MERC XIX: Toss a Coin to your Goblin

[Shadowcaller]

[Mrs. Fettina Goes to Work?]

"Both, a ritual combined with the usual ritual if you get my drift. Nothing weird." She prefers to avoid that exact subject though. "But yeah, I couldn't make kids due to a curse but I was actually un-cursed recently by complete accident. I actually considered getting myself re-cursed when this offer landed on my table and now I'm not sure what to do." She shrugs but its not as nonchalant as the way she usually do them. "Hence why I'm talking to you right now. Kirk already knows of course. We have discussed and looked into the matter at length and so far it seems legit."

[Murkus]

[Mrs. Fettina goes to MERC]

"Dena, if you don't wanna make babies there are easier ways than getting re-cursed," Fettina says. "But anyways, I mean... If you've got the power I wouldn't wanna give it up!"

"As far as this gaze thing, I mean... if you're comfortable with this whole kid thing... I mean... making kids is a big deal, Dena! How do you intend to... deal with them when you make them?"

[Shadowcaller]

[Mrs. Fettina goes to MERC]

"It's not giving it up, it's more... making it more manageable. I don't risk killing you guys every time I see you." Dena makes a vague gesture with her hand. "But I never said I'm super-comfortable with the kid thing, just that I could probably deal with it. What I couldn't deal with would be an actual child though but that's what the whole deal is about. The other side wants the kid since apparently gorgon-children are special. So in theory I'd just squeeze em' out and never have to deal with them ever again." A beat. "Of course, it's never going to be that easy. Lot's of stupid emotions involved. Pregnancy sucks." She sticks out her forked tongue in disgust. "So the question is if I want to deal with that or not."

[Murkus]

[Mrs. Fettina Goes to MERC]

"Yeah, honey, I mean-- your whole perception could change once you blow up, you know that? You might get attached to this thing! Acting like you can just... squeeze it out and dump it is gonna bite you in the ass I think! Unless... somehow you can be really sure it's gonna be taken care of."

"Who is this stranger that wants the kid?" Tina narrows her eyes. "They aren't some creep, are they?"

[Shadowcaller]

[Mrs. Fettina Goes to MERC]

Dena rolls her eyes behind her sunglasses and leans back in her chair. "It's not gonna change my whole personality, Tina. I spend my whole youth taking care of other people's babes since they weren't gonna care of 'em themselves so I know this **** and I don't want to shovel it again."

She scratches her neck absentmindedly as Tina asks about creeps. "Didn't you hear what the deal was? Of course he’s a creep. But he's also rich so it's more 'eccentric' than creepy." She remarks with finger quotes. "Plus, it's a special baby and he's basically a glorified crime boss so he'd want to make money of it, not eat it or whatever."

[Arkhosia]

Parcelgeist

The command word reverberates throughout the office, and for a terrible moment, the vortex seems to intensify. Leis steps out in the open herself as the ghost drifts away from the computer with nary a sound, oily tendrils extracting themselves from the screen as it turns to face the two. The tiefling can’t help but reach for Valerie’s arm, ready to yank her out of danger if necessary.

Thankfully, the need never comes, for the papers die down as the spirit floats idly before them, seeming to stare towards Valerie with its featureless face. A fountain pen floats from one of the desks and cracks open, ink flowing into the air and coalescing into a word:

PROCEED

[Murkus]

[Mrs. Fettina Goes to MERC]

"I think you underestimate what hormones can do to you, Dena, honey... but maybe elf babes are different," Fettina ponders and fingers her bottom lip. "So I mean... are you really cool consigning this baby to this creep? Is that something you'd want your moms to do? Isn't there a way we could do this without giving it to a weirdo?"

"And I mean... you have to screw this weirdo too, right?" She sticks out her silver tongue in disgust.

[Shadowcaller]

[Mrs. Fettina Goes to MERC]

"Elf?" Dena looks more than a little confused for a moment. "Oh, you- yeah, don't use that name. Drow or alvar is fine, 'kay? Elves is something else." She waves her hand dismissively but clearly cares enough about this to point it out.

"But I think I've taken care of enough expecting mothers to know how those hormones work. There's a strong bound, yeah. But that's why you gotta cut it along with the umbilical cord as soon as they're out of there. No holding 'em, no boob-suck, nuthing." She makes a sweeping motion with her hand.

