Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!

[Gravitron5000]

The rules of this game are thus, continued from before (https://forums.giantitp.com/showthre...rupt-a-Wish-II): the person above you will wish for something. You must grant that wish, in a fashion similar to the "Be Careful What You Wish For" trope. And then make a wish of your own.

Carried over from the last thread:

I wish for a new corrupt a wish thread because we've reached fifty pages.

Ok, but it will be on fire, just like the "Rolled a one" thread.

I wish for a fire extinguisher.

[paddyfool]

> "I wish for a fire extinguisher"

Granted, but it's empty and has a broken dial that reports that it's full.

[Velaryon]

> "I wish for a fire extinguisher"

Granted, but it's empty and has a broken dial that reports that it's full.

I wish paddyfool had made a wish in this post.

[Gravitron5000]

He made a wish, but it obviously burned up in the fire.

Since we already have the fire, I wish for a fire roasted ox.

[paddyfool]

Granted but it tastes of burning thread.

I wish my wish could rise like a phoenix from the ashes.

[Bucky]

Your wish goes up, and up, and up until it vanishes into the clouds. You never see it again.

I wish life were a cakewalk.

[Gravitron5000]

Granted. There is now cake in your shoes.

I wish for some cake that has not come in contact with any feet.

[bug_sniper]

Granted, given that said cake is inside a cage of razor wire and inside a ring of fire. In other words, your life is painful and torturous with the promise of something sweet at the end.

I wish for a firehose and some bolt cutters.

Edit: The first sentence works nicely for Gravitron5000 too.

[totadileplayz]

Granted however they somehow merged together. With a firehose end and the grip of bolt cutters it is officially useless for any firehose, or bolt cutting needs.

I wish I had a teleporter.

[Velaryon]

Granted, but its coordinates are fixed and it only teleports you to Pluto, one way.

I wish Pluto could clear its orbit like a planet.

[Bucky]

Granted! But it absorbs Neptune in the process, leaving a planet that's far more Neptune than Pluto.

I wish I didn't have to pay taxes.

[Lacco]

You don't have to! Welcome to Shawshank prison! The warden wants to have a word with you.

I wish for a skilled accountant to help me with my taxes for free every year.

[Dire Moose]

Granted. He uses your ignorance of the process to scam you out of your money.

I wish Covid-19 would instantly cease to exist so that we can have our lives back.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish Covid-19 would instantly cease to exist so that we can have our lives back.

Granted. All Covid virus cells are killed with an even more contagious and deadly virus strain.

I wish for a vaccine for this new virus strain.

[Kerching]

Granted. Unfortunately, nobody trusts vaccines anymore after the last one failed, and Karens were elected to all positions of power. Everyone dies to misinformation.

I wish to speak to their manager.

[Dire Moose]

You speak to the manager. The manager is a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Nom nom nom.

I wish my cat would behave herself.

[Caerulea]

Taxidermist cats are very well behaved.

I wish college cost less than 160k.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish college cost less than 160k.

Okay. College now literally costs an arm and a leg...for the first two years then another arm and a leg for the final two years.

I wish I had four arms and four legs to help me get through college.

[Bucky]

Granted, but you'll take eight years to graduate.

I wish I owned a hundred-foot yacht.

[paddyfool]

You get a repulsively pungent sculpture of a yacht made up of 100 human feet stitched together. The police have a few questions about 50 missing people.

I wish that Bucky's horrific bit of footboat artwork would spontaneously combust.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish that Bucky's horrific bit of footboat artwork would spontaneously combust.

Okay, but since it's spontaneous, you don't know when it'll happen and are standing right next to it when it finally does burst meaning you are consumed in the flames.

I wish to heal paddyfool's very bad burn wounds.

[Lacco]

Yeah, the medication worked and the burn wounds are not even visible! ... unfortunately there are some side-effects. Terrible hiccups. Explosive diarrhea. Spontaneous mummification of internal organs. Googly eyes. Plastic ones. All over the body. At random times. Paranoia. Hairy toes.

I wish for a googly-eyes remedy for the poor guy.

[Dire Moose]

Granted, but the treatment causes incurable cancer in literally every part of his body.

I wish for eternal life.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish for eternal life.

Okay, but life doesn't equal conscious organism so you spend eternity as an indestructible vegetable.

I wish to extract DNA from the Dire Moose immortal vegetable to create more of them and start a very profitable business selling them.

[totadileplayz]

While you did succeed in gaining some DNA their indestructible, and immortality are not based on their genes, but mystic powers, and as such do not pertain to the DNa sample, and can not be extracted.

I wish there was only nothing.

[Bucky]

Granted! Your wish does nothing.

I wish I had due process and a competent lawyer.

[Dire Moose]

Granted. However, you had already shared the video of you microwaving a baby all over the internet and on national TV, your lawyer can’t really do much. You go to prison for life.

I wish I could teleport anywhere I wanted to, at will.

[Gravitron5000]

Will doesn't really appreciate you teleporting yourself at him and files for a restraining order.

I wish to know why Will would want a wandering wand of wonders.

[paddyfool]

You instead gain graphic knowledge of where Will's "wand of wonders" has wandered in the past. You'd really rather not have known, especially as you now face the question of whether to tell Will's wife, in which case, well, Will may need to make a will.

I wish to be better at innuendo.

[Dire Moose]

Granted, you are now so good at innuendo that you can’t help hiding double meanings in your statements all over the place. You develop so much of a reputation that everyone is always reading way too much into what you say and driving you nuts.

I wish this job would pay me more money.