Describe the plot of OOTS, badly.

[Wizard_Lizard]

Basically what it says on the title, how badly can you describe OOTS in an entertaining manner. Just thought it'd be an interesting thread.

[dancrilis]

A man is on a noble quest to secure one of the pillars supporting the structure of the world, they are continuously opposed by those who would prefer to destroy those pillars over allowing that security.

[Ravens_cry]

Stick figures play the ultimate D&D LARP, eventually trying to save the world.

[Ruck]

The leader of a downtrodden and subjugated race's campaign for equality sees his entire life's work threatened by six destructive screw-ups.

[Ginasius]

A group of PCs who make too many jokes about the rules of D&D anger the DM who decides to prolong their campaign well beyond the end of the dungeon with an unnecessarily complicated plot.

[MoiMagnus]

This is the story of the ultimate struggle between Elan, champion of the established tropes and stereotypes, fighting to preserve the world against Redcloack, champion of race equality, who is actively (and knowingly) trying to destroy the world by enabling Xykon, a tyrannical embodiment of self-empowerment.

[Metastachydium]

Some morons set out to kill a guy who's dead, but their mission quickly devolves into their trying to save the world from destruction mostly through destroying the seals that hold the universe together and dying a lot.

[pearl jam]

Some morons set out to kill a guy who's dead, but their mission quickly devolves into their trying to save the world from destruction mostly through destroying the seals that hold the universe together and dying a lot.

This is the first one that got me to laugh. lol

I think it was the last part about dying a lot that was the clincher.

[skim172]

Lack of positive childhood father figures hampers efforts to save the world.

Also, broader political and religious leadership fail to mobilize appropriately in response to imminent existential threst.

[Pory]

A group of stick adventurers are trying to stop a skeleton and a goblin who are trying to free a multicolor, thicker stick monster trapped inside the world. Half the time they don't know what they are doing and the other half they try to explain out loud what they are doing.

[elros]

Lack of positive childhood father figures hampers efforts to save the world.

Also, broader political and religious leadership fail to mobilize appropriately in response to imminent existential threst.

My summary is: A dungeon crawl gets derailed by the characters' unresolved family's issues.
Daddy issues: Roy, Haley, Elan, Nale, Hel
Other family issues: Durkon, V, Xykon (in SoD he kills is parents), Redcloak (kills his brother), Helga
Too many issues to list: Belkar

[Fenice]

So you have this classic team of misfit heroes, right? The fighter's got to kill this guy, who's sort of already dead, because his dead dad said so. Not really sure why the others are there, I think the author forgot to give them motivations, except for Nami from One Piece who wants gold to save her family but need to be really secretive about it for some reasons.
Season 1 is mostly a series of monster-of-the-week episodes, but the plot finally kicks off when Daddy Issues sort of kills the guy he's supposed to kill, but then he's still sort of alive, I guess, because magic.

Daddy Issues need to repair his sword, so they go looking for a special rock and Verbose the ambigously gendered wizard slays a black dragon along the way. They get the rock, but before they can go back and have the new sword forged, they get attacked by 2020 Mulan who wants to arrest them and bring them to Anime City. Daddy Issues simps her a lot but then finally learns the lesson that it's ok to call a bitch a bitch. However, 2020 Mulan is OP, so she capturs them and brings them to Anime City anyway. (Ah, along the way Nami from One Piece loses all her money and starts to speak in gibberish, which means that unless you consider Verbose a chick the show loses all likeable female characters for a while, despite introducing two new ones.)
So once the characters are in Anime City, granpa explains the plot to them, except for Short Temper who's out to kill 2020 Mulan, but he unfortunately fails. Meanwhile, Daddy Issues start to date Lawyer Chick and Nami from One Piece spends a lot of episodes trying to build up the courage to confess her love to Hot But Dumb (which I guess is an attempt by the author to keep his female demographic engaged with a bunch love side stories).
Then you have a huge B story line involving this evil versions of the heroes back from Season 1, the bottom line is Nami from One Piece can talk again, Hot But Dumb finally learns to fight but only by making lame puns and the two finally get together.
Then you finally, finally, have the evil army show up, and it's awesome, Daddy Issues dies, 2020 Mulan dies (but not before she screws it up for everyone), the evil army wins, and the team got all split up for the next season.

