LGBTAIitp Part 60: Still Going Strong

[Lissou]

Well today's the first day of Pride Month and I feel like absolute excrement. Internalized homophobia has basically ruined my life, along with all the abuse from other people, their brainwashing has affected my mind to an absurd degree.

I'm so sorry to hear that :( Sending virtual hugs your way!

As for me, I'm pretty sure I'm genderfluid at this point, based on the fact that since the last post I've swung between loving having breasts and hating it. Female me is a bit freaked out about getting my breasts reduced and what that could mean, but neutral and male mes can hardly wait. Hopefully getting a reduction rather than a removal will work as a compromise rather than making everyone unhappy! The first consult is at the end of the month so there is still some time.

I definitely want to go back to working out and losing weight. I might need to before I can get surgery anyway, and it will be good for my physical and mental health (as long as I can get over the fact my breasts get proportionally bigger). I was going to start today but getting the vaccine yesterday caught up with me and I've been pretty sick, so I'lll wait until I feel better.

Happy Pride Month to everyone :)

[TaiLiu]

Huh, actually this surgery talk was helpful: it reminded me that castration is also an option. Not sure if elective castration is permitted here, but it's something to look into.
Thank you.

I dunno about Russia, but in a number of places—depending on your definition of "castration"—the closest thing for you would be an orchiectomy, a vaginoplasty, or a form of nonbinary genitoplasty. As others have mentioned, it is of course important to think about why you might want such a surgery, as well as any goals behind it.

[Lentrax]

Happy Pride!

Remember Be You. Be Strong, be bold.

And as always:

Be Gay, Do Crimes!

[Sigako]

Happy Pride!

Remember Be You. Be Strong, be bold.

And as always:

Be Gay, Do Crimes!

Oh, right, it's a Pride Month. And I have no idea what to do with it. Aside from feeling stupid.

I dunno about Russia, but in a number of places—depending on your definition of "castration"—the closest thing for you would be an orchiectomy, a vaginoplasty, or a form of nonbinary genitoplasty. As others have mentioned, it is of course important to think about why you might want such a surgery, as well as any goals behind it.

Well, the main reason is to get rid of libido, since for me it's only a source of frustration.
Also, on empty balls I feel less lonely and romantically frustrated too, for some reason. Well, not so much "less" as "this aspect of life loses most of importance, and edge with it".

[TaiLiu]

Well, the main reason is to get rid of libido, since for me it's only a source of frustration. Also, on empty balls I feel less lonely and romantically frustrated too, for some reason. Well, not so much "less" as "this aspect of life loses most of importance, and edge with it".

Oh, gotcha. As Lissou mentioned, the connection between testosterone levels and libido may not be as clean as you would like—there are plenty of women with low testosterone and lots of libido, for instance. I guess you could even temporarily test it out yourself. Get some grey market anti-androgens and/or estradiol, which can lower your testosterone. Try them for a month or so. It's possible that they might make you feel better, but, well, if they do, it's probably not cuz of a libido drop.

[Wizard_Lizard]

Welp, decided that I should probably wait a couple more years before pursuing HRT, which I'm still really conflicted about, so that's newsish I guess?

[BisectedBrioche]

The right time to transition is when you decide to, no sooner or later. That includes deferring it.

[Phae Nymna]

Haayyy sweet people~ I've been away from this account for a longgg time and I'm happy to say I'm thriving here in New Orleans. I came out when I was 14 and whew it uhh people did a bad job w that at first and ppl in my life really hurt me. Y'all, these girls gays n theys threads supported and affirmed me <3

