A Monster for Every Season: Summer 2
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  1. - Top - End - #91
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Leave this key in the lock of a door you don't want opened, and most people will waste a good amount of time trying to unlock it with the key before they try other more effective means.

    Open door
    This door will actively resist any attempt to close it, requiring a DC 20 strength check to shut it or a DC 15 strength check to hold itself closed once shut as it will reopen itself at the earliest opportunity. It has no lock.

  2. - Top - End - #92
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    The Key: The obvious use is to hang it somewhere in your dungeon, inducing completionist adventurers to waste days combing it for that last secret door instead of bothering you. The less-obvious use is as a challenge to locksmiths. Trying to make a lock around an impossible key shape could spark some interesting designs. If all else fails, you could always work it into some jewelry and sell it at a steampunk convention.

    Edit:
    The Door: This is a real item from a popular videogame! Its primary purpose is to dispense security guards to your pet robots as food.

    Paradoxical Horsecart
    Whenever a horse tries to pull this cart, the cart pulls on the horse with equal force, preventing either from moving.
    Last edited by Dr.Gunsforhands; 2021-07-19 at 04:20 PM.
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  3. - Top - End - #93
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Isn't that "magic" just Newton's Third Law? Whatever, if you can't get a horse to pull it, use it as an oxcart.

    Possessed Printing Press
    This large newspress prints a different page of text with every impression. The text is demented, rambling nonsense, but always has impeccable grammar.
    Last edited by Bucky; 2021-07-19 at 05:39 PM.
    The gnomes once had many mines, but now they have gnome ore.

  4. - Top - End - #94
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Supagoof's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    You open up disclaimer news - which does amazingly well. You are surprised at the amount of demented, rambling nonsense, with impeccable grammar that people want to read on a daily basis, but you shouldn't be.

    This newspaper gives you complete mind control over zombies, but the only thing they can do is shoot themselves in the head.
    Spoiler
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    Legionary of Protection
    Quote Originally Posted by Lex-kat View Post
    It wasn't that easy. Supagoof's just that good.
    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow View Post
    This is LLD, which, I shouldn't have to tell you, will not bow to your math because it was DESIGNED to ruin it!
    Quote Originally Posted by Murska View Post
    Summary:
    Supagoof has won the game and withdrawn. He was Epic

  5. - Top - End - #95
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    So, a scroll of undeath to death, then? That can be handy.

    Hard-bake Oven: On command, this small box heats up. It applies a -5 penalty on any craft or profession check made to cook with it.
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  6. - Top - End - #96
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    So many uses.
    1) Winter survival. Even if the outside of the box doesn't heat up, you can still use it to dry firewood, or to heat up rocks you can then use to warm your surroundings.
    2) Using said hot rocks for a sauna
    3) Using said hot rocks to cook on, hopefully evading the penalty.
    4) Sabotaging an opponent in a cookery competition
    5) Wearing down someone's morale by giving them this as their only means to cook.
    6) Turn it into a bomb by putting volatile compounds into it, that you then can heat up enough to react on command

    Pink quartz figurine of the greedy pig.

    Once per day, this figurine can transform on command into a medium sized pig that then demands food of the figurine's owner, and will not transform back until fed. If not transformed on command, the figurine will transform itself into a pig come nightfall and will most insistently demand food.

  7. - Top - End - #97
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Pex's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    A vampire can use it as an alarm clock.

    Bag of Nothing
    Anything that you put into the bag immediately appears next to you.
    Quote Originally Posted by OgresAreCute View Post
    "Welcome to Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition, where the DCs are made up and the rules don't matter."

  8. - Top - End - #98
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Planetar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Easy con. Make someone believe gold is in the bag or item of your choice and with sleight of hand pick up the items in question leaving them with nothing. Heck you could if your clever deceive someone into believing it's a bag of holding with the same trick.

    The Scroll of nothing
    This piece of parchment can not be stained by markings or ink. While damaged incidentally and accidentally any purposeful markings of any sort to leave any form of communication or message fail to appear on the scroll.

  9. - Top - End - #99
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    I think they used that to cover up all the graffiti downtown.

    Mud Hole
    This Portable Hole is filled with wet mud. Removing the mud decreases the volume of the hole accordingly; if it's emptied, it ceases to exist.
    Last edited by Dr.Gunsforhands; 2021-07-25 at 11:03 AM.
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  10. - Top - End - #100
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    The hole greatly simplifies the logistics of mud-cemented construction, allowing a courier to fetch hundreds of pounds of quality river mud from a distant river without letting it dry. Just be careful to refill it before it empties completely.

    Illuminating Chest (inverted)
    This ornate chest was supposed to shine a Light spell on its contents whenever it's open, but was mis-enchanted and instead illuminates its contents when it's shut.
    The gnomes once had many mines, but now they have gnome ore.

  11. - Top - End - #101
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Can be used as a growbox for a secret stash of "medicinal" herbs.

    Moonrise compass

    This compass always points directly at the moon.

  12. - Top - End - #102
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Planetar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Quote Originally Posted by paddyfool View Post
    Can be used as a growbox for a secret stash of "medicinal" herbs.

