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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    GnomeWizardGuy

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    Default Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Each poster posts a Name and description of a useless magic item and how they might make use of the useless item the poster above them posted.
    While not out right forbidden it is discouraged to post uses that do not make use of the items magical or unusual properties and should only be done if the game has stalled.

    Liar's Pendent
    A pendent depicting a laughing god of lies.
    While worn openly this pendent grants the wearer a +10 bonus to bluff checks made to lie. This item grants no bonus to bluff checks made for other reasons such as to feint in combat. While wearing the pendent the wearer can not say anything they know or believe to be true.
    Unfortunately due to overuse by a previous owner the pendent has become famous and as a result no one will believe anything the wearer says while wearing it.

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Make a facsimile and go for double-bluffs. Once that's well-known enough, switch the two pendants out as needed.

    Oracular Staff (Defective)
    This staff answers simple questions at will, as though its wielder had cast Augury (Caster Level 3rd). The staff is also intelligent and answers based on its desires, which include a wish to see its wielder come to (non-lethal) harm (it finds this funny).
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    WolfInSheepsClothing

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Three obvious uses spring to mind:

    1) The easy one: it's a magical quarterstaff still, which means it should deal with DR/magic (or the newfangled "Resistance to nonmagical bludgeoning, slashing and piercing damage" that the kids seem to be so into these days).
    2) The less easy one: the quarterstaff wishes to see its wearer come to nonlethal harm, meaning that you should be able to avoid circumstances that will lead to your separation from the staff, the destruction of the staff, or your death, as it can't see you come to nonlethal harm if you're dead or it's broken or it can't see you. The item's mental ability modifiers should all be at least neutral if it's a standard intelligent item in that regard, so it should be able to work that all out and have some concept of long-term planning.
    3) The actively difficult one: intelligent items have okay mental scores, but not great, and tend not to have bluff trained. If your sense motive (what's that? Insight? Is that what you kids are calling it these days GET OFF MY LAWN) is high enough, you should just be able to use the staff as an at-will staff of augury.

    Next:

    Ring of extra ring slot
    This ring allows the wearer to use an additional ring when worn.
    Last edited by Unavenger; 2021-03-29 at 06:48 PM.

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Can be used with the right metamagic feats to grant additional ring slots.

    Blade of Toxic Attitude
    A sword that loudly and annoyingly insults its wielder whenever they fail to hit or damage the target.
    Last edited by Dire Moose; 2021-03-12 at 01:15 PM.
    LGBTitp

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    A great gag gift for your Fighter friend who is thinking of multiclassing to Barbarian.

    Wishing Coin
    A gold-piece-sized coin that can grant a Wish if tossed into a well or other body of water. However, it can't "hear" anyone above the water's surface, nobody other than the user may redeem the Wish, and entering the same body of water as the coin causes the magic to become impotent.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    The way you worded that, one assumes you simply speak your wish before throwing it... if that doesn't work, then it's because of a technicality, in which case you toss it into a glass and then hold the glass over your head so you're not technically "above" the surface.

    Discount Scroll of Kakapolymorph
    This scroll of Baleful Polymorph is cheaper and easier to use than normal, but anyone learned enough to use it can tell that its scriber took some shortcuts. It only ever targets the caster, and it only ever polymorphs them into a brightly-colored flightless parrot.
    Last edited by Dr.Gunsforhands; 2021-03-12 at 04:06 PM.
    Nexusites, Angred, Dorothy.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Planetar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Well, besides the people who identify as a parrot out there.
    The answer is simple. Enslave a wizard, make them cast the spell on themselves, on the threat of death, and Then Awaken them later, for your pirate campaign. An Awakened Parrot that can't fly is all good, and hey the wizard might have kept his intelligence, making it with the right feat investments in the future, possible for the parrot to be a Wizard. A Wizard parrot as a captain of a crew, having a parrot like that is bound to be useful, and no one would think about harming a parrot, during a pirate fight.

    The Ring of Sapience.
    You must be sapient to wear the ring, the ring when worn makes the wearer sapient.

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Use Fox's Cunning to make an animal friend sapient, then put the ring on them to make it semi-permanent.

