Appeasing the Dice gods

[nickl_2000]

This whole post probably should be in blue.

I've been playing online with digital dice for the last year and now thanks to the vaccine (yay medical science), I've finally been able to play D&D in person again using my real dice and being with friends again. However, during last nights session I barely rolled higher than a 10 on my d20 (including 8 natural 1s, one being on a death save). I used all my normal methods, switching dice, rolling out the bad luck, putting the bad d20s in dice jail, even playing the dice of shame, but none of them worked.

So, clearly I've angered the dice gods by playing with digital dice for so long. What can I do to appease them? Do I need to sacrifice one of my old character sheet to a fire? Offer them burnt offerings of pizza, beer, and Cheetos? What do I do?

[Mastikator]

Roll another thousand times and keep track of the average to make sure it's not a fluke. Make it ten thousand just to be on the safe side.

[nickl_2000]

Roll another thousand times and keep track of the average to make sure it's not a fluke. Make it ten thousand just to be on the safe side.

Does it have to be me that does it, or can I have one of my children roll for me?

[Aett_Thorn]

I have the exact opposite problem. My rolls online suck completely (like checking the stats I have 25% less hits than our party Paladin despite making more attacks), but as soon as I roll real dice I do just fine. So I clearly angered the digital dice gods at some point. Maybe we need to exchange dice or something to offset our luck?

[Kane0]

Shred one to three character sheets (anything except blank will do), pile the shreddings into a mound and place the offending dice on top of the shredded character throne.
Leave to sit for 1-3 hours then remove dice and place in a clean, empty glass bowl.
Burn the shreddings where the dice can see from the bowl then sprinkle the ashes over the dice.
Remove dice from bowl and roll over a new character sheet at least a dozen times each. Whilst you do so you can choose to recite a prayer, sing a song or play an RPG youtube video.
Return dice to their bag and make sure to greet them when you get them out to use them next.

If this doesnt work, microwave them where their replacements can see.

[EggKookoo]

Are you properly pre-rolling to get the kinks out?

Also, dice towers. Just... dice towers.

Finally, don't forget, according to all known laws of probability, whenever you get a bad roll, you've created a future good roll to offset it. Just wait. Your time is coming...

[Composer99]

Set them out on a patch of pavement or driveway, set your other dice in a circle a safe distance away, then douse the offenders with fuel and set them alight pour encourager les autres.

[Cicciograna]

Roll all the dice multiple times, and save only those that consistently roll low. This way, to balance out the Cosmos and appease the laws of Statistics and Probability, in game they will consistently roll high.

Of course, now that you know about this, you will be trumped by the only other law that actively reacts to human thoughts: Murphy's Law.
So you will play with those dice, they will consistently roll high, and on the following day you will be hit by a stray meteorite or squashed by a piano falling from the 43rd floor.

[quindraco]

This whole post probably should be in blue.

I've been playing online with digital dice for the last year and now thanks to the vaccine (yay medical science), I've finally been able to play D&D in person again using my real dice and being with friends again. However, during last nights session I barely rolled higher than a 10 on my d20 (including 8 natural 1s, one being on a death save). I used all my normal methods, switching dice, rolling out the bad luck, putting the bad d20s in dice jail, even playing the dice of shame, but none of them worked.

So, clearly I've angered the dice gods by playing with digital dice for so long. What can I do to appease them? Do I need to sacrifice one of my old character sheet to a fire? Offer them burnt offerings of pizza, beer, and Cheetos? What do I do?

RNGsus, as is well known, demands that he be sacrificed to you, not the other way around. You must eat of his flesh and drink of his blood.

You can drink his blood from any die-shaped cup; here's an example. https://www.spencersonline.com/produ...gn=freelisting I believe a Red Beer (a bloody mary made with beer) is traditional.

Here is an example tool for making your own body snacks: https://www.amazon.com/Arbi-Design-D.../dp/B07NKSXF75

Kneel before his altar (your gaming table), sacrifice him to yourself, and repent your sins - did you keep a cocked die instead of re-rolling it? Or perhaps you didn't clean your dice tray. Look, I don't judge - but he does.

[clash]

Get your wife or girlfriend to roll each one until a high number comes up. Then they will roll higher going forward. Always works for me.

[Zhorn]

Sounds like you need to craft some form of magical talisman specifically designed for curing bad rolls

Spoiler: The perfect solution

Show

[Ionathus]

I have no advice to contribute, but I want you to know you're not alone. I rolled 5d6 for my spell's damage last night and got a 9. Four 2s and a 1.

[Guy Lombard-O]

Shred one to three character sheets (anything except blank will do), pile the shreddings into a mound and place the offending dice on top of the shredded character throne.
Leave to sit for 1-3 hours then remove dice and place in a clean, empty glass bowl.
Burn the shreddings where the dice can see from the bowl then sprinkle the ashes over the dice.
Remove dice from bowl and roll over a new character sheet at least a dozen times each. Whilst you do so you can choose to recite a prayer, sing a song or play an RPG youtube video.
Return dice to their bag and make sure to greet them when you get them out to use them next.

If this doesnt work, microwave them where their replacements can see.

This all sounds about right. Although, I'd definitely ask a d4 to determine the number of necessary sheets...

[nickl_2000]

This all sounds about right. Although, I'd definitely ask a d4 to determine the number of necessary sheets...

The way I've been rolling, it will definitely only be one