A Monster for Every Season: Summer 2
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  1. - Top - End - #31
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    What does “allohet” mean?

    I saw someone use the term on twitter, and I can get a few results in google, but I can’t find a definition anywhere. Thanks!
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  2. - Top - End - #32
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Well, in the same way "cishet" is short for cisgender-and-heterosexual, "allohet" would be short for allosexual-and-heterosexual. As allosexual means someone who experiences sexual attraction, someone using the term in reference to someone else in contrast to themself most likely indicates that the speaker is asexual and heteroromantic. I haven't ever seen the term used myself, since usually when people specify that they're just "[something]romantic" (as opposed to "heteroromantic bisexual" or the like) them being asexual is implicit.
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  3. - Top - End - #33
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by Sigako View Post
    Ok.
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    I have some nasty skin condition (basically, boils all over most part of the body surface), and doctors couldn't do anything with it for about a decade before I simply gave up, and on top of that I'm not the most pleasant person to have around - somewhat autistic and often abrasive.
    Skin stuff means there's no sex for me, period. Turns out, most people have no use for a partner they cannot have sex with - the ones actually answering me in dating services usually haven't read my profile, and even the ones that do usually ghost on me shortly after. Actually, I cannot even blame them.
    I hear sometimes that I should move to another country, but I don't see a point - the problem is in me, not in the attitude of the people surrounding me, homophobia and related stuff isn't the limiting factor.

    For a long time I was somewhat chill about it - I invented some sort of philosophy justifying me being alone and focused on other stuff in my life. Several years later that stopped working - most of my other pursuits turned to be dead ends, I remembered that I'm not getting younger, it became too tiresome to deceive myself - actually, dunno, what was the exact cause.

    Now I'm sort of stuck - I cannot distract myself from my sexuality, but all my attempts to find a mate are doomed before start, and it's driving me nuts.
    Is there a way to "shut down" your sexuality and romatic urges, since in my case it does not do me any good? Also, one of my biggest fears is that if I actually find some good man, it'll turn out I cannot reciprocate the feelings (see above - autistic), and this will turn into a shaggy dog story.


    And the rule of the internet which number I forgot: nobody cares.
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    Here's my thoughts on this subject, which you can take with as much salt as you need.

    To the best of my knowledge, there is no way to shut down sexual and romantic urges in any way that is healthy and doesn't result in personal harm. As for the 'no sex' rule that you say is causing problem looking for a partner, could you filter your own search to looking for anyone who is ace? They would be the category of people who the 'no sex' rule is not a problem. As far as the fear of being autistic 'driving the good ones away', all relationships are continual works in progress. I get having been burned previously regarding personality clashes, but if you are honest with yourself and your partner, and aim at trying to best by both of you, that is all everyone has going for them.

    And don't necessarily take lack of responses being 'no one cares'. Sometimes, people just do not have the words to say regarding these issues. This corner of the forum doesn't get as much traffic as it used to, so slow response/interactions doesn't necessarily correlate to lack of empathy.

  4. - Top - End - #34
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Sorry for lashing out.

    Very few aces available where I am - found only one, and we were totally incompatible in terms of personality. And I understand they're rare in general, and even more rarely in active search for a partner.
    Last edited by Sigako; 2021-04-12 at 01:17 AM.

  5. - Top - End - #35
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by Sigako View Post
    Sorry for lashing out.

    Very few aces available where I am - found only one, and we were totally incompatible in terms of personality. And I understand they're rare in general, and even more rarely in active search for a partner.
    I apologize if my tone was over critical regarding the 'nobody cares' statement. I get the feeling of pouring a lot of personal energy into writing to get silence. I just wanted to point out that immediately going to 'no one cares' sort of throws in the towel before the run starts. Especially when this series of threads get fairly low traffic these days.

    As for looking for an ace partner, the fact that you would be narrowing your dating pool in a pre-emptive fashion, rather than having them self select will do that. It is up to you which approach works better for you.

