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Thread: Tell A Joke!

  1. - Top - End - #1
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Chimera

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    Default Tell A Joke!

    There was once was a woman who died in a car crash. She went to the Pearly Gates of Heaven. Seeing St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he told her , "In order to enter Heaven, you must spell the word, "Love". The woman smiled. "L-O-V-E". Peter nodded and smiled, saying, "Come in." Well the woman was given the job to greet people who came to the Pearly Gates and give them a spelling test to enter. Her husband had passed away a few days after she did, and she was pleasantly surprised to see him at the Pearly Gates so soon.

    She asked him, "How did you die?" The man said, "My date killed me after I asked to bring her home on the first date."
    The woman was furious, but she remained calm. "If you want to come into Heaven, you have to spell just one thing to come in." Excited to get into Heaven, the man asked, "What do I have to spell?"

    Smiling, the woman stated. "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysil iogogogoch."
    Last edited by DarthArminius; 2020-09-05 at 04:28 PM.
    I am ArlEammon. I've been here for 16 years, but I've lost access to my other account.

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    GrayDeath's Avatar

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    A Joke.I told you
    There hasto be another
    FunnyHaiku here
    Last edited by GrayDeath; 2020-09-05 at 05:45 PM.
    A neutron walks into a bar and says, “How much for a beer?” The bartender says, “For you? No charge.”


    Later: An atom walks into a bar an asks the bartender “Have you seen an electron? I left it in here last night.” The bartender says, “Are you sure?” The atom says, “I’m positive.”

  3. - Top - End - #3
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    ElfRangerGuy

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    What kind of dog is great at magic tricks?
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    A labracadabrador.
    "Nothing you can't spell will ever work." - Will Rogers

    "What you must learn is that these rules are no different than the rules of a computer system. Some of them can be bent. Others can be broken." - Morpheus, The Matrix

    Quote Originally Posted by Krellen View Post
    Remember, Evil isn't "selfish". It's Evil. "Look out for number one" is a Neutral attitude. Evil looks out for number one while crushing number two.

  4. - Top - End - #4
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    Three men are wandering through the jungle or so on. Their guide is very, very insistent that they only stay in designated routes and so on, because part of the jungle isn't controlled by the countries government but by an indigenous group that shuns modern technology and hates outsiders and that there are rumors that they even still practice cannibalism. There are treaties in place between the government and the tribe that mean the Government will not interfere as long as they stay in their territory and the tribe can deal with trespassers as they see fit, so if you get lost in the tribe's territory, you're on your own. One of the men scoffs and dismisses it as a ghost story.

    On the last day of the trip, they go rafting on a river, but there is a freak storm and the winds and rains combined with the currents capsize their raft. They wash up a few miles down the river, and their guide is freaking out because he recognizes some trees that only grow in the territory of the indigenous tribe, and he's like "we need to get out of here now." That same man scoffs, and tells the guide off for being paranoid.

    Unfoturitnately, in their attempt to get out of the tribe's territory they are spotted by a group of hunters carrying their big game, some kind of cervine native to the area, and some of the hunters surround them and bring them back on their way to the Tribe's main village. The guide and two of the men are panicking, but that same man scoffs again becuase they're still carrying the animal they were bringing back and why would you do that if you eat people?

    When they get to the village the leader of the Tribe comes out, says a few things, and when he notices that the guide understands him and pulls him aside to talk to him.

    The guiud comes back a few minutes later with a look of utter despair upon his face.

    "As we have been found tresspassing in their territory, we are to be killed in accordance with the customs of their people. We will be executed, butchered, out flesh will be eaten, tools will bemade from our bones, and our skins will be stretched, tanned, and used to make canous, but... In the tribe someone who is condemned to death is allowed to choose their own method of execution."

    The first man says he wants to be hung. The Guide says this to the leader of the tribe and the leader of the tribe has a man take him by the arm and drag him off out of sight. The second man says he's always been fascinated by the french revolution and askes to be decapitated, the guide sys this to the leader and the man is escorted out of sight by a second tribeman called up by the Tribal LEader.

    The third man, the man whod scoffed at the guide's warnings all through the trip, asks for a fork. The guide says this and, confused, the tribal leader has someone bring him a fork. The ma immieidatly starts stabbing himself with the fork all over his arms and legs and chestand causing the tibesmne to all freak out. The leader says something and the guide translates "He wants to know what the hell you're doing!?"

