The "Rolled a 1" Game III - I Don't Want to Set This Thread on Fire

[totadileplayz]

You call in the arsonist from earlier. He uses his flamethrower on the bees, but now everything is on fire.

I roll to repent for the deadliest sin of all; eating only one taco.

The Taco Gods Smite you, and plunge you to the depths of mexican food hell.

I Roll to save Georger0171 from mexican food hell.

[Ironsmith]

You plunge head-first into the lake of salsa, and bemoan your being trapped there without any chips.

I roll to rescue both of these two.

[georger0171]

You get plunged into the lake of salsa with me and totadileplayz.

I roll to have a pool party in the lake of salsa!

[Dire Moose]

As soon as you gather everyone in the salsa pool, the Elder Gods start dipping chips in it and grabbing you along with them to be eaten.

I roll to become all-powerful.

[totadileplayz]

As soon as you gather everyone in the salsa pool, the Elder Gods start dipping chips in it and grabbing you along with them to be eaten.

I roll to become all-powerful.

Your very existence is stolen from you, you can not act, nor think. You are quite literally the weakest thing as nothing can acknowledge you and you can not acknowledge anything.

I roll to escape the elder gods stomach.

[georger0171]

You escape the stomach by getting Cthulhu to destroy the elder god. The payment is your soul.

I roll to finish Week 4 on Hard.

[Dire Moose]

For some reason, you decide to play by banging your head into the keyboard repeatedly. Your character’s singing sounds like a Tasmanian Devil being tortured to death, and he gets hit by numerous food items thrown from the audience.

I roll to figure out why my head hurts.

[totadileplayz]

For some reason, you decide to play by banging your head into the keyboard repeatedly. Your character’s singing sounds like a Tasmanian Devil being tortured to death, and he gets hit by numerous food items thrown from the audience.

I roll to figure out why my head hurts.

You realize you don't have a head.

I roll to see cheese

[ziproot]

You realize you don't have a head.

I roll to see cheese

You go permanently blind and can never see cheese again.

I roll to eat a bag of potato chips.

[BaconTomato]

Turns out it's a mimic. Your bag of potato chips eats you.

I roll to create fire monkeys.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

They put themselves out and throw flaming goop back at you.

I roll to defeat a giant centipede.

[Velaryon]

Due to a miscommunication, you challenge the giant centipede to a dance-off... which you lose.

I roll to upload video of the dance-off to YouTube.

[georger0171]

You upload it to Youtube but under the guise of "Youtube Rewind 2018". You garner massive amounts of dislikes.

I roll to beat Ballistic on Hard.

[totadileplayz]

You upload it to Youtube but under the guise of "Youtube Rewind 2018". You garner massive amounts of dislikes.

I roll to beat Ballistic on Hard.

Ballistic on hand uses his ballistics which he has on hand to shoot you by the end you look more like swiss cheese then a person.

I roll to make a Texan feast.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get tread on.

I roll to read someone their rights!

[Ironsmith]

You dust yourself off, pull out a card, and read it aloud.

"You have no rights. Anything you say will be used against you. Anything you don't say will be used against you. You will recieve legal counsel at your expense. You will recieve a trial by a jury of your peers, who will then themselves be tried and executed for aiding a criminal. And you will recieve prompt medical treatment for any injuries obtained during your arrest."

*bang*

"Do you understand your rights as I have read them to you?"


I roll to produce a list of swear words. (I believe that hole in my appendix gives me a +15 circumstance modifier.)

[Dire Moose]

You tell everyone a heartwarming story about cute fluffy bunnies

I roll to convince the primitive natives that I am actually their goddess.

[totadileplayz]

You tell everyone a heartwarming story about cute fluffy bunnies

I roll to convince the primitive natives that I am actually their goddess.

You know you believe you succeeded too bad they believe in sacrificing all divine entities, and claimants. At least they'll have a feast after your gone!

I roll to bake bread for the feast.

[ziproot]

You know you believe you succeeded too bad they believe in sacrificing all divine entities, and claimants. At least they'll have a feast after your gone!

I roll to bake bread for the feast.

You set everything but this thread on fire.

I roll to evacuate the premises.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You evacuate your bowels.

I roll to fix a broken lamp.

[georger0171]

You fix a broken clamp and break my wrist with it.

I roll to drive to the hospital (with a -5 penalty from the broken wrist)

[Ironsmith]

You can't even get your car door open.

I roll to help Georger into his car.

[totadileplayz]

You can't even get your car door open.

I roll to help Georger into his car.

A car thief kindly thanks you for your help as he drives away. You realize that it was your own car a couple of minutes later.

I roll to stop car thieves everywhere.

[Dire Moose]

You somehow change the legal system so that it’s perfectly acceptable to steal cars all over the world.

I roll to ride a horse.

[Velaryon]

You ride a cowboy (but hey, at least you saved a horse).

I roll to get tacos for everyone in the thread.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

The obscure mass taco delivery service you found turned out to be a cover for the assassins' guild. No wonder their prices were so high!

I roll to shake off the ninjas that are tailing me.

[Magic_Hat]

I roll to shake off the ninjas that are tailing me.

You attract more ninjas.

I roll to video tape the ninjas stalking Dr. Gunsforhands and upload the footage onto the internet.

[Dire Moose]

The only video you get is five seconds long, consisting of a ninja appearing right in front of the camera, drawing a knife, killing you, and smashing the camera.

I roll to create a distraction.

[Ironsmith]

You succeed in being a distraction, but not at being undistracted.

I roll to pet a cat.

[ziproot]

You succeed in being a distraction, but not at being undistracted.

I roll to pet a cat.

A ninja takes advantage of you while you're bending over to pet the cat and kills you.

I roll to trap the ninjas in a box labeled "free throwing stars"*

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^{*OOTS reference. I know}