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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Just learned the guy I'm interested in also is into dudes. Feels good man.
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Come this Friday I'll be meeting with my trans health doctor to organize top surgery. I've been approved for it and bottom surgery, so all I need is one more confirmation for bottom and I'll be good to go on both, and may be getting top soon.

    So... wish me luck? Any advice from those who've had it?
    Last edited by LaZodiac; 2021-04-12 at 11:44 PM.


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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by thisdude9001 View Post
    Just learned the guy I'm interested in also is into dudes. Feels good man.
    If you make a successfull couple, this would be a reason to come out to you siblings, no?

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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by LaZodiac View Post
    Come this Friday I'll be meeting with my trans health doctor to organize top surgery. I've been approved for it and bottom surgery, so all I need is one more confirmation for bottom and I'll be good to go on both, and may be getting top soon.

    So... wish me luck? Any advice from those who've had it?
    That's great! Hope everything goes to plan!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sigako View Post
    If you make a successfull couple, this would be a reason to come out to you siblings, no?
    Sure would, but I kinda casted off dating till I get my life together more. But who knows what'll happen? Of course if we did start dating I couldn't say we're together unless his folks also know he's not straight.
    Last edited by thisdude9001; 2021-04-13 at 06:43 AM.
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  10. - Top - End - #40
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by Mith View Post
    I apologize if my tone was over critical regarding the 'nobody cares' statement. I get the feeling of pouring a lot of personal energy into writing to get silence. I just wanted to point out that immediately going to 'no one cares' sort of throws in the towel before the run starts. Especially when this series of threads get fairly low traffic these days.

    As for looking for an ace partner, the fact that you would be narrowing your dating pool in a pre-emptive fashion, rather than having them self select will do that. It is up to you which approach works better for you.
    1. My first comment was answered almost immediately, while this was ignored for weeks. I felt like a s**ker, honestly. Feel like this a lot as of late.

    2. Don't understand this part. Maybe it's just my English, I cannot parse this statement to make sense of it.
    I simply disclose all these problems in my dating profile (it's mostly pointless to seek a gay mate in real world in Russia), mainly because I believe in honesty and this is an important detail, and myself trying to look for someone with lines like "sex is not important". Well, turns out it's an euphemism for "it's still critical, not I have other needs too". I've found said ace randomly, but we didn't like each other (and later he blogged on his socnetwork page why you shouldn't date people with such issues).
    Ok, to be precise, currently I've left all dating services around last autumn because I see no point. Thought I'd try my luck with ridding of such urges, but alas, as you just wrote.


    EDIT: What really stresses me out is a double-bind: on the one hand it's "an important part of yourself, and you shouldn't deny it, blah-blah-blah", on the other - to get meaningful relationship you have to be worthy, and said worth is not always dependent on your choices, sometimes you cannot do a thing about what's wrong with you.
    All therapists I've met simply regurgitated the same drivel in the first point - "you do you, blah-blah-blah", until the cows come home. The last one actually gave in after I confronted them - they have no idea what to do either, but they charge per hour, and everyone wants to eat.

    The only meaningful thing I've managed to find by myself is that whole this system is Goedel incomplete, and you can actually get caught in contradiction without any resolution. But for some reason a suicide isn't an exit either, and everyone tries to guilt-trip me out of it as soon as they hear about it (no worries: I'm the coward among the cowards, won't do anything reckless here).
    Last edited by Sigako; 2021-04-15 at 09:56 AM.

  11. - Top - End - #41
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by Sigako View Post
    1. My first comment was answered almost immediately, while this was ignored for weeks. I felt like a s**ker, honestly. Feel like this a lot as of late.
    Must admit I also read the previous comment and thought "Geez, that's a difficult situation. I don't even know where to start."
    If anything, that doesn't make you the sucker but us!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sigako View Post
    What really stresses me out is a double-bind: on the one hand it's "an important part of yourself, and you shouldn't deny it, blah-blah-blah", on the other - to get meaningful relationship you have to be worthy, and said worth is not always dependent on your choices, sometimes you cannot do a thing about what's wrong with you.
    All therapists I've met simply regurgitated the same drivel in the first point - "you do you, blah-blah-blah", until the cows come home. The last one actually gave in after I confronted them - they have no idea what to do either, but they charge per hour, and everyone wants to eat.

