Magic: The Gathering Thread XXV: 3 Vorthoses barely clinging to sanity and 45 Spikes

[Eldan]

Man, I want to like the idea of a LotR magic set, but so much of it looks either like generic D&D artwork, or is clearly based on the movies, not the books... far too many glowing spell effects and big spiky monsters.

[LaZodiac]

Man, I want to like the idea of a LotR magic set, but so much of it looks either like generic D&D artwork, or is clearly based on the movies, not the books... far too many glowing spell effects and big spiky monsters.

I mean, LOTR looking like generic DND is kind of a cart before the horse scenario. DND looks like LOTR because it's heavily inspired by it, and seeing it in reverse gives weird feelings.

I can't speak for how better the cards match the book or the films cause I've only ever actually seen the films, but I don't think they hew too closely to the films? They don't give the Balrog wings, for one!

[Eldan]

I don't just mean they look like D&D... they look specifically, to me, like that very specific artstyle newer D&D books have.

I mean, a lot of stuff looks more like film stuff than movie stuff, at least. The Balrog is still a giant fire demon, instead of a humanoid made of shadow. The ents are angry treemen with leaves and bark who look like Warhammer dryads, instead of big humanoids who look only faintly like trees and a lot like trolls. All the big burly orcs, some of which even look quite greenish.

What really clinched it for me, though, is that they have a card of Isildur killing Sauron by hacking his fingers off, with the shot exactly looking like in the film. In the books, he took the ring from Sauron's already cooling corpse after Gil-Galad and Elendil kill him. At that point I decided that this set is probably not for me.

[Dienekes]

I mean, LOTR looking like generic DND is kind of a cart before the horse scenario. DND looks like LOTR because it's heavily inspired by it, and seeing it in reverse gives weird feelings.

I can't speak for how better the cards match the book or the films cause I've only ever actually seen the films, but I don't think they hew too closely to the films? They don't give the Balrog wings, for one!

Eh. D&D is LotR after passing through decades of mixing with other fantasies and becoming more and more generic and forgetting the actual details of Tolkien's world.

Now, truth be told, I actually quite like this set. Sure there are some minor criticisms that irk me the wrong way (Sauron still looks ridiculous. Who the hell drew Stalwarts of Osgiliath? Did they come from Judge Dredd? Does no one understand how pauldrons work? Gimli should be Boros. The art of Erebor Firesmith is pure cowardly, but respect where respect is due Mirrormere Guardian got the right idea) but on the whole I rather like the set. But I also enjoy the LotR movies and generic fantasy worlds anyway.

But if this was going to be a real true to Tolkien's vision set, it would require scraping off a lot of the accumulated generic fantasy stuff that over time got built on top of LotR. And a lot of it did get amplified with the movies. But not all.

There's a lot of flavor and details that we just sort of accept that really don't fit the world. Tolkien had a specific frame of time that he was drawing upon with his world, and he stuck to it. That time was not some strange conglomeration of every technology used throughout the thousand years of medieval Europe. It was pretty definitively the Late Antiquity / Early Medieval period. There is no full plate harnesses in LotR. The closest we get is Haradrim being described as wearing lamellar. So everything that looks like a knight in full armor is wrong. Every breastplate, every steel accent piece that isn't a helmet, and all of those horrid pauldrons, all of them go. Mail, the occasional scale armor, and padded clothes are about all we can use. And the padded clothes aren't actually mentioned, they just fit the time period in question.

Same goes to weaponry. Tolkien was very distinctly drawing from that period so we're looking at one-handed precursors to arming swords. Gimli's axe is only mentioned as having one blade and he uses it either alone or with a shield so we're looking at something closer to a Dane Axe than anything else, which is also a weapon that fits within Tolkien's historic framework.

But beyond that, there's a lot of over embellishment and magic in the equipment. A couple of the cards show swords that clearly have design weaknesses. But ignoring that, we have a consistent theme between several of the elven swords in the set, most noticeably Sting, Glamdring, and Anduril. Only problem with that, Anduril's not an elven blade. It was put back together by elves, true, but that thing was made by the dwarves.

I'll stop talking about equipment because I'm pretty certain no one else cares.

But the set also tries to make certain mystical features more prominent. And this of course makes sense. It makes a more dynamic and in your face image for the card. I get it. But, magic in LotR is only rarely very blatant. Like, take both the Elrond cards. One has him surrounded by some vague magical blue swirls. This never happens in the books. It might be trying to represent his mastery over the rivers that swept away the nazgul. The other has him with a big silly green ball of energy to heal people, because as we know green is the color of healing. This is also completely unlike LotR, where we get some very interesting descriptions of healers at work. Green magical light is never involved. Tolkien was a soldier, his description of people being healed -even with magical means- is very tactile and grounded. They clean wounds, they add crushed herbs to disinfect, they bind them, then tell the wounded to rest for weeks while they heal.

As Eldan already mentioned, orcs, goblins, Balrogs, trolls, and ents don't look like that. But more subtly neither do halflings. There's a few cards like Nimble Halfling, Saradoc, Shire Sheriff, Merry, Pippin that try to make hobbits look lean and agile and kinda cool. That wasn't the point of halflings. Frodo is described as the skinniest of the halflings, and he's still got a pot belly. Halflings are short happy plump little fellows. They're whole narrative purpose was showing how great things can come from people who are ordinary, less than ordinary, from the weak, from those entirely unsuited to being badasses. This pretty continuously gets toned down when people draw them, because I don't know, drawing little fat folk isn't exactly exciting and heroic. Which is precisely the point of them.

That does however make them difficult to portray in a game that centers on combat. Like MTG does and D&D does. They pretty consistently get heroic qualities added to them as a species.

