HALO 184: Red and Grey All The Way

[Arkhosia]

Foxes on the Run

Well, as far as introductions go, Anastasia much prefers Zhareen's. The teenager shrinks a little as she finds herself almost rooted in place by Vax's focused gaze, and it takes her a couple seconds to answer. She glances away, takes a deep breath, and steels herself.

And like that, months worth of pent-up anxiety and fear come pouring out, forged into something stubborn, insistent and focused.

"I... For over a year now, I've constantly felt like there's something wrong with me. That- that I'm broken, that I'm awful, that I'm, like - some sort of constant danger to everyone around me. My moms, my siblings, my boyfriend - I'm here because I want to know what the hell is wrong with me. I want to know if I can be fixed - if there's some way to stop this, or even just hold it at bay."

Anastasia holds eye contact with Vax until she realizes the tension in her shoulders and the tone of her voice, suddenly feeling a little self-conscious about being to forthright and confrontational towards such a complete stranger. "I'm sorry, it's just - I'm so tired of feeling like a risk with no one being able to give me answers why."

[Shadowcaller]

[Foxes on the Run]

Zhareen says nothing, normally she'd be overboard with words of empathy for Ana's plight but Ana also was fey and that meant she was a part of her wives field of expertise. To interrupt her now would simply be disrespectful.

She can't help but to give Ana a big-eyed stare while folding her hands together, almost as if in prayer, as she hears the fox-girls story. Such a poor little fry.

Jaahlyn is more concerned about Kitty's reaction to this than Ana's and gives her a glance. Concerned that the kitsune might decide to cut this all short if Vax came off as too rude.

[Gullara]

[Foxes on the Run]

Vax watches Ana through her explanation, her expression neutral. She lingers for a moment after, then speaks up. "Good. Hold onto that drive. None of us are restrained by our nature, so long as you have a will strong enough." Vax smiles, showing her sharp teeth. A disconcerting sight.

Kitsuki's hackles raise, her tails perk up. Her memory has been sparked finally.

[Arkhosia]

[Foxes on the Run]

Anastasia seems a little unsure how to take Vax's silence at first, but she nods when the woman speaks, the words helping validate the frustrations and desires she's felt for so long about all of this. Still, there is something lacking to the diim's response for Ana. There is a second in which she seems to expect more to follow before she finally responds.

"...Is that something you can tell me?" she ventures, taking a step closer. "I really don't understand what's going on. I thought I was a kitsune for all my life, that's what my parents- um, my first parents told me - but then like, I start dealing with all this, and it's all things Kitty's never had to experience." A beat. "It feels like whoever I talk to about this, I keep getting new and conflicting information, and- and I was hoping you might be able to finally solve this for me."

Anastasia doesn't seem to notice Kitty's shift in mood quite yet, far too focused on Vax and embroiled in the various emotions welling up about the subject in her.

[Shadowcaller]

[Foxes on the Run]

Zhareen gives Ana two thumbs up in the background. This was a positive development!

Jaahlyn is still keeping an eye on Kitty, feeling that something had just happened. She leans closer to the kitsune and whispers. "Is there a problem, miss Kitsuki?"

[Gullara]

[Foxes on the Run]

Kitsuki glances at Jaahlyn. "Nothing." She replies tersely. Definitely not nothing.

Vax stands, and she towers over Ana. She towers over most people, in fact. She looks scrutinizing down at Ana, then she steps around the fox, making a full circuit around her. "You're what we call asith. It's a classification of fey that prey on morals. Typically dead things, outcasts. I've never heard of one quite like you." She reaches a finger to turn Ana's chin up. "Usually there's two ways asith are dealt with. Either they're hunted or their sated. I suspect neither would satisfy your request." She takes her hand back and folds it under her chin. "This will be no mean feat. You're fey; what you are is a part of you intrinsically, and it can never be permanently destroyed. I expect this will get quite dire before we're done. Are you prepared for that?"

[Arkhosia]

[Foxes on the Run]

There's a brief moment where the kitsune seems a little stunned as Vax rises from her chair. Oh dear, this lady is tall. She's quick to jolt that thought away as the diim begins to circle her, turning her head to maintain some semblance of polite eye contact - something that Vax makes incredibly easy for her once she comes back to the front, though the gesture does prompt Anastasia to stiffen and gulp nervously. It adds maybe another second to how long it takes to muster her answer.

"...I- yes," Anastasia resolves upon with a resolute nod. "I understand - like, this is who I am, yeah? And uh, I'll probably be managing that for the rest of my life. I... I can take that, no matter how hard it is. Things have already felt dire, and I've been through a lot already. I can go through this too."

Of course, somewhere in the back of Ana's mind a part of her is fretting about just what "dire" means here, or what it even fully is that she's agreeing to - Vax really is just so much more vague than her partner, she's concluded. But for now, she pushes that aside. She can't let her nerves stop her.

