A Wild Lurker Appears! Hyoi's Random Banter #232

[Bartmanhomer]

Is it true when you pass gas, your whole body exploded?

[Anonymouswizard]

Is it true when you pass gas, your whole body exploded?

Uh, sorry, trying to parse this...

Okay, strictly speaking no. An exploration is an extremely fast release of energy, and your entire body has not undergone that. Therefore not exploded.

In a colloquial sense, maybe? But if you give me a random sentence and a well funded advertising agency I can probably make any sentence colloquially true somewhere in a decade.

Now in sone cases there might have been an explosion (a small one) inside you, but if that's the only symptom your probably functioning normally and there's nothing to worry about. But I'm going entirely off guesswork here, to me it seems logical that if an inside you created gas your buddy might expel it in that way.

Most likely though it's no explosions at all.

[Rater202]

'If I could live with people I like forever, have regular internet contact with Earth, and basically have no wants, why wouldn't I...

Have on, it's this Arcadia? Why didn't I notice that the random omnipotent being had a beard of roses? And why am I now the video doorbell?

No, it's not Arcadia.

It's not a trap, I'm just trying to see if there's an immortality option that people who are normally against immortality would take.

[Bartmanhomer]

Uh, sorry, trying to parse this...

Okay, strictly speaking no. An exploration is an extremely fast release of energy, and your entire body has not undergone that. Therefore not exploded.

In a colloquial sense, maybe? But if you give me a random sentence and a well funded advertising agency I can probably make any sentence colloquially true somewhere in a decade.

Now in sone cases there might have been an explosion (a small one) inside you, but if that's the only symptom your probably functioning normally and there's nothing to worry about. But I'm going entirely off guesswork here, to me it seems logical that if an inside you created gas your buddy might expel it in that way.

Most likely though it's no explosions at all.

Well Pokemon like Koffing and Weezing are made of gas and they have the ability to self-destruct and explode.

[Peelee]

Well Pokemon like Koffing and Weezing are made of gas and they have the ability to self-destruct and explode.

Are you a pokemon? If not, you should probably not base pokemon abilities on what you are capable of.

[Bartmanhomer]

Are you a pokemon? If not, you should probably not base pokemon abilities on what you are capable of.

I'm a Magikarp.

[Tvtyrant]

Is it true when you pass gas, your whole body exploded?

No, but fun fact! Doctors put fire suppressant gas in to your body if you have certain kinds of invasive surgeries, as people have literally exploded on the operating table from their internal gasses being set off by medical equipment.

[Anonymouswizard]

No, it's not Arcadia.

It's not a trap, I'm just trying to see if there's an immortality option that people who are normally against immortality would take.

You sure? I've been tricked by omnipotent beings making promises before, it was not fun. There was no wiring so wqhenever somebody rang the doorbell I had to sprint to the mistress and mime whoever it was. Some days I wished I could switch with the towel rack.

My point being this sort of deal in fiction, and real life if it was possible, would almost certainly be a case of 'too good to be true'.

And now I want to play Changeling.

[Rater202]

You sure?

I think that, being as I am the one who created the scenario, it is within my power to determine with 100% certainty that this is not a trap.

[Mystic Muse]

I'm a Magikarp.

Given Magikarps aren't capable of learning self-destruct (unless something changed in recent generations) I don't think that it's a concern for you.

I'd be more worried about getting eaten by a hungry pokemon trainer well before you evolve into Gyrados.

[Bartmanhomer]

Given Magikarps aren't capable of learning self-destruct (unless something changed in recent generations) I don't think that it's a concern for you.

I'd be more worried about getting eaten by a hungry pokemon trainer well before you evolve into Gyrados.

If I recalled, Magikarps aren't edible to eat by humans and Pokemon.

[Anonymouswizard]

I think that, being as I am the one who created the scenario, it is within my power to determine with 100% certainty that this is not a trap.

This situation still just screams trap. Random omnipotent beings are number two on my list of things to stay away from (number one being immortals you loved your past lives().

Given Magikarps aren't capable of learning self-destruct (unless something changed in recent generations) I don't think that it's a concern for you.

I'd be more worried about getting eaten by a hungry pokemon trainer well before you evolve into Gyrados.

The real danger as a Magikarp is when their trainer doesn't have any other pokemon but still tries to evolve you into Gyarados

[Rawhide]

If I recalled, Magikarps aren't edible to eat by humans and Pokemon.

Everything is edible. Once.

[Bartmanhomer]

Everything is edible. Once.

That's true.

[Anonymouswizard]

Everything is edible. Once.

Maxim 11 for maximally effective chefs?

