A Wild Lurker Appears! Hyoi's Random Banter #232

[Bartmanhomer]

Okay, let me see if I can help you here.



"Summons" is not the appropriate word to follow "to", you need to take the s off the end and make it just "summon."

The second use of "the" here is incorrect without further descriptors.

There are two ways to go about this. You could write "The wizard happens to be a worshiper of Asmodeus." Or add some more descriptors like "The wizard happens to be the strongest worshiper of Asmodeus."

Writing just "The wizard happens to be the worshiper of Asmodeus." is incorrect because "Worshiper of Asmodeus" itself isn't specific enough to require the use of the definite article "the." If they had some specific title, say "the arch-pontiff of Asmodeus" that would work, because 'the' before the category in the way you're using it implies there's only one worshiper of Asmodeus period.

Alternatively, 'the worshiper of Asmodeus' can work, but you need to have specifically referred to the worshiper of Asmodeus earlier in some way. Bringing them up out of nowhere as you did makes using 'the' incorrect.

These are the things Grammarly does not catch. I would genuinely recommend having a friend go through your writing with you and explain to you why the rules of grammar are what they are because Grammarly is hamstringing you.
I don't notice anything specifically wrong grammatically with this sentence. I would ask however why the devils care about this city, and why they want to invade and corrupt it rather than just corrupt it. Invasions tend to be messy and make corrupting the populace more difficult.

Ok, I get that. The reason why the devils care about invading the city because they care more about dominating and taking over the city.

[Mystic Muse]

Ok, I get that. The reason why the devils care about invading the city because they care more about dominating and taking over the city.

Okay, last set of questions and then I'm going to bed.

Why do they care more about dominating and taking over the city? Why do the devils care about this city at all? What makes this city so important to the devils?

And I'll stop bringing up the grammar issues, because you don't seem to care.

[Bartmanhomer]

Okay, last set of questions and then I'm going to bed.

Why do they care more about dominating and taking over the city? Why do the devils care about this city at all? What makes this city so important to the devils?

And I'll stop bringing up the grammar issues, because you don't seem to care.

To treat humans, orc, gnomes, and other non-devil races as slaves.

[Mystic Muse]

To treat humans, orc, gnomes, and other non-devil races as slaves.

That only sort of answers the forst question, not the other two.

And then it raises a bunch of questions about the wizard's motivation, since they're presumably not a devil and would be enslaved themselves.

Do you want me to stop asking questions about your stuff? It often seems like you don't like answering my questions.

[Anonymouswizard]

My teenage years were meh, my university years were the best years of my life so far, and I could top them if I could just get into a decent job with actual career prospects (mainly because nobody wanted to date me back in uni). Or possibly actually finish a book and find a way to make a living wage and pension payments out of writing. Or some other kind of creative job I suppose, some days I wish I'd stuck with English Literature at university instead of going into Engineering (I wanted to do Physics, but just didn't get good enough exam results).

Yeah, my life right now is kind of ****. But the fact I'm able to share it with people makes it a lot better.

[Bartmanhomer]

That only sort of answers the forst question, not the other two.

And then it raises a bunch of questions about the wizard's motivation, since they're presumably not a devil and would be enslaved themselves.

Do you want me to stop asking questions about your stuff? It often seems like you don't like answering my questions.

Because the city have some sentimental value which have a ancient connection to Hell and the city. Also the wizard who open the portal between Hell and the city is dead and the six heroes are accused of the wizard murder and the cult of Asmodeus wants the six heroes dead because the cult consider family to the wizard.

[Lacco]

And I'll stop bringing up the grammar issues, because you don't seem to care.

Your effort is appreciated

That only sort of answers the forst question, not the other two.

And then it raises a bunch of questions about the wizard's motivation, since they're presumably not a devil and would be enslaved themselves.

The wizard could be going for the domination (standard "I'll use my armies of evil things from beyond to dominate the world!") - maybe he's corrupted by the devils, or just not smart enough to know what will follow. Or maybe he's just a pawn.

Also, in line with the statement below:

Devils are more calculated and organized than demons.

...maybe this all is just a cover for something else.

[Form]

I think the stereotype for that is someone who was the star of their high school sports team, really good at whatever flavor of sportsball was irrationally important to that town(in my town it's American Football) but wasn't very good at academics or course work... And turned out they were coasting by becuase one or more teachers were fudging their grades so that they woulnd't end up academically ineligible to play for the team so they're really bad at academics and never got any actual help to improve.

Then they get to college, possibly on a scholarship, and flunk everything becuase at the college level nobody gives a crap, they drop out, end up working a dead-end job and in their 40s they're still telling anyone who'll listen about how they made the game-winning touchdown back in senior year becuase that's literally the only thing they have going for them.

