Serious Plots 9: Srsr and srsr

[Rebonack]

[G’nichi’s New Home]

Through the crack G'Nichi will have a pretty good view of something with a stark white face and a single yellow eye peering back at him. He'll be able to hear the sound of water flowing not too far away.

"Hhhhello, Neeeeeechee. Would you... LIKE! A balloooon?" comes a stilted, unnerving voice from the below.

Oh no.

It's a scary clown.

Your new house has scary clowns, G'Nichi.

You're going to have to burn the whole place to the ground.

Preferably from orbit.

It's the only way to be sure.

[Deathkeeper]

G'nichi's New Home

G'nichi responds by blowing a stream of poison gas that immediately ignites into the crack under the manhole before slamming it down and plopping his considerable bulk on top.
He isn't conscious of it, but wanting to weigh something down causes his weight to actually exist.
"How did my life get like this?" he asks his sword.

[Chaotic Bob]

[G’nichi’s New Home]

The sword has been mildly unnerved by the sudden appearance of both the well and its occupant.
She's been muttering under her breath about how it managed to appear without any notice at all.

But then G'nichi asks about his life woes!
The gods test their most promising supplicants the most. Look at it as a compliment?

[Deathkeeper]

G'nichi's New Home

"I guess? It doesn't feel like much of a compliment to me." he sighs, looking around.
"So what do you think of the place? The new me? Worth it?" he asks.

[Chaotic Bob]

[G’nichi’s New Home]

The house seems like a wonderful gift. I'm... Unsure about its giver, but she was upfront with the problems and didn't have to be.
It really is a nice place, especially when G'nichi didn't have to drop a bunch of money for it.

I think that your personal satisfaction with your body is more important than anything else. I will admit to not... Quite grasping the concepts of lizard and dragonfolk aesthetics, but you seem well equipped for the harder parts of fighting?
That seems most important.
Yeah, she's got no idea how to address the body situation. He's probably very nice for a scaly guy. Not really her... Thing, though.

[Deathkeeper]

G’nichi’s New Home

”Fair enough. You know when we start moving my stuff I have something that should keep this lid secure. We just need to keep it under control for that long.”
He’s REASONABLY sure evil spirits and fairies won’t count as a true hero so the kettle-bell should keep the lid on.
It just means he has to lug it all the way here.
For now he can use one of the regular weights from the boxes.

[Rebonack]

[G’nichi’s New Home]

There's a Briar Patch in the well under G'Nichi's house.

It was, for the most part, sealed off with an impenetrable wall of brambles which prevented it from being readily used by nightmares to come slithering out of the netherworld.

Sure would be a shame if someone used the Searing Light of Truth to burn through the brambles to make a path back to the Waking World for a gaggle of kidnapped children.

Something like that might have further repercussions down the road.

Regardless!

A barghest, five yeth hounds, four pre-school age children, two infants, and one mare reach the top of a flight of stairs and discover that they're now at the bottom of a well.

Which really isn't an ideal place to be.

Thankfully the well is quite wide, save for the mouth of it, and Karaglen's air-walking means she can climb straight up the wall without any great difficulty. The only problem is that the mouth is sealed with a very large, very heavy iron manhole cover. By all accounts Karaglen should be big enough and strong enough to just shove it aside, but her magical body can't budge the iron and even touching it really stings. It probably wouldn't stand up to an Invocation, though.

Mister Crawling eyes is close behind.

He just sort of...

Slides up to the wall.

And then begins sliding up along the wall as if it were the floor.

He's still just as much of an utterly motionless, ridged cadaver in a shabby suit as he always is.

Also there may or may not be loud music playing on the other side of the cover?

[Chaotic Bob]

[G’nichi’s New Home]

Sadly, Kara did not forget about him. She had a hunch he was just going to appear at the last possible moment, when he didn't show up by the time Maph'tey appeared.
But this is fine, she did promise to let him out.

As unsightly as he is, he did help them, and he did make an Oath to not hurt anyone in the spirit of her trust.
So this should be fine.