[Mystic Muse]

If I recalled, Magikarps aren't edible to eat by humans and Pokemon.

It's implied in at least one early pokemon episode that Magikarp are eaten by humans (Aah and Brock fantasize about eating one), as well as Krabbys/Kinglers.

[Rater202]

I'd be more worried about getting eaten by a hungry pokemon trainer well before you evolve into Gyrados.

Magikarp are mostly hard scale and bone, with what musculatures they do have being rather tough due to being specialized for jumping. (Splash is "Hop" in the original Japanese, that's why it's not a water-type move.)

In the anime, the only time someone tries to eat a Magikarp it's Meowth and he breaks his teeth on it.

According to the Pokedex entries, the main threat to a Magikarp's life is if they get stranded on dry land and die before they can get back to water. At that point, other pokemon will eat their decaying bodies.

Otherwise? Magikarp can be found wild in at least one body of water of every region except for Ore(which has no native pokemon and almost no wild Pokemon at all) and are explicitly noted to be able to survive in both fresh and saltwater and in any body of water no matter how polluted. In some regions, you can literally drop your fishing line in a shallow puddle created by a recent rain storm and catch a magikarp.

Magikarp breed in large numbers.

Despite the claims about Magikarp getting stranded on land and dying, another Pokedex entry suggests that Magikarp are able to survive for years out of water when using Splash/Hop to climb huge mountains over the course of years.

We can also infer from both the "spend ears" climbing mountains and the "can live in even the most polluted water" thing that they probably require very little in the way of food.

You can encounter wild Magikarp of literally any level, from 1 to 100, indicating that despite their incompetence that they are slowly accumulating battle experience.

Even ignoring the potential to become Gyarados, Magikarp are arguably the most successful species of pokemon: They can be found all over the world and survive in almost any natural or artificial environment.

You may not like it...

Spoiler

Show

But this is what Peak Performance looks like.

In fact, if I ever get around to that "Pokemon Cyberpunk" thing(which has expanded beyond just "Pokemon hybrids") I'm seriously considering using a human hybridized with Magikarp as an attempt to make amphibious super soldiers who can just swim/hide out in any body of water.

Edit: I have no idea what happened with the picture but it's fixed now.

[Bartmanhomer]

It's implied in at least one early pokemon episode that Magikarp are eaten by humans (Aah and Brock fantasize about eating one), as well as Krabbys/Kinglers.

And there was also one episode that Meowth tried to eat Magikarp which he was unable to eat Magikarp which caused all his teeth to chipped which makes it inedible.

[Lord Raziere]

I mean Magikarp hybrid's a good aquatic survival form, but honestly its not good for anything else. it'd be great for starting a colony on an ocean planet, but if we're looking at soldiers, they aren't THAT ideal. one electric type with discharge and all that long term survivability goes down the drain.

[Rater202]

I mean Magikarp hybrid's a good aquatic survival form, but honestly its not good for anything else. it'd be great for starting a colony on an ocean planet, but if we're looking at soldiers, they aren't THAT ideal. one electric type with discharge and all that long term survivability goes down the drain.

That's why you equip them with rubber armor.

But honestly, I'm thinking more "special forces" than "front line infantry." The hard scales and bones offer protection, yes, but underwater survival means that if the target is anywhere near a body of water... Assuming that the humanoid shape allows you to teach the soldiers how to swim they can easily sneak up and infiltrate. Espionage, assassination.

Now, if one of the hybrids happens to evolve into a Gyradodos, that's when they get to be Frontline Infantry. At that point they're a living WMD

[Mystic Muse]

And there was also one episode that Meowth tried to eat Magikarp which he was unable to eat Magikarp which caused all his teeth to chipped which makes it inedible.

There's plenty of real life fish that have to be prepared special ways before they're edible.

Unless there's a pokedex entry, or something in another canon source somewhere saying they're inedible, they're probably eaten.

This is why worldbuilding stuff should always be entirely figured out before the story ever hits shelves.

[Peelee]

There's plenty of real life fish that have to be prepared special ways before they're edible.

Unless there's a pokedex entry, or something in another canon source somewhere saying they're inedible, they're probably eaten.

This is why worldbuilding stuff should always be entirely figured out before the story ever hits shelves.

Their pokedex entry in Silver seems to indicate they are eaten:

For no reason, it jumps and splashes about, making it easy for predators like Pidgeotto to catch it mid-jump.

[Lord Raziere]

There's plenty of real life fish that have to be prepared special ways before they're edible.

Unless there's a pokedex entry, or something in another canon source somewhere saying they're inedible, they're probably eaten.