Or the need to make things memorable and dramatic, when Tolkien often wrote things as grounded and mysterious.

The phrase "Second Breakfast" never appears in the text.

And that's just what I know off the top of my head. I'm certain the more knowledgeable people could point out more.

That said, there are definitely some rather deep cuts in this showing as well. Ioreth appears in like 1 chapter. I honestly forgot about Imrahil until this set. They got Tom Bombadil's design pretty well, admittedly, that's helped because he sings about how he looks makes it pretty easy to pick up the details. And while we're on him, Goldberry has her crown of some kind of plant. In Tolkien's poem it's described as wild-roses. I'm not sure if that's what those things on her head are, because I know nothing about botany. But plant crown, I'm willing to give it to them. They have the Scouring of the Shire, and I actually quite like the art of Nasty End. Bilbo Baggins getting his elventy-first birthday and having a party with everyone invited is some of the best flavor wins for a card I've ever seen. I love it.

There's a lot I quite like about the set. But, yeah, if people start complaining that it's failed to meet the expectations of a truly Tolkien focused work, I can't really blame them.

[Eldan]

Yes. All that, thank you. I don't have anything against modern fantasy, but it's not what Tolkien wrote.

[JNAProductions]

Two questions related to Omnath:

1) What's the lore behind them?
2) How would one go about building "Omnath's Praetor Party"? This would be a Commander deck with Omnath, Locus Of All as the Commander, all 15 Phyrexian Praetors in the deck, and Realmbreaker to get them all on the field. Assume no budget, because I usually play on Cockatrice and so don't have to worry about physical cards.

[LaZodiac]

Two questions related to Omnath:

1) What's the lore behind them?
2) How would one go about building "Omnath's Praetor Party"? This would be a Commander deck with Omnath, Locus Of All as the Commander, all 15 Phyrexian Praetors in the deck, and Realmbreaker to get them all on the field. Assume no budget, because I usually play on Cockatrice and so don't have to worry about physical cards.

Omnath is a wild magical elemental representing Zendikar's abundant mana. She is a destructive being composed of chaos itself, featuring into many Zendikar creation myths, and is believed to be the origin of all mana on the plane- in effect being the culmination of all the plane's leylines given form. Omnath was originally sealed in a prison that needed to be tented to every twoish years, but the Rise of the Eldrazi broke her free and now she's running wild, slowly absorbing mana into herself until she becomes stronger and stronger, causing chaos in her wake as she does her best to fight against the Eldrazi threat. She's finally gotten a bit of black mana from Phyrexia compleating her, but with New Phyrexia phased out he's likely out cold.

I don't have the ability to comment on deck building.

[Just to Browse]

I would go with a green ramp shell with rainbow lands. Every good 1- and 2-mana green ramp effect, Bloom Tender, a bunch of black tutors, and cheap blue countermagic to back up your moves.

Here is a possible list. Since budget isn't an issue, you can replace those shocks with OG duals.

[Emmerlaus]

Utterly disappointed at the Commander Master spoilers released. The precon turns out to be overpriced and disappointing too. I was interested in Titan of Lit for one of my deck but its listed at 25$ at my LGS... yeah no thx. Its not worth my money. And I dont play eldrazis so not interested in the last precon anyway.

Well my wallet can breath then at least, That's a plus.

[Spore]

Kinda duelled my friend with some commander decks yesterday and today. He is overwhelmed, but simultaneously very happy with the card variety. And we noticed the decks are just weird in a two player format. What singleton decks with interesting interactions (please not removal or counterspell-heavy) in the budget area are out there?

(sleeved) Commander decks are kinda hard to shuffle for him, so I prefer a 60 card singleton deck with mostly cheapish cards. He does enjoy "smart" plays to brunt "I play a creature and tap it to murderize you" decks.

I feel RDW Budget is my jam: https://mtgazone.com/deck/budget-mon...ric-singleton/

I want two other decks in the 20-25ish dollar range (at max!) I feelt maybe Elfball, mono white weenies or blue/white fliers/evasion creatures/merfolk would entice him.

[Dienekes]

Utterly disappointed at the Commander Master spoilers released. The precon turns out to be overpriced and disappointing too. I was interested in Titan of Lit for one of my deck but its listed at 25$ at my LGS... yeah no thx. Its not worth my money. And I dont play eldrazis so not interested in the last precon anyway.

Well my wallet can breath then at least, That's a plus.

As far as it goes, I’ll admit some surprise the character renown for being the guardian of all books and the editor of stories seems to have no interaction with any of the mechanics generally associated with storytelling in favor of just being good with other planeswalkers.

Which is even more amusing considering of all the planeswalkers he met only Bo Levar actually seemed to like him.

[LaZodiac]

I WAKE FROM HYPER SLEEP TO BRING NEWS OF THE GATHERING.

Important **** first and foremost; Upcoming sets after Lost Caverns of Ixalan and the upcoming Wilds of Eldraine include...

1: Return to Return to Return to Return to Ravnica - Murders at Karlov Manor, a non guild set focused around a murder mystery at the Orzhov patriarch leader's former abode. Also includes a Cludo variant!

2: OUTLAWS OF THUNDER JUNCTION, the long awaited wild west plane. From what we see in the preview images we're gonna get native american themed badasses, Rakdos might have quit the guild to become a cowboy, and someone who might be Vraska is here...? The mysteries abound. Oko is also here and if he ruins this set I'll ****ing kill him.

3: Bloomburrow! A cute animal-plane that is definitely Redwall esque, with NO humans at all! Excited for this one for many reasons, primarily because we'll finally get a planeswalker that isn't humanoid.

4: Duskmourn, House of Horrors. A plane that is entirely one gigantic modern horror mansion. Fascinating a thing to exist, especially given Murders at Karlov Manor is here, but sure.

