First ever DnD the party is in a generic orc cave going to get a cure for something that I would likely get banned if I describe. Eventually we come across a seeming dead end. There's an orc library with carpet and everything inside the dungeon.

    Me: Well what's in the books?
    DM: Orc porn.
    Me: Well I'm getting the fire.
    Cleric: Well we should rest in the room right next to the fire.

    Later that night...

    Orc: My porn!
    really nice!

    Quote Originally Posted by BrotherMick View Post
    After mopping up a group of rampaging evil Knights we save ones life to interrogate...
    (the party) All right you! Whats your name?
    (the knight) I am........(long Pause).... Sir Not Designed to Survive this Encounter?
    bad dm-ing. the group did something smart (taking prisoners in stead of jus tkilling everything that moves) and should be revarded.

    Of course, I would call him ted and let him give mostly misguiding info, but that another story...
    check out my metal band: http://www.facebook.com/Dreamslain

    Wash: "Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in jail."

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Banned
     
    OldWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    Quote Originally Posted by Narmoth View Post
    bad dm-ing. the group did something smart (taking prisoners in stead of jus tkilling everything that moves) and should be revarded.
    Maybe Sir Not Supposed to Survive had a good on the spot roleplaying but a very bad name. I know as DM I have a hell of a time coming up with names for everything from NPCs to Towns. I even have problems coming up with names for my PCs when playing. But that doesn't mean I can't pull something original out of my ass RPing an NPC that was never supposed to come up.

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Titan in the Playground
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    Jun 2006
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    Fairfield, CA
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    Default Re: Lovely in-game quotes

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaelik View Post
    Maybe Sir Not Supposed to Survive had a good on the spot roleplaying but a very bad name. I know as DM I have a hell of a time coming up with names for everything from NPCs to Towns. I even have problems coming up with names for my PCs when playing. But that doesn't mean I can't pull something original out of my ass RPing an NPC that was never supposed to come up.
    First Rule of DMing: The PCs will never do what you expect them to do.

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