    "Tell them I'm ruining their boat!" he say and then burries the fork in his own throat and bleeding out.

    The leader of the tribe turns to the guide and says "what the hell was wrong with him? What about 'would you like to join us for a dinner of fresh fruit and wild deer before we take you back to your people' would make him kill himself in such a slow and painful manner?"

    "I don't know," the guide says barely supressing a smile, "he was kind of a dumbass."
    Last edited by Rater202; 2020-09-05 at 06:47 PM.
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

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    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    PirateCaptain

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    After a particularly severe storm, a village in Oxfordshire finds that the small river on which it was built is about to burst its banks. Due to an ancient charter, Oxford University is required to assist them, so they send three academics: a structural engineer, a chemical engineer, and a literary critic.

    The structural engineer suggests building a concrete dam to stem the river, and the mayor calls in a construction company to do the job. A week later, the dam is completed, but in a few days the river’s current becomes more intense, and the dam crumbles.

    Next, the chemical engineer suggests adding a gelatin solution to the river, to solidify the whole thing. He calls in a favour from an old student who runs a chemical company, and they deliver a half ton of customised gelatinising solution. They add it to the river near the source, and the whole river turns to gelatin. However, a few days later, the current of the river becomes even stronger, and the water pressure at the source starts to break the gelatin apart.

    Then, out of nowhere, an awful thunderstorm appears over the town. The heavy rain starts to make the river flood. In a last ditch attempt, the literary critic steps up to the river bank. He coughs softly, purses his lips, takes a momentary glance at his fingernails, and says “I suppose this river is… adequate.” Suddenly, the flooding stops.

    The other two academics rush to the critic’s side and ask “How the hell did you stop the river from flooding?” “Simple," he replies, "I dammed it with faint praise".
    NB: While I never mean to offend anybody, sometimes the unfortunate combination of Aspergersism and the inherent difficulty of reading a situation through uninflected text over the internet get in the way of that goal. Please feel free to point out any social faux pas, inappropriate joke timing, etc.

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    lacco36's Avatar

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    Animal jokes!

    Most of these work better when you act them out. My kids love'em.

    A rabbit sees a bear walking through the forest.
    "Where are you going, bear?"
    "Shopping abroad, behind the border."
    "Oooh. Can I come?"
    "You have a passport?"
    "Nope."
    "Well, jump into my breast pocket. We'll make it work."

    The rabbit jumps into bear's breast pocket and the bear walks to the customs house. An officer walks out.

    "Hello Mr. Bear. Where are you going?"
    "Shoping abroad."
    "Again? Well, you know the drill. Passport please."
    The bear takes a passport from his back pocket and hands it over.
    "Here you go."
    "Anything to declare...?"
    "Nooope."
    Officer's eyes narrow with suspicion.
    "...and what do you have in your breast pocket...?"

    The bear answers, punctuating the answer by hitting the breast pocket.
    "Here?" *BUMP* "In *BUMP* this *BUMP* little *BUMP* pocket? *BUMP* ...a photo of a rabbit."




    A bear sits in front of his cave, with a notepad and pen. He sees a wolf walking nearby.

    "Hey, wolf, Come here. I'm going to eat you tomorrow for breakfast. See? I'm writing it down. 'W-O-L-F... b-r-e-a-k-f-a-s-t... t-o-m-o-r-r-o-w.' Okay, so - tomorrow, you'll come here, in the morning, so that I can eat you. Any questions? No questions? You are now on the list, I've written you down. Now scram."

    Wolf leaves, completely crushed. The bear, in good mood, sees a fox.

    "Hey, fox! Come here! I'm going to eat you tomorrow for lunch. See? I'm writing it down. 'F-O-X... l-u-n-c-h... t-o-m-o-r-r-o-w.' So, tomorrow, you'll come here, around lunch, so that I can eat you. You are now on the list. Any questions? No questions? I've written you down. Now run along."

    Fox leaves, terrified. The bear notices a rabbit hopping around.