5: We're gonna get a return to Tarkir, Lorwyn/Shadowmoor, and Arcavios in the coming two years! Neat!

6: We're also going to be getting an outer space plane, and my favorite- a THREE PLANE LONG DEATH RACE, with vehicles from every corner ofe the multiverse competing. There will be two planes we've seen before, and one plane we've only seen in premier sets. People who have a better head for numbers, run the odds on what plane it'll be.

Beyond (heh) all that, we've got the following Universe Beyonds to look forward to/deride for some reason.

1: Jurrasic Park cards, coming with Lost Caverns of Ixalan!

2: Fallout as its own bespoke product. S- sure... I guess.

3: Assassin's Creed as its own bespoke eproduct??? Sure, I guess???

4: This is just speculation but I can basically guarantee that there'll be Redwall cards with Bloomburrow, and maybe Wacky Races with the death race.

5: Bespoke Final Fantasy product! Woo!

There was also information about what Lost Caves of Ixalan and Wilds of Eldraine would have in them, but I forgot to post about it here due to severe depression. They're good though, Ashiok is thriving and the emphasis on fairy tales is going to make Eldraine awesome, and Ixalan revealing it has a secret Hollow Earth where Mexicans live is ****ing hilariously stupid in the best ways possible.

[enderlord99]

I've been certain for a while that the upcoming Ixalan set will have Quint as the planeswalker card in it.

[LaZodiac]

I've been certain for a while that the upcoming Ixalan set will have Quint as the planeswalker card in it.

Yeah that's basically just a given at this point. We've been advised only one planeswalker per set now, and Huatli lost her spark, and also it's exploring the ancient ruins and catacombs of a plane with deep, rich history. Our baby elephant boy is gonna be there and probably get pulled into a four way fight for Inner Mexico's magical rocks. Poor ****ing kid.

[enderlord99]

Also, when you said "we'll finally get a planeswalker htat isn't humanoid" my first thought was "we had two dragons for a while, and we might still have Grist"

[LaZodiac]

Also, when you said "we'll finally get a planeswalker htat isn't humanoid" my first thought was "we had two dragons for a while, and we might still have Grist"

While you're right about Grist, please consider that Nicky B and Ugin look like hideous man-dragons. I don't mind this, but a lot of people have risen a big ole stink about how this doesn't technically count.

All that which is to say: I hope the planeswalker in Burrow is just the cutest little dog ever. Give us Missile the Planeswalker.

[enderlord99]

While you're right about Grist, please consider that Nicky B and Ugin look like hideous man-dragons. I don't mind this, but a lot of people have risen a big ole stink about how this doesn't technically count.

All that which is to say: I hope the planeswalker in Burrow is just the cutest little dog ever. Give us Missile the Planeswalker.

I agree on all counts.

Does Azor also count, or does the fact that he's only been a Creature on-card mean otherwise?

[LaZodiac]

I agree on all counts.

Does Azor also count, or does the fact that he's only been a Creature on-card mean otherwise?

He would count if not for lacking a spark, yeah. Most of the folk raising a fuss over it want an at least semi recurring non-human walker in some capacity, though some would be satisfied if Azor got a card. Or Cruicus for that matter, the sphinx from Alara that never got a card.

[Emmerlaus]

I just want Doctor Who spoilers to end so that Winds of Eldraine spoilers can start.

Sure Im excited about some of those news but first, I dont know if I'll like those set or if WOTC is going to give them justice... and most of those are so far away in time that I'll probably forgot about them soon until Eldraine is over with lol

[Androgeus]

I just want Doctor Who spoilers to end so that Winds of Eldraine spoilers can start.

Doctor Who stuff was just from a panel at SDCC, it wasn't full spoiler season. Eldraine spoilers start next Tuesday. Doctor Who spoilers won't start again till like mid September probably. (long live eternal spoiler season)

Here's Maro's Teaser for Wilds of Eldraine if you missed it.

[LaZodiac]

Welcome, oh friends, to this WOEful tale of fantasy, knights, fae and witches. The Wilds of Eldraine story begins now!

Spoiler: WOE EP1: Will and Rowan's incredibly terrible couple of months, special guest staring the actual protagonist

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Episode 1: Pure of Heart

We open with Rowan and Will, meeting with a former Emberath knight turned bandit queen, Imodane. In the months after the end of the Phyrexian invasion, Will has become the Boy King, High King (acting) of Eldraine's courts... courts that are barely standing, given Emberath and Lochtwain are both gone, Ardenvale castle is a ruined mess, and Vantress is seemingly the only one still functioning in any real capacity. Will wants to unite the people, Rowan wants to fight people who are threatening townsfolk instead of forging alliances, and both are pretty traumatized by everything- though we only get Rowan's perspective on this so far, with her VERY clearly suffering from severe PTSD.

Will offers to duel Imodane for an exchange of loyalty, hoping to prove he isn't a pathetic little boy (he's like 20ish at best and Imodane's hammer is larger than he is). The fight immediately goes sour, and Rowan has a PTSD encouraged break down, something far more than lightning coming forth from within her- my guess is, her rage and sorrow is fueling the witch-blood within her, and without her spark in the way it's flowing freely now. She lashes out to help Will... and cleaves a ****ing mountain in two. This works at scaring off Imoden (who goes on to have an encounter with Lord Talion that probably spells her death, rip to a real one), and only makes the blood worse between these two twins.

