I'm A Billionaire Now

[Peelee]

In my mind this has slowly morphed into the tandem psychic war elephant from adventure time.

That was actually based on my diving elephant. Were still in the middle of a lawsuit over character likeness rights.

The elephant is a good lawyer.

[Tvtyrant]

That was actually based on my diving elephant. Were still in the middle of a lawsuit over character likeness rights.

The elephant is a good lawyer.

Yeah but the bills to hire him are mammoth...

[The Glyphstone]

It's not there anymore, actually. My diving elephant found it.

Also, your projected ROI is off by an order of magnitude.

Your diving elephants can't get to the crush depth that my Mecha-phaunt 9000 diving-bots can reach.

[Peelee]

Your diving elephants can't get to the crush depth that my Mecha-phaunt 9000 diving-bots can reach.

Maybe not but your bots cant dive as gracefully as my Olympic-medal-winning-in-diving elephant!

[Scarlet Knight]

Well, the billion dollars is. But Eldan rear-ending my elephant is no laughing matter.

I believe the following anecdote is appropriate for Forum rules, April Fools, and rear-ending elephants.

When my daughter was little, my wife & I took her to see the elephant at the zoo (while one still can).
As I went for popcorn, they visited the elephant and my daughter asked my wife “What’s that long thing on the elephant?” My wife answered: “That’s his trunk.” “No Mommy, the other long thing.” “Oh that’s his tail.” “Nooo the long thing underneath.” Flustered, my wife said “Oh that’s nothing, sweetie.”

When I returned my daughter decided to try her luck with me for a better answer.

“Daddy, what’s that long thing on the elephant?” I answered: ”That’s his trunk.” “No Daddy, the other long thing.” “Oh that’s his tail.” “Nooo the long thing underneath.”

I answered the only way a father could and said, “Ask your Mother.” To which my daughter stated that she already did. “And what did she say, honey?” “Mommy said it was nothing.” I turned to my blushing wife and said “You have to understand, sweetheart. You mother’s been spoiled.”

[Peelee]

When my daughter was little, my wife & I took her to see the elephant at the zoo (while one still can).

To be serious for a moment (which I rather dislike), zoos ain't circuses. Modern zoos are primarily geared towards conservation (with robust programs like interbreeding cooperation to help endangered animals maintain a healthy gene pool, for example), and elephants will not be disappearing from zoos anytime in the foreseeable future.

[ziproot]

Just like my diving elephant did last year!

Does your elephant have a diver's license? Everyone knows that anyone who lets their elephant dive without a license has to pay a $5 million fee.

[snowblizz]

To be serious for a moment (which I rather dislike), zoos ain't circuses. Modern zoos are primarily geared towards conservation (with robust programs like interbreeding cooperation to help endangered animals maintain a healthy gene pool, for example), and elephants will not be disappearing from zoos anytime in the foreseeable future.

Clearly you've not met the rather vocal young people who feel very strongly about the subject of animals.
Also a circus is exactly what a modern zoo is. Just without clowns. Or ninjas. Or clown ninjas.

I turned to my blushing wife and said “You have to understand, sweetheart. You mother’s been spoiled.”

One day she'll be old enough to understand that joke. And you'll regret it when paying for the therapy.

Your diving elephants can't get to the crush depth that my Mecha-phaunt 9000 diving-bots can reach.

That sounds exactly lik C-rate movie form the budget horror section. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mega_S...us_Mecha_Shark
Movies that make the Sharknado franchise look positively mainstream.

That's great. You might be interested in a speculative venture I've been trying to find backing for, a mission to recover lost pirate gold from bottom of the ocean. I just need 10 million in start-up costs, but it's guaranteed to return at least 10 billion worth of gold and jewels, and you can have half of the profit. That's a 5000x rate of return on your investment!

Oh I think I saw that show on National Geographic already. Are you oen of the Lagina (spelling?) brothers, Rick and Marty?

I'm pretty sure you need fists to participate in a fistfight. Elephants don't have hands, thus no fists.

Clearly you've not heard of the Neophant.

[Cazero]

and elephants will not be disappearing from zoos anytime in the foreseeable future.

I think the (while one still can) thing was about that pandemic thing every youngun is blabbering about these days. Back in my days, we had our pokeymans and we catched them uphill in the snow, dagnabit.

[Anonymouswizard]

To be serious for a moment (which I rather dislike), zoos ain't circuses. Modern zoos are primarily geared towards conservation (with robust programs like interbreeding cooperation to help endangered animals maintain a healthy gene pool, for example), and elephants will not be disappearing from zoos anytime in the foreseeable future.

This, a zoo's primary functions as far as I understand them are ) help conserve animals and 2) get people excited about animals. There will of course be zoos with questionable methods and motives, but I think it's unfair to apply such labels to all of them.

Clearly you've not met the rather vocal young people who feel very strongly about the subject of animals.
Also a circus is exactly what a modern zoo is. Just without clowns. Or ninjas. Or clown ninjas.

To be serious for a moment, I have family in the circus business, and I believe technically in the clowning business (but only family friends as clowns or ninjas). From a modern perspective of the industry it's mostly untrue, circus these days is about human endeavours.

As for zoos being like '[classic' circus in the putting animals on display, it depends on the zoo you're talking about and how you're defining circus in this instance. While I'm not happy with how many zoos keep their animals in relatively small cages, but by circus standards the animals are incredibly well looked after and it's not universal (I know of zoos with relatively large and open enclosures).

The real issue here is animal performance shows, which are still orders of magnitude better than they were back in the days of animal circus. The real question here should be what animals can be included in shows ethically, and if the answer is none then I'll happily never see another sea-lion show.

Yes, there is a valid argument for leaving animals in their natural habitat and not setting them up in zoos, but I also think there's an argument for zoos being used to raise awareness of animal issues and help get children and adults into more animals.