Half of the next season follows Nami from One Piece and Lawyer Chick learning out not to awful to other women, Short Temper learning how to be a better teamplayer, and Daddy Issues learning how to not be dead anymore.
The other half of the season follows the sea adventures of Dwarf the dwarf, Hot But Dumb and Verbose (curiously Nami doesn't get the seafaring half of the plot). Hot But Dumb got simped hard by She-Hulk and Verbose gets so cranky that he goes out on his own to become Anakim Skywalker because he needs to stop Grendel's mother before she kills his family. Anakim stops her so easily that he gets convinced that he's ready to kill the main baddie, but gets stomped so hard that he doesn't even need a redemption arc to go back to being a hero.

The next Season is set in a desert, we discover that Big But Dumb's father is an evil jackass who thinks he's the big baddie of the story, and for a while he almost convinces me too, but he totally isn't. Dwarf the dwarf becomes Dwarf the vampire and has some character development because the author forgot about him when everyone else was getting theirs the first time around.

The gods themselves explain the rest of the plot to the heroes and Dwarf the vampire has to die before he can come back as Dwarf the dwarf. I guess this doesn't count as reverting to the status quo because Dwarf the dwarf has supposedly learned something (though literally he's the same as before, the only one who really changes is Dwarf the vampire who accepts and learns to be Dwarf the dwarf).

[Lord Raziere]

A bunch of murderhobos try to save the world from yarn by destroying all the doors that keep it contained while a diplomat attempts to save his people from oppression by preparing to negotiate with a bunch of people who like playing divine-flavored RTS games with the help of his lazy impulsive buddy.

[Robots]

A crayon doodle is out to destroy the world, but it will only succeed in destruction if people break the things that prevent it from escaping. Our heroes break them numerous times, either by accident or on purpose.

Alternate Book Summaries:

Book -1: Just when you thought things were bad, THEY GOT WORSE!

Book 0: Origin stories! Also, characters are drawn bad on purpose.

Book 1: The main characters crack jokes of dubious quality until stumbling into the plot by accident.

Book 2: A total wet blanket chases after our heroes because of the dubiously moral stuff they've done. Meanwhile, a dead guy makes more dead guys to fight a city.

Book 3: The wet blanket screws everything up and dies thinking about a horse. The leader of the team dies and this causes everything to fall apart from there.

Book 4: An idiot, a small guy and a magician get stuck on a boat with the Blue Man Army. Meanwhile, the one girl and an even smaller guy lug around a corpse with a magical lawyer. Eventually, the magician gets fed up with the story and tries to become a Mary Sue. They then commit genocide, but the other stuff they do helps everyone in the long run.

Book 5: The idiot meets his father, who is not a very nice person. The magician discovers that when they committed genocide on purpose, they also committed genocide on accident. The small guy dies trying to save the smaller guy, but he gets better. They all escape in a flying boat.

Book 6: The small guy converts to another religion, which is bad news for everyone else. The rest of the team meets a small girl, which puts the team's Girl Counter at 2. Everyone else tries to vote on something, but they need to vote to end the vote. The small guy eventually converts to his original religion.

[Robots]

Other family issues: Xykon (in SoD he kills is parents)

I don't really think Xykon's issues stem from "When I was a teenager I killed my parents", I think his issues are more or less "I'm an amoral dead man here to conquer the world and kill everyone for the hell of it".

[RMS Oceanic]

"No really, just one adventure, it's not like you guys will find a plot hook down there."

[Hotu]

Gods accidentally make systemic racism, now it’s up to our heroes to stop the guy who’s upset about it

[Robots]

Gods accidentally make systemic racism, now it’s up to our heroes to stop the guy who’s upset about it

Okay, I laughed a little 'cause of how accurate it is

[Silly Name]

Unwanted child gets grounded by their parents for burning down the house, then a green guy tries to come up with a way to use this as leverage against the parents while a group of weirdos tries to keep the child grounded.

[The Pilgrim]

A D&D DM wants to earn easy money making a lazy stick figure comic based on his game sessions. The whole scheme gets derrailed as the author raises one million bucks on Kickstarter and needs to keep dragging the comic's plot indefinitely in order to justify not having completed the crowdfunding rewards list after 9 years.

[Ginasius]

Gods accidentally make systemic racism, now it’s up to our heroes to stop the guy who’s upset about it

The best until now, IMHO.

[faustin]

Loki screw everything by being a bad father.

[Mad Humanist]

Helga

A heart-warming tale about ordinary folk, almost all of whom have names that none can spill krecktly.

[Crusher]

A orphan and his extremely thin father-figure try to free the closest thing their world has to a rainbow. Some protagonists are trying to stop them, but they're really just comic relief.