[Shadowcaller]

[Foxes on the Run]

"If there's anything I can do, please say so miss Kitsuki." Jaahlyn replies before falling quiet, not knowing the kitsune nearly well enough to pressure her on this.

Meanwhile, Zhareen puts her hands together and nods sagely to Ana. Good work!

[Gullara]

[Foxes on the Run]

"Good." vax replies simply. "As I explained, this is far from a common case. You won't leave here today satisfied. But rest assured, I'll be doing what I can. I have theories I'll cross reference and develop, and then we can see what can be done." She waits for Ana's response.

[Arkhosia]

[Foxes on the Run]

"Um, yes, of course. That makes sense." A tinge of disappointment is fairly easy to read on Anastasia's face, though she manages to keep it out of her voice remarkably well. She had clearly hoped that answers would come immediately today rather than have to wait for research and study to figure her out.

"Do you want any like, further information from us? I'd be happy to tell you anything that can help, and I'm sure Jaahlyn could, uh, consult or something as well while you piece things together. I only really know half of what's going on so far thanks to her, honestly." It did sound like the two had worked together before, after all.

[Shadowcaller]

[Foxes on the Run]

"I'm not sure I can give her more information than you can, miss Ana." Jaahlyn remarks before turning to Vax and Zhareen. "Though I'm of course willing to answer any questions you might have regarding her or fey in general." A beat. "...with some limitations of course."

Vax should be quite familiar with how fey's Laws (with a uppercase L) prevented them from giving away fey history and other details to those not not under those laws. Which may or may not include kitsunes.

"Excellent, looks like we're one step closer solving your mystery then, Ana." Zhareen remarks with a sagely nod.

[Gullara]

[Foxes on the Run]

"Yes. You could tell me more about the nature of this hunger. Even among asith there's variation. Understanding you in particular inclinations may help us." Vax replies.

[Arkhosia]

[Foxes on the Run]

"U-um, yeah, sure." Anastasia shifts uncomfortably, feeling oddly surprised by this question. Wasn't this subject matter kind of inevitable?

"W-well, uh - it's... definitely a hunger for humans - humanoids in general, honestly. I'll catch myself staring at people sometimes, s-start wondering what they taste like. That never really... happens with animals, and the hunger around it feels constant. This little, like, lurking thing in the background. I never feel full whenever I eat something, even if it's a really good dinner, and sometimes I feel like I'm guessing whether or not I'm naturally hungry for something or it's just that craving I feel in the background." The girl's stomach growls, almost as if making a point.

"S-something else I've noticed is, um..." The kitsune shivers. "I-I don't know if it's just wanting to eat people in general, not really. W-when I'm hungry enough that I start kinda having... intrusive flashes of things, it's never just sinking my teeth into someone's arm or biting off a finger, y'know? Which - like, that would make sense if it was just humanoid flesh, but - usually it's more like... digging my nails into someone's stomach a-and tearing them open to get at the organs inside." There's a moment in which she takes a shuddering breath, as if trying to shake off some recalled vision or memory.

"I also, uh - well, like, I don't get hungry about skin alone." A beat. "I mean, um - when I'm, uh, with my boyfriend, and I give him a kiss on the cheek, o-or even bite him - I don't like, find him tasty in a way that makes me hungry, like I'd want to actually draw blood or tear a chunk out of him, if that makes any sense?" There's a bit of a hue to Ana's cheeks when she talks about this, rather understandably. Kitty is right there after all.

[Shadowcaller]

[Foxes on the Run]

Jaahlyn waits as Ana explains. She couldn't recall desires manifesting in exactly the way Ana described them but it didn't sound quite alien to her either. Despite being one for longer than she could remember fey never ceased to amaze her.

But there's one thing in particular that stands out. "Miss Ana, I understand that this is hard for you but is it alright if I share what we learned from your dream now?" The satyr asks once its clear that Ana is done.

She looks to Vax. "Since we dream walked together and... well-" She gestures to Ana, waiting for her permission first.

Zhareen, much like Jaahlyn, doesn't seem unnerved by Ana's experiences either. More emphatic than anything else. Though as Ana is describing this her gaze wanders over to her wife as she suddenly realizes that she and this teenage girl had something in common. Not these cannibalistic urges of course, Vax ate meat not specifically people-meat. But it was something related to her past...

[Gullara]

[Foxes on the Run]

Vax nods a few times during the explanation. She hardly seems phased at all, as though they're discussing the weather and not a cannibalistic urge. "My assumption is that this is a sort of aetheric conflict. When it comes to fey, it's quite apparent that they're full selves cannot manifest in this world. I couldn't tell you exactly why that is, though there are many theories, but it's suffice to say that the you that you know is created from only a subset of the greater you." Vax waves her hand dismissively. "Don't try to fully grasp that; let's keep this conceptual. The aetheric conflict manifests when the you that's here in front of us doesn't align with the greater you. So you feel these hunger pains and intrusive thoughts. Similar to how your physical body might try and communicate something to you, these are symptoms of the conflict."

