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  1. - Top - End - #31
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Talakeal's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    What does ďallohetĒ mean?

    I saw someone use the term on twitter, and I can get a few results in google, but I canít find a definition anywhere. Thanks!
    Looking for feedback on Heart of Darkness, a character driven RPG of Gothic fantasy.

  2. - Top - End - #32
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    PairO'Dice Lost's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Well, in the same way "cishet" is short for cisgender-and-heterosexual, "allohet" would be short for allosexual-and-heterosexual. As allosexual means someone who experiences sexual attraction, someone using the term in reference to someone else in contrast to themself most likely indicates that the speaker is asexual and heteroromantic. I haven't ever seen the term used myself, since usually when people specify that they're just "[something]romantic" (as opposed to "heteroromantic bisexual" or the like) them being asexual is implicit.
    Better to DM in Baator than play in Celestia
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  3. - Top - End - #33
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by Sigako View Post
    Ok.
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    I have some nasty skin condition (basically, boils all over most part of the body surface), and doctors couldn't do anything with it for about a decade before I simply gave up, and on top of that I'm not the most pleasant person to have around - somewhat autistic and often abrasive.
    Skin stuff means there's no sex for me, period. Turns out, most people have no use for a partner they cannot have sex with - the ones actually answering me in dating services usually haven't read my profile, and even the ones that do usually ghost on me shortly after. Actually, I cannot even blame them.
    I hear sometimes that I should move to another country, but I don't see a point - the problem is in me, not in the attitude of the people surrounding me, homophobia and related stuff isn't the limiting factor.

    For a long time I was somewhat chill about it - I invented some sort of philosophy justifying me being alone and focused on other stuff in my life. Several years later that stopped working - most of my other pursuits turned to be dead ends, I remembered that I'm not getting younger, it became too tiresome to deceive myself - actually, dunno, what was the exact cause.

    Now I'm sort of stuck - I cannot distract myself from my sexuality, but all my attempts to find a mate are doomed before start, and it's driving me nuts.
    Is there a way to "shut down" your sexuality and romatic urges, since in my case it does not do me any good? Also, one of my biggest fears is that if I actually find some good man, it'll turn out I cannot reciprocate the feelings (see above - autistic), and this will turn into a shaggy dog story.


    And the rule of the internet which number I forgot: nobody cares.
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    Here's my thoughts on this subject, which you can take with as much salt as you need.

    To the best of my knowledge, there is no way to shut down sexual and romantic urges in any way that is healthy and doesn't result in personal harm. As for the 'no sex' rule that you say is causing problem looking for a partner, could you filter your own search to looking for anyone who is ace? They would be the category of people who the 'no sex' rule is not a problem. As far as the fear of being autistic 'driving the good ones away', all relationships are continual works in progress. I get having been burned previously regarding personality clashes, but if you are honest with yourself and your partner, and aim at trying to best by both of you, that is all everyone has going for them.

    And don't necessarily take lack of responses being 'no one cares'. Sometimes, people just do not have the words to say regarding these issues. This corner of the forum doesn't get as much traffic as it used to, so slow response/interactions doesn't necessarily correlate to lack of empathy.

  4. - Top - End - #34
    Pixie in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Sorry for lashing out.

    Very few aces available where I am - found only one, and we were totally incompatible in terms of personality. And I understand they're rare in general, and even more rarely in active search for a partner.
    Last edited by Sigako; 2021-04-12 at 01:17 AM.

  5. - Top - End - #35
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by Sigako View Post
    Sorry for lashing out.

    Very few aces available where I am - found only one, and we were totally incompatible in terms of personality. And I understand they're rare in general, and even more rarely in active search for a partner.
    I apologize if my tone was over critical regarding the 'nobody cares' statement. I get the feeling of pouring a lot of personal energy into writing to get silence. I just wanted to point out that immediately going to 'no one cares' sort of throws in the towel before the run starts. Especially when this series of threads get fairly low traffic these days.

    As for looking for an ace partner, the fact that you would be narrowing your dating pool in a pre-emptive fashion, rather than having them self select will do that. It is up to you which approach works better for you.