"Okay, kids...I can't really touch that lid without hurting myself. If I float up a little higher, do you think you can push up on it? If you can't move it, that's okay, but if you can give it a try that would be really helpful. Er, well, only two of you. Children with babies keep holding babies."
Yeah, don't let go of the babies in order to try to push the heavy lid please!

Assuming they're okay with that, she's going to float up as high as she can get, ducking her head down to not be in contact with it.
If not (or if they inevitably can't actually move it), then she's going to suggest they start slapping out it while they all start calling out for someone to open up.

Hopefully there's someone over there to hear it!

[Deathkeeper]

G'nichi's New Home

The lid does not budge. This is because there is a magical kettle bell that cannot be lifted save by TRUE HEROES sitting on top of it, and frightened children are usually not true heroes.
There is also music blasting through it, which is to say the kids can actually faintly hear it through the huge iron lid. After enough screaming it does go "silent" (from their side).
After a few moments there's thumping from the top of the lid.
"I ain't fallin' for that again, clown!"

[Rebonack]

[G'nichi's New Home]

That sounds like a grownup.

Timmy and Talle begin slapping on the lid even harder.
"Please open the lid!"
"Yeah let us out we wanna go home!"

Sasha decides to pitch in, too. "Mister we got away from a bunch of goblins and the lid is too heavy for us to move!"

These sound like pretty young kids.

Like three or four or five.

Except that last one. She sounds like older elementary school age and she's only here because she was home sick at the time.

Of course, this is exactly what creepy faeries would do, right?

Mimic the voices of children so they can spook you when the lid gets pulled off?

Hopefully Karaglen will be able to convince G'Nichi of their altruistic and pure goals.

"Oh hey wait is that G'Nichi? That sounds like G'Nichi hi hi! We played together at Spooktober remember it was fun!" Jeb the yeth hound calls out.

Good chance G'Nichi recalls that 'playing' with Jeb was not, in fact, fun.

[Chaotic Bob]

[G'nichi's New Home]

What.
That sounds like G'nichi.

The well just so happens to open up near G'nichi? This better not open up into his apartment or something, that would be super embarrassing and probably really dangerous?

Karaglen actually hangs her head a little bit at the trouble she's just brought to her heroic friend again, before perking up and putting her (horrifying) mouth as close to the edge of the lid as is safe.
"Um, hi G'nichi! It's me, Karaglen. I sort of ended up going on an adventure in a terrible faerieland to save some children from being kidnapped out of their beds by goblins."
This certainly sounds like Karaglen.

She frowns a bit (as much as a barghest can), recalling him yell something about a clown. She doesn't remember seeing a clown though.
Did Maph'tey eat it or something?
"It sounds like you had some other faerie thing trying to bug you though, so um...oh, a thing that Kara would know. We just went on a trip to go see my Uncle and his funny golem friends. You got dream-napped and I helped save you!"

Wait, would a faerie know about another dream-thing trying to feed on someone?

[Deathkeeper]

G'nichi's New Home

There's silence for a bit.
Then what can only be described as the sound of sparkles.
"What do you mean some other faerie thing?" asks G'nichi, as he taps the rod that just appeared in his hand against the lid. Yet there is still the sound of something heavy being dragged away from the middle of the lid.
"...were you the ghost dog? You better have been staying out of trouble."

[Chaotic Bob]

[G'nichi's New Home]

Sounds like a weight was moved from the lid!
It's also still a big iron lid that two children probably couldn't move.

Urgh, this is a really inconvenient time for G'nichi to act appropriately suspicious.

...but a very convenient time for that Light within her heart to begin roiling away a suggestion for how this well should be designed.
Namely, without a big iron lid on top and some nice stairs for everyone to stand on. Much more convenient and usable!

Karaglen squinches her eyes a bit to make sure the image of its Shape is nice and clear in her mind. While she does this, she catches sight of Mister Crawlin' Eyes out of her periphery, then glances back up at the iron lid.
She amends the Shape a bit more.

A good well with intended traversal features should have some of its bricks sticking out a bit as the spiral into the depths, for either ease of gripping or stepping.
It also shouldn't have a giant iron lid on top. But a traversable well that's supposed to keep out evil faeries should still have an iron stop somewhere and for now that can be further down the well in the form of a locked pull-door.