    Moonrise compass

    This compass always points directly at the moon.
    Depending on the tools you have at hand it is both useful as a clock and compass. In places where the sky is obscured but you have a clock in hand you can know rather easily what direction the moon would be in in relation to yourself and you only need 1 extra point besides yourself to know direction. In conjunction with a compass on the other hand and you'll just have a clock.

    Ring of Purple Rain
    This ring makes your piss purple in coloration with no other changed properties due to this ring.

  13. - Top - End - #103
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    You could use this to fake a curse or a disease, either on yourself or someone else. You could also use it to create some fake grape juice, blackcurrant juice, purple corn juice or magic potion, although such a con is only likely to last until someone smells / tastes it. Potentially you could use it to dye cloth.

    Or if you're a shifter, lycanthrope, gnoll or other vaguely beastly type, you could use it to provide a helpful visual aid alongside the olfactory cues when marking your territory.

    Lax Axe

    Injuring someone with this axe has the side effect of also relieving any constipation they may be suffering, and they will need to pause to relieve themselves within the next half hour.

    (EDIT: apologies for inadvertent overly frequent posting)
    Last edited by paddyfool; 2021-07-26 at 07:22 AM.

  14. - Top - End - #104
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    You open up a specialty clinic, offering the instant relief to others who suffer from illnesses such as chronic constipation, encropresis, and the like. This makes you a fortune as the consumer base grows over the ease and expedience of the special healthcare you offer. You only downside now is keeping the cleaning staff employed as eventually they get sick of cleaning the toilets so frequently.

    Cup of Neverending Thirst
    This cup, no matter how much you pour into it, is constantly empty. The liquid just, disappears. This problem is further compounded by a spell that enacts so when you grab the cup, it never leaves your hand.
    Spoiler
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    Legionary of Protection
    Quote Originally Posted by Lex-kat View Post
    It wasn't that easy. Supagoof's just that good.
    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow View Post
    This is LLD, which, I shouldn't have to tell you, will not bow to your math because it was DESIGNED to ruin it!
    Quote Originally Posted by Murska View Post
    Summary:
    Supagoof has won the game and withdrawn. He was Epic

  15. - Top - End - #105
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Planetar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Quote Originally Posted by Supagoof View Post
    You open up a specialty clinic, offering the instant relief to others who suffer from illnesses such as chronic constipation, encropresis, and the like. This makes you a fortune as the consumer base grows over the ease and expedience of the special healthcare you offer. You only downside now is keeping the cleaning staff employed as eventually they get sick of cleaning the toilets so frequently.

    Cup of Neverending Thirst
    This cup, no matter how much you pour into it, is constantly empty. The liquid just, disappears. This problem is further compounded by a spell that enacts so when you grab the cup, it never leaves your hand.
    First Figure out what it can withstand. Can it withstand lava? If Yes, then you can clear lava pools. Otherwise it's a great means in clearing out water in practically all cases since the case is always instantaneous. You could even use it for the clearage of toxic liquid waste, or just clearing a path in a pond. It Doesn't matter how much time it takes.


    Ring of Muddy Eyes
    When Worn this ring turns your ears into mud. Only changing back once the ring is removed. This removes your sense of sight and renders you blind.

  16. - Top - End - #106
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Sounds like it was designed to help combat the information-based threats that constantly plague the SCP universe. The anti-life equation can't infect you with your eyes and ears melted!

    Neverstarting Story: This type of book sometimes resembles a spellbook, sometimes a journal, sometimes an atlas. In all cases, the book is empty, and anyone who approaches an open Neverstarting Story with a mind to record anything is suddenly struck with crippling writer's and artist's block, forgetting everything they were about to write until one minute after the book is put away.
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  17. - Top - End - #107
    Pixie in the Playground
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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Maybe a student of yours is stealing credit for your work or wasting everyone's time with irrelevant questions. Give it to a student who you want to fail your class. Or to a journalist employee who is too popular to fire for any reason other than dereliction of duty.

    Next item: The Regenerating Apple

    An apple that regenerates itself. The original apple quickly regenerates to become whole. And so does any piece separated. Anyone who consumes this apple will likely end up with an intestinal blockage of several whole apples.

  18. - Top - End - #108
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    MornShine's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    It's not an 'apple', it's infinite mass and volume!

    Use it for ballast. Need more? Create more apples. Less? Chuck some over the side.
    Use it for inclusions in cement. It's free and infinite!
    Slice it into a pit. No more pit. It's just apples now.
    Cut an apple and wedge it into a hole before it regenerates. Bam, fruitfracking!
    Build a wall out of apples. If anyone tries to break the wall, it regenerates-- and fills the room with apples.
    Teleport it into the center of a star. As it burns, it regenerates and multiplies. Bam, a black hole.
    Burning or corrosion just destroys the apple? Potentially infinite fuel for a fire. Also, infinite apple pies.

    Or, y'know, just assassinate someone with it. That's good too.

    Carpet of Falling
    When dropped, this carpet (and anything attached to it) falls at a speed far exceeding the local gravity, ignoring air resistance. It doesn't cushion the impact.
    Avatar by the gracious and talented smutmulch!