Back at the castle Rowan insists that they should just leave Eldraine. Strixhaven taught them to find magic solutions to stuff, lets go **** off to another plane and find some magic solutions! Will is insistant that as the High King he can't leave, and that the allies they DO have are starting to doubt him because instead of fighting honourably his sister, I cannot state this enough, CLEAVED A MOUNTAIN IN TWO. Rowan is frustrated, tries to planeswalk- and in focusing, has a flashback to their parents dying. Notably, she calls Linden her step-mother, despite the fact that their actual birth mother was intending to eat them and Linden is far more respectable a mom and had taken care of her since birth basically. More witch blood problems, perhaps? Anyway, when the trauma flash leaves she realizes that the spark she and her brother shared is gone, and just walks the **** out.

... meanwhile, the actual hero of the story, Kellan, is having his own adventures on the edge of Eldraine's Realm. He's half fey (according to his mom) and bullied constantly by ****ty kids who drop cold iron nails and yew shavings on him, figuring it'll mess him up. It does, for the normal reasons of "dumping a bucket of nails on a person will hurt them". His parents (a step dad and his birth mother) love him very much though, and insist that he shouldn't listen to bullies or the feeling in his head that says that the woods are were he belongs. Then, during one of his New Moon trips to an old oak tree to hear stories from his mom, he encounters a gate leading to Lord Talion's palace, and they ask if Kellan is pure of heart (well, true of heart. There's some stuff I'll get into after this recap...). Kellan isn't sure, but he'd like to be, and after some fae based conversations and deal making, Kellan decides to perform the task Talion has for him.

Three witches must be slain, for they are the ones who afflicted Eldraine with The Wicked Slumber. Do this and be rewarded. Pretty basic, but likely far more complicated in the doing. Good luck Kellan!

And that's the story! Thoughts time;

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overall a pretty solid beginning to this story. I love the framing of Rowan's ptsd, I love how the consequences of Phyrexia's invasion are very visible. I like Kellan, he's a good kid!

There's some issues though. Namely... there's some minor formatting issues through the story. Like, two lines are missing one word each and that's Weird. Also, the fae lord that meets Imodane is definitely intended to be Talion, but asks if she's "pure of heart", like the story is called. But Talion asks Kellan if he's "true of heart" which is, not what the story is called. There's also mention of Will having a black eye from the fight with Imodane, when she never even struck him- she swung and he barely avoided it, but that was the entire exchange. Maybe during the fight with her men once she went running caused it, but that feels inconsistent with how it is written. It's just a minor bit of faltering in an otherwise great story.

Gonna compliment sandwhich this- the reveal of how Rowan used lightning to cleave a mountain in two ****ing ruled. The turns of phrase that K.A. Rivera uses are stylish, and she really knows how to make this feel like a (somewhat warped) fairy tale. It's a good showing all around, and I'm excited for the next chapter! Also, yay for the nonbinary fey lord.

[enderlord99]

I am posting so Zodi can continue without it being a double-post.
Wait, I need to actually say something.
The upcoming version of Ashiok seems neat.

[LaZodiac]

Thank you, Enderlord. LET US RESUME, assuming anyone actually cares, hehe.

Spoiler: WOE EP2: WOLF KNIGHT WOLF KNIGHT WOLF KNIGHT

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Episode 2: Wandering Knight, Budding Hero

Rowan's side first; she's doing the wandering hero saving the day thing. Today's most recent saved day is a cute spider woman who teaches her how to weave and absolutely hits on her. Being Rowan is weird, but not unenjoyable... sometimes, anyway. But she's not finding anything, and not doing much more than helping individual people. It's starting to grate on her, and she's starting to run out of juice. Thankfully, Royse (the spider woman in question) directs her to an ancient castle that might help her out?

Unfortunately that's a bust... but she does fall asleep on a nice bed there, and have a dream of dancing with her dead parents, and being directed to Ardenvale castle to find her blood. Steeling herself, she begins to return home.

Over with Kellan, he's been running around trying to find witches- and mostly finding chefs, since a lot of witch magic comes from cooking and brewing and as his mom always said, that sorta stuff is the closest normal folk get to witch-magic. Eventually however, he meets Ruby- a red-riding hooded lass his age who thinks he's going to get his dumb self killed by witches because he's going around asking about them so of course they're gonna notice and find him. She more or less forces herself onto Kellan's team, but she's pretty and competent and throws apples at pixies so she kicks ass.

Less awesome (for them, anyway) is that as they head off into the woods to find the rumoured witch Ruby knows about... they encounter a knight in Wolven armour, who is so so so ****ing cool. Oh my god I love this. The Big Bad Wolf Knight is probably one of my favorite King Arthur/Fairy Tale combos here, and it is incredible. It also terrifies our heroes, who could probably fight off a reasonable sized dog (even if Kellan's weapons, a pair of oaken basket hilts with nothing coming out of them who can boomerang to him if thrown) but have NO chance against a knight in full plate.

Thankfully, in all their running, they encounter some Witchstalkers (strange plant like creatures that eat magic things) that distract the Wolf Knight... AND find the brambly manse of the first witch. She's singing about cooking a knight (Imodan!) and having a good time, and she's so distracted that after some faffing about figuring out what to do (Kellan is a large proponent of the "Something something something, we win" stratagem) the Wold Knight returns, and he's forced to put his plan into action.

which is to say, sneak up on the witch and shove her into his cauldron, which immediately melts her to death. Jeez! This frees the Wolf Knight from her ensorceling- turns out he's Ruby's brother Peter, who I have to imagine has picked a peck of pickled peppers once or twice in his life. Talion's court appears to just, take the witch's cauldron as sign of this leg of the journey being complete, and gives Kellan the next leg of the journey; bean stalk time, to find the magic mirror that has been stolen by giants, and use it to find Not Elsa.

Imodan and Peter sadly sit it out, too injured from their various encounters with the fae and each other.