My podnah Henry and I met at Southern Decadence 2019, but we'd matched on Tinder when we were both in college. It was a gush worthy meet-cute: Jeff Goldblum was dancing on the terrace of Good Friends bar and he wore a leopard print shirt and zebra print pants. It's a street corner and opposite Good Friends is Moon Wok Restaurant on the other side of St. Ann St; both corner building have wraparound galleries that stand over the sidewalk on cast iron poles, giving a second floor balcony and plenty of shade on the hottest day of the year in New Orleans. I saw him straight across the pride parade and we recognized each other just like that <3 Ran around the corner to text himb and he asked me to save him from his friends so I obliged, we ate late lunch in a bad restaurant and some old bears made things hella weird as they do that time of year, and we went to Audubon Park and sat on a bench and smooched. Anyway we were smitten p. much immediately and it will be 2 years this September 1st <3

xoxo

[Dire Moose]

So I’m approaching 4 years since I transitioned, and realized that I haven’t presented as male since one time near the end of 2018. And after being on estrogen since November 2017, my spouse and I measured my growth again and found out that my breasts are now up to a 42D. While I still identify as being outside of a strict male/female binary, I have to admit that as far as day-to-day life is concerned, I have completely crossed over now. And it still feels like I only just started.

Only a month away now from my first trip to my old hometown as a girl. I’m caught in between being excited to see everyone I left behind and nervous about what they’re going to say. Most people know I transitioned, but having to interact with the new me is different. I guess one of my biggest concerns isn’t threats or violence but more just them not acknowledging what happened and continuing to refer to me as though nothing happened, male pronouns and everything. Not sure if I have anything to worry about there, though.

[Lissou]

Good luck! People sometimes make mistakes out of habit without meaning anything by it. I hope if that happens they'll apologise right away and it won't hurt too much, but of course you can't control your feelings...
Nothing wrong with identifying as transfeminine and nonbinary at the same time if that works for you. And of course if you ever identify as masculine/male again that would be valid too, there isn't any prescription on being fluid :) And if it turns out you're not fluid, well you seem really happy so whatever labels you decide to use for yourself, I know everyone here will support you :)

[Lysbeth]

Currently in the process of getting my name changed to the one you can see on my profile...

I have to provide letters by people who swear that I do use this name and am not just being random, amongst other things. I also have to provide scans of their ID cards. One of the two friends who wrote a letter is waiting to get a new valid ID card so I'm hanging on and waiting for him to get it. Waiting, and waiting, and waiting... is not a good feeling. But I'm also giddy to be finally getting my new name, so the happy/sad mix is really messing with me.

Ugh. Can't wait for this all to be over, I want my cool name now ;A;

[Purple Eagle]

Hi y'all, I'm an AMAB pansexual transfem, recently came out as trans to a couple of online friends of mine, and I thought I'd introduce myself here.

My fem persona's name is BiBi on the forums, and I've only begun voice training and transitioning on social media. The odd hypnosis audio/video helps, too. Not in real life however, it's very unsafe for me to come out of the closet there, save wearing feminine underwear.

So... yeah!

[Lentrax]

Hi y'all, I'm an AMAB pansexual transfem, recently came out as trans to a couple of online friends of mine, and I thought I'd introduce myself here.

My fem persona's name is Nisha, and I've only begun voice training and transitioning on social media. The odd hypnosis audio/video helps, too. Not in real life however, it's very unsafe for me to come out of the closet there, save wearing feminine underwear.

So... yeah!

Hello and welcome to you and all the other newcomers (and you too, lurkers!)

We used to have cake, but the people who were good at it stop making them, and we have been told that biting is not an appropriate first greeting.


So instead I will say hello, and let you know that I am available to talk to via any method you prefer. Whatever you need to talk about, I am here.

That said, I hope you enjoy your stay here, and again...

WELCOME!!!

[Purple Eagle]

Hello and welcome to you and all the other newcomers (and you too, lurkers!)

We used to have cake, but the people who were good at it stop making them, and we have been told that biting is not an appropriate first greeting.


So instead I will say hello, and let you know that I am available to talk to via any method you prefer. Whatever you need to talk about, I am here.

That said, I hope you enjoy your stay here, and again...

WELCOME!!!