    Amulet of Devastation
    This cursed amulet has a 1% chance each round to cast a Maximised Disintegrate, targeting a random item or creature within a two-foot radius, except for the wearer. Items worn or carried by the wearer (except for the amulet) are still valid targets for the amulet.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    I'm assuming that, "plant this on a cheap construct as a magic trap," is too generic an answer for this thread, but you can use this to hide a body or break through a wall easily enough. It'll take time and require that you strip naked, but on average it's still faster than acid and pickaxes.

    Fountain of Aging (Artifact) (Futurama)
    Technically more of a magic location than an item, but it can be broken down, transported on three wagons and reassembled elsewhere with a couple days of work. Those immersed in its waters age at a rate of 1 year per round.
    Nexusites, Angred, Dorothy.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    ziproot's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    You can hold someone in the pool to force them to age.

    Scroll of Very Explosive Runes
    It lets you cast Explosive Runes except you cannot prevent anyone from triggering it, including yourself.

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Cast the runes in a language you can't read. A good supplement for Barbarians.

    Diabolical Mark
    This tattoo, when applied, causes the bearer to be attractive to Demons and Devils, as well as attracted by them. The mark does not in any way guarantee that Demons and Devils will not harm them, only that they merit special attention. Once per day, at the DM's discretion, the Mark causes a Demon or Devil to appear within 30 feet of the wearer (DM's choice), as though called there by a Planar Ally spell.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    You laugh, but games use items like this a lot, right? When you first encounter it, it's strong enough to constitute a boss fight, but in the players' hands you find that it's significantly nerfed. It would probably be straight-up busted in an evil campaign, unless the DM is smart and only has it summon lemures or whatever, in which case: sweet, free lemures!


    Beary Curious Plush

    At night, this huggable children's toy becomes a tiny construct that can walk around on its own. It gains the attention of whoever seems to be its owner and attempts to take their hand and lead them somewhere. The bear will not wander off, but sits still or follows its owner until someone takes its plushie hand to follow it. The bear doesn't actually know where it's going, save for trying to get far away from where it started; when it must pick a direction, it does so randomly. If one lets it, it will lead its owner in this manner until morning, at which point it falls limp until the next night.
    Nexusites, Angred, Dorothy.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  13. - Top - End - #13
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    As a roleplaying item, it's a good way to avoid choice paralysis. Not just in exploration, either; give it the right layout, and it can effectively produce random numbers in-universe.

    More practically, give it to an annoying NPC and tell them it's a magic gold detector. If nothing else, it should get them away from prying eyes.


    Portable Trapdoor
    This plank of wood acts similarly to a Portable Hole, except it exclusively creates a vertical 15-foot hole, covered by an outward-opening trapdoor. The trapdoor itself has a pair of hinges which must be bolted to the floor in order for the magic to work; removing the hinges or destroying the door cuts off access to the hole.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  14. - Top - End - #14
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Use it to give your wagon, ship, airship etc. a convenient basement, alternatively simply carry a large stone slab around with it bolted on.

    Movable Rod
    This rod is a flat iron bar with a small button on one end. When the button is pushed the rod levitates in place, even the faintest breeze is enough to move the effectively weightless rod, preventing it from supporting weight.

  15. - Top - End - #15
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    It's just a neutrally-buoyant balloon, then, right? Imagine a pulley attaching this to a small weight on the other end, slightly lighter than the rod itself in its off state. When activated, the weight is easily enough to pull the rod upwards and to turn some gears in the process. Now, press the switch again: now heavier, the rod drops, pulls up the weight, lands on its switch to reactivate itself, and returns to its original position, ready to be triggered again. This item is a key component to a self-resetting trap and explains how they stay functional in even the most ancient dungeons.

    Next up: Oil of Demagnetization
    When applied to a solid object, this oil neutralizes its electromagnetic properties, causing it to effectively behave as though it were made of wood. Ferrous metals will not react to a magnetic field nor conduct electricity, for instance. Living creatures' conductive bits are considered fluid and are pointedly not affected by this item.
    Last edited by Dr.Gunsforhands; 2021-03-28 at 11:16 PM.
    Nexusites, Angred, Dorothy.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  16. - Top - End - #16
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    "Demagnetizer? Oh, yeah. Our Rogue carries that wherever they go. She says it's really useful to be able to selectively de-magnetize things while she's using her magnet to pick locks. And it's hell on compasses; last week, we stopped an invading force by getting them lost in the desert. Point being, I'll take three gallons."

