A Monster for Every Season: Summer 2
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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default The Olympics vs Zombies

    Thought experiment: which of the Olympic events would provide the best skills for zombie survival? My top 3:

    3rd position: Decathlon / Heptathlon. All round athletic expertise allows the best chance to get away from zombies. Also to be pretty deadly at throwing things at them, incidentally. Downside: no very practical zombie-fighting weapons in the discipline. (Have you ever seen a javelin in a zombie movie?)

    2nd place: [All shooting events]. I'm not sure which out of the shooting would provide the best overall skill for this, especially as I'm not a gun buff, although I'd be tempted to go for trap or skeet since you have a moving target and a shotgun is a classic zombie head popping weapon. Downside: minimal physical fitness in the discipline.

    Winner: Modern pentathlon. An often mocked multi-event, with its focus on 19th century soldiering skills, but I'd rate the combo of guns, swords, and above all running pretty highly. Horse riding and swimming are a little more niche, but have their place as well.

    Honourable mentions: Fencing events, particularly sabre (you need good all round fitness as well as being good with the weapon itself, and being good at avoiding being touched by your opponent); sailing (provides a fairly ideal getaway vehicle from zombies); rugby sevens (combination of running, strength, teamwork, and keeping your head in a pseudo-combat situation).

    Zombie chow: dressage, since dancing horses won't save you.

    Any thoughts on olympic events that I'm missing out or not giving the zombie survival credit that they deserve?
    Last edited by paddyfool; 2021-08-04 at 02:02 AM.

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    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Biathlon.

    The combination of endurance cross country and accurate shooting is exactly the answer to the extra survival pressure of zombies (even if you aren't in an area where skiing is specifically relevant, the fitness and quick switch between athletic and precision activity would still apply)

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    Eldan's Avatar

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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Biathlon/Triathlon is what I wanted to say, yes. Long distance endurance and shooting. Doesn't even matter much whether it's swimming, biking, skiing or running.
    "In dark times, should the stars also go out?"

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    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Ah, I foolishly hadn't considered the winter olympics. Biathlon would indeed be right up top of the list.

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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    My vote is for Zeus and his lightning bolts. Second place for Apollo and his arrows, and Athena with her spear.
    "Like the old proverb says, if one sees something not right, one must draw out his sword to intervene"

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    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Quote Originally Posted by Clertar View Post
    My vote is for Zeus and his lightning bolts. Second place for Apollo and his arrows, and Athena with her spear.
    The real question is whether Hades' dominion over the dead would allow him to just shut the whole zombie issue down or not.

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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Dressage is the clear winner. That dancing is actually training horses to kill people, and if you see what a kicking horse can do to a skull....
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    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Depends on what type of zombie we're talking about. I agree multi-skill sports which require all-around athleticism, such as modern pentathlon, are good. But almost any sport gives you an edge once you consider how sports are trained.

    For example, if we're talking of slow shuffler zombies? Nearly everyone training any kind of Olympic sport does endurance running for general fitness. Yes even the archers and shooters. The bar is really low for an athlete to pass.

    If it's sprinter zombies or supernatural ones? Now all bets are off, it's unclear if these kinds of zombies even get tired. Or how fast they are compared to humans.

    How easy are the zombies to kill, errr, destroy? For shooting sports, the equipment is not optimized for shooting humans, nevermind human-like creatures that might shrug off injuries, pain and shock, so even if a sport gives you the skills to handle a firearm, it might do nothing to guarantee access to a suitable firearm.

    How contagious the zombies are? If they contaminate you via biting but aren't significantly stronger than humans, you don't really need to avoid being touched. A decent set of work clothes will stop any incidental attempts at biting and virtually any contact sports athlete can beat slow zombies with impunity. But if any fluid can be dangerous or the zombification can spread through air or by mere touch, any close combat is ill-advised, even with weapons. Related, how putrescent and squishy the zombies are? If the answer is "very", any close combat will produce a lot of splatter.

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    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Quote Originally Posted by Clertar View Post
    My vote is for Zeus and his lightning bolts. Second place for Apollo and his arrows, and Athena with her spear.
    Do zombies count as mortals? Because if so Zeus doesn't have to do anything, just letting them see him in his true form will burn them to ashes.
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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Honorable mention: Gymnastics, because it overlaps well with Parkour and the ability to climb and get away in urban areas.