    "Hey, rabbit! Come here! I'm going to eat you tomorrow for supper. See? I'm writing it down. 'R-A-B-B-I-T... s-u-p-p-e-r... t-o-m-o-r-r-o-w.' Now, listen closely: tomorrow, you'll come here, in the evening, so that I can eat you. You are now on my list. Any questions?"

    "Yeah, a question: what if I don't come tomorrow?"

    The bear thinks for a moment.

    "Well in that case, I'm striking you out from the list."




    I know, these are much funnier in person.
    Call me Laco or Ladislav (if you need to be formal). Avatar comes from the talented linklele.
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  7. - Top - End - #7
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    RedKnightGirl

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    d6 Re: Tell A Joke!

    What do the movie titanic and the sixth sense have in common?













    Icey people

    I will show myself out!
    9 wisdom true neutral cleric you know you want me in your adventuring party


  8. - Top - End - #8
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    Rater202's Avatar

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    Two nurses are talking. "It's so weird," says one who works in the burn unit, "we don't normally get transfers from your department. And Mr. Lance has such severe burns, too."

    "It's my fault, really," the nurse who worked in dermatology explained. "He came in with a nasty boil and I must have misheard the doctor's instructions when the patient grabbed my ass."
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here.

    Awesome Avatar by Emperor Ing
    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Fyraltari's Avatar

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    I am a functionning adult.

    Spoiler: Okay, an actual joke
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    So there's this endangered species of tiny monkeys called the schwarbueley who lives in the Amazonian forest. In fact, it's so endangered that there's only three of them left. And there's this stupidly wealthy French man who's obsessed with schwarbueleys. He's got schwarbueley paintings, recording of schwarbueley mating cries, schwarbueley statues, schwarbueley wallpaper,custom-made schwarbueley underwear, everything. But one day he decides that this isn't enough, he needs to own one real, live schwarbueley as a pet. So he cancels all his plans for the near future and drives to the Roissy airport where he has his (schwarbueley-painted) private jet fly him straight to Brazil, at the nearest airport to the Amazonian forest. Once, there, he buys enough food for a week as well as hunting equipment, rents a car and hires a local guide who knows where to find schwarbueleys. The guide explains that there's a pond where they sometimes come to drink. They go there and hide and wait for three days. The man's excitment grows with every passing hour and every night he dream of his new schwarbueley pet. On the third day, at dusk, he finally spots a schwarbueley come to drink at the pond. He shoots the schwarbueley with a soporific dart and bolts out to collect his prize. He is so elated with finally holding a schwarbueley in his hands that he's on the verge of tears. Composing himself he places the schwarbueley in a shoe box and and drives back to civilisation. He pays the guide handsomely, give the car back to the rental, climbs aboard his (schwarbueley-painted jet) and lies back to Roissy where he drives back to his apartment. There, with almost religious awe, he opens the box and finds it empty! the schwarbueley vanished into thin air! Furious, he drives back to the airport, climbs back into his (schwarbueley-painted) private jet and flies back to Brazil. There he buys some more food, rents the same car and finds the same guide. He has to promise to pay him twice as before as the guide was happy with spending time with his family. They go back to the pound, set up camp again and wait. The man's frustration grows with every passing minute. He was so close to owning a pet schwarbueley! He dreams of it every night, and that's all he talks about. Their food strts running short, so they hunt the local wildlife and eat some local fruits (the guide shows him which are safe and which aren't). Finally after three weeks, another schwarbueley, even tinier than the first one comes to drink. The man shoots it with a soporific dart and places it inside a match box, that he palces inside a shoe box that he ties tight with several ropes so that it can't come undone and drives back to civilization. He pays the guide three times what he paid him before, gives the car back, climbs back aboard his (schwarbueley-painted) jet, flies back to Roissy and drives back to Paris. He is dirty, exhausted and a nervous wreck but he'll finally be able to rest. So he puts the shoebox on a table, unties it, opens it and takes the matchbox out. Delicately he opens it as he is overcomed with emotion at the thought of finally owning a schwarbueley. But it is empty! The man is devasted. More furious than he ever was, he drives back to Roissy, climbs aboard his (schwarbueley-painted) private jet and flies back to the Amazonian, he doesn't even bother buying food or hiring the guide again, as soon as he's inside a car he drives back to the pond. He sets up camp and once again strts waiting. And waiting. And waiting. All alone with his frustration and anger rising with every second he starts hearing schwarbueley cries where there are none and seeing imaginary schwarbueley, he hunts for food and sets up traps but all he can think about is the last schwarbueley somewhere in the forest. He calls it with every fiber of his being. Then, finally, after three months of waiting, the last schwarbueley on Earth comes to drink. The man shoots it with a soporific dart and places it inside a matchbox that he places inside a shoebox that he ties with a solid rope and places in an iron box that he cloes with a huge lock and palces inside a big steel safe closes with a 22 digit combination. He drives back to civilization, abandons the car in front of the dealership, climbs back aboard his (schwarbueley-painted) jet, flies back to Roissy ignoring all other crafts and ground control, drives back home at ridiculous speeds and, once there, he opens the big steel safe with the 22-digit combination, takes out the the iron box that he opens with a huge key, unties the rope around the shoebox and puts the matchbox and puts it on the table. He is, once agains overcomed with emotion: he is about to own the last schwarbueley on earth, the only one! But at the same time he is afraid of what he's going to see. With extreme care, he opens the box and finds it empty again. He is devastated. Without schwarbueleys, his life has no meaning. So he goes to his study and opens a drawer, directly under a schwarbueley statuette, from which he pulls a gun. He goes to his bedroom, puts the gun against his head and pulls the trigger. And do you know what comes out out of the gun?
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    A bullet does.
    "Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced."
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    the Vector Legion [is the IFCC's new pawns], mark my words. Way too much unfinished business there and they already know about the Gates.
    I'll take that bet.

