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    Orc in the Playground
     
    ElfWarriorGuy

    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    United States
    Gender
    Male

    Default Heirloom Critiques & Suggestions

    These are custom magic items, intended to play a very specific role in a campaign. Each one is attunable only by a specific character in the party. Certain milestones, like fulfilling certain quests, performing rare rituals, or defeating rare foes, will unlock the next tier of the item, giving it new powers.

    Spoiler: The Sword of Gwithra
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    This greatsword, blessed by a wild god, has cloud-like ripples pattern-welded into its dark blade. When you swing it, you can feel its weight shift in your hand, as if some mysterious wind buoys its every strike.

    This weapon is to be wielded by Kallista, a Tiefling Battlemaster Fighter

    Tier 1: 3 Charges, Steel Sirocco

    Tier 2: +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls.

    Tier 3: 4 Charges, Whirling Parry

    Tier 4: +2 Bonus to attack and damage rolls

    Tier 5: 5 Charges, Bladestorm

    The weapon has certain number of charges which increase with the weapon's tier. The weapon regains 1d4 expended charges daily at dawn.

    You gain a bonus to attack and damage rolls with this weapon, based upon the weapon's tier.

    Steel Sirocco: When you hit a creature with an attack with the blade, you can expend 1 charge to deal an additional 1d8 slashing damage with the attack, and fly up to 10 feet without provoking opportunity attacks.

    Whirling Parry: When you are hit by an attack, you may expend 1 charge as a reaction to make a damage roll with the weapon, reducing the damage of the attack by the number rolled.

    Bladestorm: As an action, you expend all remaining charges in the sword by plunging it into the earth. All creatures except you in a 30-foot radius must make a DC 16 Dexterity saving throw. On a failed save, a creature takes slashing damage equal to 15 x the number of charges in the sword, and is knocked prone. On a successful save, a creature takes half that amount of slashing damage and is not knocked prone. Once you have used this property, you cannot use it again until the sword reaches its full number of charges.


    Spoiler: The Great Lunar Ring
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    This silver band is set with a spherical crystal, which darkens and lightens in cycles to reflect the phases of the moon.

    This ring is to be worn by Balasar, a Dragonborn Moon Druid.

    Tier 1: Wax & Wane

    Tier 2: Lunar Magic

    Tier 3: Greater Lunar Magic

    Tier 4: Tidal Pull

    Tier 5: Moon Spirit

    Wax and Wane: While wearing the ring, you have a +1 bonus of a specific type. The bonus changes with the lunar phases. If you choose to have the ring merge with your form when you enter Wild Shape, you retain the ring's bonus.

    Lunar Magic: While wearing the ring, you can cast a particular cantrip from it, depending on the phase of the moon. This cantrip counts as a Druid cantrip for you, and can be cast using your spellcasting ability.

    Greater Lunar Magic: While wearing the ring, you can cast a special spell from it, depending on the phase of the moon. This spell counts as a Druid spell for you, and can be cast using your spellcasting ability; the ring replaces any material component of the spell. Instead of the chosen spell for the current phase, you can instead choose to cast Moonbeam at 3rd level, regardless of the moon's phase. Once you have cast this spell, you cannot cast it again until the next moonrise, or if you expend a spell slot of 3rd level or higher to cast the spell.

    Tidal Pull: The bonus from Wax and Wane increases to +2.

    Moon Spirit: You can cast the spell and cantrip from Lunar Magic while in Wild Shape.

    Moon Phase Wax and Wane Bonus Lunar Magic Cantrip Lunar Magic Spell
    Full Saving Throws Guidance Clairvoyance
    Gibbous Armor Class Resistance Counterspell
    Half Ability Checks Gust Haste
    Crescent Attack Rolls Minor Illusion Major Image
    New Spell Save DC Friends Hypnotic Pattern



    Spoiler: Cloak of the Minstrel King
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    The Minstrel King of Stonetrees was both a sly cutthroat and a dazzling performer. Accordingly, his fine cloak has two reversible sides, one of gleaming white and the other of inky black.