She presses one of her hooves into the wall and Invokes the well's Shape per her will.

*****

Above the well, the aggressively pink-and-heart-equipped staff Bell is only half paying attention. After spending a subjective eternity after being summoned (a few seconds she somehow made feel like forever) of gushing about his new body and oh my goodness LOOK AT THAT TAIL IT'S PERFECT, anyway.
The other half of her attention is devoted to sneaking a couple ribbons into G'nichi's tail fur, specifically colored to continue its color gradient until it reaches pink.

Up until a flush of bright Light flashes out of the top of the well and that iron lid inexplicably vanishes in its wake.
Wuh oh, that's a lot of juice.

And the flaming maw of a giant hell dog pokes its head out of the well with a deeply evil bearing of its teeth.
"Hiiii, G'nichi!" says the innocently cheerful voice of Karaglen from between ember-burning fangs.

[Rebonack]

[G'nichi's New Home]

"I got captured by some goblins and their barghest ripped my Name out it really sucked!" Jeb replies helpfully. "But Karaglen got my Name back so it all worked out."

So long as it all worked out.

And then some things happen.

Among those things is Karaglen forgetting how deeply traumatizing smiling at people is. Teine Dhoo's face was not made for smiling. It was made for snarling and growling and being scary so this really isn't a great look on her. Hopefully this doesn't result in G'Nichi resorting to violence.

Especially since several children who are all sooty and stained scoot forward on the barghest's back, looking around the room curiously.

Amber immediately notices the single most important thing going on in this room.

"Your tail ribbons are cute!"

The rest of this gaggle of nightmares is still trapped behind Karaglen, as it happens. They won't be able to get out of the well until she actually walks into the room. Which will probably happen here pretty quickly. Hopefully.

[Deathkeeper]

G'nichi's New Home

The group finds themselves in a basement room painted boring but entirely pleasant colors. There's a few weights and workout equipment set up in the room along with several boxes and a single beat-up bookshelf full of stories of heroes.
There's also a radio currently dialed down to 1 quietly playing power metal and two large posters of very heroic looking cartoon dragon-knights posing with swords.
And of course G'nichi, now a very tall, very wide Qaglin with fluff aplenty.
He also looks like he is about to brain Kara with his pink sparkly weapon until a bunch of children start milling about him.
"...have you been working on your shapeshifting, Kara?" G'nichi asks quietly.
Because there's another possibility.
"...or do I have to make a faerie extremely dead?"

[Chaotic Bob]

[G'nichi's New Home]

The barghest pretty promptly freezes.
Mostly because Karaglen, in her excitement to finally be out of the horrible Pit depths and see a friendly face, forgot that she's actually really horrible to look at.

Also because G'nichi looks different. Again.
She's pretty sure it's him though, same accent, and she's seen that pink staff and its (cute!) ribbon habit before.

There is an attempt at a pleading expression, but it also just looks hostile and violent.
"Um, okay, this looks really bad but there's kind of a lot of us down here so I'm just going to reeeeeally slowly climb out please don't blow me or the kids up that would make me pretty sad also I guess don't blow up Mister Crawlin' Eyes I promised he could see the sunlight if he promised to never hurt anyone up here but if he does I guess you should probably punish him for that or something I don't actually know if he's evil or just really scary like how I look right now this isn't me practicing shapeshifting I just lost a bet with a really scary goblin ogre lady and she forced me to be a dog but then I stole all her kidnapped dog children too and ran away to here it's been a really really bad day don't explode us."

She proceeds to start babbling out really quickly while also sloooowly inching her way out of the well so everyone else can get out.
This is probably both good and bad for her point.

The hooves and cuts and gashes probably look a bit evil still.
But there's also period cracks in her body, where pearlescent light shines through, somewhat reminiscent of what she's used to heal him in the past.


Bell's opinion of this is far more trusting.
Aw c'mon Nichi, she brought kids that love your tail ribbons! How bad can she be? Only truly good souls would appreciate how flippin' beautiful you look!

[Rebonack]

[G'nichi's New Home]

So more things happen!

In order.

Kara pleas that G'Nichi doesn't explode her.