    The only meaningful thing I've managed to find by myself is that whole this system is Goedel incomplete, and you can actually get caught in contradiction without any resolution. But for some reason a suicide isn't an exit either, and everyone tries to guilt-trip me out of it as soon as they hear about it (no worries: I'm the coward among the cowards, won't do anything reckless here).
    I think you're really onto the crux of problem when you mention the double-bind - but it has to be your own choice which side you want to focus on.

    Very rudely said you're at a massive disadvantage in the dating scene, through no fault of your own.
    For one, your sexuality is (relatively) uncommon.
    Secondly, you have a physical affliction, which will limit your dating pool even further.
    Third, I think your location already has a limited dating pool purely due to demographics.

    So you start out at a huge disadvantage. That sucks big time - especially since it's not because of any choice of your own - but that's where you're at.

    You're not alone in your circumstances. I'm sure your specific circumstances are unique, but people can be at a disadvantage in the dating scene for a whole lot of reasons: physical or mental illness, geographical isolation, poverty, just being ugly, etc.

    None of this means that it's impossible to find a lasting romantic relationship. The internet is filled with miracle stories of unlikely people finding true love. With a bit of determination and a whole lot of luck, it's possible. It's just (relatively) unlikely.

    At that point I think there are two options, and I think those two options are exactly the double-bind you mentioned:

    - The "you do you" option. You accept your situation and who you are. You accept you might never find a lasting romantic relationship, and you work on being OK with that. You might remain optimistic, and keep your eyes open for the miracle story mentioned above, but you especially work on getting a life that you're happy with without a romantic partner. If you do happen to find one it's an added bonus, but not necessary.
    This includes finding other passions, finding a good outlet for sexuality (I guess getting rid of sexual urges is possible, but it sounds very dangerous) and a lot of introspection.
    I guess this is the option most therapists would try to guide you to, since it requires mental solutions rather than practical solutions.

    - The other option is working to increase your dating pool. Obviously you can't change your sexuality or your illness, but there are other ways to increase the amount of possible partners. Moving to a location with a very active LGBT+ community; getting involved with people who also have physical limitations and might be more accepting; taking lessons or practicing on, like, "accepted" social behaviour and how to seem pleasant; getting heavy into fitness so that you're physically very attractive; or heck, even getting so obscenely wealthy that people will be interested in you despite all other objections.
    It's not a very popular approach, because "accepting who you are" is all the rage (and is definitely the option I would choose), but it's a valid way of looking at things.

    So neither are ideal.
    But I think (like with all difficult issues) it's at least good to think about your options, what you want, and how much you're willing to sacrifice for it.

    I hope as advice goes that's not too pessimistic. It's not meant that way; but it would be dishonest to pretend we have a quick-fix solution for you either.

  12. - Top - End - #42
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by Murk View Post

    You're not alone in your circumstances. I'm sure your specific circumstances are unique, but people can be at a disadvantage in the dating scene for a whole lot of reasons: physical or mental illness, geographical isolation, poverty, just being ugly, etc.

    None of this means that it's impossible to find a lasting romantic relationship. The internet is filled with miracle stories of unlikely people finding true love. With a bit of determination and a whole lot of luck, it's possible. It's just (relatively) unlikely.
    Never said about it being unique, just unpleasant. And judging by amount of news about incels hoing crazy, I start to think that it's the people who are successfull at finding a good mate are actual outliers.
    About 1.5 years ago I was presented with a bunch of such stories. I felt something fishy about the person that did it (I was right about him, but for completely wrong reason), so I digged around a bit, and found little good: one such miracle fell apart in mere months, another looked like a barely concealed abusive relationship ("You owe me everything" variety), and two were made up whole cloth for self-help/pick-up courses.