  10. - Top - End - #10
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    lacco36's Avatar

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    December 13th.

    An idyllic meadow, in a snowy forest. A bear walks in, dragging his feet through the snow. He is silently grumbling.

    As he is coming closer, he kicks a tree. *grumblegrumble*

    Thoughtlessly grabs a wolf that runs across the meadow and tosses him away. *grumble grumble*

    Punches another tree. *GRUMBLE GRUMBLE*

    Finally, he comes close enough.

    "Damn rabbit. I hate that long-eared carrotmuncher. Stupid rabbit. His stupid long ears and stupid ideas. 'Have a cappucino bear, it's only september - what's the worst that could happen?'
    Call me Laco or Ladislav (if you need to be formal). Avatar comes from the talented linklele.
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  11. - Top - End - #11
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    PirateCaptain

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by denthor View Post
    What do the movie titanic and the sixth sense have in common?




    Icey people

    I will show myself out!
    Wouldn't icey dead people make a better punchline? It's the famous Sixth Sense quote, plus the icey people in Titanic were also dead by the end of it.
    NB: While I never mean to offend anybody, sometimes the unfortunate combination of Aspergersism and the inherent difficulty of reading a situation through uninflected text over the internet get in the way of that goal. Please feel free to point out any social faux pas, inappropriate joke timing, etc.

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Troll in the Playground
     
    BisectedBrioche's Avatar

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    What's the difference between Disney and Shadowrun?

    One's a cynical vision of what happens when capitalism starts to exploit magic in defiance of national sovereignty and human rights...and the other's a cyberpunk tabletop RPG.
    Hi, I'm back, I guess. ^_^
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  13. - Top - End - #13
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    lacco36's Avatar

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Two snails meet in the middle of a road. One of them is bruised and bandaged.
    - Hey, you look terrible. Are you okay?
    - They just let me out of the hospital. I had an accident.
    - What happened?
    - Oh, you know. It was a sunny day, so I decided to go for a ride. I'm speedin' down the hill, dodging daffodils, eyestalks waving in the wind, when suddenly, a mushroom grows in the middle of the path.




    EDIT:
    Bat Masterson, a famous wild west gunslinger, sits quietly in a bar, listening to a piano, when a young gun strides in.

    The youngster goes straight to Bat and says "Howdy, Mr. Masterson. I have heard about your reputation as gunslinger and wanted to learn few tips from you, you know. I'll buy you a drink if you do me the favour."

    Bat nods and looks at the new guy. Bartender quickly pours him another drink.