Lets see the actual entries rather than just what Rater claims: bulbapedia's page on Magikarp

I'll draw your attention to certain specific entries:

Its reckless leaps make it easy pickings for predators. On the bright side, many Pokémon enjoy longer life spans, thanks to Magikarp.

For no reason, it jumps and splashes about, making it easy for predators like Pidgeotto to catch it mid-jump.

So at least, predators find them edible.

A Magikarp living for many years can leap a mountain using Splash. The move remains useless, though.

This certain entry is weird, because how can leaping a mountain be useless? Unless they can only jump straight up.....then go falling down back to the position they started.

however another pokedex entry claims:

An underpowered, pathetic Pokémon. It may jump high on rare occasions, but never more than seven feet.

which contradicts the other one. so is it seven feet or a mountain?

also:

It is unable to swim against even slow-moving currents. It always splashes about for some reason.

Its swimming muscles are weak, so it is easily washed away by currents. In places where water pools, you can see many Magikarp deposited there by the flow.

It is virtually worthless in terms of both power and speed. It is the most weak and pathetic Pokémon in the world.

All these kind of make it not ideal for being a soldier if every single pokemon is stronger than it. hybridized with a human, they'd only be fast as a regular human swimming and probably wouldn't be very good in combat against normal pokemon, much less a hybrid.

while gyarados? even more vulnerable to electric attacks with Flying- its 4x weak!. Lanturne or Emolga laughs at your pathetic sea serpent. and thats before we get into another counter we can do: grass types. absorb, mega drain and giga drain all restore health and lotad is 1/4 resistant to water, so it can survive on both land and water, is stronger, has two evolutions, doesn't have fire weakness, can use both surf and solar beam, has moves to heal itself by draining from others, Lotad or Chinchou > Magikarp.

[Rater202]

Again the purpose is precision strikes, not tearing down.

The "survive in any body of water, no matter how salty or polluted" means that you can send your amphibious agents into a body of water and they can just stay down there as long as needed until the opportunity to come in happens.

It could infiltrate a population center by doing a reverse Shawshank and swimming straight up the sewage pipes.

Also, Magikarp does have a decent high-speed stat and usually has the ability Swift Swim, which doubles a pokemon's speed when it's raining, and can also have the Hidden ability Rattled which boosts speed when hit by certain types of moves or when affected by Intimidate. While the Magikarps' innate ability to swim is poor, a hybrid might be able to swim faster than a human under the right conditions.

In the current generation, Magikarp can be taught Hydropump and Bounce via TMs, and while its attack stats aren't much to write home about those are still decently powerful moves.

Team Venom is sitting in their base while their scientists are doing g their experiments with weaponizing Poison Type Pokemon but Oh Nose, their Rivals Team Greens has purchased a Soldier-Karp and sent her up the pipe that Team Venom has dumped the byproducts of their research into the lake with and she's wrecked the laboratory with a a Hydropump straight to the main computer then flushed herself back into the toxic lake!

[Bartmanhomer]

There's plenty of real life fish that have to be prepared special ways before they're edible.

Unless there's a pokedex entry, or something in another canon source somewhere saying they're inedible, they're probably eaten.

This is why worldbuilding stuff should always be entirely figured out before the story ever hits shelves.

Yes, I totally get it.

[Lord Raziere]

Team Venom is sitting in their base while their scientists are doing g their experiments with weaponizing Poison Type Pokemon but Oh Nose, their Rivals Team Greens has purchased a Soldier-Karp and sent her up the pipe that Team Venom has dumped the byproducts of their research into the lake with and she's wrecked the laboratory with a a Hydropump straight to the main computer then flushed herself back into the toxic lake!

Except all of that protection is purely environmental. it doesn't extend to actual poison attacks and pokemon effects. hire a few Tentacool and grimer trainers to use Toxic Spikes on the places to swim through and guard the poison waters and the karp soldier ain't going to make it out of there alive, because mechanically magikarp is still vulnerable to the poison type.

[Rater202]

Except all of that protection is purely environmental. it doesn't extend to actual poison attacks and pokemon effects. hire a few Tentacool and grimer trainers to use Toxic Spikes on the places to swim through and guard the poison waters and the karp soldier ain't going to make it out of there alive, because mechanically magikarp is still vulnerable to the poison type.

...Maybe if Team Venom is being run by Batman.

Who the hell is going to guard a toxic polluted lake? Really? The toxic polluted lake is its own protection.

Guarding it is only a thing once the Karp Soldier is already a known phenomenon that is common enough to be worth specifically preparing for.

[Lord Raziere]

...Maybe if Team Venom is being run by Batman.

Who the hell is going to guard a toxic polluted lake? Really? The toxic polluted lake is its own protection.