    Quote Originally Posted by Murk View Post
    - The "you do you" option. You accept your situation and who you are. You accept you might never find a lasting romantic relationship, and you work on being OK with that. You might remain optimistic, and keep your eyes open for the miracle story mentioned above, but you especially work on getting a life that you're happy with without a romantic partner. If you do happen to find one it's an added bonus, but not necessary.
    This includes finding other passions, finding a good outlet for sexuality (I guess getting rid of sexual urges is possible, but it sounds very dangerous) and a lot of introspection.
    I guess this is the option most therapists would try to guide you to, since it requires mental solutions rather than practical solutions.
    Ok, simple question: how do I deal with frustration? Cannot even j/o or watch porno/something with a romatic storyline without a fit of despair and self-hatred half the time. Therapists just play echo chamber with me on this topic - just repeat what the client wants, but word it as a recommendation and pile enough clever words on top to confuse them. Turns out I know enough clever words too and can spot bull**** after a while, but not enough to actually help myself.
    Also I left it out, mostly out of shame, but I turned desperate for relationship about 3-4 years ago, when most of my other pursuits, which kept me more or less occupied enough to be able to ignore this since puberty, fell apart, turned out to be delusions or just stopped being compelling (I went offline for 4 months just to brood uninterrupted at one point). Hate to admit, but I hoped that finding a date would help me to drag myself out of depression (also, I remembered I'm soon to turn 30 already, and felt cheated of the whole "exploration phase"), but, well, we see how that turned out.

    Quote Originally Posted by Murk View Post
    - The other option is working to increase your dating pool. Obviously you can't change your sexuality or your illness, but there are other ways to increase the amount of possible partners. Moving to a location with a very active LGBT+ community; getting involved with people who also have physical limitations and might be more accepting; taking lessons or practicing on, like, "accepted" social behaviour and how to seem pleasant; getting heavy into fitness so that you're physically very attractive; or heck, even getting so obscenely wealthy that people will be interested in you despite all other objections.
    It's not a very popular approach, because "accepting who you are" is all the rage (and is definitely the option I would choose), but it's a valid way of looking at things.
    Well, I see your train of thought, but while most of the listed options are usually reasonable to me they sound sort of irrelevant, because they deal with the wrong limiting factor.


    Ok, that's a lot to chew. Mostly you just confirmed my thoughts, but at least you're honest here, which is, apparently, a huge rarity in this field.
    Thank you.

    ADD: Sorry for speech pattern - English not native, and I'm trying to hide behind long sentences.
    Last edited by Sigako; 2021-04-16 at 07:58 PM.

  13. - Top - End - #43
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by Sigako View Post
    1. My first comment was answered almost immediately, while this was ignored for weeks. I felt like a s**ker, honestly. Feel like this a lot as of late.
    Here are tips for you:
    1. Stop making your mood dependent on reactions on an internet forum.

    2. Find friends irl.

  14. - Top - End - #44
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by Rydiro View Post
    Here are tips for you:
    1. Stop making your mood dependent on reactions on an internet forum.

    2. Find friends irl.
    At least it wasn't "Get a girlfriend". This one never gets old, apparently.
    Last edited by Sigako; 2021-04-22 at 11:56 PM.

  15. - Top - End - #45
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by Sigako View Post
    At least it wasn't "Get a girlfriend". This one never gets old, apparently.
    Yea, that wasn't the most helpful advice.

    But if you're dealing with depression or the aftermath, it makes sense the frustration of being single gets too much sometimes.
    From my own experience, being single (or even being lonely in general) is not a big issue to people who are otherwise happy. If you have an otherwise happy, healthy, fulfilled life, being single is usually a mild annoyance at most. But when you're already unhappy, being single can be the awful icing on an already awful cake.

    With the problem being that even if you get a relationship, that would still only fix the awful icing on the awful cake. And an awful cake with nice icing is still an awful cake.