  6. - Top - End - #36
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Just learned the guy I'm interested in also is into dudes. Feels good man.
    My limited homebrew experience
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  7. - Top - End - #37
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    LaZodiac's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Come this Friday I'll be meeting with my trans health doctor to organize top surgery. I've been approved for it and bottom surgery, so all I need is one more confirmation for bottom and I'll be good to go on both, and may be getting top soon.

    So... wish me luck? Any advice from those who've had it?
    Last edited by LaZodiac; 2021-04-12 at 11:44 PM.


    Back to normal Zodi avatars for awhile.
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  8. - Top - End - #38
    Pixie in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by thisdude9001 View Post
    Just learned the guy I'm interested in also is into dudes. Feels good man.
    If you make a successfull couple, this would be a reason to come out to you siblings, no?

  9. - Top - End - #39
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by LaZodiac View Post
    Come this Friday I'll be meeting with my trans health doctor to organize top surgery. I've been approved for it and bottom surgery, so all I need is one more confirmation for bottom and I'll be good to go on both, and may be getting top soon.

    So... wish me luck? Any advice from those who've had it?
    That's great! Hope everything goes to plan!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sigako View Post
    If you make a successfull couple, this would be a reason to come out to you siblings, no?
    Sure would, but I kinda casted off dating till I get my life together more. But who knows what'll happen? Of course if we did start dating I couldn't say we're together unless his folks also know he's not straight.
    Last edited by thisdude9001; 2021-04-13 at 06:43 AM.
    My limited homebrew experience
    oh hey didn't see you there

  10. - Top - End - #40
    Pixie in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by Mith View Post
    I apologize if my tone was over critical regarding the 'nobody cares' statement. I get the feeling of pouring a lot of personal energy into writing to get silence. I just wanted to point out that immediately going to 'no one cares' sort of throws in the towel before the run starts. Especially when this series of threads get fairly low traffic these days.

    As for looking for an ace partner, the fact that you would be narrowing your dating pool in a pre-emptive fashion, rather than having them self select will do that. It is up to you which approach works better for you.
    1. My first comment was answered almost immediately, while this was ignored for weeks. I felt like a s**ker, honestly. Feel like this a lot as of late.

    2. Don't understand this part. Maybe it's just my English, I cannot parse this statement to make sense of it.
    I simply disclose all these problems in my dating profile (it's mostly pointless to seek a gay mate in real world in Russia), mainly because I believe in honesty and this is an important detail, and myself trying to look for someone with lines like "sex is not important". Well, turns out it's an euphemism for "it's still critical, not I have other needs too". I've found said ace randomly, but we didn't like each other (and later he blogged on his socnetwork page why you shouldn't date people with such issues).
    Ok, to be precise, currently I've left all dating services around last autumn because I see no point. Thought I'd try my luck with ridding of such urges, but alas, as you just wrote.


    EDIT: What really stresses me out is a double-bind: on the one hand it's "an important part of yourself, and you shouldn't deny it, blah-blah-blah", on the other - to get meaningful relationship you have to be worthy, and said worth is not always dependent on your choices, sometimes you cannot do a thing about what's wrong with you.
    All therapists I've met simply regurgitated the same drivel in the first point - "you do you, blah-blah-blah", until the cows come home. The last one actually gave in after I confronted them - they have no idea what to do either, but they charge per hour, and everyone wants to eat.

    The only meaningful thing I've managed to find by myself is that whole this system is Goedel incomplete, and you can actually get caught in contradiction without any resolution. But for some reason a suicide isn't an exit either, and everyone tries to guilt-trip me out of it as soon as they hear about it (no worries: I'm the coward among the cowards, won't do anything reckless here).
    Last edited by Sigako; Today at 09:56 AM.

  11. - Top - End - #41
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    thisdude9001's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by thisdude9001 View Post
    Just learned the guy I'm interested in also is into dudes. Feels good man.
    Legit one of greatest days of my life l. I told them I was interested. They acted all embarrassed and cute and said they were to! Actual happy tears haha, and yeah I asked for permission before posting this.
    My limited homebrew experience
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