That'd be the stereotype. Not sure how often things like that happen in real life, but I've heard stories.

The Al Bundy character from Married with Children comes to mind and is... pretty much like you describe here. That'd be someone for whom their high school days were likely the best of their lives, but that is a fictional character and more of a caricature and stereotype than a representation of a real person.

My advice: be like the sundial. Keep track of the good days but not the bad.

Well, except maybe for a couple that imparted a particularly useful lesson. Like do/don't do Y in situation X, because last time that resulted in bad times for all.

My teenage years were meh, my university years were the best years of my life so far, and I could top them if I could just get into a decent job with actual career prospects (mainly because nobody wanted to date me back in uni). Or possibly actually finish a book and find a way to make a living wage and pension payments out of writing. Or some other kind of creative job I suppose, some days I wish I'd stuck with English Literature at university instead of going into Engineering (I wanted to do Physics, but just didn't get good enough exam results).

Yeah, my life right now is kind of ****. But the fact I'm able to share it with people makes it a lot better.

Aw, bugger. And hugs. I do hope things get better.

[Anonymouswizard]

Because the city have some sentimental value which have a ancient connection to Hell and the city. Also the wizard who open the portal between Hell and the city is dead and the six heroes are accused of the wizard murder and the cult of Asmodeus wants the six heroes dead because the cult consider family to the wizard.

Okay, there's some grammar issues here but I think I've puzzled it out. A few questions though.

Who does the city have sentimental value to,? The wizard? The heroes? The devil's? Bob the Blacksmith*?

What's the connection to Hell, and who/what has it? I think it's the sentimental value, so I'm presuming they're a major character.

Who does the cult consider family to the wizard? The six heroes? But then surely they're happy enough with them, because they're the family of the guy who completed a step in their plan.

* Can we forge it?

Aw, bugger. And hugs. I do hope things get better.

Hopefully, but they're not too bad more. As I said, I'm also in a strange relationship with some beautiful and lovely people.

[asda fasda]

I sincerely believe that anyone who honestly says "You're going to look back and think of these as the best days of your life" to someone in their teens has lived a very sad and unfulfilling life.

All of the best moments in my life either happened in elementary school or after I graduated high school. My teen years fricking sucked.

I think that this reference to possibilities, which are pretty much limitless when you are a teenager everything later comes with some strings attached

[Form]

I think that this reference to possibilities, which are pretty much limitless when you are a teenager everything later comes with some strings attached

And I imagine for a lot of people their teenage years were also relatively carefree. Adulthood brings with it freedom, but also responsibilities: bills to pay etc. That's probably also a part of it.

[Rater202]

The Al Bundy character from Married with Children comes to mind and is... pretty much like you describe here. That'd be someone for whom their high school days were likely the best of their lives, but that is a fictional character and more of a caricature and stereotype than a representation of a real person.

Hey, there's a show that didn't age well.

"Hey, let's make a show about a family that's so poor and/or that we can depict having the water running as something worth celebrating. The dad can be bitter and misogynistic becuase his life didn't pan out as planned and he's stuck working in a shoe store whose entire customer base consists entirely or morbidly obese women in skirts who don't bathe and it's his job to help them try on skirts. The wife is a lazy shrew who'd be a gold digger if the family had money, she's hot but has a repulsive personality, and she kind of justifies all of her husband's misogynistic biases. The son's a pervert, the daughter's an idot, and the neighbor is every obnoxious 'Feminazi' stereotype to some degree or another. The husband runs a women-hater's club, and a running gag is that there exists a popular television program where the hero regularly murders and dismembers his wives when they nag him and this is depicted as a good thing."

I'm sure the actual show is more nuanced than I remember but God Damn you couldn't make a show like that today. Not even ironically.

[Peelee]

I hadn't heard of that show before today but that sounds really egregiously bad...

It was. I hated it at the time and never understood its popularity.

[Form]

Hey, there's a show that didn't age well.

"Hey, let's make a show about a family that's so poor and/or that we can depict having the water running as something worth celebrating. The dad can be bitter and misogynistic becuase his life didn't pan out as planned and he's stuck working in a shoe store whose entire customer base consists entirely or morbidly obese women in skirts who don't bathe and it's his job to help them try on skirts. The wife is a lazy shrew who'd be a gold digger if the family had money, she's hot but has a repulsive personality, and she kind of justifies all of her husband's misogynistic biases. The son's a pervert, the daughter's an idot, and the neighbor is every obnoxious 'Feminazi' stereotype to some degree or another. The husband runs a women-hater's club, and a running gag is that there exists a popular television program where the hero regularly murders and dismembers his wives when they nag him and this is depicted as a good thing."

I'm sure the actual show is more nuanced than I remember but God Damn you couldn't make a show like that today. Not even ironically.