Thank you! Note that I edited the name above to read 'BiBi' instead of Nisha, since it's what I've come to be known as on the internet... so please call me that, everyone! It's from Beagle, which was from when I was known as Bohemian Eagle.

Also, just in case this info should also become necessary, I was diagnosed autistic just a few years ago (mid 20s), as well as ADHD and OCD. The trifecta, if you will!

[Dire Moose]

With my first trip back to my old hometown since I transitioned being only about 3 weeks away, I have to ask myself: am I the same person now as I was then?

Consider how many changes have happened. My body chemistry has been radically altered. The shape of everything is different now. I have discovered so many new likes and dislikes about myself that were hidden before. The world around me now relates to me in a different way, and plenty of people I once new may not even recognize me anymore.

Will it be the homecoming I’ve been used to, or will I be stepping into the room of some guy who left years ago and never returned?

[DarthArminius]

With my first trip back to my old hometown since I transitioned being only about 3 weeks away, I have to ask myself: am I the same person now as I was then?

Consider how many changes have happened. My body chemistry has been radically altered. The shape of everything is different now. I have discovered so many new likes and dislikes about myself that were hidden before. The world around me now relates to me in a different way, and plenty of people I once new may not even recognize me anymore.

Will it be the homecoming I’ve been used to, or will I be stepping into the room of some guy who left years ago and never returned?

The world is changing, and so have you. It might be a warm, pleasant homecoming, and still be off putting.

[Dire Moose]

Spoiler: Recent selfies

Show

[137beth]

I am now really upset on the whole "getting bottom surgery" ordeal.

I already see two mental health doctors for reasons unrelated to gender. My endocrinologist recommended a particular surgeon for bottom surgery. I previously confirmed via phone with the surgeon's office that both of those doctors could write me letters of readiness. They both wrote me letters and sent them in June.

I then spent a month repeatedly calling the surgeon's office to see what the status was. In mid-July they told me the received the letters, but they weren't good enough, and they sent information about what was missing to the office where my therapist and psychiatrist work. But my therapist said she never got any information from them (and the receptionist answering my phone calls couldn't tell me anything more informative). I then spent another few weeks calling the surgeon's office, after which they said they would re-send a fax to my therapist. That was on Monday of this week.

Today, I got a call from my therapist, who said that the surgeon's office told her that she was not, in fact, qualified to write a letter of readiness for me, even though she has a doctorate in psychology, because she doesn't have "specific experience diagnosing people with gender dysphoria." The same issue also disqualified my psychiatrist.
So just now I called the surgeon's office again, asking if they could tell me who in the region is "qualified" according to their criteria. The receptionist didn't know, but said they would call me back

[TaiLiu]

I am now really upset on the whole "getting bottom surgery" ordeal.

I already see two mental health doctors for reasons unrelated to gender. My endocrinologist recommended a particular surgeon for bottom surgery. I previously confirmed via phone with the surgeon's office that both of those doctors could write me letters of readiness. They both wrote me letters and sent them in June.

I then spent a month repeatedly calling the surgeon's office to see what the status was. In mid-July they told me the received the letters, but they weren't good enough, and they sent information about what was missing to the office where my therapist and psychiatrist work. But my therapist said she never got any information from them (and the receptionist answering my phone calls couldn't tell me anything more informative). I then spent another few weeks calling the surgeon's office, after which they said they would re-send a fax to my therapist. That was on Monday of this week.

Today, I got a call from my therapist, who said that the surgeon's office told her that she was not, in fact, qualified to write a letter of readiness for me, even though she has a doctorate in psychology, because she doesn't have "specific experience diagnosing people with gender dysphoria." The same issue also disqualified my psychiatrist.
So just now I called the surgeon's office again, asking if they could tell me who in the region is "qualified" according to their criteria. The receptionist didn't know, but said they would call me back

Really sorry to hear about this. The gatekeeping on display here is sickening.

