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Thread: Tell A Joke!

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    1) What do you get when you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber?

    2) What were Rene Descartes' last words?
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    1)Nothing, you can't cross a vector and a scalar

    2) I think not!
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  3. - Top - End - #213
    Dragon in the Playground Moderator
     
    Peelee's Avatar

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Astral Avenger View Post
    What were Rene Descartes' last words?
    Dangit, I was just about to tell my equine joke, but now it's ruined. Everyone knows you don't put Descartes before the horse!
    Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.

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  4. - Top - End - #214
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    Lord Raziere's Avatar

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    The casting choices of the new Mario movie. There, I told one.

    Q: How did the memelord make people laugh?
    A: They didn't.

    Why was the comments section used with a puppy to build an electricity generator?
    Because its always negative.

    why did the content creator use a mouse to fish?
    for the clickbait

    what did the angry internet person do when their lightbulb went out?
    blame the people they hate anyways.

    how many internet people does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Three. A Pro-lightbulb fan to blame anti-lightbulbers, an anti-lightbulb fan to blame pro-lightbulbers, and a third to makes memes about the lightbulb being out.
    I'm also on discord as "raziere".


  5. - Top - End - #215
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    Fyraltari's Avatar

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    The casting choices of the new Mario movie. There, I told one.

    Q: How did the memelord make people laugh?
    A: They didn't.

    Why was the comments section used with a puppy to build an electricity generator?
    Because its always negative.

    why did the content creator use a mouse to fish?
    for the clickbait

    what did the angry internet person do when their lightbulb went out?
    blame the people they hate anyways.

    how many internet people does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Three. A Pro-lightbulb fan to blame anti-lightbulbers, an anti-lightbulb fan to blame pro-lightbulbers, and a third to makes memes about the lightbulb being out.
    ...
    Are you doing okay, right now? You seem angry.
    Forum Wisdom

    Mage avatar by smutmulch & linklele.

  6. - Top - End - #216
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    Lord Raziere's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fyraltari View Post
    ...
    Are you doing okay, right now? You seem angry.
    Nice set up. the punchline is that I'm not angry, I'm just experimenting with new forms of jokes. the internet and its tendencies need to be made fun of in general. these are just patterns and tendencies I've observed over years of being online and trying to put them into joke form so that people understand the absurdity they are in.

    clearly the experiment was a failure if I mistaken for angry.
    Last edited by Lord Raziere; 2021-09-26 at 03:41 PM.
    I'm also on discord as "raziere".


  7. - Top - End - #217
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    HalfTangible's Avatar

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    "Your dog ate your programming homework?"
    "It took him a couple bytes."
    Hate me if you want. But that's your issue to fix, not mine.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo.

    When Gods Go To War comes out March 8th

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  8. - Top - End - #218
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Quote Originally Posted by BisectedBrioche View Post
    Did you hear about the most popular Norse God? Top Tyr!
    Roughly remembered pun from The Sandman:
    "So the god of Thunder has a romantic tryst with a young lady, at the end of which he tells her "I am Thor!"
    She replies: "You're sore? I can hardly walk!"

  9. - Top - End - #219
    Troll in the Playground
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    why couldn't the criminal eat his favorite food?

    the judge said "no peas for the wicked"

    ill show myself the door

  10. - Top - End - #220
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    Quote Originally Posted by paddyfool View Post
    Roughly remembered pun from The Sandman:
    "So the god of Thunder has a romantic tryst with a young lady, at the end of which he tells her "I am Thor!"
    She replies: "You're sore? I can hardly walk!"
    A few Norse mythology fans thought my joke didn't quite mesh with the original lore. In fact it relied on Baldur dash!
    Hi, I'm back, I guess. ^_^
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  11. - Top - End - #221
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by bramblefoot View Post
    why couldn't the criminal eat his favorite food?

    the judge said "no peas for the wicked"

    ill show myself the door
    Know why Hand of Vecna requires that your cut off your own?

    No wrist for the wicked...
    I stream RPG sessions, campaign preparation, and world-building via my Twitch Channel and upload them to my Youtube Channel.

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    Q: What do you get hanging from apple trees?

    A: Sore arms.
    I'm usually late to the party, but it's a great time when I get there....
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    Supagoof has won the game and withdrawn. He was Epic

  13. - Top - End - #223
    Troll in the Playground
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    here is a 40k joke

    an inquisitor, an ork and an eldar all walk into a bar

    HERESY!

  14. - Top - End - #224
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    OrcBarbarianGirl

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Why did the halfling call it quits with his warforged girlfriend?
    Because she was too high maintenance...

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    ElfRangerGuy

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    -To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches

    -cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.

    -alarm clocks: because every morning should start with a heart attack.
    Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett

    "Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
    "I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."

  16. - Top - End - #226
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a carrot up his nose, a banana in his right ear and a cucumber in his left ear.
    "What's wrong with me?" he asks.
    The doctor replies: "You're not eating properly."

  17. - Top - End - #227
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    RedWizardGuy

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    Why are ghosts such bad liars?

    Because they are easy to see through.

