The "Rolled a 1" Game III - I Don't Want to Set This Thread on Fire

[Korith]

They fade into an irreversible insanity and disappear from civilized society.

I roll to set this thread on fire.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

As the title says, +5 Vorpal Bunny doesn't want to do that. They stop you easily.

I roll to fry a turkey.

[Ironsmith]

Seeing Vorpal giving you a death glare, you decide to try a new variation on a certain meme and slap the turkey until it is cooked.

The thread is aflame anyway.

I roll to slap Dr Gunsforhands.

[The Outsider]

You instead end up slapping Vorpal.

I roll to start a no-holds-barred slapfight.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

Everyone has flamethrowers... it ends like you'd expect.

I roll to tame the flames to make my own fire elemental companion.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

AAAAA YOU SUCCEED AT CONJURING A FIRE ELEMENTAL BUT YOU CAN'T CONTROL IT AAAAA

I roll to run away!

[Book Wombat]

You stumble, do a backflip right into the fire elemental and become very crispy.

I roll to create water to destroy the elemental.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

You create a container filled with 2/3rds parts hydrogen and 1/3rd part oxygen. The problem? They're separated. You end up fueling the fire elemental even further!

I roll to raise an earth elemental to contain the fire elemental.

[The Outsider]

You end up fusing the two together, creating a lava elemental. Now it not only lights everything on fire, but it also hits with the force of a sledgehammer!

I roll to have my air elemental spirit me away from this literal flaming disaster.

[Ironsmith]

The air elemental joins it! Now it can fly!

I roll to throw a water elemental at it.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

The water elemental shoves you away and reports you for sexual harassment.

I roll to establish Ironsmith's intent at the time of the incident.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

He said he wanted to get the fire-earth-air elemental 'wet'. They take it totally the wrong way.

I roll to go into the Avatar State and unite the four elementals.

[The Outsider]

Just as you're about to unleash your elemental will, somebody strikes you in the chest with a bolt of lightning, knocking you out of the Avatar State and nearly killing you. What a jerk!

I roll to heal Vorpal's lightning wound with mystical spirit water.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

You somehow try healing me with cactus juice instead! I do a crazy unconscious hallucinating dance while the elementals are doing their thing. It'll quench ya!

I roll to convince the elementals to drink cactus juice.

[Ironsmith]

The elemental is touched by your offer, but you pass out halfway through and land face-first in a pool of cactus juice.

I roll to defend myself at the trial of Ironsmith v. Water.

[Dire Moose]

You get sentenced to death by firing squad.

I roll to shoot Ironsmith.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Don't worry! I'll-

*click* *click*

...

I roll to find some ammunition.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

Here try these cotton candy bullets, I'm sure nothing will go wr-
*whooosh!* I might have set your gun on fire. Again. I really got to stop doing that.

I roll to find a new running gag.

[Ironsmith]

You get slapped by a water elemental, which is promptly vaporized, killing it deader than dead.

I roll to be executed by water elemental firing squad.

[Velaryon]

You instead meet death at the hands of the Fire Elemental Watering Squad, who mistake you for a plane and use their fireproof watering cans which are unfortunately full of cactus juice.

I roll to understand how Dr. Gunsforhands reloads.

[Book Wombat]

By watching Dr. Gunsforhands reload, you make them nervous which in turn leads to them accidentally blowing up the gun right in their face.

I roll to block the flying shrapnel.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

Your lungs and belly get impaled by shrapnel in the shape of a smiley face.

I roll to heal Wombat with aforementioned spirit water.

[Ironsmith]

*sprt, sprt*

That's the sound of a water gun not healing injuries.


I roll to beam everyone up to sick bay.

[bug_sniper]

You teleport everyone onto the conveyor belt in the trash compactor room.

I roll to press the emergency stop button.

[The Outsider]

You instead press the button that empties the entirety of the room into a pit full of crocodiles. Why do we even have that button?

I roll to write an Emperor's New Groove/Star Trek fanfiction.

[Ironsmith]

Kirk and Yzma? I... erg...

I roll to keep my vomit confined to an acceptable vessel, like a trash can or toilet.

[bug_sniper]

The building now looks like a level of Viscera Cleanup Detail, with vomit everywhere and for some reason, there are body parts and bullets littering the floor too.

I roll to find every last stain to mop up and every last littered object to put in the incinerator.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

This nice transparent cube guy promised me he'd do it for free! Look at him go how nice of him umm why is he coming at me like tha-

I roll to blow up the gelatinous cube.

[Korith]

After absorbing your explosion, the gelatinous cube inflates like a balloon and is now a Colossal Gelatinous Cube with 60 Hit Dice. And also it somehow gained psychic powers.

I roll to resist the Cube's dominating psychic powers.

[georger0171]

The cube's dominating psychic powers don't work on you because you are now a mind flayer.
And now there's a nice juicy brain in front of you...

I roll to eat the brain.