    I think Rydiro's "tips" were awful (and the equivalent of advising someone with depression to "just be happy"), but it is true that unhappiness is a package deal, and that it's very hard to fix one part of it if you can't fix all the other parts as well.
    Last edited by Murk; 2021-04-23 at 03:29 AM.

  16. - Top - End - #46
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Another point is that finding friends is much easier said than done, even without any romantic/sexual/other related undertones.
    Last year I was abruptly shown the door by my best friend, significantly soured relationships with another and start getting strains with the both remaining, and I never learned how to make new ones on purpose.

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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by Sigako View Post
    Another point is that finding friends is much easier said than done, even without any romantic/sexual/other related undertones.
    Last year I was abruptly shown the door by my best friend, significantly soured relationships with another and start getting strains with the both remaining, and I never learned how to make new ones on purpose.
    More awful "tips". ;)
    1. While yes, finding new friends isn't easy, you can work on that skillset and try to have some successes in a few months. Maybe you pick up a social hobby and meet new people.

    2. I'd also look into the reasons why all your friendships are strained. Maybe you can do something about that.

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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by Rydiro View Post
    More awful "tips". ;)
    1. While yes, finding new friends isn't easy, you can work on that skillset and try to have some successes in a few months. Maybe you pick up a social hobby and meet new people.

    2. I'd also look into the reasons why all your friendships are strained. Maybe you can do something about that.
    2. Oh, this isn't a mystery: I always was a bit cranky and odd, but now my constant frustration (not just sex, see above) slowly drives me insane. Crazy people are not fun to hang out with (all ethical questions about new friends aside), but all my attempts to fix myself failed too.

  19. - Top - End - #49
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by Sigako View Post

    2. Don't understand this part. Maybe it's just my English, I cannot parse this statement to make sense of it.
    I simply disclose all these problems in my dating profile (it's mostly pointless to seek a gay mate in real world in Russia), mainly because I believe in honesty and this is an important detail, and myself trying to look for someone with lines like "sex is not important". Well, turns out it's an euphemism for "it's still critical, not I have other needs too". I've found said ace randomly, but we didn't like each other (and later he blogged on his socnetwork page why you shouldn't date people with such issues).
    Ok, to be precise, currently I've left all dating services around last autumn because I see no point. Thought I'd try my luck with ridding of such urges, but alas, as you just wrote.


    EDIT: What really stresses me out is a double-bind: on the one hand it's "an important part of yourself, and you shouldn't deny it, blah-blah-blah", on the other - to get meaningful relationship you have to be worthy, and said worth is not always dependent on your choices, sometimes you cannot do a thing about what's wrong with you.
    All therapists I've met simply regurgitated the same drivel in the first point - "you do you, blah-blah-blah", until the cows come home. The last one actually gave in after I confronted them - they have no idea what to do either, but they charge per hour, and everyone wants to eat.

    The only meaningful thing I've managed to find by myself is that whole this system is Goedel incomplete, and you can actually get caught in contradiction without any resolution. But for some reason a suicide isn't an exit either, and everyone tries to guilt-trip me out of it as soon as they hear about it (no worries: I'm the coward among the cowards, won't do anything reckless here).
    Sorry for a late reply. Perhaps me saying that 'this thread doesn't get much traffic' or reflective on my personal experience of not coming to this corner of the internet often.

    The reason I state that narrowing your dating pool and keeping that narrow focus is because if you are having partners leave due to sex being off the table, looking only for partners that are not bothered with sex not being on the table ends up being the same result, but you are not having someone abandoning you for something beyond your control. But as you noted, there is still issues with personality clashes. And your ex was completely in the wrong to write that blog post. Not only for throwing you under the bus (though that is enough) but because it reflects and can harm others in your position.

    As far as there not being a solution to the problem, I would be highly surprised if those of us on the Internet can target things that therapists cannot. I do second the idea of looking into broadening social circle (yes I know it's cliché tripe). Simple because if you are having issues with dealing with personality clashes, the more you have experience with working with people, the better sense you have in terms of how you interact with people which you can carry onto your personal relationships.