This is when Tina inquires about how okay Dena is with handing over the baby to a creep. "I mean, I'd obviously want 'dem to end up with good caretakers, which is another reason why I'm hesitating. All this research I've done does suggest I might not even need the creep unless there's something else to this ritual he's keeping from me."

Then Tina asks her final question, making Dena just stare at her for a moment. "**** no. That's not a part of the deal. I'm not even sure the dude has a freaking body." She lets out her forked tongue in disgust. "I'd do it with Kirk... or something. I might consider selling my uterus but the rest is private ****ing property."

[Murkus]

[Mrs. Tina visits MERC]

"Oh, oh sorry," Fettina doesn't want to hurt any feelings by misidentifying a person. She pinches her fingers next to her mouth.

"But damn, girl, that's cold... do you really wanna do that?" She looks a little mortified. "My mom was... not all that close with me, and downright bad at times, and it messed me up pretty good. You wanna do that to your baby?"

"I think the best thing would be not to let the kid end up with creepo, and maybe see if we can't get a real home, but..." Fettina shakes her head.

"Wait... you got propositioned for this by a ghost?" Fettina squints up her face in confusion. That doesn't make no logistical sense!

[Shadowcaller]

[Mrs. Tina visits MERC]

"Do what exactly? Hand 'em over to a creep? I told you I was hesitating over it and I'd think I some more info how the child would be taken care of, with promises and all that, before I even consider it. But it wouldn't really be my bab if it does come to that, wouldn't it?" Dena clarifies as she runs her hand through the snakes that make up her hair. The serpents seemingly making place for it. "So yeah, real home is a must, one hundred percent." She nods as to respond to Tina shaking her head.
"Uh, he's apparently a 'god' of secrets, Helios he's called. Or at least that's what he's called where he's from but he's essentially an intelligent spirit as far as I can tell. I've actually talked to him a few times before he came with the offer but he never mentioned the god part. Always introduced himself as a lore broker and sold information to MERC through me. I know he got these invisible spirits working for him but I also know they aren't here in case you're worried." She eyes her office. "So yeah, strong stalker vibes. Talks a lot."

[Gullara]

Parcelgeist

The command word reverberates throughout the office, and for a terrible moment, the vortex seems to intensify. Leis steps out in the open herself as the ghost drifts away from the computer with nary a sound, oily tendrils extracting themselves from the screen as it turns to face the two. The tiefling can’t help but reach for Valerie’s arm, ready to yank her out of danger if necessary.

Thankfully, the need never comes, for the papers die down as the spirit floats idly before them, seeming to stare towards Valerie with its featureless face. A fountain pen floats from one of the desks and cracks open, ink flowing into the air and coalescing into a word:

PROCEED

[Parcelgeist]

Valerie pauses there for a moment. Oh, did it..? "It worked!" Valerie turns to Leis, grinning from ear to ear. "You see that? I told you we could take care of this."

[Arkhosia]

Parcelgeist

"Aha, I knew we had it in us! Great work!" A little bounce animates Leis's form as she pumps her fists with a joyous grin, her eyes seeming to sparkle. "Though I'd say you could've handled it all alone. Guess I'll have to find another opportunity to impress you?"

The cheeky and good-natured look on her face shifts to one of concern as she looks back over to the spirit hovering where it does, motionless save for the ceaseless flow of its tendril-forged body as if watching, waiting. "It uh, doesn't seem like it's leaving just yet though. Is there something we still have to do?"

[Gullara]

[Parcelgeist]

Valerie laughs, but she stifles her giddiness when Leis brings her back down to earth. "Right! So I'm pretty sure I just have to direct it now?" Admittedly Valerie's memory is a bit foggy on exactly how to use this thing after this point. It's worth a shot. She turns back to the ghost. "I command you to leave this place and don't come back." She attempts.

[Murkus]

[Mrs. Tina visits MERC]

"Oh, forget this nerd then," Fettina says. "Gods make lousy parents. You know this kid's gonna grow up to be a psycho killer if you give him to Helios, and that's gonna be on you."

"So Kirk's... gonna pop one in ya, huh?" Fettina looks at her shyly. "How's he feel about that?"

[Shadowcaller]

[Mrs. Tina visits MERC]

"Not sure it's that easy to turn down, Tina. I mean, if I could just do it on my own why would I ever accept the deal? I bet he's omitted some crucial detail to make sure I can only do it through him." She pauses and shrugs. "But yeah, it's probably gonna be old Kirky boy and I haven't actually discussed it with him yet. He's been avoiding the subject too as I don't think he's into pregnant women if you catch my drift."

