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Thread: Tell A Joke!

  1. - Top - End - #31
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by DarthArminius View Post
    ::First picture, is a flag of the Roman Republic::
    Either, this is the flag you're talking about
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    In which case I don't understand your joke.

    Or you're talking about a republic that disappeard more than a millenium and a half before countries started to have flags. And I'm also unsure as to what the joke is supposed ot mean.
    Last edited by Fyraltari; 2020-10-03 at 06:32 PM.
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Fyraltari View Post
    Either, this is the flag you're talking about
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    In which case I don't understand your joke.

    Or you're talking about a republic that disappeard more than a millenium and a half before countries started to have flags. And I'm also unsure as to what the joke is supposed ot mean.
    It's a meme that's usually depicted as an edited, based on a scene from the office.

    The character Pam pulls a prank on someone by saying Corporate needs them to determine the difference between two pictures(basically a find the difference puzzle) but later tells the documentary crew that they're the exact same picture.

    In memage, t's common to show a picture of two pictures of radically different things and declare them the same picture for various reasons.

    For example:
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  3. - Top - End - #33
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Fyraltari View Post
    Either, this is the flag you're talking about
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    In which case I don't understand your joke.

    Or you're talking about a republic that disappeard more than a millenium and a half before countries started to have flags. And I'm also unsure as to what the joke is supposed ot mean.



    It's kind of pointing out parallels between the Roman Republic and the American Republic.
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  4. - Top - End - #34
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    You know what they say, about explaining jokes being like dissecting a frog? You get the joke but the frog is dead.

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    I only have one joke, but I've perfected it to use it on anything:

    How many subjectivists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    I don't know, its all matter of perspective, lets all agree to disagree on this.

    how many relativists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Depends.

    How many collectivists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    All of them.

    how many individualists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Just one, but they have to do it in their own unique way.

    How many Among Us players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    10. seven to accuse each other in paranoia, two imposters to kill 6-8 of them, and one to finish screwing in the lightbulb.

    How many time lords does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One, but only if its The Doctor

    How many youtubers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One but only if you Like, Comment and Subscribe

    How many twitch streamers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One but they have to constantly thank their generous fans while they do it.

    How many fan fic writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One but only if they do not own the lightbulb
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  6. - Top - End - #36
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Razade View Post
    You know what they say, about explaining jokes being like dissecting a frog? You get the joke but the frog is dead.
    Both frogs and jokes are already dead before they're dissected. The dissection is not, in fact, what kills them.

    Also, that flag isn't the Roman Republic; it's the Roman Empire.
    Last edited by enderlord99; 2020-10-04 at 06:01 PM.
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    Wow.
    That took a very sudden turn for the dark.

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    I wish it was possible to upvote here.

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  7. - Top - End - #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by enderlord99 View Post
    Both frogs and jokes are already dead before they're dissected. The dissection is not, in fact, what kills them.
    That's the joke. Which only demonstrates it.

  8. - Top - End - #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Razade View Post
    That's the joke. Which only demonstrates it.
    I thought you were complaining about explanations because you thought the ruined things.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strigon View Post
    Wow.
    That took a very sudden turn for the dark.

    I salute you.
    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    I wish it was possible to upvote here.

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  9. - Top - End - #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by enderlord99 View Post
    Both frogs and jokes are already dead before they're dissected. The dissection is not, in fact, what kills them.

    Also, that flag isn't the Roman Republic; it's the Roman Empire.
    Sorry, I specifically googled "The Roman Republic" for a flag, and that came up.
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  10. - Top - End - #40
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    I only have one joke, but I've perfected it to use it on anything:

    How many subjectivists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    I don't know, its all matter of perspective, lets all agree to disagree on this.

    how many relativists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Depends.

    How many collectivists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    All of them.

    how many individualists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Just one, but they have to do it in their own unique way.

    How many Among Us players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    10. seven to accuse each other in paranoia, two imposters to kill 6-8 of them, and one to finish screwing in the lightbulb.

    How many time lords does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One, but only if its The Doctor

    How many youtubers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One but only if you Like, Comment and Subscribe

    How many twitch streamers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One but they have to constantly thank their generous fans while they do it.

    How many fan fic writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One but only if they do not own the lightbulb
    How many software engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None, it's a hardware problem.

    How many hardware engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None, software should find a workaround.

    How many mothers-in-law does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    No, it's fine, I'll just sit here in the dark.
    Last edited by SZbNAhL; 2020-10-05 at 05:05 PM. Reason: Grammar
    NB: While I never mean to offend anybody, sometimes the unfortunate combination of Aspergersism and the inherent difficulty of reading a situation through uninflected text over the internet get in the way of that goal. Please feel free to point out any social faux pas, inappropriate joke timing, etc.

  11. - Top - End - #41
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    One I saw on Dad jokes:

    You don't see people named Lance very often anymore, but in the medieval era they were named Lancelot.
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by SZbNAhL View Post
    How many software engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None, it's a hardware problem.

    How many hardware engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None, software should find a workaround.

    How many mothers-in-law does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    No, it's fine, I'll just sit here in the dark.
    How many boring people does it take to change a lightbulb?

    One.

  13. - Top - End - #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sermil View Post
    How many boring people does it take to change a lightbulb?

    One.
    How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Four - one to climb the ladder and three to say "that should be me up there".
    NB: While I never mean to offend anybody, sometimes the unfortunate combination of Aspergersism and the inherent difficulty of reading a situation through uninflected text over the internet get in the way of that goal. Please feel free to point out any social faux pas, inappropriate joke timing, etc.