Also if you've never seen modern circus I highly recommend it. Find yourself a smaller show, I personaly recommend one with contact juggling, or watch street jugglers occasionall. Some of the stuff you can see is amazing, and the first time I heard Mongolian throat singing was at a juggling show.

[Eldan]

Yeah, our local zoo just built a gigantic elephant enclosure. Like, so big that most of it can't be seen from outside it.

[Peelee]

Does your elephant have a diver's license? Everyone knows that anyone who lets their elephant dive without a license has to pay a $5 million fee.

Fortunately, my diving elephant is not a driving elephant.

I think the (while one still can) thing was about that pandemic thing every youngun is blabbering about these days. Back in my days, we had our pokeymans and we catched them uphill in the snow, dagnabit.

Ohhhhhh, that makes much more sense. In that story, the elephant was kind of the elephant in the room, so I instantly thought of that framing instead of covid issues.

Clearly you've not met the rather vocal young people who feel very strongly about the subject of animals.

I am one of those rather vocal young people who feel very strongly about the subject of animals.

Well, for loose definitions of "young", anyway.

[ziproot]

Fortunately, my diving elephant is not a driving elephant.

Then what were they doing on the road?

[javianhalt]

Congrats on your april fools billionaire i guess lol

[snowblizz]

This, a zoo's primary functions as far as I understand them are ) help conserve animals and 2) get people excited about animals. There will of course be zoos with questionable methods and motives, but I think it's unfair to apply such labels to all of them.

I am one of those rather vocal young people who feel very strongly about the subject of animals.

Well, for loose definitions of "young", anyway.

The people I am talking about do not make considered judgement calls. Animals + cages = bad, always. And that's the end of thought.

[Peelee]

Then what were they doing on the road?

When one walks on a road, their status becomes "pedestrian".

The people I am talking about do not make considered judgement calls. Animals + cages = bad, always. And that's the end of thought.

Ah. Extremists.

[Eldan]

But what if you then ride the elephant? What are you then? A pedestri-equestrian?

[Peelee]

But what if you then ride the elephant? What are you then? A pedestri-equestrian?

What am I then? Awesome, that's what.

[snowblizz]

But what if you then ride the elephant? What are you then? A pedestri-equestrian?

Pachydermian naturally. Like riding a horse makes something equestrian.

[ziproot]

When one walks on a road, their status becomes "pedestrian".

So the elephant was jaywalking, then. You know the rules, the first person that catches you gets a $4 million reward from the offender.

[Peelee]

So the elephant was jaywalking, then.

Or was it? Road crossings exist, and jaywalking laws in Birmingham are different than you might expect. In fact, it sounds like you are trying to maliciously prosecute my dear diving elephant. J'ACCUSE!

[ziproot]

Or was it? Road crossings exist, and jaywalking laws in Birmingham are different than you might expect. In fact, it sounds like you are trying to maliciously prosecute my dear diving elephant. J'ACCUSE!

[Dire Moose]

To be serious for a moment, I have family in the circus business, and I believe technically in the clowning business (but only family friends as clowns or ninjas).

Do you happen to know any ninja clowns? Because the thought of those actually existing terrifies me.

[Rater202]

So the elephant was jaywalking, then. You know the rules, the first person that catches you gets a $4 million reward from the offender.

Or was it? Road crossings exist, and jaywalking laws in Birmingham are different than you might expect. In fact, it sounds like you are trying to maliciously prosecute my dear diving elephant. J'ACCUSE!

April Fools aside: Jaywalking is only a crime because of a dedicated push by various lobbyists representing the automobile industry to get laws changed to clear out the roads and encourage people to buy cars.

Before, most roads and streets were built for pedestrian traffic and cars were guests on the road. If a car hit a pedestrian, it was assumed by default that the driver of the vehicle was responsible unless it could be proved otherwise.

Jaywalking laws are a combination of victim-blaming(blaming people using the streets as intended for being injured by people using the streets as not intended) and that episode of Hey Arnold where the kids clear out a community-owned vacant lot so they have a place to play baseball and then the adults in the community immediately take it over and ban the kids from playing there so that they can use the space for their own things.

Of course, nowadays many decades later "roads are for cars" is so engrained that overturning that particular bit of garbage would be dangerous.

[Khedrac]

April Fools aside: Jaywalking is only a crime because of a dedicated push by various lobbyists representing the automobile industry to get laws changed to clear out the roads and encourage people to buy cars.

And that deends on the country - it's not a crime for most roads in the UK.

I tend to think of it as "The car has the right of way in most cases, but that said, the driver really has to make sure that (s)he does not hit the pedestrian".
There is also talk of chaning the law to give pedestrians the right of way which I consider a mistake - too easy for them to deliberately block traffic.

Back the the thread - some food for thought - all these elephant jokes roc.

[Anonymouswizard]

So the elephant was jaywalking, then. You know the rules, the first person that catches you gets a $4 million reward from the offender.

I mean, jaywalking isn't a crime in sensible countries. So I'm sure Peeler is fine.

Unless the elephant was drunk. It's still known that you can't be in control of a human (or dragon) while under the influence of alcohol.

[Fyraltari]

I mean, jaywalking isn't a crime in sensible countries. So I'm sure Peeler is fine.

Peeler probably is, but Peelee does not live in a sensible country.

[Cazero]

Do you happen to know any ninja clowns? Because the thought of those actually existing terrifies me.

There is at least one.

[Anonymouswizard]

Peeler probably is, but Peelee does not live in a sensible country.

And my attempt at subtlety does right out the window. Tasted far too strong,l maybe I'll use less leaves next time.

[Eldan]

Well, elephants aren't subtle, especially when they are inside rooms. I hope you learned a lesson.