[Murkus]

Mrs. Tina Visits MERC

"Well he better be. He's made enough of them. And he better be ready to take good care of you if he knocks you up!" Fettina wags her finger. "This is a weird situation... Is this what you wanted me to come over and talk about?"

[Arkhosia]

[Parcelgeist]

The spirit, oddly, doesn't move. Instead, the ink simply reshapes itself once more. INCORRECT. YOU HAVE ACCESS TO INQUIRE, NOT TO COMMAND. PLEASE CONTINUE WITH YOUR INQUIRIES..

Leis blinks at this. "Okay, I guess we're not out of the woods yet. But it isn't causing any havoc like this, so maybe you can keep it busy asking questions and I'll see if I can prepare a banishment spell?"

[Shadowcaller]

Mrs. Tina Visits MERC

Dena nods. "Pretty much. I mean, if I'm being honest, I've avoided the subject as much as he. I know it's going to sound shallow but I'm not a fan of the pregnant look either. It messes up your body, permanently, so that will be another price I'd have to pay." She gestures at Tina. "You know what I'm talking about as I'm pretty sure it crossed your mind too."

[Murkus]

[Mrs. Tina goes to MERC]

"Well, I wasn't as worried about that as it messing you up psychologically, Dena... But we can get that fixed with augments! It'll be like you're brand new again. No scar or anything. That's what biological babies do to your stomach right...? A scar?" Fettina looks confused. "And you get huge boobies. That sounds pretty alright. I bet Kirk will be into those boobs."

[Shadowcaller]

[Mrs. Tina goes to MERC]

"I ain't augmenting myself, Tina. You should know this already." Dena raises an eyebrow. "And what 'scar'? Why would there be a scar? Not to mention that the greater the boob, the greater the sag, and one is superior to the other. Just ask Kirk, he's more into scrawny women." She gestures at Tina. "Case in point."

[Murkus]

[Mrs. Tina goes to MERC]

"You know, your... belly scar. When they have to cut the baby out of you," Fettina gestures vaguely at Dena and makes a face. "And hey, don't gesture at my boobies like you know what you're talking about! I would give anything for tits like yours!"

"...Is Kirk really more into scrawny women?"

[Shadowcaller]

[Mrs. Tina goes to MERC]

Dena stares in disbelief at Tina, even behind her sunglasses this should be plain to see. "Cut- they come out of your vagina, you dumbass!" Dena can often call Tina this so it's not exactly her being harsher than usual. Just playing with what she sees as Tina's general ignorance. "That's why I said 'squeeze 'em out' since that's what you do except it hurts way more considering what you're forcing out of there." She reaches over and whaps Tina lightly over the head, something else she liked to do to mess with her. "Imagine that but like a million times worse, I've helped deliver 'em so I've seen it. It involves a lot of screaming and it ain't beautiful despite what some people might tell you. You really thought that part was just the expressway for the *****? Yikes, Tina." She shakes her head as if disappointed but again Dena engages with Tina like this a lot. They were allowed to insult and even hit one another without actually being upset.

Then she looks more pointedly at Tina's breasts as they seem to be their next subject of discussion. "And what's wrong with your boobies now? Since if there is, can't you just 'augment' them like you told me to do, eh?" Her eyebrows raise. "Point is, size ain't that important is it? I mean, speaking of Kirk he does a lot with what he has doesn't he? Not like anyone declined him due to his peeny being a size too small." She waves her hand dismissively. "As for his preferences, he does usually go for body type before thickness from what I've seen. But it's not like you could actually be called scrawny. You just put all your weight into the booty. Your shiny metal booty."

[Murkus]

Mrs. Tina Visits MERC

Tina swats Dena back. "Hey don't you whack me-- ain't you ever heard of a c-section? They gotta cut the baby out because it's being unreasonable. I thought that's how it was done. I'm not... good with this sort of thing, okay?!"

"I don't wanna augment my boobs. I like my boobs," She pouts and touches her chest. "Besides, everyone prefers my ass anyways. And I wish you wouldn't be so mean to Kirk about his penis all the time! It's not small! He's normal! You're just... huge!"