    Hand Grenade
    This metal sphere, when thrown, explodes into a pile of (inanimate) hands. Close examination shows that the hands are not even severed; they've grown skin around the stump, closing off the entire inside at the wrist.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  17. - Top - End - #17
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Planetar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironsmith View Post
    "Demagnetizer? Oh, yeah. Our Rogue carries that wherever they go. She says it's really useful to be able to selectively de-magnetize things while she's using her magnet to pick locks. And it's hell on compasses; last week, we stopped an invading force by getting them lost in the desert. Point being, I'll take three gallons."

    Hand Grenade
    This metal sphere, when thrown, explodes into a pile of (inanimate) hands. Close examination shows that the hands are not even severed; they've grown skin around the stump, closing off the entire inside at the wrist.
    Hand Transplants. While they aren't severed you can severe them. Alternatively fake hands, useful in numerous gags. And as a Weapon, people will tend to go for cover when their enemy throws something they don't know about at them, and shout hand grenade incoming. All 3 are useful for one reason or another.

    The Stick of Truth
    Can only be used on small wood-land critters when they bite the stick they will fully recount their lives in their native woodland critter tongue.

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    In D&D 3.5, gnomes can cast speak with animals (burrowing mammals only) as a spell-like ability, so they can use the Stick of Truth to get a history of an area they're exploring as soon as they can find a squirrel.

    Waterless Waterskin
    Any water poured into this waterskin disappears. Any other contents are unaffected and can be retrieved normally.

  19. - Top - End - #19
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Quote Originally Posted by Kazyan View Post
    Waterless Waterskin
    Any water poured into this waterskin disappears. Any other contents are unaffected and can be retrieved normally.
    *moans in alchemist*
    "Do you have *any* idea how many ingredients need to be kept dry to be useful? Or how many reactions are complicated by the ubiquitous presence of moisture? You just made my day, kid!"

    Philter of Tears
    This tiny glass vial continually refills itself with saltwater. If full, it will stop and instead emit a vaguely disturbing sobbing sound.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  20. - Top - End - #20
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    ziproot's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironsmith View Post
    *moans in alchemist*
    "Do you have *any* idea how many ingredients need to be kept dry to be useful? Or how many reactions are complicated by the ubiquitous presence of moisture? You just made my day, kid!"

    Philter of Tears
    This tiny glass vial continually refills itself with saltwater. If full, it will stop and instead emit a vaguely disturbing sobbing sound.
    With the right desalinization, you can use this as an infinite water source. If you don't like the noise you can muffle it or use some sort of silence object.

    EDIT: Oh right, the item.

    Magical Toothpick
    Deals 1 point of damage upon contact, ignoring AC.
    Last edited by ziproot; 2021-04-02 at 05:38 PM.
    My extended signature

    Quote Originally Posted by Peelee View Post
    Dictionary definitions never win debates, unless the topic up for debate is "what does the dictionary say about this"

  21. - Top - End - #21
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Well, since it auto-hits, it makes for a terrific vector for delivering injury-based poisons. Failing that, gather up a few hundred of them and go Tarrasque hunting.

    Counterfeiter's Coin
    This gold coin, when pressed firmly against a piece of currency, alters its size, shape, color, and other physical properties to match. The transformation lasts for 24 hours.

    V: How is having one (fake) copper coin free money?
    Last edited by Ironsmith; 2021-04-04 at 10:17 PM.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  22. - Top - End - #22
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Planetar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironsmith View Post
    Well, since it auto-hits, it makes for a terrific vector for delivering injury-based poisons. Failing that, gather up a few hundred of them and go Tarrasque hunting.

    Counterfeiter's Coin
    This gold coin, when pressed firmly against a piece of currency, alters its size, shape, color, and other physical properties to match. The transformation lasts for 24 hours.
    This gold coin is literally free money. Yes, it will turn back eventually but so long as you gain a ton of copper coins you have consistent free money.

    The Pain stick
    This stick causes no hp damage, but will cause a momentary amount of pain just like if they were struck by a cat o 9 tails. This pain lasts for 1 second before fading.

  23. - Top - End - #23
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    That sounds perfect for torture, all the pain with no risk of accidentally killing them.

