My Female Co-Worker Is Being Abused At My Job

[Bartmanhomer]

Ok, I never thought that I'm going to post this type of thread but one of my female co-workers at my job has been complaining that her supervisor is being verbally abusive to her for my mistake instead of them telling me my mistakes. And this has been an on-going issue for weeks now. I told her to complain to Human Resources about this problem but she said it was useless and she already tried it. I don't know what to do at this point, can anyone give me some good advice on how to resolve this issue, please?

[Anonymouswizard]

Short answer: complain to human resources yourself.

Longer answer: there isn't strictly a right way to deal with this, but the more people who kick up a fuss the more something might get done about it. It's also worth taking to your other colleagues to see if there's been similar situations or if anybody can weigh in on this story one way or another.

It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. Just be aware that the end result might not be what you or your colleague wants in any way, shape, or form, and be prepared for potential consequences if you do speak up.

[Bartmanhomer]

Short answer: complaint to human resources yourself.

Longer answer: there isn't strictly a right way to deal with this, but the more people who kick up a fuss the more something might get done about it. It's also worth talking to your other colleagues to see if there have been similar situations or if anybody can weigh in on this story one way or another.

It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. Just be aware that the result might not be what you or your colleague wants in any way, shape, or form, and be prepared for potential consequences if you do speak up.

That's exactly what I've been telling her. What she needs to do is to complain to the Department of Labor about her problems.

[BisectedBrioche]

The best thing you can do is speak up against the boss yourself, if possible (literally just speak up and tell them "I don't think you're being fair to her because [reason]). Even if HR won't do anything (NB, a union is always better than HR; HR is there to protect the company, unions are there to protect you!), it might be enough to make your boss shape up.

[Vinyadan]

Is your female colleague somehow responsible for you? Does she have a slightly higher position? Is she supposed to somehow organise or coordinate your workgroup, even though she is technically in the same position or at the same level as you? Because then it's possible that you doing wrong is seen as her failure.

[truemane]

If you mean 'resolve' in the legal sense, then none of us can help you. Employment laws vary so, so, so much from place to place and industry to industry that anything anyone says here in this thread is just a shot in the dark.

If you mean 'resolve' in the interpersonal sense, then I would say it's not really your job to resolve it. Your co-worker is the one possibly being abused, and the one invalidly being held accountable for your performance. They need to address this, not you. You can be compassionate and supportive, but that's about it. Other than that, you should stay out of it.

[Peelee]

If you mean 'resolve' in the interpersonal sense, then I would say it's not really your job to resolve it. Your co-worker is the one possibly being abused, and the one invalidly being held accountable for your performance. They need to address this, not you. You can be compassionate and supportive, but that's about it. Other than that, you should stay out of it.

To add on to this, HR departments are typically there to protect the company, not the employees. Resolving the issue may be as simple as firing BMH, the coworker or both, depending on circumstances. "May" being the operative word.

[Scarlet Knight]

Ok, did your co-worker say why the boss is bothering her rather than you?

In theory, the more voices that speak up the more likely the problem will be addressed.

In real life, when choosing between peace and justice, most people choose peace. There may be a reason HR did not address her complaint. Perhaps he convinced them he wasn't abusive, but was just being "tough". Proving abuse against a supervisor is hard for HR even if they do believe her.

So before you speak up, decide how important it is for you to keep your job & how important it is for her to keep her job. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, but it also is the wheel that gets replaced, especially if it's not valuable.

They can't shouldn't fire you for your race or her for her gender, but they can fire you both because you make mistakes. Or because they just don't like you. Or they don't fire you but let you go in the next round of Covid cuts.

Perhaps the simplest thing to do is make the extra effort to not repeat that mistake.

[Bartmanhomer]

The best thing you can do is speak up against the boss yourself, if possible (literally just speak up and tell them "I don't think you're being fair to her because [reason]). Even if HR won't do anything (NB, a union is always better than HR; HR is there to protect the company, unions are there to protect you!), it might be enough to make your boss shape up.

Is your female colleague somehow responsible for you? Does she have a slightly higher position? Is she supposed to somehow organise or coordinate your workgroup, even though she is technically in the same position or at the same level as you? Because then it's possible that you doing wrong is seen as her failure.

If you mean 'resolve' in the legal sense, then none of us can help you. Employment laws vary so, so, so much from place to place and industry to industry that anything anyone says here in this thread is just a shot in the dark.

If you mean 'resolve' in the interpersonal sense, then I would say it's not really your job to resolve it. Your co-worker is the one possibly being abused, and the one invalidly being held accountable for your performance. They need to address this, not you. You can be compassionate and supportive, but that's about it. Other than that, you should stay out of it.

To add on to this, HR departments are typically there to protect the company, not the employees. Resolving the issue may be as simple as firing BMH, the coworker or both, depending on circumstances. "May" being the operative word.

Ok, did your co-worker say why the boss is bothering her rather than you?

In theory, the more voices that speak up the more likely the problem will be addressed.

In real life, when choosing between peace and justice, most people choose peace. There may be a reason HR did not address her complaint. Perhaps he convinced them he wasn't abusive, but was just being "tough". Proving abuse against a supervisor is hard for HR even if they do believe her.

So before you speak up, decide how important it is for you to keep your job & how important it is for her to keep her job. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, but it also is the wheel that gets replaced, especially if it's not valuable.

They can't shouldn't fire you for your race or her for her gender, but they can fire you both because you make mistakes. Or because they just don't like you. Or they don't fire you but let you go in the next round of Covid cuts.

Perhaps the simplest thing to do is make the extra effort to not repeat that mistake.

Thank you everyone for your feedback. I don't why the supervisor didn't inform me about it. They usually told me about my performance very honest about it.