Guarding it is only a thing once the Karp Soldier is already a known phenomenon that is common enough to be worth specifically preparing for.

And who is going to do a magikarp as a super-soldier in the first place? its widely considered the weakest pokemon in universe. its like a sea rat or sea bug, its a nuisance. your entire example is very specific and narrow, and it'd it be more worth going to the trouble of making a ditto-soldier to simply shapeshift into any pokemon needed instead since that would be more flexible, allowing you to do all the things magikarp can, but now also dig, survive in deserts, fly, become a ghost to go through walls, and so on. all you'd need is to give the person doing it a pokedex so they have a visual aide since that seems to be the only requirement for a ditto to turn into something: to see the pokemon.

heck I could've gone less flexible and said ghastly soldier and it'd still be better since the ghastly soldier could just fly incorporeal without needing to bother with any of that water nonsense.

but really if we're this hung up about effectiveness then the only pokemon worth hybridizing WITH short of legendaries is ditto. the real peak performance is pink goo with smiley face, you may not like it, but its true.

[Rater202]

And who is going to do a magikarp as a super-soldier in the first place? its widely considered the weakest pokemon in universe. its like a sea rat or sea bug, its a nuisance.

Maybe because no one will see it coming?

If you say "we're making human-pokemon hybrids" you're expecting something like combining someone with a Regional starter or something with a reputation for power. People are expecting brute force

Magikarp's strengths are undervalued and unacknowledged. Nobody would think of any military use for an unevolved Magikarp, but if you're tinkering around with DNA there are useful traits that can be extracted and applied to a human.

but really if we're this hung up about effectiveness then the only pokemon worth hybridizing WITH short of legendaries is ditto. the real peak performance is pink goo with a smiley face, you may not like it, but its true.

No Megacorp or top Secret Government Agency is going to release perfect super soldiers to the market, they're going to keep the best ones for themselves.

Now, granted, there are going to be a variety of hybrids and other enhanciles made—cyborgs and androids derived from various "living Object" types and military vehicles with pilots turned into energy beings by combing them with Rotoms, not to mention anything made by accident because mutagens and viruses breach containment, but Magikarp are one I see a great deal of utility for. In the short term, a Magikarps' ability to survive in most environments means that they can be used as amphibious soldiers anyway or hidden in any large enough body of water, and long term Gyarados are known to be able to wipe out entire cities, imagine that power perfectly y controlled by a rational human mind.

[Lord Raziere]

Maybe because no one will see it coming?

If you say "we're making human-pokemon hybrids" you're expecting something like combining someone with a Regional starter or something with a reputation for power. People are expecting brute force

Magikarp's strengths are undervalued and unacknowledged. Nobody would think of any military use for an unevolved Magikarp, but if you're tinkering around with DNA there are useful traits that can be extracted and applied to a human.

No Megacorp or top Secret Government Agency is going to release perfect super soldiers to the market, they're going to keep the best ones for themselves.

Now, granted, there are going to be a variety of hybrids and other enhanciles made—cyborgs and androids derived from various "living Object" types and military vehicles with pilots turned into energy beings by combing them with Rotoms, not to mention anything made by accident because mutagens and viruses breach containment, but Magikarp are one I see a great deal of utility for. In the short term, a Magikarps' ability to survive in most environments means that they can be used as amphibious soldiers anyway or hidden in any large enough body of water, and long term Gyarados are known to be able to wipe out entire cities, imagine that power perfectly y controlled by a rational human mind.

1. if Magikarp has those strengths at all, given the inconsistent nature of pokemon canon. Again: 7 feet or mountain?

2. and no one is going to look at "we're making human-pokemon hybrids" and NOT think "wait, why don't we do this with Ditto, we'd be able to become any pokemon we'd want". you think once the whole process gets figured out that people won't think of doing that anyways and try and do it on their own? or just stealing it? what about the ditto agents who work for them, you think its always going to work out? especially considering how cynical you are of this?

3. *imagines it* I'm terrified already. also if Gyarados are so powerful.....then you don't WANT to make karp soldiers, too much potential for destruction. too destructive and the costs outweigh the benefits, cities are economic centers you want to keep those functioning so they either make money for you or so you can conquer them to make them make money for you. even at this precision elite force amount, it may be too much to risk. and thats not imagining the other ridiculous mons that could be hybridized if we're running on "dex is always true" logic: gardevoir-soldiers opening black holes anyone? or how about the absurdity of machamp?

in fact just remember or checkout the pokemon battle royale video lockstin and somethingabout did, thats basically the entire problem with taking the pokedex as gospel in a nutshell. and the whole problem with trying to work out pokemon combat in any case beyond the small scale.