Oh god, I'd forgotten how laden with stereotypes it was. I remember seeing it when I was younger and thinking it was funny and if I'm honest I might still think it funny if I were to see it again, but wouldn't see it through the same lens of innocence and naivety as before and I can't find fault with your description. It was just so ridiculously over the top.

[Bartmanhomer]

Okay, there's some grammar issues here but I think I've puzzled it out. A few questions though.

Who does the city have sentimental value to,? The wizard? The heroes? The devil's? Bob the Blacksmith*?

What's the connection to Hell, and who/what has it? I think it's the sentimental value, so I'm presuming they're a major character.

Who does the cult consider family to the wizard? The six heroes? But then surely they're happy enough with them, because they're the family of the guy who completed a step in their plan.

That what I'm trying to figure it out as the story unfolds.

To Be Continued.

[Tvtyrant]

It was. I hated it at the time and never understood its popularity.

Is there a reason everyone is avoiding naming said show? I don't even know which one y'all are talking about.

Nvm I looked it up. I'm going to chock that one up to the same impulse as The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit or The Graduate. People waking up from the Father Knows Best postwar dream and finding life still and inevitably sucks.

[LaZodiac]

Is there a reason everyone is avoiding naming said show? I don't even know which one y'all are talking about.

Nvm I looked it up. I'm going to chock that one up to the same impulse as The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit or The Graduate. People waking up from the Father Knows Best postwar dream and finding life still and inevitably sucks.

It was mentioned, actually. The show is "Married with Children".

Ah, misunderstood your edit because I'm tired. Yeah it's... yeah, definitely a product of that, I think.

[Fyraltari]

he's stuck working in a shoe store [...] and it's his job to help them try on skirts.

What kind of shoe store is this?

[Rater202]

What kind of shoe store is this?

That was me not paying attention.

His job is to help morbidly obese women who don't bathe and are wearing skirts try on shoes.

For example.

Al: Oh, Peg, it was horrible. Sixteen straight hours of shoe-selling mayhem. Last thing I remember, I was down on one knee, waiting on an overflowing glacier of a woman. First thing they teach you when you’re a rookie shoe salesman is, when you got a fat one in the chair, never look up. I looked up, Peg! I saw underwear! It said "Saturday!"
[beat]
Peg: So what?
Al: TODAY'S WEDNESDAY!

...Honestly, his views on women and even his own family are abhorrent but considering his life experiences you can't actually blame him. That doesn't make it okay, but at least it's understandable.

[Mystic Muse]

That what I'm trying to figure it out as the story unfolds.

To Be Continued.

...You're 40 chapters in and still figuring out the story structure and character motivations?

[Bartmanhomer]

...You're 40 chapters in and still figuring out the story structure and character motivations?

Well, I did include the battles as well and I do get writer block.

[Anonymouswizard]

...You're 40 chapters in and still figuring out the story structure and character motivations?

To be fair, if this is standard fanfic chapter length he could be only a tenth of the way into the story. Plus writing by the seat of your pants is a valid style.

But yeah, I'd have expected more character motivation to have been worked out by this point. At the very least why the six heroes and the cult are doing this, if the wizard is a posthumous character then his motivation doesn't matter, he's a plot device to set the story in motion.

To be fair, I'm not much better at planning, my last idea for a story was [redacted due to board rules] and while I could probably write that up as the first part of a longer story it's still not fully developed, and most of my projects her left unfinished due to neglecting planning. Although, considering I have two mostly complete RPGs mainly missing setting and linking text I can almost call myself a Creative.

[Peelee]

...You're 40 chapters in and still figuring out the story structure and character motivations?

Depends on how long the chapters are. I've read books that had chapters as short as half a page.

I did not terribly enjoy such books, IIRC.

[Bartmanhomer]

To be fair, if this is standard fanfic chapter-length he could be only a tenth of the way into the story. Plus writing by the seat of your pants is a valid style.

But yeah, I'd have expected more character motivation to have been worked out by this point. At the very least why the six heroes and the cult are doing this, if the wizard is a posthumous character then his motivation doesn't matter, he's a plot device to set the story in motion.

To be fair, I'm not much better at planning, my last idea for a story was [redacted due to board rules] and while I could probably write that up as the first part of a longer story it's still not fully developed, and most of my projects her left unfinished due to neglecting planning. Although, considering I have two mostly complete RPGs mainly missing setting and linking text I can almost call myself a Creative.

Well at the beginning of the story it starts with 4 heroes, then 5, and later in the story 6. The Six Heroes are:

A male human ranger
A male elf cleric
A male human rogue
A male human wizard (conjurer)
A male human paladin
A female half-elf bard

[Anonymouswizard]

Well at the beginning of the story it starts with 4 heroes, then 5, and later in the story 6. The Six Heroes are:

A male human ranger
A male elf cleric
A male human rogue
A male human wizard (conjurer)
A male human paladin
A female half-elf bard

And that's nothing to me, I have no idea what any ogf them would be like as people.