  18. - Top - End - #228
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    Lord Raziere's Avatar

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    How do you tell the difference between a DnD player, a Skyrim player and a Dark souls player?
    The first kills you then takes your stuff, the second takes your stuff then kills you, and the third takes your stuff then dies.
    I'm also on discord as "raziere".


  19. - Top - End - #229
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    OldWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    What does Clark Kent have in his bathroom?

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    The Superbowl

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    Chimera

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    "Ah naal nathrack, uthe be bethutte, doth el envay!" - Hodor
    I am ArlEammon. I've been here since 2004, but I've lost access to my other account.

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    This one's stolen.

    ---

    There's this cruise ship, out in the pacific with this magician. And this magician was really good at magic tricks and illusions. But the captain of the boat had a parrot, and he loved to bring the parrot to the shows, and the parrot would ruin every trick by going "it's in his hat! BRAAWWWK" "he put it up his sleeve! BRAAWWWK" etc. This went on for a while until one day the magician got fed up and threw his microphone at the bird. He missed, and accidentally started a fire. The boat exploded and the only two survivors were the magician and the parrot. The two of them were floating on a piece of driftwood, and then the parrot says:

    "Alright I give up, where's the damn ship?"
    Hate me if you want. But that's your issue to fix, not mine.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo.

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  22. - Top - End - #232
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    This one's stolen.

    ---

    There's this cruise ship, out in the pacific with this magician. And this magician was really good at magic tricks and illusions. But the captain of the boat had a parrot, and he loved to bring the parrot to the shows, and the parrot would ruin every trick by going "it's in his hat! BRAAWWWK" "he put it up his sleeve! BRAAWWWK" etc. This went on for a while until one day the magician got fed up and threw his microphone at the bird. He missed, and accidentally started a fire. The boat exploded and the only two survivors were the magician and the parrot. The two of them were floating on a piece of driftwood, and then the parrot says:

    "Alright I give up, where's the damn ship?"
    Been a while since I've seen that but it always makes me chuckle. Don't even know why it's a parrot when any passenger would serve well, but it's always a parrot and it still works perfectly.
    Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.

    Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 2

  23. - Top - End - #233
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    "Ain't no party like a Donner party cause a Donner party... Where's Bob?"
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here. Homebrew Material Here Rater Reads the Hobbit and Dracula
    Awesome Avatar by Emperor Ing
    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

  24. - Top - End - #234
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    Lord Raziere's Avatar

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    "Hey I just fought a guy named Kenshiro, poked me a lot of times then said I won a Darwin award! I'm so happy I never won an award before, but I'm wondering where it is."
    Last edited by Lord Raziere; 2022-04-16 at 08:59 PM.
    I'm also on discord as "raziere".


  25. - Top - End - #235
    Dragon in the Playground Moderator
     
    Peelee's Avatar

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    "Hey I just fought a guy named Kenshiro, poked me a lot of times then said I won a Darwin award! I'm so happy I never won an award before, but I'm wondering where it is."
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    Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.

    Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 2

  26. - Top - End - #236
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Chimera

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rater202 View Post
    "Ain't no party like a Donner party cause a Donner party... Where's Bob?"
    What do the Donner Expedition and The Sixth Sense have in common?
    Icy Dead People.
    Last edited by DarthArminius; 2022-04-16 at 09:04 PM.
    I am ArlEammon. I've been here since 2004, but I've lost access to my other account.

  27. - Top - End - #237

    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Once a cat and a dog fight over swimming in the lake, meanwhile a any cross their way and said you do fight I am going to take a shower ahhahahahahahahahaa

  28. - Top - End - #238
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    You can hear the blood in your veins if you...







    ...listen varicosely

  29. - Top - End - #239
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    Quote Originally Posted by paddyfool View Post
    You can hear the blood in your veins if you...







    ...listen varicosely
    No joke, there's also a soundless chamber that muffles ambient sound to such a degree you can hear the blood moving in your veins and can only barely hear yourself talk. It's apparently incredibly uncomfortable and people can only stand being there for so long.

    -

    "What's the difference between a watermelon and a banana?"
    "I don't know, what?"
    "Well I'm not sending you to the grocery store, then!"
    Hate me if you want. But that's your issue to fix, not mine.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo.

    When Gods Go To War comes out March 8th

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  30. - Top - End - #240
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    No joke, there's also a soundless chamber that muffles ambient sound to such a degree you can hear the blood moving in your veins and can only barely hear yourself talk. It's apparently incredibly uncomfortable and people can only stand being there for so long.
    Anechoic chambers. There are actually several, but one particular one is open to the public. Due to how we generally sense, according to reports it's not uncomfortable so much as generally disorienting (I believe most anechoic chambers are dark, due to lighting constraints to keep things in the negative decibel range). From what I've heard, anyone who wants to be in for more than a half hour is highly advised to sit or lie down, and the longest anyone has been in one at one location has been about an hour.

    ETA: Also, some people with certain conditions actually find it peaceful, apparently.
    Last edited by Peelee; 2022-04-24 at 11:55 AM.
    Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.

    Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 2

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