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    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Rugby. Comes with a group of physically powerful friends who are also fast.

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    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Quote Originally Posted by J-H View Post
    Honorable mention: Gymnastics, because it overlaps well with Parkour and the ability to climb and get away in urban areas.
    Surely climbing has a better claim for the ability to climb, though...
    Last edited by paddyfool; 2021-08-04 at 04:08 PM.

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    Ettin in the Playground
     
    GnomeWizardGuy

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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Don't underestimate dressage. Dressage means that you have excellent horsemanship and (more importantly) access to a horse in a world where supply chains are about to collapse. If you're in a city when it happens you're probably boned, but having a horse to quickly move about open countryside could be essential. Especially if you're dealing with shamblers.

    I would be more concerned about the weightlifters. Strong but slow only does you so much good against a swarm.

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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Quote Originally Posted by paddyfool View Post
    Surely climbing has a better claim for the ability to climb, though...
    I didn't know it was even an Olympic sport. It's getting silly with breakdancing and stuff.

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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Quote Originally Posted by J-H View Post
    I didn't know it was even an Olympic sport. It's getting silly with breakdancing and stuff.
    These games are the first with climbing. It is a very sporty sport.


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    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Quote Originally Posted by J-H View Post
    I didn't know it was even an Olympic sport. It's getting silly with breakdancing and stuff.
    What's your standard for silly? Because I can guarantee you that high level breakdancing will be more interesting and athletic looking to a layperson than, say, wrestling.

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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Yeh, I was going to chime in in defense of dressage as well (even though I still won't watch it voluntarily, despite my wife's efforts to the contrary)- like a lot of the oddball Olympic things, it has its roots in 19th Century military tactics; in this case, cavalry training and how to turn your horse into a weapon. Thus, it would probably take even less modification than fencing to re-purpose it for killing zombies, since the roots of dressage are moving very fast, avoiding injury to you or your animal, and kicking enemy heads clean off.

    Provided you were in a winter environment with a decent coating of ice (hello other Canadians!) hockey players would be a good bet; superb physical conditioning, incredible speed (around 32 kph, or about 20 miles per hour for the heathens ), protective gear that would probably come close to total zombie protection, a passable weapon, and blades on one's feet. Knock the zombie down (trivial for a pro hockey player, much less an Olympic-level one) and then one swift stomp to the throat to remove the head. Rinse and repeat, along with the other four guys in similar shape and identical gear.

    Other Winter Olympic stuff would be somewhat less useful; bobsledding/luging would be great for the very brief period of time you were doing a passable imitation of a very large bullet, but you run out of track rather quickly and at that point you're kinda boned. Ditto the other downhill-type stuff; ski jumping would get you clear of an initial horde, but skis are crap melee weapons and the boots would be an active hindrance in trying to run away.
    Times being what they are, the stars aligning and the End of All Things barely registered as background noise.

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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Slow zombies that can't swim? Sailing.
    A long surcote of pers upon he hade, / And by his syde he baar a rusty blade. - Chaucer

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    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Now I'm imagining what a zombie survival short film set at either the winter or summer Olympics would look like.

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Quote Originally Posted by J-H View Post
    Honorable mention: Gymnastics, because it overlaps well with Parkour and the ability to climb and get away in urban areas.
    Replace the zombies with ninjas and I'd buy that claim. It's Gymkata all over again.

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    ElfRangerGuy

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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    Dressage is the clear winner. That dancing is actually training horses to kill people, and if you see what a kicking horse can do to a skull....
    It's dressage and not as I said earlier, riverdance for horses.

    And when there's a zombie apocalypse I'm heading to the nearest cemetery for the best game of whack-a-mole ever.

    I also put my vote to decathlon/pentathlon, as those javelin skills give you good eye-hand coordination, which can also be useful for shooting other things.
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    Default Re: The Olympics vs Zombies

    I'd love to see in the movie what a hammer thrower would do to slow zombies; spinning and cutting them down by the dozens.

    Until he tires, of course.
    A long surcote of pers upon he hade, / And by his syde he baar a rusty blade. - Chaucer

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