[Hardcore]

Um, there's this guy and his quest to save the world. (which happens all the time apparently. Not to him of course). BTW this is a fantasy, right? So, he got this mission from his father's ghost and set out to recruit adventurers to help him. The guy that is, not his dad. He find some but they are not very skilled. The enemy is a Goblin cleric and an undead sorcerer. They all are quite witty, except the dwarf. The comic is not finished yet so I can stop here if I like.

[Ionathus]

Some morons set out to kill a guy who's dead, but their mission quickly devolves into their trying to save the world from destruction mostly through destroying the seals that hold the universe together and dying a lot.

This one really made me smile. Well done.

Gods accidentally make systemic racism, now it’s up to our heroes to stop the guy who’s upset about it

Also incredibly well done. Clever and snappy.

[ziproot]

Let's see. There's:

Roy Greenhilt, a guy who almost caused the world to be destroyed because he intentionally blew up one of the gates holding up reality.

Durkon Thundershield, a dwarf who became a vampire and decided to help destroy the world so that millions of souls would be doomed to eons of torture from Hel, goddess of death.

Elan, a bard who has an intelligence and wisdom score of at most 9, who accidentally blew up a different gate holding up reality.

Belkar Bitterleaf, a bloodthirsty halfling and wanted criminal who kills for funsies.

Vaarsuvius, a trigger happy elf who committed genocide and accidentally weakened the defenses of the gate Roy blew up as a result.

Haley Starshine, a female rogue who literally lost their voice because of all the lies they told.

Minrah Snowshoe, a female dwarf cleric/fighter who hangs out with Durkon and wants to rub the fact that her god said maybe she shouldn't die in everyone's faces.

Blackwing, a self-obsessed raven who is strongly attracted to shiny things.

Mr. Scruffy, a housecat who literally ripped out someone's gut.

Xykon, an evil sorcerer lich who has anger management problems.

Redcloak, a goblin who never matured past their teenage years.

The MITD, who is powerful but other than that we have no idea who or what they are.

and Serini Toormuck, a charming halfling rogue whose main goal is to protect the gates holding up the fabric of reality.

EDIT: Oh right, and then there's the Gods who are useless due to stupid rules tying them up.

Any questions?

[Squire Doodad]

Let's see. There's:

Roy Greenhilt, a guy who almost caused the world to be destroyed because he intentionally blew up one of the gates holding up reality.

Durkon Thundershield, a dwarf who became a vampire and decided to help destroy the world so that millions of souls would be doomed to eons of torture from Hel, goddess of death.

Elan, a bard who has an intelligence and wisdom score of at most 9, who accidentally blew up a different gate holding up reality.

Belkar Bitterleaf, a bloodthirsty halfling and wanted criminal who kills for funsies.

Vaarsuvius, a trigger happy elf who committed genocide and accidentally weakened the defenses of the gate Roy blew up as a result.

Haley Starshine, a female rogue who literally lost their voice because of all the lies they told.

Minrah Snowshoe, a female dwarf cleric/fighter who hangs out with Durkon and wants to rub the fact that her god said maybe she shouldn't die in everyone's faces.

Blackwing, a self-obsessed raven who is strongly attracted to shiny things.

Mr. Scruffy, a housecat who literally ripped out someone's gut.

Xykon, an evil sorcerer lich who has anger management problems.

Redcloak, a goblin who never matured past their teenage years.

The MITD, who is powerful but other than that we have no idea who or what they are.

and Serini Toormuck, a charming halfling rogue whose main goal is to protect the gates holding up the fabric of reality.

EDIT: Oh right, and then there's the Gods who are useless due to stupid rules tying them up.

Any questions?

Who's the medium-sized human with the hair?

[ziproot]

Who's the medium-sized human with the hair?

You mean the Paladin? That's Hinjo, who is actually a decent person who cares about upholding the law, but who is stuck on an island because Vaarsuvius teleported everyone there shortly after the genocide.

There's also Mr. Stiffly, AKA O-Chul, friend of MITD, who almost destroyed a third gate until Miko, a paladin who went crazy, murdered their lord, and subsequently lost their paladin powers, beat them to the punch.

EDIT: I originally rolled a 1 on my History (Intelligence) check. I mean, technically you could argue that O-Chul's beard counts as "hair", but this way I get to badly describe two Paladins instead of one.

[Mariele]

Gods accidentally make systemic racism, now it’s up to our heroes to stop the guy who’s upset about it

Can I sig this? Because I busted my gut.

Six adventurers walk into a plot and are still there 17 years later.