The "Rolled a 1" Game III - I Don't Want to Set This Thread on Fire

[bug_sniper]

Your piggy bank is filled with pennies. And your house is now made of pennies cemented together. And when you go to your brick and morter bank, they tell you that your account now has a practically infinite amount of money, but you can only withdraw it in pennies and the tellers won't help you carry it out.

I roll to build a wagon for enq.

[Rogan]

I roll to build a wagon for enq.

Who needs wheels anyway?

I roll to forge some equipment out of the pennies.

[Persolus]

Does a cage count as equipment...? Anyways, you somehow managed to forge one around yourself.

I roll to break Rogan out of the cage.

[enq]

You are observed handling a cage made of money and containing a prisoner. You are arrested both for stealing the money and imprisoning Rogan.

I roll to convince the bank to let me write checks.

[Gold Leaf]

It's the Bank of England, which spells the word correctly as 'cheque', so they misunderstand you. On the plus side, you are now allowed to write the result of failed skill checks.

I roll to force all countries to use km/h.

[bug_sniper]

Every political body on the planet switches away from the metric system out of spite for you proselytizing your standards after home builders start protests over all the tape measures, maps, and planted survey markings they'd have to throw away. Now, nobody wants to play any part in a global standards organization, every major nation has a different measurement for how long a mile is, and if you use any prefix with "meter" you'll get beaten up or taken to jail.

And you're lucky you can still use "hour" as a unit of time. There's a movement going on to write speeds in units of miles per naptime, with each naptime being an eighth of a day.

I roll to exchange all my pennies before they go down in value from the influx enq withdraws.

[enq]

You exchange them for bills, which catch fire the moment you leave the bank.

I roll to forge my pennies into weapons safe against rust monsters.

[Rogan]

I roll to forge my pennies into weapons safe against rust monsters.

Good luck fighting any monster with a knife with a total length of 6cm. At least, you've got 6 of them.

I roll to turn one of those knives into an improvised spearhead.

[animorte]

I roll to turn one of those knives into an improvised spearhead.

You are proud of your completed penny-knife-spearhead, but a museum curator immediately confiscates it and misspells your entire name on the plaque.

I roll to steal the penny-knife-spearhead from the museum.

[bug_sniper]

You steal a banana from a gorilla at the zoo. The gorilla named Harambe Jr. is very angry, both at the loss of his father and at the intrusion into his enclosure.

I roll to rescue animorte from Harambe Jr.

[ChrysalisM]

You get yourself trapped with the gorilla.

Trying to solid snake my way out of this place undetected.

[bug_sniper]

You solid snake your way into a room with the venomous snakes.

I roll to fly out of here.

[Dire Moose]

As you are stuck waiting in line at airport security, the snakes catch up to you and bite you to death.

I roll to climb a tree.

[Rogan]

I roll to climb a tree.

You accidentally grab a snake instead of a branch. You are now poisoned.

I roll to mix an antidote.

[ChrysalisM]

The antidote you make the antidote, but you drop the vial, before you drink it. (You rolled a 1 on the dex check to drink it quickly)

I try to envoke divine aid to cure the poison

[Rogan]

I try to envoke divine aid to cure the poison

Here is a picture of the process.

I roll to find my dice.

[Dire Moose]

You only manage to find your limited-edition stainless steel d4s, by way of stepping on them in your bare feet.

I roll to investigate the screaming coming from the room.

[bug_sniper]

You concentrate on investigating why the soundproofing isn't blocking all the noise.

I roll to investigate why a moose is doing investigations at all.

[Rogan]

I roll to investigate why a moose is doing investigations at all.

Your investigation disturbs the forum-mafia. I hope you can swim with this heave weight chained to your feet...

I roll to get some diving equipment and a saw to bug_sniper

[Dire Moose]

You get eaten by a shark on the way down.

I roll to punch the shark in the face.

[Velaryon]

Due to an autocorrect mishap, you instead punch a Shrek.

I roll to figure out how Shrek ended up in the water with a Dire Moose and a shark.

[Caedorus]

You get distracted by a mermaid which kills you.

I roll to stop myself from laughing at this absurd situation.

[bug_sniper]

Flying cars and warp speed interstellar travel are invented while you're still laughing.

I roll to drive a flying car.

[Dire Moose]

You run out of gas in midair and plunge 500 feet into the cold hard ground.

I roll to deliver the eulogy at bug_sniper’s funeral.

[bug_sniper]

You run out of gas in midair and plunge 500 feet into the cold hard ground.

I roll to deliver the eulogy at bug_sniper’s funeral.

I'm not dead yet. I got out and opened a parachute at the last 5 seconds and land safely on my feet. You deliver my eulogy over a casket with a dead vagrant and then I arrive, confused as to why this funeral is going on.

I roll to get my cemetery spot back.

[animorte]

I roll to get my cemetery spot back.

It's still yours. No problem, though a few suit/sunglasses folks show up to arrest you under suspicion of trying to fake your own death. They're also investigating the identification of the body in the casket.

I roll to provide bug_sniper an outstanding lawyer to prove innocence during the trial.

[bug_sniper]

The lawyer you find got disbarred before I could get in touch with him, leaving me to defend myself on my own.

I roll to get legal advice from ChatGPT.

[Dire Moose]

You get legal advice from your dog.

I roll to climb K2.

[Rogan]

I roll to climb K2.

You get up 10 feet before you slip and fall. Roll a dex check to avoid taking damage.

I roll a The Dark Eye die.

[ziproot]

You accidentally roll an evil eye die instead. The evil eye on the die does not like this and disintegrates you.

I roll, physically.