And that's the story! My thoughts:

Spoiler

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Pretty good and enjoyable! I like the story concepts and I like how they're playing out. I like Kellan and his fumbling around Ruby, who is far and away a stand out in the writing, is adorkable. Rowan's wandering path of lightning-smeared darkness is fascinating, if a bit sad. Uncle Garruk please come collect your niece and remind her of how bad corruptive magic is to the soul.

Ultimately, I don't think this story is GREAT, but it's really nice and enjoyable and "easy", for lack of a better term, only really extending into the heavy stuff with Rowan's severe PTSD and pain from rejection, and if that's how this full story holds throughout it'll be fine. Ironically, this means it'll have the same vibe as the original Eldraine novel, which I liked well enough but wouldn't call fantastic by any measure.

And now today's story!

Spoiler: WOE EP3: The Unending Suffering of Queer Rejection and Menacing Geese

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EPISODE 3: Two Great Banquets

Opening with Rowan again. She approaches Ardenvale, a horrific ruin of what it once was. It's surrounded by Phyrexian carcasses, and a fine mist, and up above it are swirls of the Wicked Slumber that are so emblematic of its taint. Rowan feels the lightning growing inside her, and makes her way inside.

Inside is, unsurprisingly, full of sleeping knights, all of Ardenvale- almost all of which she knows. The Slumber seeps into them like puppet strings and the knights night-fight our bright and plucky protagonist, and eventually she resorts to her witch-bolts. They're sleeping so they won't get all that hurt from falling (gotta keep loose in situations like this, as one of the men she strikes down had taught her) and she's keeping control enough that she won't cleave a man in two next. But each shot is stronger, and each shot feels better, more thrilling, than the last.

Then she reaches the ball room, where she's moss-pitted by a bunch of dancing nobility, sword stolen and forced to dance with who we learn is Ashiok, puppeteering the Wicked Slumber afflicted with their nightmare magic. They're having a wonderful time in this paradise, their good friend Eriette being the one responsible, and the one to draw Rowan here, since that dream Rowan had last time was sent by Ashiok expressly for her. Ashiok even lets her have her sword back as she shows her to way to the Ardent Queen, who resides within the heart of Ardenvale.

Eriette's first words are to ask if people ever tell Rowan looks like her mother. A potentially rude thing given the Kenrith's are that exact meme of blonde-haired blue-eyed people with intense stares looking like absolute alien freaks... and Queen Linden was a big beautiful black woman. But no, no, she means her actual mother- or more directly, her sister. Cause yes it turns out the family resemblance Eriette has with the twins is not a case of "oh their mom survived" like we'd thought, but instead she's just a wine-drinking auntie.

Long story short; assuming Eriette is telling the truth, she didn't intend for the Wicked Slumber to spread to other people. It was a full on accident. All she wanted to do was protect her home, like Rowan does. But then she realized something about the Slumber... those who fall within it dream only of those they love and lost the most, having an eternal happiness with them. And giving Eriette some physical labour that is easy to control and requires next to no maintenance, because ultimately she DOES want to rule, but everything she does she does for love of the Realm and its people.

And with Rowan's witch-blood, they might be able to direct it, control it, so all those who wish to dream can do so. And those who don't... well, I mean, that's fine. They don't have to dream. It's okay. If it weren't for the fact that Erietta is THE Snow White villain, known almost entirely by the name "The Evil Queen", I'd potentially buy this. But don't make deals with witches- they're like demons, but folksy, and know how to manipulate far better than some horned hot-head.

Unfortunately Rowan is severely depressed, traumatized, and facing rejection for being "different" and "wrong" and all of her family wants to help "fix" her and wow it's interesting to see a queer narative play out with a canonically bisexual person who has basically never faced discrimination before. Anyway the point is- she thinks auntie has a point, after all that buttering up. The Slumber brings happiness to people who need it, and WAS a good thing since it stopped Phyrexia. So she bends a knee to the Ardent Queen, and becomes her most steadfast, mountain-cleavingest knight.

Meanwhile; Kellan and Ruby present Jack and the Beanstalk. They hired Troyan, the Ravnican Vedalken, to assist, and he's doing a decent job of... not, helping in any real way beyond showing them the path. About half way up the damn thing they point this out and he's like, okay sure fine, and gives them both potions that temporarily inflict them with a Simic like mutation of Frog, and they leap up the rest of the way toooo, Stormkeld, the giant mansion that holds the Magic Mirror.

Thankfully, sneaking around won't be THAT tricky, they're having a waltz today, so everyone is quite distracted... except for Beluna, the matriarch of the giants. It's her birthday, you see, so she was busy getting ready along side her giant goose, and unfortunately comes across our heroes (after we learn that poor Kellan has been menaced by geese his entire life, on top of all the ****ty bullies. Incredible). It seems our heroes are about to meet a grisly fate, no matter how polite Kellan is (he even wishes her a happy birthday!), when Yorvo, King of Giants, master of Gurenburg... abandoner of Gurenburg as it turns out too. He encourages Beluna to let the poor little ones go. She protests since it's her birthday she should get to do what she wants, but eventually Yorvo convinces her that these three can't even LIFT the damn mirror, so you really don't have any fear of them stealing it anyway.

He does this for them partly because he's such a jolly green giant, and partly because Kellan explains he's working for Talion. Yorvo asks he wish Talion well for is sake, glad they're finally back from their long trip. Which... raises questions, that I'll bring up in the post story.

So, begrudgingly, our heroes meet the mirror. But now to find a secret to tell it... thankfully Troyan shows he's worth his money's worth, since he has a pretty quick and easy one; he's not from Eldraine! They're told to go to the Loch Larent to find Not Elsa, and our story ends as our heroes begin the next leg of their adventure!