The children riding Karaglen (or at least three of them) also ask not to be exploded. The children are all grimy and covered in soot and sand. They have the good sense to remain safely on top of Karaglen until they're told they can get down.

The fourth child slides off Kara as soon as solid ground is nearby. That would be Amber holding her baby sister Kyle. She immediately runs around behind G'Nichi and begins petting his tail and touching his ribbons and getting dirty black finger-prints all over everything. Kyle, being a little under one year old, also tries grabbing G'Nichi's ribbon to stuff it straight into her mouth.

Once the entrance to the Briar Patch isn't plugged up with barghest anymore five yeth hounds with a variety of ghostly colored phantasmal hound skulls for heads (G'Nichi probably remembers Jeb's pumpkin orange) all emerge from the hole as well. Four of them begin to excitedly talk in yappy voices while the fifth slightly bigger yeth hound looks around pensively. She's the one to speak up with a coherent statement. "I'm going to try waking up to check on mom and dad. Thanks for saving my brother and sisters, Kara."

And then Sasha just sort of...

Fades away?

And then.

Finally.

Mister Crawlin' Eyes emerges in the most uncanny, disturbing way possible.

Just sort of hinges up out of the mouth of the well like a jump-scare skeleton in a haunted house, his awful centipede eyes crawling around on his desiccated head. "Well I'll be. I knew you had it in you, Star-Heart Girl."

As a show of good faith, just to let everyone know how pure his intentions are, eye centipedes begin pouring out of his eye sockets in torrents as they go skittering toward every single exit and dark corner of the room they can find.

[Deathkeeper]

G'nichi's New Home

G'nichi opens his mouth to say something, but he is distracted by the YE GODS WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
G'nichi POOFS into a fancy outfit (which probably has ribbons to go with his eternally flowing mustache) and an absolutely silly amount of ribbons erupts from the heart on his staff, coiling around everyone in the room beside him gently but tightly.
For the babies and children (spectral and otherwise) this is harmless but generally annoying unless they have an instinctive hatred of leashes.
For the centipedes, this is still harmless but more actively against their goals of skittering about unseen.
"I am going to need a big explanation on what exactly that is and why I shouldn't throw it into the bay."

[Chaotic Bob]

[G'nichi's New Home]

AHAHAHA! YES! BECOME MY ADORABLE PRISONERS OF BEAUTY!
Bell is having a great time tonight.
Not only does she get to behold and augment G'nichi's new hot bod, but she gets to prettify all these other people too? Heck yeah.

Karaglen The Horrible Barghest glances over at Mr. Eyes and seems to have to think reeeeeeeally hard about how she wants to answer this question.
"Umm, I think he's a faerie? He helped point me towards where the kidnapped kids were in return for me letting him out of the abyss. And also promising to not hurt anyone up here."
She is going to bring that last part up here at literally every single possible opportunity.

Just in case he forgets.

[Rebonack]

[G'nichi's New Home]

The babies immediately begin crying.

The children holding them aren't too happy, either.

Remember how these are all children at or below kindergarten age?

A tidal wave of centipedes didn't really sit well with them. Suddenly getting tied up with ribbons (even sparkly ones!) isn't something they react well to, either.

Yeth hounds yip in surprise and immediately try ghosting through the ribbons which doesn't work at all.

And Mister Crawlin' Eyes?

Well he still looks like a mummy.

Just a sparkly pink mummy.

The swarm of centipedes all jiggle about helplessly.

"Well now, if that ain't somethin' else," he mutters with a ribbon-muffled voice. "You just struck me as the smitey type ah fellow, sir. I figured I would just squiggle my way on outta here before you decided to squash me on account of bein' a floatin' corpse."

That sounds like a mostly reasonable explanation?

[Deathkeeper]

G'nichi's New Home

G'nichi's eyes narrow.
Yeah this is definitely one of those creatures taking advantage of Kara's naivety. That's also definitely Kara to be that naïve.
G'nichi snaps his fingers dramatically and most of the ribbons dismiss into sparkles. Well. Actually a vast majority of the ribbons stay, since he keeps all of them that are currently holding centipedes or centipede-adjacent faeries.
"Children, please watch your younger counterparts. Me and the bug man need to have a talk upstairs." G'nichi moves to drag his mare prisoner upstairs with his minions.
Where he is planning on throwing him into the bay. He's REASONABLY sure that centipedes can't swim.