  19. - Top - End - #109
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    ...which makes it an excellent wrapper for air-to-ground delivery of impact-sensitive explosives. Or just rocks, if you want to try to reuse the carpet afterwards.

    Rope of Tangling
    When activated by setting this rope down on a surface, it gradually twists itself into increasingly complex knots.
    The gnomes once had many mines, but now they have gnome ore.

  20. - Top - End - #110
    Titan in the Playground
     
    HalfTangible's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Put the rope onto something that needs to be tied, such as on a ship, and it will handle itself.

    Amulet of Resurrection Sickness: Upon speaking the command word, the wearer loses a level and constitution points as if they'd been resurrected.
    It's hard to forgive those who have wronged you but every moment you don't is another they have hurt you.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Discord: HalfTangible#7505

    Extended Sig

    Kalani the Heartbinder in Pan-aeons [God Game]

  21. - Top - End - #111
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Friend Computer made these Resurrection Amulets mandatory so that they could reclassify the former self-termination chambers as Housing and reclassify the former Housing as Carpeting Appreciation Zones. Friend Computer always makes things better for everyone.

    1-D Glasses
    These are an early proof of concept for the Goggles of True Seeing. They force the user to perceive the world as a single row of pixels (providing something like -15 on spot and search checks and giving enemies near-total concealment), but the readout demonstrably penetrates invisibility and illusions.
    Last edited by Dr.Gunsforhands; 2021-09-14 at 02:55 PM.
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  22. - Top - End - #112
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Pex's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    That's how they make those compressed movie prints shown as artwork

    Dust Of Dirtiness

    Spreading this magic dust onto a surface makes it dirty. Unfortunately it cannot reveal something or someone to be invisible.
    Quote Originally Posted by OgresAreCute View Post
    "Welcome to Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition, where the DCs are made up and the rules don't matter."

  23. - Top - End - #113
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Can be used to conceal treasure by making it look less valuable. Or to conceal something reflective from light sources.

    Wand of Create Wand
    A wand with exactly one charge. When used, it creates another Wand of Create Wand with exactly one charge and vanishes.
    LGBTitp

  24. - Top - End - #114
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Can be used to train a novice wand user without draining charges of anything useful or risking any harmful effects. Or as a toy too entertain children.

    Bag of stretching
    An attempt to reinvent the bag of holding, this bag in the shape of a burlap sack stretches to accommodate different objects placed in its mouth, up to a maximum of 500 litres of volume. Unlike a bag of holding, the objects it contains maintain their original weight and volume. It will rip if you try and lift it while it contains more than 50kg; it will also rip quite easily if anything trapped within succeeds on a DC 10 strength check or is capable of doing at least 5 damage to it.

  25. - Top - End - #115
    Pixie in the Playground
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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    At a security checkpoint, use it to check for weapons. If it rips easily when you lift it, arrest the person for bringing contraband.

    Also, use it to cover and hide large prototype inventions and trade secrets as a substitute for giant tarps.

    Insulation of Discomfort

    If the interior is hotter than a standard room temperature of 75 F or 23.9 C, it keeps the heat in. If it's colder than that temperature, it lets the heat out.

  26. - Top - End - #116
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    ...so, an icebox. And also possibly a pizza oven. Ooh, or a sauna!

    Magic Scabbard: Any sword stored in this scabbard gains a +2 bonus to attack and damage rolls. This bonus is lost when the weapon is drawn.
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  27. - Top - End - #117
    Titan in the Playground
     
    HalfTangible's Avatar

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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    You can just wield the sword without taking the scabbard off. As an added bonus, it's nonlethal! =D

    Ring of Consenting Obedience: Upon putting on this ring and attuning to it of your own volition, you must obey any order given to you, unless doing so would prevent you from removing the ring.
    Last edited by HalfTangible; 2021-10-10 at 09:44 PM.
    It's hard to forgive those who have wronged you but every moment you don't is another they have hurt you.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Discord: HalfTangible#7505

    Extended Sig

    Kalani the Heartbinder in Pan-aeons [God Game]

  28. - Top - End - #118
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Germany
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    Default Re: Find a use for the useless magic item above you

    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    Ring of Consenting Obedience: Upon putting on this ring and attuning to it of your own volition, you must obey any order given to you, unless doing so would prevent you from removing the ring.
    Trick someone into wearing this on his own volition and prevent removal of the ring by other means.
    Or gift it to a dominant / submissive couple to use as a toy, if the first option seems evil to you...

    Vomiting bag
    This bag works as a bag of holding, with the following exception: After a 1d100 rounds, any item inserted into the bag will be ejected violently.
    Spoiler: I'm a seer
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Unavenger View Post
    All the discussion of how weird the half-hour start is seems weirdly prescient, in retrospect.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rogan View Post
    Can I use my prediction of the half an hour being used to set up Factional chats as proof I am the Seer?
    Quote Originally Posted by rogue_alchemist View Post
    only IRL, not as in game proof, as we all know that recruitment threads don't count for making IG decisions


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