    "Do, you wanna be a gunslinger? Dressed sharp in black?"
    "You bet, sir."
    "And those polished colts with pearl grips are yours?"
    "All mine."
    "Can you draw them quickly enough?"
    The youngster clears the right holster lightning fast and shoots down piano player's hat.
    "Fast enough, sir."
    "You shoot both hands so fast?"
    The youngster clears the right holster and shoots piano player's glass just before he reaches for it.
    "Both."
    "Nice. Now here's what you should do: run to the kitchen and ask the cook to give you a large pot of lard. When you have it, stick both those guns right into it, deep as you can."
    "Right...but why? Will that make them more faster to shoot?"
    "Nope. But it will make them hurt less when Wyatt Earp stands up from the piano and sticks them up your butt..."
    Last edited by lacco36; 2020-09-15 at 07:36 AM.
    Call me Laco or Ladislav (if you need to be formal). Avatar comes from the talented linklele.
    Currently recruiting for Brűtâl Racing, postapocalyptic semi-comedic cannonball run across the Europe in worst cars you can imagine. Sign up and get ready to burn.
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  14. - Top - End - #14
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Zombie

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Lady Gaga appears to be asleep. How do you tell if Lady Gaga is dead or not?

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    You P-P-Poke her face P-P-Poke her face nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh.


    Why did the {scrubbed}, insert "monk" pull quarters out of his behind?

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    Because change comes from within.
    Last edited by jdizzlean; 2020-09-19 at 01:31 AM. Reason: clean up

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    ElfRangerGuy

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    -The fact that there's a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers

    -every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could've become beer but didn't.

    -You'd think hip-hop music would have more bunnies in it. But no.

    -not to upset anybody but do we have a doctor onboard, or failing that, a pilot.
    Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett

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    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Could someone say "plethora" for me?
    ithilanor on Steam.

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    tyckspoon's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by IthilanorStPete View Post
    Could someone say "plethora" for me?
    ... bul-bous boo-fant?

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    BlackDragon

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    A bar is empty and just about to close and the bartender is looking forward to going home after a very busy shift. Just then the door opens and a priest, a rabbi, and minister walk in, immediately followed by a blonde, a redhead and a brunette, themselves immediately followed by an Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman.

    The exhausted bartender groans: 'Is this some kind of joke?'

  19. - Top - End - #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by IthilanorStPete View Post
    Could someone say "plethora" for me?
    No, but I can say "abundance"
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strigon View Post
    Wow.
    That took a very sudden turn for the dark.

    I salute you.
    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    I wish it was possible to upvote here.

    I use braces (also known as "curly brackets") to indicate sarcasm.
    Explanation here.

  20. - Top - End - #20
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    NecromancerGuy

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    Quote Originally Posted by enderlord99 View Post
    No, but I can say "abundance"
    Thanks, enderlord. It really means a lot.
    ithilanor on Steam.

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    SamuraiGuy

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    A Genie appears before a man.

    "Wow," he says, "do I get three wishes?"

    "Sorry, no," says the Genie, "I'm not that kind of genie. However, I will grant you one of three boons. I can grant you ultimate wisdom, fabulous material wealth, or amazing good looks."

    The man thinks for a moment, then says, "I chose ultimate wisdom."

    The Gene nods, says, "done" then disappears in a puff of smoke.

    The man thinks to himself, "I definitely should have gone for the money."

  22. - Top - End - #22
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    A pirate captain lost an eye during a boarding action. He later replaced it with a glass one containing his favorite letter of the alphabet in the Iris. From then on, he was known as the "I" Eye Captain.

  23. - Top - End - #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eldritch Knight View Post
    A pirate captain lost an eye during a boarding action. He later replaced it with a glass one containing his favorite letter of the alphabet in the Iris. From then on, he was known as the "I" Eye Captain.
    I call shenanigans. Everyone knows a pirate's first love is the C.
    Quote Originally Posted by truemane
    NEVER! I shall mod and drive and pick up dubious arachnid packages until the day I die!
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  24. - Top - End - #24
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Asmotherion's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Peelee View Post
    I call shenanigans. Everyone knows a pirate's first love is the C.
    This was puntastic.