[Chaotic Bob]

[G'nichi's New Home]

Also a bunch of ribbons that are seemingly left behind purely as augmenting gifts for each of the children.
Little purple bows on their tails, for the hounds. Hair and/or wrist ribbons for the less-monstrous kids.

While she's at it, Bell casually strings together all of the centipedes to the ribbons around Mister Crawlin' Eyes, to keep the whole package together in one neat, wriggling package.
You know, this still isn't the worst time you've shown me!

Karaglen, meanwhile, is going to nudge the children towards the far end of the room, where she can try to distract them with the various ribbons they've been gifted.
And possibly some little silly singing games that she's found calm down really young kids.

[Rebonack]

[G'nichi's New Home]

Oh boy how fun!

MCE will, of course, complain the whole way to the bay.

He'll plead with G'Nichi not to throw him in the water since that'll dump him straight back into the Pit.

And the Pit is such a terrible place and whoop into the water he goes!

Along with all those centipedes.

Later Mister Crawlin' Eyes!

...it turns out he's a liar and being thrown in the bay won't actually banish him. He just wanted G'Nichi to believe this would get rid of him for good.

Because faeries are, by and large, liars.

When G'Nichi returns he'll find a scene that would, arguably, be cute if not for all the terrifying ghost dogs everywhere. Timmy is sitting on the floor next to Lucy petting her. He's removed the ribbon from his wrist and he's busy tying it onto her neck, "So your head doesn't fall off again."

He's a very considerate brother.

Amber is bouncing Kyle on her legs and intermittently hugging her. Jude and Talle are busy practicing their ABCs with Karaglen.

Jeb and the other two as yet unnamed yeth hounds are floating next to the two big posters on the wall talking about their favorite cartoons in a pretty animated fashion. One of the hounds, who hardly even remembers his name, DOES remember a cartoon about adolescent cyborg pirate newts in exhausting detail.

[Deathkeeper]

G'nichi's New Home

Oh good Kara didn't follow him. This is good because G'nichi isn't feeling very merciful after yesterday, especially of monsters that feed on Kara's innocence. Especially especially after it seems someone already got her good. Which is why he does not throw the mare into the bay.
He throws it into the air and kicks it into the bay with a little bit of divine wrath for good measure.
SMITE!
"It seems you were a good judge of character. I am the smitey type." he grumbles before returning to the basement with the children. He carries a bunch of damp towels with him.

"Okay kids, I got you some wash-cloths to clean up a little. Do you remember where you live? I can get you home in a little while."
Now that everything has calmed down, perhaps Kara would like to ask a few things. Like why is G'nichi a huge qilin-dragon and how did he get so poofy?

[Chaotic Bob]

[G'nichi's New Home]

Ooh, you finally nailed down the smiting thing too, huh? Very snazzy.
Bell gives his kick an 11/10, would watch again.


Back in the basement, Kara fails to help the children wipe off.
Mostly because she lacks opposable digits at the moment and using her mouth while it's still...burny, seems like a real bad idea.
So she'll help point out spots the little kids miss, with little hoof points periodically.
"Oh, I know where some of them live. I can help-"

She remembers she is a giant demon dog again.
Kara...probably shouldn't go out into the streets right now, should she? Everyone here might understand she's not dangerous, but out there?
There's a sigh that sounds more like a blazing furnace ramping up.
"-I can give you directions."

Hopefully the other kids can provide their own addresses, maybe?

And perhaps, while G'nichi is asking them about that, he won't notice her slooooowly reaching a hoof out to veeeeeery lightly paw at his tail.
"So fluffy..."

Bell doesn't rat her out. She approves.

"Um. So, Uncle Xeni found you a way to get your muscles back, after all? With...more?"
That last line is followed by her eyes very blatantly ogling his tail.
Her hoof twitches towards it again.

[Rebonack]

[G'nichi's New Home]

So!

House.

G'Nichi's basement is now officially haunted on account of containing no less than five ghost dogs.