Vax turns to her desk to retrieve a notebook. She turns the page and starts to write. "That may be an angle to approach this problem. Enforcing a stronger separation between the two versions of you perhaps." She glances up at her notes when Jaahlyn speaks up, then looks at Ana.

Kitsuki realizes what the satyr is leading into, and she fixes her with an intense stare. "Jaahlyn." Her voice carries warning. Spirits, they should have talked about this before. There's certain things that she does not want more people to know about. It's bad enough that Jaahlyn knows.

[Arkhosia]

[Foxes on the Run]

"Uh, I see," Anastasia answers with a nod, briefly confused at first but following along with the conceptual stuff fairly well. "So like, there's this... other self that has all of these hungers, and they manifest in me because it's trying to force me to become more in line with it?" She tilts her head, slightly concerned. "That sounds pretty good, but - um, are you sure that it's safe? I won't like, change and start acting less like me if we seal my greater self off from me, right?" It would feel pretty awful if severing this connection somewhat caused her interest in music to begin to wane, after all.

When the topic of sharing her dream comes up, Anastasia starts to nod, before glancing back towards Kitty and seeming to remember herself. "I - um, yeah, just-" she looks back towards Zhareen and Vax. "Sorry, uh, I am comfortable with sharing what happened in the dream. There's just... a couple, like, personal bits that happened in it that we don't feel comfortable sharing. Personal history and... like, health stuff." She seems genuinely a little apologetic but seems sincere as she looks back towards Jaahlyn, hoping she'll understand exactly what she and Kitty are asking her to leave out.

[Shadowcaller]

[Foxes on the Run]

Jaahlyn only exchanges a quick, but knowing, glance to Kitty and instead favors nodding to Ana as to confirm her recollection. "Yes, I simply wanted to elaborate a bit on what miss Ana just said. This 'other self' is more than just an aspect of her. It's her but different. Deeply influenced by the chthonic I think since she's a creature of dreams, right?" She looks to Ana. "You weren't aware of her existence until you visited that dream as she doesn't exist while you're conscious. Like a daymind and a nightmind if you understand what I mean?" Now her attention is drawn to Vax as she was the expert here.

"Like a weretiger?" Zhareen inquires curiously.

"I... can't recall ever meeting a weretiger but I don't believe so. I assume a weretiger actually transforms and hunt people? Since this would only exist in her head. It's, ah, defined by unconsciousness I guess is the best way to put it."

[Gullara]

[Foxes on the Run]

Vax looks between Ana and Jaahlyn, her expression neutral. "As far as I can determine, this supports my theory rather than counters it. If this being you saw in a dream state is truly a part of Ana's greater whole I'm not at all surprised that it's very different from how you appear before us. Fey are deeply complex beings that should not be judged by our limited perceptions. I'd expect you should understand that better than most, Jaahlyn."

She focuses on Ana again. "I'm sure of nothing, girl. You should get comfortable with that for now. We're in uncharted territory. You have to ask yourself if the risk is worth the chance of alleviating your hunger."

[Arkhosia]

Foxes on the Run

"Yes, that feels right. It - um, when we conversed with her, it was the first time I was ever aware of her, and - well, she felt very... different than me, I guess. Maybe a bit more single-minded, but... she seemed to know a lot more than I did." There's a flash of realization in Anastasia's eyes when Jaahlyn mentions the thought of there being a "day" and "night" side to the mind, and she seems to want to voice it before glancing towards the satyr and suddenly remembering herself. She couldn't betray the secrecy of what she'd done that fateful night, but... well, if this was a creature of dreams, she had been asleep before it happened.

"And, well - I'm willing to give it a shot, at least, see if it works. If I start to feel any... different afterwards, well, um - we can figure out how we want to deal with it if that happens." It's admittedly rather unnerving, the thought of potentially suppressing some aspect of her personality - but, Ana supposes, it's not too different than taking anxiety medication. See if the prescription changes what they want, and continue with it if the side effects aren't too rough.

[Shadowcaller]

Foxes on the Run

Jaahlyn audibly clears her throat. "Well, if I shall speak from my experience as fey then I should point out that if there's a clash of interest between two different minds, or masks as we call them-" She clarifies for the sake of Ana and Kitty. "-then that will manifest in some way. And the greater the conflict the more likely Ana is to notice the chaffing. Which in this case likely will manifest as nightmares and such." She gestures at Ana. "Imagine them as lov-"

A beat.

"Ah, close friends, since who could be closer than those who share a mind? Sometimes it might be necessary to end a relationship even with the closest of friends but it will always be painful and the pain only grows the further apart you are."

Zhareen strokes her chin thoughtfully. "It might have its downsides, but there's always remedies for that. In fact, we do have sleep aids that should help with the nightmares in the compound." She nods and grins encouragingly to Ana, which might be somewhat undercut by the sharpness of her teeth.