And that's today's story! Thoughts:

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Like last week's pretty good all around. The most important vibe for Eldraine's stories is that I feel they really ought to feel a bit like fairy tales... and they do! It makes it a bit hard to get SUPER invested in them, but ultimately it's for the good of the story. Little tales that have a touch of darkness but in the end always embody some degree of light, that's how Eldraine should be, and how it has been- this chapter being the darkest what with Rowan finally succumbing to her inner sadness. Rowan's half of things covers the lightness and comedy well though.

I especially like the depth for Eriette here- assuming she's being fully forthright, she's not even EVIL. She made the Slumber out of the goodness of her heart to protect the plane she loves, and it worked. It just started spreading to others and she didn't quite know why, but it gives people happiness so she's okay with that. The power and ruler-ship she craves does make her lean towards the mad-and-crazy-witch vibes, but she's not malicious about things. Very manipulative though, and very not trustworthy.

Speaking of untrustworthy- Talion, the Kindly Lord, who they mentioned is meant to be the analogue to the villain of Sleeping Beauty, Maleficent. But everything they're doing, it seems, comes from a place of good. Except... if Eriette really does mean good by what she's doing, then in a way it kind of is evil, in a ****ed up fae sort of sense.

But then another thought struck me, when Yorvo mentioned Talion's been away on a long trip. There's... no where to GO, necessarily. Where did Talion GO on their long trip. The only answer I can think of is... Talion is Ashiok, and we're getting another "planeswalker pretending to be a creature" thing, like with The Blind Seer and Tibalt's stint as Loki.

If this turns out to be true I'll be thrilled, if also annoyed because I wanna see Ashiok's home plane and if it turns out that plane is Eldraine I'll be a little bummed. But also Ashiok is one of my favorites and seeing them thrive and **** around has been a joy, so that's good.

[Androgeus]

Totally not a post so LaZodiac can post :P

Also a bunch of leaks for Wilds of Eldraine

[LaZodiac]

Not gonna look at those leaks myself, and I'd encourage the same because hey; card reveals are starting literally tomorrow, you can wait like a day.

Anyway, Episode Floor time!

Spoiler: WOE EP4: Frozen x RWBY fanfic better than either properties

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Episode 4: Ruby and the Frozen Heart

We open on our brave heroes returning from the beanstalk... to discover that Edgewall, the town they'd been operating out of, has been stricken by the Wicked Slumber something fierce. The number of people asleep is nigh uncountable. This is uh... concerning. It also elicits conversation about what it actually means to be a hero, triggered by Ruby warning Kellan to avoid touching one of the spirally threads of magic wafting up from the sleepers.

The long and short of it, is that neither of our heroes really feel like one. Ruby doesn't think she's a hero at all, despite all she's done, because people like Kellan and Peter are the real heroes. There's an unstated feeling that she considers herself... unimportant, or cowardly in her pragmatism that invalidates herself as a hero. Kellan and Peter do what they do because it's the right thing to do, while she acts purely in self interest. Kellan meanwhile feels he hasn't properly become a hero yet- he can't use his swords, he doesn't know if he can fight even if he COULD, he doesn't feel like he's done much of anything. A hero, to him, is someone who always strives to help everyone the best they can and does no wrong, which he doesn't feel he meets the match of just yet. He hopes to, one day.

Peter, for his part, thinks they're just kids, and warns them as such. Imodane has been to the ice castle on the Loch Laurent, and according to her she couldn't manage more than fourty paces across the drawbridge, comparing it to being far worse than even surviving within the Wilds... and given she has fire magic, that's concerning. He is fully against them going to do this, unless they're fully and properly prepared and follow his rules. A big bear-fur cloak for Ruby, and the demand that if she loses feeling in her nose she is to return and let him do this, and a great wool coat/cloak for Kellan... which makes him groan as he recognizes it as wool from his home town, seemingly inescapable.

The next morning, before they go, however... they're treated to a gift.

All the kids left awake are gathered about outside, in front of a puppet show. A puppet show depicting a brave wool-coat wearing hero and his ruby-hooded partner, taking down the horrid witch Agatha. The crowd is full of people in similar coats and hoods- an equal mixture across gender lines too, which was a fun thing for the story to note. This fills Kellan's heart... but more so fills Ruby's, who sees this and is unquestionably made aware of the fact that she is an honest to gods Hero. It's enheartening, heart-warming... and something they'll need in the journey to come.

Said journey starts off okay enough. The cold is harsh but they can joke around about it. They even tease the idea of maybe Troyan, their beanstalk guide, popping out of a snowbank to encourage them to do more climbing. Kellan kinda hopes he does, he'd love to learn more about this Ravnica place he's from. Ruby thinks he was just lying though- it tricked the mirror well enough, but she's not fooled. After all, who the **** ever heard of a PAIN CIRCUS before??

However, as the march towards the ice castle (which is rather esoteric and incomplete in design, stairways leading to nowhere and stuff), the voice of Hylda, the Not-Elsa, carries towards them on the wind, warning them. Their age will not save them from the fate all who approach her suffer. And suffer they do, as the snowstorm grows stronger with each step... eventually culminating in two soldiers of ice appearing before them. When all hope is lost, Kellan begs for help from his dad... and the basket hilt swords come to life, and he makes short work of the ice-knights.

Only to then fall asleep exhausted after activating his shikai for the first time. Poor lad.

The rest of the story becomes Ruby's, as she carries the fragile little half-fae on her back. As she marches, Hyla bombards her with taunts... taunts that turn to questions, of why she carries such a weigh on her back, and why she's willing to sacrifice herself for others. Ruby has a response for each- that it is the right thing to do. She also returns a few barbs of her own, namely that Hylda, for someone so powerful... hasn't just outright killed her yet, despite how easy it would be. Which can only mean one thing; she's LONELY.

Hyla pushes her over with a gust of wind for that... but that's also ALL she does.