Thankfully they don't appear to be doing the spooky sort of haunting right now. You know, being invisible and insubstantial and knocking stuff over?

...wait are ghosts just invisible cats?

That's something to look into.

When asking where all the children live G'Nichi encounters his first problem. These children are all very young and they don't know their addresses. Thankfully! Karaglen knows where Jude, Simon, and Talle live! So that's a start, right? With a little clever questioning our heroes should be able to narrow things down a bit at the very least. And even if they can't figure out exactly where they live it's always an option to take them to the nearest Intersection station! After all, they have divination experts on staff who can probably crack this missing child case in a jiffy!

Kara might want to mention the whole changeling thing.

That's important.

As far as questions of homes go, Jeb decides to be really cheerful and announce that, "My mom and dad are both dead so I just float around scaring people. It's fun!"

He thinks being a ghost is pretty fantastic.

[Deathkeeper]

G'nichi's New Home

"There is literally so much to unpack with that statement I don't know how to respond." G'nichi declares to Jeb.
"Your uncle apparently reset reality so that the universe is convinced that am uh, this." he waves his hand at himself. He flexes his wings. He's been trying so hard to get used to them.
"What do you think?" he leans forward a little.
”I know you would never lie to me, Kara. Do I look fat to you?” he’s clearly been worrying about this.

[Chaotic Bob]

[G'nichi's New Home]

The disapproving look of a barghest is something to behold.
"Heeey! That's not very nice. Unless you go around scaring bad people, then that's okay."
Maybe you'll scare them straight. It's a moral gray area, but upon remembering that Jeb has a bit of script he's stuck with, it seems like a fair compromise.

But then G'nichi gets all earnest at her, so she gives him a really serious look over. If you ignore how her eyes keep drifting towards a specific spot over and over, she seems appropriately attentive.
Karaglen proceeds to look like she's thoughtfully considering how best to dismember an entire village to optimize scream-content.
"Well, you don't look like those super muscly superheroes, I guess. You make me think more of...ummm, oh! A big lumberjack! Big and strong, but more real!"

While there are some folks here and there that embody that superhero body style, she always thought that was supposed to be more of show-muscles than work-muscles. Or, least, less often work-muscles.
"I don't think you look fat at all. You'd look more..."
She moves one of her hooves in a vaguely circular shape around G'nichi, something that would imply a fair bit more weight around his middle.

[Rebonack]

[G'nichi's New Home]

Jeb sulks a bit at the gentle chastisement, tucking his tail between his legs. "Aaww... but what else am I supposed to do if I'm not scaring people? I don't want to be an omen of death or part of a wildhunt; both of those things are really mean."

That's a bit of confirmation.

Fae still have something of a list of things they're allowed to do. Of roles to play. And yeth hounds are sadly limited. Terrifying people, causing people to die of misfortune, or being hounds for a hunt. With their names returned they can lean toward being a little more pleasant about it, but...

Scaring people is about the nicest thing they can get up to.

Sasha was extremely lucky.

"What about guarding stuff?" hound who seems to have trouble recalling his name pipes up. Something... with a W? Probably? "That's a thing we're allowed to do, right? Guarding things?"

"But guarding things is so boring!" Jeb laments.

The hounds will probably continue chattering with each other until G'Nichi decides to get the rest of the not awful ghost dog children home.

[Deathkeeper]

G’nichi’s New Home

G’nichi smiles. Despite also possessing a snout his smiles are a good deal less terrifying. Though there’s still a lot of teeth. He knows Kara wouldn’t lie to him. And if she did she’d be terrible at hiding it even with that face.
”Thanks Kara, I-“ he observes the children busy either dirtying up his brand new place or getting dangerously close to the heavy exercise equipment.
”I should really get these kids home. Please keep an eye on the hounds while I’m gone.”
G’nichi is putting a lot of trust in you with his new place, Karaglen!

G’nichi doesn’t have a car (he wouldn’t fit in one of standard size) but he does have very big arms and can probably carry most of the children if they’re willing to come with him to their homes and/or Intersection. Anyone who can’t get their address right can probably be guided home by Officer Dobbers using his DIVINE EYES OF THOTH.