The "Rolled a 1" Game III - I Don't Want to Set This Thread on Fire

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

SCP-682 shrugs off your attempts and does [REDACTED], which causes OVER 9000 casualties, the destruction of Site [REDACTED] and worse of all, [DATA EXPUNGED].

I wish to find out what actually happened there.

[Book Wombat]

You become SCP-682.

I roll to kill SCP-682 née Vorpal Bunny.

[Rogan]

I roll to kill SCP-682 née Vorpal Bunny.

You accidently clone it.

I roll to disbelieve Books action.

[Dire Moose]

You now believe literally every book you read.

I roll to force SCP-682 back into its containment area.

[bug_sniper]

You lock yourself inside its containment area while both SCP-682 clones go on a rampage outside.

I roll to let Dire Moose out from there.

[bug_sniper]

I clumsily press the wrong button and hydrochloric acid spills into the chamber.

I roll to explain the situation to the site director.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

He ends up demoting you to E-class. Which he made just for you. It's like D-class, but it involves looking at SCP-096's face, looking away from SCP 173 and being covered in SCP 447. At the same time.

I roll to stop this literally insane event from happening.

[Rogan]

I roll to stop this literally insane event from happening.

You accidently create a groundhog day like loop, witnessing the event over and over again.

I roll to investigate this time loop.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

You investigate this time loop.
You investigate this time loop.
You investigate this time loop...

I roll to break Rogan out of the time loop.

[Dire Moose]

You accidentally run over your grandfather before he had the chance to meet your grandmother, causing a paradox that breaks the time-space continuum.

I roll to repair the time-space continuum.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

You end up repairing the lime-spice contYUMium instead. Spacetime is still messed up, but on the bright side dinner tastes really, really good now.

I roll to clear up the confused words here.

[ziproot]

The lime-spice contYUMium becomes a chaotic mess. I roll to flee this universe.

[Rogan]

The lime-spice contYUMium becomes a chaotic mess. I roll to flee this universe.

You end up in the esreviMUY rorrim.

I roll to find my dice.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

You roll a Natural 1 on your Acrobatics check and roll off a cliff.

I roll to edit the English language to include more precise meanings for same-sounding but differently-meaning words.

[bug_sniper]

Yew mix up all the warred's end now, nobody nose watt too right.

Eye role too due something too improve the situation.

[Dire Moose]

You go back in time and shoot William Shakespeare. Needless to say, this does NOT solve the problems with English being altered.

I roll to decorate the Christmas tree.

[Rogan]

I roll to decorate the Christmas tree.

You decide that burning candles are the best decorations. Unfortunately, the tree catches fire...


I roll to extinguish the flames.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

The tree catches fire, the house, the neighborhood, the thread...

Yep. It's on fire. Again.

I roll to spread the flames to other threads.

[ziproot]

You spread the threads to other flames. Now all of the threads are on fire.

I roll to eat the esreviMUY rorrim.

The esreviMUY rorrim eat me

[Rogan]

I roll to eat the esreviMUY rorrim.

The esreviMUY rorrim eat me

The esreviMUY rorrim eat me You!

I roll to feed the esreviMUY rorrim some snickers to distract it from ziproot.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

The esreviMUY rorrim spits it out. It's on a diet.

I roll to get the esreviMUY rorrim on Keto.

[Dire Moose]

It can’t handle all these different diets you’re pushing on it and just eats you instead.

I roll to get on Santa’s nice list.

[ziproot]

That's a nice naughty list Santa has there. And it even has your name!

I roll to flee the esreviMUY rorrim.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

You come back to our Earth! However, Hungary is now invading Turkey! And they're using tanks that fire drumsticks!

The esreviMUY rorrim just burps and laughs. You brought it here!


I roll to stop the esreviMUY rorrim from invading other universes.

[ziproot]

You slightly slow the esreviMUY rorrim down, by being eaten.

I roll to watch this happen and eat popcorn.

[Dire Moose]

You pour yourself a bowl of radioactive waste by mistake and eat the whole thing while washing it down with a nice glass of mercury. It tastes great for all of a few minutes afterward and then things get kind of messy.

I roll to turn lead into gold.

[ziproot]

You turn lead into the radioactive waste that I thought was popcorn. The time-space continuum issues are the reason why I had the radioactive waste before it was made.

I roll to jump into the esreviMUY rorrim so that they get killed by the radioactive waste.

[Rogan]

I roll to jump into the esreviMUY rorrim so that they get killed by the radioactive waste.

The esreviMUY rorrim vomits violently. You are back in this burning thread and feel even worse.

I roll to apologize for mentioning the esreviMUY rorrim.

[Dire Moose]

As soon as you open your mouth, you involuntarily barf up all the radioactive waste you ingested onto a litter of puppies that happened to be sitting there. They all die horribly.

I roll to sing Christmas carols around my neighborhood.

[Velaryon]

You discover that you misread the calendar, Christmas was last week, and now everyone in your neighborhood is cross with you.

I roll to write a New Year's Carol that can be sung after Christmas.