  14. - Top - End - #44
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    How many narcissists does it to take to change a light bulb?

    One. He holds the light bulb still while the world revolves around him.

    How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

    Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.
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    Four fonts walk into a bar




    The barman shouts "Oi, get out! We don't serve your type here!"
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    Quote Originally Posted by DarthArminius View Post
    Four fonts walk into a bar




    The barman shouts "Oi, get out! We don't serve your type here!"
    Two Germans walk into a bar and order martinis.

    Bartneder: Dry?
    Germans: Nein, zwei! This joke requires a small amount of knowledge of both German and martinis.
    NB: While I never mean to offend anybody, sometimes the unfortunate combination of Aspergersism and the inherent difficulty of reading a situation through uninflected text over the internet get in the way of that goal. Please feel free to point out any social faux pas, inappropriate joke timing, etc.

  17. - Top - End - #47
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    An American, a Frensh and a German walk into a Bar. The German then asks the American:

    -Hey, who's that guy in the corner? I think he's trying to overhear our Conversation.

    The Frensh guy turns arround and aswears:

    -Oh, don't worry about it. He's just waiting for the punshline.

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    You know how the French say 17, 18 and 19? Do you think they used to say 16 the same way.

    Yes, but they had to dix-six!
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    "Nice clothes!"
    "Thanks! They were discounted by 50%"
    "I'd like them even better if they were...

    Wait.

    I messed that up, didn't I?
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    Wow.
    That took a very sudden turn for the dark.

    I salute you.
    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    I wish it was possible to upvote here.

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    Explanation here.

  20. - Top - End - #50
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    {Scrubbed}
    Last edited by jdizzlean; 2020-10-16 at 04:11 PM. Reason: clean up
    NB: While I never mean to offend anybody, sometimes the unfortunate combination of Aspergersism and the inherent difficulty of reading a situation through uninflected text over the internet get in the way of that goal. Please feel free to point out any social faux pas, inappropriate joke timing, etc.

  21. - Top - End - #51
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    It hangs on the wall and stinks. What is it?

    A clock.

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    Why stinks? Cuckoo is dead
    Last edited by Edreyn; 2020-10-12 at 01:55 PM.

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    After the battle a soldier walks around the battlefield looking for survivors. He sees someone horribly wounded: covered in blood, twisted and deformed, with body parts torn, so he can't even see anything of his face. But the wounded is alive, he addresses the soldier and says:

    "Hey, finish me off, bro".

    The soldier sees that he can't help anyway, the most merciful thing he can do is to really finish him off.

    He points the rifle and says "Whoever you are, rest in piece!". And shoots. BOOM!

    And then he hears: "Thank you, bro!"

  23. - Top - End - #53
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    So I have a list of dad jokes (expanded thanks to this thread!)

    - What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An ear-relevant!
    - Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
    - Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged...
    - Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the no-bell prize!
    - I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me!
    - I decided to sell my vaccume cleaner because it was just gathering dust!
    - What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoilt milk!
    - Can Febuary March? No, but April May!
    - Want to hear a joke about paper? No? That's fine it was tearable!
    - I could tell a joke about pizza but it's a little cheesy...
    - What do you call someone with no body and no nose? No-body nose!
    - This graveyard looks over-crowded, don't you think? People must be dying to get in!
    - I heard Peelee bought some shoes off a drug dealer, I don't know what they laced them with but he was tripping all day! (Apologies Peelee, this is meant in good fun)
    - I thought about going on an all almond diet but that's just nuts!
    - Did you know french fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece!
    - Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well!
    - Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well I'm not going to spread it!
    - You know a furniture stall keeps calling me? I only wanted a one nightstand!
    - I broke my left thumb week, but on the other hand I'm okay.
    - I heard a cheese factory exploded! De brie is everywhere.
    - Did you hear about the guy who invented livesavers? They say he made a mint!
    - What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A Satisfactory!
    - I thought about starting a new dating service in Prague. I was going to call it Czech mate!
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  24. - Top - End - #54
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Edreyn View Post
    After the battle a soldier walks around the battlefield looking for survivors. He sees someone horribly wounded: covered in blood, twisted and deformed, with body parts torn, so he can't even see anything of his face. But the wounded is alive, he addresses the soldier and says:

    "Hey, finish me off, bro".

    The soldier sees that he can't help anyway, the most merciful thing he can do is to really finish him off.

    He points the rifle and says "Whoever you are, rest in piece!". And shoots. BOOM!

    And then he hears: "Thank you, bro!"
    ...I don't get it.
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  25. - Top - End - #55
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by BisectedBrioche View Post
    ...I don't get it.
    Yeah, me neither.
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  26. - Top - End - #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peelee View Post
    Yeah, me neither.
    Shot the wrong person, I think?
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  27. - Top - End - #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    Shot the wrong person, I think?
    I was thinking maybe it was whoever thy dying soldier was fighting or somethinh, but the shooter seems to have seen the dying one speak to him, so I'd be surprised. Plus the guy is already in his way out, no reason to have someone else take care of it.
    Last edited by Peelee; 2020-10-14 at 07:01 PM.
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  28. - Top - End - #58
    Firbolg in the Playground
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Guys.

    The shooter missed.

  29. - Top - End - #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Razade View Post
    Guys.

    The shooter missed.
    Then why the thanks? Still not getting the joke.
    Last edited by Peelee; 2020-10-14 at 08:10 PM.
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  30. - Top - End - #60
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Peelee View Post
    Then why the thanks? Still not getting the joke.
    I never said it was a good joke. It's not as bad as their previous one about the clock which I'd argue isn't even a joke.

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