    In the end, I don't have a solution for you because I do not know you well enough to give one. But advice of 'get out and do something else' is not given just because it makes the advice giver feel better. There is practical reasoning behind it.

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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    I just found out that my best friend is getting married in August. And so we are going to return to my old hometown for the first time since I transitioned. This will also be the first time my best friend will have seen me in person since I transitioned as well, though he has seen pictures and we have done a video call since then.
    LGBTitp

  21. - Top - End - #51
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    I've been dealing with thinking about gender for many years, and it's difficult. I feel like I may be agender or genderfluid. Sometimes I feel more comfortable binding and packing but my body type is hourglass and curvy so I know I don't pass as male. Other times I'm happy to wear a woman's T-shirt and womens' jeans and I feel good about it. I never feel like wearing a dress/skirt/makeup.

    Part of me wants to get top surgery, not complete removal but a reduction. It would probably help even if presenting as female because I'm uncomfortable with all the stares. Another part of me freaks out at the idea, mainly because I worry I won't be as attractive to men anymore (I'm attracted to men exclusively). It feels like a superficial reason but because I don't feel I have a really strong sense of gender in the first place, it's hard to justify surgery, which I couldn't afford anyway.
    Similarly, I like the idea of taking testosterone to get my voice a bit lower and so I can grow a beard when I want to (and shave it when I don't), but I worry I'll regret it.

    I've owned binders on and off for probably fifteen years, I usually wear them once, get disappointed that they don't seem to have much of an effect, and stash them away. I don't know what size I'd need to be for them to be more effective, though.

    I feel so confused, but I never feel the same way long enough to act on it. I guess I just wanted to vent about it.

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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    If you want to change your voice you don't need testerone for that. I'd recommend checking out r/transvoice, and the Scinguistics discord server. There's a bunch of advice on voice training (the majority of it that I've seen is for mtf, but there is ftm as well).

    edit: Scinguistics link (expires in a week)
    Last edited by Caerulea; 2021-05-15 at 08:19 AM.
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  23. - Top - End - #53
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by Caerulea View Post
    If you want to change your voice you don't need testerone for that. I'd recommend checking out r/transvoice, and the Scinguistics discord server. There's a bunch of advice on voice training (the majority of it that I've seen is for mtf, but there is ftm as well).

    edit: Scinguistics link (expires in a week)
    Thanks! I don't just want a deeper voice, but I appreciate the link and I'll look into it!
    I'm wearing all three of my binders right now and while I definitely don't look like a guy, I look more androgynous and I feel a lot more comfortable with how I look. I've looked into top surgery, and because I have a history of shoulder, back and neck pain I would get covered for a reduction, as long as they remove at least one pound per side (which should be a problem). I feel like if I can get down to C or D at least I would be able to bind flatter, even if I still need to wear three binders at once (I probably wouldn't). And I would still have plenty for my more feminine days.
    I didn't get to talk to family planning but I'll call again on Monday or possibly just go there, it's actually pretty close. It would be nice to go there while binding and packing and not have to care what people think because they're used to this kind of thing. I worry about them not understanding I'm not ftm but I'll tell them and we'll see.

    I've talked to a few friends about getting a breast reduction (without talking about gender identity except with my ex, who already knew and has always been supportive). Only one of them reacted as I feared, telling me not to, that it looked great right now, that "the size never bothered him" (wtf?) and that maybe I could look into exercising to get them smaller if I really wanted to. I told him working out just makes my pecs bigger and he laughed. Then he said it can't be undone so I probably should think about it first, like it's not something I've thought about for 20 years already. I'm annoyed at him right now but I'll give myself a second to cool down before I talk to him and try and explain he was being insensitive.
    My other two friends were supportive, in a "if that's something you want, hope that happens" kind of way, and I felt safe enough to bring up that I worried about people not finding me attractive anymore. They responded a bit differently but basically one told me that what I feel is more important than "other people" and the other one told me that anyone who only cares about breast size is a ****ing ******* in the first place so good riddance.