[Shadowcaller]

Mrs. Tina Visits MERC

"They do that? Well, we didn't have that fancy stuff back home so all the babies had to go out the old fashioned way." She points at Tina as if she just had made a great point. "That's something I ought to remember though. Maybe they can even teleport the baby or something once it's finished around here. Now that'd be great." A lot less screaming for sure.

"But yeah, I like your boobs too, in a completely spiritual way. They're cute!" She leans over and teasingly prods one of them, also in a completely platonic fashion. "But how do you think they'll feel if you keep telling them they're not good enough, huh? Those poor boobs of yours." The gorgon shakes her head. "That's also why your butt is so great, it's swollen with butt-pride since everyone keeps complimenting it." Dena continues as if it had been the most obvious things in the world.
Tina's last comment makes Dena lean back and put her hand on her chest as if she had just been gravely emotionally injured. "Come on, if I can't tease Kirk about his peeny then what can I do? He doesn't even mind at this point since he knows they're coming from the person that's addicted to it. I mean, you of anyone should know. You've heard me when I get up and personal with Kirk. I compliment it with every sound I make. It's very precious to me."

[Murkus]

[Mrs. Tina Goes to MERC]

"H-hey, quit it," Fettina swats Dena's hand again. "My boobs are good... my ass is good! I don't need you to tell me so!"

"Well you can tell he likes you special too... especially enough to get you pregnant." Fettina sighs. "Look, I'm gonna go home... I got a lot to think about with... all this. I hope I've given you some worthwhile advice."

[Shadowcaller]

[Mrs. Tina Goes to MERC]

And with those words Dena's bravado is instantly gone along with her smile. "****, sorry Tina." She presses her fingers against the bridge of her nose and let's out a sigh. "I'm the dumbass, I should have realized..." The gorgon let's out a drawn out groan. "Just hold on a moment, if you can endure this dumbass for little bit longer there was another reason I called you here." She pulls out a drawer and takes out what seems to be two necklaces made up of a series of small chains. One made of silver and the other of gold. At the very end of each necklace it is a single key.

"So... this is gonna seem a bit silly but where I'm from you're supposed to give wedding gifts when someone gets married and perhaps the most important gift are the house keys. Now as I'm not a creep I don't actually have the keys, or whatever you're using, to your house but I do have a key to a cabin out in outside that I use on occasion. Kind of a nice safe house that I keep stocked in case anything happens. So I figured if you and Cantata ever just wanted to get away with one another for a while or you needed somewhere to be safe for whatever reason..." She gestures at the keys that she just placed on the table. "Well, you could use those." Dena scratches the back of her head. "As I said, kinda dumb but I didn't know what else to give as a wedding gift."

[Murkus]

[Mrs. Tina Visits MERC]

"Oh... Dena..." Fettina's eyes well up with golden tears. "Oh this is so sweet..." Fettina falls against her friend and hugs her and snuggles her. "Please be careful with this whole thing... and I hope you and Kirk are really happy together..."

[Shadowcaller]

[Mrs. Tina Visits MERC]

"Um, and I carved in your names on the backs..." Dena continues before Tina suddenly hugs her and she is made to return it. She gives her a tight hug and smiles gently. "Come on, Tina. You make it sound like we're getting married or something..." The gorgon remarks in a rather subdued voice that is far more emotional than Dena always gave the impression of. "It's gonna work out fine and I'm not gonna give Kirk exclusivity of any kind. I love both you guys." She attempts to wipe away one of Tina's tears while giving her hand a tight squeeze. "You know I do, right?"

That's when something that could have been potentially extremely dangerous happens. Dena's sunglasses have slided so far down that her eyes are actually visible. However, seeing them doesn't seem to do anything to Tina. All she can see is her friend giving her a gentle smile.

[Murkus]

[Mrs. Fettina goes to MERC]

"I love you too..." Fettina cries a little into Dena's shoulder. She looks at Dena and sniffs. "I know you do. You're the best, Dena."

Then she sees she's looking Dena in the eye... and she gives a little gasp... "Dena... your eyes..."

[Shadowcaller]

[Mrs. Tina Visits MERC]

The moment she hears her eyes being mentioned she quickly closes them tightly but can't really make herself pull away from Tina. She just quickly turns to look in another direction. "****, ****!" She swears but quickly seem to calm down as her friend didn't seem effected. "...you okay?" She just asks after a while, her eyes still closed and her head turned away.