One of my projects has as characters:
-A young squire who gets disgraced after falling in love with a peasant girl/ Young, rash, and full of false bravado, he sets out on a quest to redeem himself.
-Said peasant girl, the daughter of a village healeer, latent witch, and possiboy a couple of years older than our squire. She's a pessimist who's been brought down by life, but with an inner fire.
-A rival squire and later knight who's main purpose is to be a haughty noble.
-Other characters I haven't worked out yet.
-The fairy queen. She's an absolute tyrant and the Big Bad of the world, leading an invading army because humans aren't supposed to have societies. But I'm thinking of witching awayf from fairies to a more demonic figure. She spends ,ost of her time off screen, and she never gets angry. Never.

See the difference between our character descriptions.

[halfeye]

The fairy queen. She's an absolute tyrant and the Big Bad of the world, leading an invading army because humans aren't supposed to have societies. But I'm thinking of witching awayf from fairies to a more demonic figure.

Why change? Fairies can be demonic. Though I suppose that depends somewhat on religious feelings in your universe.

[Anonymouswizard]

Why change? Fairies can be demonic. Though I suppose that depends somewhat on religious feelings in your universe.

Because I think Demon Queen might sound better in dialogue, and I want to change how the fairies(/demons) work significantly from my last draft when fits more with demons than traditional 'your baby is mine' fairies. But it's still undecided.

[Tvtyrant]

Why change? Fairies can be demonic. Though I suppose that depends somewhat on religious feelings in your universe.

I think that comparison is unFaire.

Dumb play on words aside, race and class only tell us something if we are using them as a common language. If the group was a Half Elf Ranger, a Dwarven Fighter, a Hobbit Bard/thief and a Human Barbarian we could basically all see where the group is coming from because it's Dragonlance. Loner, Gruff, Annoying and Cool Guy. But the devil is in the details: Archer and Ranger from Practical Guide to Evil are very Aragorn/Tanis, but also very not Aragorn/Tanis. Loner woods fighty people yes, but instead of melancholy and a little bitter with a heroic destiny they are nearly Ayn Randian and feel superior over it.

[Bartmanhomer]

And that's nothing to me, I have no idea what any ogf them would be like as people.

One of my projects has as characters:
-A young squire who gets disgraced after falling in love with a peasant girl/ Young, rash, and full of false bravado, he sets out on a quest to redeem himself.
-Said peasant girl, the daughter of a village healeer, latent witch, and possiboy a couple of years older than our squire. She's a pessimist who's been brought down by life, but with an inner fire.
-A rival squire and later knight who's main purpose is to be a haughty noble.
-Other characters I haven't worked out yet.
-The fairy queen. She's an absolute tyrant and the Big Bad of the world, leading an invading army because humans aren't supposed to have societies. But I'm thinking of witching awayf from fairies to a more demonic figure. She spends ,ost of her time off screen, and she never gets angry. Never.

See the difference between our character descriptions.

Well, my Pathfinder story isn't even a fairy tale so that it.

[Fyraltari]

Well, my Pathfinder story isn't even a fairy tale so that it.

You're missing the point. The worst thing a reader can tell a writer is "I don't care what happens to any of these people." So why would we care about your protagonists? Who are they? What is interesting about them?

Here's what you wrote:

Well at the beginning of the story it starts with 4 heroes, then 5, and later in the story 6. The Six Heroes are:

A male human ranger
A male elf cleric
A male human rogue
A male human wizard (conjurer)
A male human paladin
A female half-elf bard

So why are these people "heroes"? What heroic traits do they posess? Why are they the people fighting the cult and not somebody else? Why are they fighting them in the first place? Is it purely out of the goodness of theeir hearts or do they stand to gain something (wealth, glory, plain old "not dying horribly")? What do they plan to do once they've won?

What are the dynamics of the group? Are these people friends/relatives/lovers/coworkers/teachers and students/rivals/ennemies/people who all just happened to be in the right/wrong place at the right/wrong time? Do they get along or not? Do they have the same background or not? Do their worldview clash? Do they share the same goals or is this more an alliance of circumstance. Is there a leader? The paladin and the cleric are presumably religious, are the others too? Are they all followers of the same religion? If not is there friction because of that? Two of them joined later. Did they already know the others? Did they integrate well to the group or not?

You said they were accused of the murder of the wizard. Did they actually do it? If so why? If not why were they accused? What were their relationship the cult? Is one of them a former member? Do they belong to a rival organization (like a secret society trying to root out that cult)? Are they maybe related or a former friend of a leader of the cult?

What are their flaws and qualities?