    My ex, as I said, already knew as I'd been a guy at his place before and been neither as well, explicitly I mean, and he was supportive of anything that could help. He said he doesn't really understand gender but that he knows he'll love me regardless. Then we discussed gender in general, vaccinations (he just had his second shot and France has just allowed people over 18 to get same-day appointments if there are doses left) and it all felt very normal and not scary. It helps to know that whatever happens I'm never going to lose everyone I'm close to.

    A razor I ordered arrived (I left my old one in the US) so I got to shave my face again, which I always enjoy. It's mostly fuzz except on my lip and chin, but I still prefer being clean-shaven, otherwise I feel like I have too much face hair for when I'm more feminine but not enough for when I'm more masculine.

    I still don't know where things will go but I feel happier just talking about it and thinking about it. I think a reduction would make the biggest difference in my quality of life in all 'forms' so I may decide never to take T but I don't know. Are blockers even a thing for adults?

  24. - Top - End - #54
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    I have an appointment for the end of June to talk about top reduction, what I can expect, how much will be covered and so on. Reading up on how it's done here in France I'm unclear how many appointments are needed but it should be faster and cheaper than in the US at least. The one thing is that I may be asked to lose some weight first as my BMI is higher than 24, and losing weight is challenging for me past my current point because my breasts get comparatively bigger and bigger.
    I won't know more about it for more than a month so who knows, but I'll try to at least go back to good habits and maybe by then I'll have lost of few pounds.

    The family planning thing was a bust, they don't deal with anything gender-related in France, I do see my psychiatrist later today but I don't really know if I'll feel up for telling her about any of it. I'll give it a try, I do see her every four weeks so I'll have other opportunities to bring it up.

    I realise for most people top surgery happens after a lot of other things but I'm hoping that if it happens first due to it being a reduction, I'll have a clearer idea once it heals up about what I want and who I am.

  25. - Top - End - #55
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Best hopes. Your journey is your own. Don't feel you need to conform to the usual if it doesn't fit who you are.
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  26. - Top - End - #56
    Pixie in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Huh, actually this surgery talk was helpful: it reminded me that castration is also an option. Not sure if elective castration is permitted here, but it's something to look into.
    Thank you.

  27. - Top - End - #57
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Speaking of surgery, tomorrow marks the day I'll be able to dilate twice a day instead three times a day after my vaginoplasty!

    As you might imagine, this'll make actually doing things a heck of a lot easier.
    Hi, I'm back, I guess. ^_^
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  28. - Top - End - #58
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    Kobold

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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by Sigako View Post
    Huh, actually this surgery talk was helpful: it reminded me that castration is also an option. Not sure if elective castration is permitted here, but it's something to look into.
    Thank you.
    At least talk the consequences through with a doctor.
    That step sounds extreme and does not actually seem to adress any of your bigger problems.
    Could aswell be neutral or worsening your situation.
    Last edited by Rydiro; 2021-05-23 at 01:28 PM.

  29. - Top - End - #59
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Quote Originally Posted by Sigako View Post
    Huh, actually this surgery talk was helpful: it reminded me that castration is also an option. Not sure if elective castration is permitted here, but it's something to look into.
    Thank you.
    That sounds like something a lot of places would be against, at least surgically. Chemically may be more likely to be offered, but still not to many people. You should also know that while it would prevent the physical aspects (such as erections), it would probably not prevent the thoughts.

    Quote Originally Posted by BisectedBrioche View Post
    Speaking of surgery, tomorrow marks the day I'll be able to dilate twice a day instead three times a day after my vaginoplasty!

    As you might imagine, this'll make actually doing things a heck of a lot easier.
    Yay! That should give you more free time.

  30. - Top - End - #60
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    Chimera

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    Default Re: LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

    Well today's the first day of Pride Month and I feel like absolute excrement. Internalized homophobia has basically ruined my life, along with all the abuse from other people, their brainwashing has affected my mind to an absurd degree.
    I am ArlEammon. I've been here for 17 years, but I've lost access to my other account.

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