[Wizard_Lizard]

My school has some really annoying hair based policies (has to be off the collar), which I'm looking into trying to repeal, currently have a local petition that's nearly at 400 signatures which is great, I'm having a meeting with the principal in two weeks to discuss it!! Wish me luck!!!

[Caerulea]

My school has some really annoying hair based policies (has to be off the collar), which I'm looking into trying to repeal, currently have a local petition that's nearly at 400 signatures which is great, I'm having a meeting with the principal in two weeks to discuss it!! Wish me luck!!!

Good luck Wizard Lizard! I've personally had mixed success with changing school policy but from my experience school officials are usually reasonable people who'll listen if you're polite and articulate. I hope it goes well for you!

[Grand Arbiter]

Over the past couple years I’ve worked up the courage to be completely honest with myself and came out as gay to my immediate family (parents/siblings). Happily, the response has been a positive one.

Unfortunately, my nerves have been wracked the past few weeks so I’ve come here for help. I‘d like to be able to tell my grandparents that I’m gay, particularly my grandmother on my dad’s side due to recent health concerns. I don’t want it to be left unsaid. At the same time I don’t know how. She’s conservative, prejudiced and stubborn as a mule, but I love her despite her faults and don’t want to hurt her.

Compound how socially awkward I feel sometimes and I’d greatly appreciate some advice/counsel for how to approach this.

[DarthArminius]

Over the past couple years I’ve worked up the courage to be completely honest with myself and came out as gay to my immediate family (parents/siblings). Happily, the response has been a positive one.

Unfortunately, my nerves have been wracked the past few weeks so I’ve come here for help. I‘d like to be able to tell my grandparents that I’m gay, particularly my grandmother on my dad’s side due to recent health concerns. I don’t want it to be left unsaid. At the same time I don’t know how. She’s conservative, prejudiced and stubborn as a mule, but I love her despite her faults and don’t want to hurt her.

Compound how socially awkward I feel sometimes and I’d greatly appreciate some advice/counsel for how to approach this.

ERm, all I can say is that I hope it works out. If you find someone smarter than I am to help you and it works out alright that would be great!

[Talakeal]

Another question about trans issues if I may:

I have seen it asserted on twitter and facebook numerous times that it has been scientifically proven that gender is distinct from sex and that trans people are the gender they identify as, but with no explanation or evidence.

Can someone explain to me what this actually means?

As someone who is gender nonconforming, as well as a humanist and a feminist, I have always felt that gender was just a collection of oppressive stereotypes which society forces on people rather than something with objective reality.

Likewise, if there really is some objective gender identity, like, I don't know, a difference in brain structure or chemistry, what does that say about people who identify as trans but don't display it objectively?


Please note that I am not trying to make a political statement with this or invalidate anyone's identity, I am just really curious. And, as someone who identifies as trans but still in the closet to most people, it is something I give a lot of thought to.

[Lycunadari]

Well, there are some studies that show that (at least some) brain structures of trans women are more similar to those of cis women than to those of cis men (and vice versa with trans men), though most of them have tiny sample sizes and often inconclusive results. There are also studies pointing to genetic causes (including twin studies). If you're interested in this stuff, there's this wikipedia article: Causes of transsexuality

Personally, I don't care about any of that. Sure, it's kinda interesting to read about as a biologist, but as a trans person, I don't need studies to "prove" I exist. I know how I feel gender-wise, I know how I like to express my gender, I don't care about gender roles. I know it makes me happy if I hear my new name, or get post addressed to that new name. I know it makes me uncomfortable if online forms make me pick between male and female, stuff like that. Also, I'm weary that any research that "proves" an explicit cause for being trans would lead to eugenics (transphobic parents aborting fetuses if you can test for it before birth).