    This cloak is to be worn by Drakon, a human Bard of the College of Glamour.

    Tier 1: King's Mantle

    Tier 2: Choose between Light/Blindsight

    Tier 3: Remaining choice of Light/Blindsight, Choose Between Luring Light and Devilish Instincts

    Tier 4: Remaining choice of Luring Light/Devilish Instinct

    Tier 5: Maddening Brilliance, Improbable Escape

    King's Mantle: You can use an action to reverse the cloak, changing whether the white or black side is showing. While the white side is turned out, you have advantage on Charisma (Performance) checks. While the black side is turned out, you have advantage on Dexterity (Stealth) checks.

    Light: While the white side is turned out, the cloak sheds bright light in a 5-foot radius, and dim light in a 20-foot radius.

    Blindsight: While wearing the cloak with the black side turned out, you have blindsight within a range of 5 feet. Within this radius, you can effectively see anything that is not behind total cover, even if you're blinded or in darkness. You can even see an invisible creature within that range.

    Luring Light: While a creature is within the area of bright light shed by the white cloak, it has disadvantage on all saving throws to avoid being Charmed or Frightened by you.

    Devilish Instinct: While wearing the black cloak in an area of dim light or darkness, you can take the Dodge action as a bonus action on each of your turns.

    Maddening Brilliance: As an action, you can force all creatures of your choice within the area of dim or bright light shed by the white cloak to make a Charisma saving throw against your spell save DC. A creature that fails takes 4d10 radiant damage, is Charmed or Frightened by you until the start of your next turn (you choose which effect for each creature), and cannot take reactions. A creature that succeeds takes half as much damage and cannot take reactions, but is not charmed or frightened. Once you use this feature, you cannot use it again until the next dawn.

    Improbable Escape: As a reaction when you take damage while wearing the black cloak, you can use your reaction to move up to your speed without provoking opportunity attacks. The damage is then resolved as if you were in that position when the effect triggered; if this movement would take you out of the reach of the attack or effect, you take no damage. If this movement would take you behind cover relative to the triggering effect, that cover's modifier is then applied retroactively, possibly turning a hit into a miss or a failed saving throw into a success. Once you use this feature, you cannot use it again until the next dusk.


    While I am posting these items in order to receive critique, here are some critiques I don't consider particularly helpful.

    "X feature steps on Y class/subclass's toes": If it looks that way, I'm probably aware of that, and it's because there is no such class or subclass in the party, and as such toes are being stepped upon only in the abstract.

    "X feature is over/underpowered": Again, these are being designed for specific characters. Some features, while theoretically underpowered or overpowered, are limited by the character for whom it is intended. For example, the Devilish Instinct feature of the Cloak of the Minstrel King would probably be overpowered in the hands of many characters. However, the bard who will receive it has, and will probably continue to have, low AC and HP, and a very busy bonus action and generally doesn't want to be in melee, so it is far more situational in its usefulness than it would be if a fighter could use it. If you still think a feature is too weak or strong with that in mind, please suggest a modification rather than simply saying so. These items don't need to be balanced relative to other magic items, only relative to one another.

    Lines of critique and suggestion that I would find helpful: Rearrangement of the features according to tier, possible milestones for unlocking successive tiers, quirks or negative effects that could come with the item, whether or not you think a particular feature could be made more interesting, ambiguities in the rules text, how you would try to sync up milestone objectives with character level (they're receiving the Tier 1 items at level 3, and the campaign will probably go to about 10 or 11.)
    Last edited by Catullus64; 2021-03-03 at 10:09 AM.
    Le désir de paraître habile empêche souvent de le devenir.
    The desire to appear clever often impedes actually being so.

    Ce qui nous rend la vanité des autres insupportable, c'est qu'elle blesse la nôtre.
    What makes the vanity of others offensive is the fact that it wounds our own.

    Les querelles ne dureraient pas longtemps, si le tort n'était que d'un côté.
    Arguments don't last long if the fault is only on one side.

    -Francois, duc de La Rochefoucauld

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