Eventually, Ruby reaches the drawbridge... and it is BRUTAL. Eventually she collapses, and has to crawl. She is certain she will die, but believes that if her warmth sticks with Kellan, when he awakes he'll be so close to the end, he'll be able to reach it. Just, a little... more.

Then she finds herself holding a hand, and passing out, as Hylda admits Ruby was right, makes the snow storm stop, and gives 'em both a little mwah on the forehead to bless them with protection against ice. Ruby then passes out.

When they both next awake, Hylda explains the situation. No she's not going to eat them- that's an Agatha thing, she's just like that- but her other sisters are also kinda, ****ty. She figures Eriette must be manipulating the Slumber some way to cause all the bad stuff happening, hunting for power. Her dead sister was going to eat some children of hers for immortality but she got pushed down a well and stabbed to death so it's fine. all Hylda wanted though was... to be left alone.

As it turns out, solitude has its down sides. The awkward, a-social way Hylda is depicted makes me want to give her the biggest hug, the poor girl.

Ruby is hesitant to believe any of this, but Kellan is chill about it. To prove it, Hylda gives them two rewards- her crown, proof of her 'defeat'. Ruby protests this, since she's still AROUND, she's not, defeated, she could still be evil, and Hylda contests that naw, she just won't be. It's fine. The second piece of information is something we the audience already knew- the Wicked Slumber was a joint operation, made by the three witches and the fae lords. Had it been just the four of the sisters, they could hve done it alone... but without the Kenrith's birth mother, they were doomed. Talion, meanwhile, couldn't do anything themself to stop this... but knew how to make bargains.

So together, the four caused the Wicked Slumber.

This... strikes Kellan HARD, the poor lad. This means Talion lied by omission. This means Talion could have been lying about other things. It could mean this is all some ruse on him. When they bring the crown to Talion... he confronts the so called Kindly Lord.

Talion, for their part, is very open about this. Yeah, they neglected to mention their own part in this curse, but who cares? Heroes want to be used, why should he care? Does a sword question whence the blood flows? And if you're so upset about it, are you going to do the objectively wrong thing and STOP saving the realm?

This... frustrates, poor Kellan. Talion just kinda smirks and figures their point has been made. They tell them the next and final witch is in Ardenvale ruins, good luck, please be quick about it, and when the fey court crumbles back to the melting remains of Hylda's castle, Kellan breaks down sobbing.

And that's the story. My thoughts?

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This is the best chapter of the story by far, truly heart-wrenchingly emotional, very funny, and very moving. The puppet show of heroics got to me, the comedy of Hylda just being a shut-in with anxiety is hilarious and sympathetic, and Kellan realizing just how ****ing ****ty Fae can be is just, so very tragic. Excellent story.

[Dienekes]

I’ll also admit to liking this story. Quite a bit more than the end of the New Phyrexian arc, and more than the first Eldraine story. We have some actual fae manipulation, underlying of politics in a feudal realm (though I kinda wish they’d go even harder on that), with interesting takes on good old fairy tale silliness.

Surprising because I usually do not like the twins as protagonists. But this is good.

[LaZodiac]

I’ll also admit to liking this story. Quite a bit more than the end of the New Phyrexian arc, and more than the first Eldraine story. We have some actual fae manipulation, underlying of politics in a feudal realm (though I kinda wish they’d go even harder on that), with interesting takes on good old fairy tale silliness.

Surprising because I usually do not like the twins as protagonists. But this is good.

To be fair the twins aren't really, protagonists here. Will is a side character doing his own thing, this was primarily Rowan's story, up until her face-heel turn thanks to Auntie Eriette. The real like, protagonists, are Kellan and Ruby, and they are delightful.

[Dienekes]

To be fair the twins aren't really, protagonists here. Will is a side character doing his own thing, this was primarily Rowan's story, up until her face-heel turn thanks to Auntie Eriette. The real like, protagonists, are Kellan and Ruby, and they are delightful.

That’s very fair.

[LaZodiac]

And so our tale draws to a close, as the finale of WOE arrives.

Spoiler: My Condolences To People Who Dislike Elks

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Episode 5: Broken Oaths

We open on our heroes, Kellan and Ruby, heading to castle Ardenvale. Hylda made Ruby a massive great-sword of ice after she asked for a blade "as big as she was" and it is fantastic. But Kellan himself is... sad. Somber. Resigned. He is doing the Good Thing because it Must Be Done, but that doesn't mean he has to like it. The infiltrate the castle via the last of their frog potion, and meet... Rowan, surrounded by strands of Wicked Slumber. Rowan has the smallest bit of hope that hey maybe Rowan can help us too she's a hero and one of the twins, it'll be fine!

She blasts them with sleep-lightning. Being Kellan is suffering.

When they wake up, Will and his army- led by Imodane- are charging the castle. Rowan goes forth with the dreamers alongside her, puppeteered by Eriette... but despite Rowan's rage and lightning and fury and talks of power above all else and despair at being abandoned for being a little weird, they along are just not strong enough to beat Will and his forces. Dreamers die, Rowan is outsmarted and frozen to the floor by her brother, and Eriette for all her magical might can't control an army and fend off two kids- especially when one has a zweihander made of never-melt-ice. She can't even fry those who she feels dispised her such, Will's ice shielding them.

Then Ashiok returns, and the dreamers surge. They are the strongest one here, and Rowan is filled with confidence. This means she can win, this means she can delay until Ashiok tucks them all in to bed and they can actually work on saving the realm! Will blasts some ice at her, which she easily dodges.