It might be useful for you to understand that gender (identity) ≠ gender expression ≠ gender roles. Some people do use these interchangeably, but at least for discussion trans issues, differentiating between them is useful:
Gender (identity): you personal internal sense of gender, can be more or less strong (leading to some people to identify as 'cis by default' if they don't feel particularly like their assigned gender but don't care enough to identify as something else)
Gender expression: how you like to express you gender, includes clothes, makeup etc. Can in a wider sense also include stuff like your name, pronouns, terms of address, etc
Gender roles: how you are expected to act because of your gender. Varies widely by culture.
They are of course all interconnected, especially gender expression and gender roles.

So you can have for example a woman (= gender), who wears dresses, goes by she/her pronouns and gets called Mom by her kids (=gender expression), and who is a stay-at-home mom who likes to sew and knit, which is expected of her by society (=gender roles). Maybe she's cis, maybe she's trans, you can't tell from the example.

Or you can have another woman, who also wears dresses, goes by she/her pronouns but gets called Dad by her kids, and likes so play soccer with them (which can be a bit difficult in a dress ). Maybe she's trans and her kids are the only ones who are allowed to use masculine words for her, maybe she's cis and the "Dad" thing is a family joke because people always expect dads to play soccer with their kids. You can't tell from the example.

Or you can have yet another woman, who wears suits, goes by he/him pronouns, gets called Husband by his wife, and likes to go on motor bike rides. Maybe he's cis and a butch lesbian, or maybe he's a closeted trans woman. You can't tell from the example.


Did any of that help? (Or did it just lead to more questions?)

[Talakeal]

Did any of that help? (Or did it just lead to more questions?)

Not really, no, but thank you taking the time to type it out for me!



Read the wikipedia article you linked, seems to show that the science is pretty inconclusive one way or the other.

I fully agree with you about the differences between the types of gender; but I personally prefer to just judge people as individuals and identify myself as gender nonconforming and refer to physical sex*.


I really don't like the idea of gender being somehow objectively hard coded, not only because people will try and cure / prevent it, but also because of the amount of "gate-keeping" that will apply to people whose behaviors don't link to whatever "objective" measure is being used to scientifically prove gender.

While I think the idea is about gender-queer folk trying to validate their own existences, which is a good thing, it could far too easily be used to invalidate someone else's gender identity, and comes very close to the misogynist rhetoric about how women are biologically coded to be (insert stereotype about women here).


*Which is a spectrum and which people have both the right and the capability to change through medical means.

[SerTabris]

I fully agree with you about the differences between the types of gender; but I personally prefer to just judge people as individuals and identify myself as gender nonconforming and refer to physical sex*.

It's perfectly fine to refer to anything you'd like for pronouns and such for yourself, but this is definitely not something that should be imposed on others. That is, you should still be referring to other people with the pronouns that they've told you are the appropriate ones to refer to them. (From this phrasing, I wasn't sure of the scope of what you were saying, so I wanted to clarify this part.)

The rest of it, I don't think I can add anything to in particular, but I wanted to emphasize that.

[Talakeal]

It's perfectly fine to refer to anything you'd like for pronouns and such for yourself, but this is definitely not something that should be imposed on others. That is, you should still be referring to other people with the pronouns that they've told you are the appropriate ones to refer to them. (From this phrasing, I wasn't sure of the scope of what you were saying, so I wanted to clarify this part.)

The rest of it, I don't think I can add anything to in particular, but I wanted to emphasize that.

Surely you mean that it is something which should be imposed on others?

But yes, I acknowledge that it is very rude to refer to someone by the wrong pronouns and I know how painful being misgendered can be.

[SerTabris]

Surely you mean that it is something which should be imposed on others?

But yes, I acknowledge that it is very rude to refer to someone by the wrong pronouns and I know how painful being misgendered can be.

No, that's not what I meant, but I think you're parsing this differently. I meant that your (or anyone else's) internal conception about how sex/gender/etc. shouldn't be imposed on others, and each individual has to be taken as the authority on referring to themselves. So, it sounds like you're agreeing but phrasing the idea in another way.

[137beth]

Oh hey, I just noticed my username has been changed