I'm A Billionaire Now

[Bartmanhomer]

Hey everybody. I got some exciting news to tell you. Yesterday I play the lottery and I won 2.5 billion dollars. The numbers were 30, 1, 17, 21, 4, and 5. I'm so glad that TV chooses the right number. I've never been so happy in my entire life.

[Fyraltari]

Wow! Congrats you

It's an April Fools.

[asda fasda]

Another year, another billion, great !

[Murk]

But did you get any sweet autographs recently?

[Iruka]

Congratulations, Bartmanhomer!

You are one of the luckiest persons I know!

[Eldan]

That's great. Hey, can you send me some money? My car just exploded after colliding with an elephant and I really need it. Like, half a million or so, that's such a low percentage, you would barely notice.

[Peelee]

That's great. Hey, can you send me some money? My car just exploded after colliding with an elephant and I really need it. Like, half a million or so, that's such a low percentage, you would barely notice.

Ask for a few million, because you need to pay me back for damaging my elephant.

[snowblizz]

No giant check? I don't believe anything until I see an image manipulated giant check.

[Eldan]

Ask for a few million, because you need to pay me back for damaging my elephant.

Look, your elephant was backing out of a side street without warning lights.

[snowblizz]

Look, your elephant was backing out of a side street without warning lights.

But I clearly heard it tooting.

[janetJ]

Really or April fool?

[truemane]

Really or April fool?

April Fool. Bartmanhomer always makes an April Fool's thread.

[DavidSh]

Was that Zimbabwean Dollars? They had a hyperinflation going up to the beginning of 2009, when they effectively abandoned that currency. There was even a 100 Trillion Dollar note, just before the end.

[Peelee]

April Fool. Bartmanhomer always makes an April Fool's thread.

Well, the billion dollars is. But Eldan rear-ending my elephant is no laughing matter.

[Mystic Muse]

Well, the billion dollars is. But Eldan rear-ending my elephant is no laughing matter.

I don't know, I'm definitely laughing about it.

[Tvtyrant]

Well, the billion dollars is. But Eldan rear-ending my elephant is no laughing matter.

This version of the story is truncated.

[Eldan]

I'm just saying. Just because you painted an elephant in black and white stripes doesn't make it a street legal zebra.

[Dire Moose]

You’re lucky! I only got one million dollars from helping out that Nigerian businessman who had to flee the country to escape religious persecution.

[Peelee]

I'm just saying. Just because you painted an elephant in black and white stripes doesn't make it a street legal zebra.

Regardless, the elephant was not in a vehicle and thus was a pedestrian, granting automatic right-of-way.

Though really, an elephant typically always has right-of-way.

[Keltest]

Regardless, the elephant was not in a vehicle and thus was a pedestrian, granting automatic right-of-way.

Though really, an elephant typically always has right-of-way.

I'd wager Eldan's car wasnt in a vehicle either. Would that make it a fist fight on the street?

[Peelee]

I'd wager Eldan's car wasnt in a vehicle either. Would that make it a fist fight on the street?

Elephants are not known to lose fist fights. I don't know who would win, but elephants don't lose.

[Keltest]

Elephants are not known to lose fist fights. I don't know who would win, but elephants don't lose.

Im pretty sure that a fistfight between a car and an elephant is the kind of fight that everybody loses except the spectators. And maybe them too if they get too close.

[Rater202]

Elephants are not known to lose fist fights. I don't know who would win, but elephants don't lose.

I'm pretty sure you need fists to participate in a fistfight. Elephants don't have hands, thus no fists.

And yes, elephants always have the right of way. April fool's jokes aside, there are several countries where elephants live wild where "elephants have the right of way" is codified into law.

Unless there's a dragon. Then the dragons have the right of way.

[Anonymouswizard]

I'm pretty sure you need fists to participate in a fistfight. Elephants don't have hands, thus no fists.

Yes, but do you trust yourself to win the fistfight you caused by pointing this out to the elephant?

[ziproot]

Hey everybody. I got some exciting news to tell you. Yesterday I play the lottery and I won 2.5 billion dollars. The numbers were 30, 1, 17, 21, 4, and 5. I'm so glad that TV chooses the right number. I've never been so happy in my entire life.

Oof. Better luck next time.

[The Glyphstone]

That's great. You might be interested in a speculative venture I've been trying to find backing for, a mission to recover lost pirate gold from bottom of the ocean. I just need 10 million in start-up costs, but it's guaranteed to return at least 10 billion worth of gold and jewels, and you can have half of the profit. That's a 5000x rate of return on your investment!

[Peelee]

That's great. You might be interested in a speculative venture I've been trying to find backing for, a mission to recover lost pirate gold from bottom of the ocean. I just need 10 million in start-up costs, but it's guaranteed to return at least 10 billion worth of gold and jewels, and you can have half of the profit. That's a 5000x rate of return on your investment!

It's not there anymore, actually. My diving elephant found it.

Also, your projected ROI is off by an order of magnitude.

[Rater202]

Yes, but do you trust yourself to win the fistfight you caused by pointing this out to the elephant?

No, not right now.

However, soon I shall start a year-long process which will culminate in my apotheosis into an immortal dracomorphic embodiment of Hellish Fire and Eldritch Darkness.

Then I'll be able to win all the fistfights. All of them.

[Peelee]

No, not right now.

However, soon I shall start a year-long process which will culminate in my apotheosis into an immortal dracomorphic embodiment of Hellish Fire and Eldritch Darkness.

Then I'll be able to win all the fistfights. All of them.

Just like my diving elephant did last year!

[Tvtyrant]

Just like my diving elephant did last year!

In my mind this has slowly morphed into the tandem psychic war elephant from adventure time.