But it was never aimed at her anyway. Ashiok gets hit real hard in the chest with a snow ball who ouch ooh and poof into shadowy mist, running away (I kid of course this probably did some serious damage, the ice coasting their chest, it's just really funny that Ashiok is so fragile that a single solid blow took them out for a bit. Wizards, my friends- remember to prepare Shield.) Ruby puts her blade to Eriette's throat (and not through it) and Eriette sends a message to Rowan; surrender and regroup.

Rowan cannot do this. Surrendering means her brother has quelled his rebel sister and graciously forgave her her transgressions. This will empower his status as High King so much. So she lightning-bolt jumps her way out of there- Will reaching out to her to stop her, but fear at what his sister has become making him unable to cross the distance. She goes to rest, recover, and one day bring the blessed slumber to Eldraine... but for now, she needs a nap.

With the witch apprehended, Will celebrates our heroes, and Ruby revels in. Kellan, however, slips off into the fae world, to make his way home.

And so he does. His home has not changed, in any way... save for himself. His parents greet him, it's all smiles and warmth, and a new coat- so beautiful that it'd look resplendent even in the highest courts. His step-father steps out to deal with some stuff, and so... conversation begins. Kellan would like to hear about his dad, and his mom is ready- though she imagines Talion told him well enough, she wants him to know her father through her eyes.

Except Talion didn't tell him. Kellan said he didn't want a boon. I, guess this is the oath breaking in the title, since literally quite nothing in this chapter that makes that title make sense. Regardless, he only wants to hear about his dad from his mom.

And??? IT'S????????? ****ING OKO!?!?!??!!?!?????

The sweetest and most purest child has a dad who is perhaps one of the worst characters in Magic, one of the modern story's nastiest bastards, one of my least favorite characters in the entire series. THAT Oko? REALLY????

Anyway, the story as it goes is this. Kellan's mother was a witch's apprentice, who one day ran into the twiggy little fae, whose handsome looks and propensity to not wear shirts attracted her eye. He told her stories of his home, a Realm beyond this, a different plane entirely- where fae ruled man. There's some confusion here, because he goes on to complain about how it's weird we can't yell at the Fae Lords or try to contest them, but also the "where fae ruled man" thing is DIRECTLY a ****ing bald-faced lie about his actual history, since Oko's ignition is directly known as being "his plane persecuted fae creatures and his spark ignites when they went to decapitate him for wanton murder, violence, and assault of a less than board safe variety".

But she didn't know that part of him yet, and did not have any way of knowing he lied, so they became quick loves. He eventually helped her out of the witch's servitude (congrats Oko you did one good thing in your entire life) and then taught her more magic and stuff.

And, when people learned she was a witch- even just an apprentice of five years, and thus shunned her, Oko tortured them. If he had his way he'd have razed entire towns in response to the slightest rudeness and seclusion she faced.

Kellan's mother realized "oh, oh he's awful" and dumped his ass, and he left. Later Kellan was born, and virtually everyone in town who shunned her warmed up to the lovely old weaver woman and her sheep and she even got a real father to take care of her boy, proving Oko's truly just the worst and wrong in every instance.

Kellan doesn't quite pick up "oh my birth dad's a piece of ****" though, and goes to bed that night agonizing over the worrying question of "why did Dad never come to see me? Am I not important or good enough?"

And look, buddy. Friend. I know where you're coming from. He shows up three years ago to ask your Mom if she wants to become the new queen of Eldraine and she says no and he doesn't visit you. Bu you've gotta understand bud, he was busy torturing Garruk and trying to destabilize the entire plane, bringing endless ruin and death upon it, because he thinks King Arthur is dumb. He had no time between being the ****tiest anarchist in existence to go see a child he doesn't care about in the slightest.

But, the worry keeps him up at night, and so he leaves on a midnight walk... and finds an omenpath. Telling himself he'll be back quickly, he just wants to see if this portal was made by his dad, he steps on in...

Meanwhile, Ashiok visits Eriette in her jail cell, eats her up in their shadow, and walks away with her, taking her somewhere her powers might be appreciated... so they can come back once Rowan is good and rested, and do this all again.

and that's the story! My thoughts:

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I'm sorry I hate Oko so much, he's such a terrible person and character and I do not enjoy him and I hope when Kellan meets him in Thunder Bluff he shoots him with one of those native american lightning guns we've seen in the teaser art for it. I want him to die so badly. Please please kill him.

Anyway this episode is fantastic, and is a really satisfying conclusion to a story that was all-in-all very solid. It's weird they don't kill Eriette but I suppose after the incident with Hylda there's a realization that hey maybe we can fix her- and for as powerful as Eriette's magic is she can't outfight two teenagers so it's not like she's actually all that dangerous. Ashiok being able to just, suck her out of prison and take her off somewhere far away wasn't expected of course, but eh. It's fine.

I feel tortuously bad for Rowan, who did not deserve any of this. Her face-heel turn is executed pretty well, but it makes me sad that she falls this far out of so many good intentions. I hope she gets redeemed and not killed- and given how Will fought against her the entire time with a passive, protective bent to everything he did, even if he feared her... I can hold out hope that she will.

I also feel terrible for Kellan. He ends this story with a pretty broken heart- not reveling in the excitement of being an honest to god true hero because the manipulation Talion set upon him just... soured it all. Being a hero isn't all its cracked up to be and it brought him down. And worse yet, there's this undercurrent in him when he finds the omenpath- the possible excitement of meeting his dad that makes him move forward. And knowing who his dad is, and how he actually is as a person, it's just... he's gonna fall into the same hole Rowan did, trusting a family member who really shouldn't be trusted. With luck, the character literally described by his creator as a sex criminal will make it very clear he deserves the fate his spark saved him from, and he'll get shot to death a thousand times.

[Dienekes]

So set details coming out. Man I just love Eldraine.

Good luck Syr Ginger. May your vengeance on the planeswalkers be swift and merciless.