    Please help/contribute in creating the: Complete list of Magically Created Constructs, Elementals etc

  25. - Top - End - #25
    Dragon in the Playground Moderator
     
    Peelee's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Asmotherion View Post
    This was puntastic.
    Oh, that's nothing. Later on, the pirate got another letter. He was so angry he was speechless. No other pirate had seen him so upset. One by one, they all looked at the letter. Each one refused to read the letter aloud. For it was that one letter which every pirate knows and hates. The letter, of course, was a cease and desist.
    Quote Originally Posted by truemane
    NEVER! I shall mod and drive and pick up dubious arachnid packages until the day I die!
    The Mod on the Silver Mountain avatars by the wonderfully talented Cuthalion!
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    If anyone has a crayon drawing they would like to put on the Kickstarter Reward Collection Thread, PM me.

  26. - Top - End - #26
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    ElfRangerGuy

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    -Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

    -I pay no mind to those who talk behind my back. It simply means I'm two steps ahead.

    -instead of a sign that says 'do not disturb' I need one that says 'already disturbed, proceed with caution'.

    -Do not trust atoms. They make up everything.
    Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett

    "Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
    "I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."

  27. - Top - End - #27
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

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    I love the way the Earth rotates.

    It really makes my day.

  28. - Top - End - #28
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    PirateCaptain

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    A couple of years ago I went out camping in the woods with a few of my friends. It was a dark and stormy night, and we felt very alone in our little tent, so we started telling scary stories.

    I described how the hills we were in used to be coal mining country, and the coal mines were dark and dangerous. If you didn’t die from coal lung you’d die from cave-ins, and if you didn’t die from either of those, you’d starve to death on the miniscule wages they paid you. The mine just up the hill from us was the worst. The manager had an extortion racket that he was keeping hidden from the owners - he would demand a “tribute” of 50% of the day’s wages from each of his miners, or he would think up a reason to get them fired. Pay was starvation level even without giving the manager his cut, and so after a few months of this tribute the miners became pale, sickly, and emaciated. Paradoxically, they started working harder and harder, hoping they would strike it rich enough to get a bonus that they could use to get out of that awful place.

    One of the miners worked even harder than the others. He just kept digging and digging, and when he looked back, he’d gone too far, left everyone else behind, and couldn’t find his way back. Life out there was so bad he found he barely cared. He just kept digging and digging and digging, figuring that working himself to death was as good a way to go as any other.

    Finally he came to a vein of rock darker than any he’d ever seen before, and when he broke through it - wham! - he had dug all the way to Hell. The Devil came over to meet him, and told the miner that they had a problem. He couldn’t stay in Hell, because he wasn’t a sinner. But he couldn’t go back either, because the rules say no mortal may leave Hell alive. So The Devil offered him a deal - he would transform the man into a vengeful ghost, who could spend eternity possessing mortals and driving them to madness.

    The miner thought a bit, but he wasn’t convinced. The only guy he wanted to possess and drive to madness was his evil manager who had stolen a tribute from every one of his paychecks. After getting revenge on him, he wasn’t sure he wanted an eternity of possessing random other people. Satan suggested that maybe he could spend eternity possessing people and talking about how evil his manager was, so as to make his name forever dishonored. The man thought that was a good idea, and so with a word Satan transformed him into a spirit. He spent a while haunting his evil manager, then after that possessed random other people in the area to give monologues on how exploitative his manager’s labour practices were.

    And so, I finished, sometimes, on nights much like tonight, with groups of campers much like our own…

    “Hold on,” interrupted my friend. “Is this going to end with you saying that you’re possessed right now, and that’s why you’re telling us this story?”

    “Um,” I said…“I guess that…”

    Just then the police burst into our tent. “Stop right there!” said one of the constables. “You’re under arrest!”

    “For what?” I asked.

    “Possession by a miner within tent to diss tribute.”
    NB: While I never mean to offend anybody, sometimes the unfortunate combination of Aspergersism and the inherent difficulty of reading a situation through uninflected text over the internet get in the way of that goal. Please feel free to point out any social faux pas, inappropriate joke timing, etc.

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Rater202's Avatar

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Can I share that one with a friend?
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here.

    Awesome Avatar by Emperor Ing
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Chimera

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    ::Corporate wants you to find the difference between this picture and this picture::
    ::First picture, is a flag of the Roman Republic::
    ::Second picture, is the flag of the United States of America::
    ::Pam:: "It's the same picture."
    I am ArlEammon. I've been here for 16 years, but I've lost access to my other account.

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