    Feather Token: Feather
    Upon speaking the command word this magical grey feather turns into a white feather for one hour before disappearing.

  24. - Top - End - #24
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    You can screw someone over in the afterlife by switching this with the feather the angels are weighing their heart against.

    New item! Boots of Mage Foot

    These boots let you cast a version of Mage Hand 3 times per day, but you can only manipulate objects as though with your boot-covered foot. It still can't deal damage, and it can still exert a maximum of 5 pounds of force.
    Nexusites, Angred, Dorothy.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  25. - Top - End - #25
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Bowling shoes. Need I say more?

    Incense of Cloudy Vision
    Meditating while in an enclosed space with this burning incense causes a Vision, as the spell. However, without exception, the Vision is false, to varying degrees. Roll on the table below to determine how accurate the Vision is.

    d6 Result Example
    1 The vision is trivially wrong. Some small detail is inaccurate, but that detail is not relevant to the interpretation of the vision. You see the scene of the Emperor being assassinated. The event comes to pass, but the assassin is wearing a different-colored robe than in your vision.
    2 A small, but important, detail of the vision is wrong. You see the scene of the Emperor being assassinated. The event comes to pass, but the assassin is someone other than in your vision.
    3 The circumstances of the vision are inaccurate, but the event comes to pass regardless. You see the scene of the Emperor being assassinated. The Emperor is indeed assassinated, but by means of being smothered in his sleep (and not stabbed in the back by the maid, as you saw in your vision).
    4 The vision is only metaphorically true; all literal interpretations of the vision are false. You see the scene of the Emperor being assassinated. He lives, but his assassination is an allegory for the fall of the Empire.
    5 The vision is a lie. You see the scene of the Emperor being assassinated. He lives a long and happy life.
    6 The vision is wrong in more ways than one. The DM chooses two or more of the above. You see the scene of the Emperor being assassinated. The Emperor doesn't die; the vision warns metaphorically of his being removed from power by a traitorous general. The vision also pins the blame on the wrong general, and fails to mention that the Emperor really will die shortly thereafter; by accident, in a manner unrelated to the coup.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  26. - Top - End - #26
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    I mass produce that stuff and start a Vision Hotline. Just sending to the likeness of this cute little imp with your question, and we'll have one of our acolytes burn the stuff and ask it for you, and give you the answer! Only 30000gp per call!

    Mordenkainen's Laser Pointer

    This magic item causes a tiny red dot to appear on a creature you can see within 100ft.
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  27. - Top - End - #27
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Meow. Meow! Meow meow meow meow.

    Next item: Ring of the Worst Uncle

    When someone pulls on the finger wearing this ring, it emits a, "pbbphbthphtpht," sound and exudes a harmless but noticeable odor.
    Nexusites, Angred, Dorothy.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  28. - Top - End - #28
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Planetar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr.Gunsforhands View Post
    Meow. Meow! Meow meow meow meow.

    Next item: Ring of the Worst Uncle

    When someone pulls on the finger wearing this ring, it emits a, "pbbphbthphtpht," sound and exudes a harmless but noticeable odor.
    Corny jokes to annoy the children. Puts people at ease far easier then you might think. If your a vampire and do that joke, or a skeleton people may not laugh but the tension isn't going to be nearly as tense as it once was.

    Twine of Nose-Gobbler Detecting
    This small centimeter long twine glows as strong as a candle whenever it is within 5 feet of the Goblin Nose-Gobbler that currently lives with his tribe. It is believed this was made to humor a bored goblin mage.

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    If you happen to be said nose gobbler it is a convenient alternative to a candle, handy when you need to see colours that your darkvision doesn't show and with less risk of accidentally setting yourself on fire.

    Ring of Visibility
    This simple gold band slips easily on or off a creature's finger, resizing as necessary and causes them to be outlined in a magical glow, allowing them to be easily seen even when invisible or hidden by fog or darkness.

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Good for coordinating the party in darkness. Alternatively, the city might use a non-removable variant to track important prisoners.

    Ring of Spirit Calling
    This simple iron band, when worn, causes the wearer to undergo vivid audio hallucinations when in the presence of alcohol. The hallucinations take the form of voices speaking the wearer's native language, engaging in various forms of small talk. The voices are not sentient and do not respond to any speech on the wearer's part.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

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