Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!

[Gold Leaf]

Granted, but good luck trying to sell anything when your customers are still fictional.

I wish I was better at children's card games.

[mati2002]

While you did succeed in gaining some DNA their indestructible, and immortality are not based on their genes

[Persolus]

Granted, but good luck trying to sell anything when your customers are still fictional.

I wish I was better at children's card games.

Granted, you know precisely how to win a card game so long as a child is playing the game with you! ... however, good luck with finding a kid that wants to play more than one match.

I wish to win the new UPick WW/Mafia

[Rogan]

I wish to win the new UPick WW/Mafia

Granted, but nobody wants to play with you ever again.

I wish for true love.

[animorte]

I wish for true love.

Granted! You discover that you've had a history with that windmill and you will do everything in your power to save that windmill, as your deity is your witness! Or was it a lighthouse?
I repeat, the McKinley Lighthouse has been destroyed.

I wish that somebody would appreciate my reference.

[bug_sniper]

Granted. I'd pay a penny more for your reference.

I wish for robots that are 3 laws-compliant.

[ChrysalisM]

Granted. Those 3 laws are:

1. Robots are to make more of themselves
2. Humans are to be used as slave labor to make more robots
3. Those who resist must be eliminated.

I wish I could draw things, and bring them into reality.

[Dire Moose]

Granted, you gain this power unexpectedly while drawing a nuclear explosion.

I wish I didn’t have severe anxiety all the time.

[animorte]

I wish I didn’t have severe anxiety all the time.

Granted, Hakuna Matata. Now you just don’t worry about anything, ever.

I wish upon that forum star that I one day grow up and marry a prince.

[ziproot]

Granted, but you will die just after you get married.

I wish that you cannot grant any wishes after this one.

[ChrysalisM]

Granted, but you will die just after you get married.

I wish that you cannot grant any wishes after this one.

granted, but now everyone can grant wishes.

I wish i was ambidextrous.

[Rogan]

I wish i was ambidextrous.

Granted, but tomorrow, you will have an accident and both your hands will get crippled.

I wish for a 40 hours day.

[Bucky]

Granted, but they're 18-minute hours.

I wish for a quadcopter photography drone.

[Dire Moose]

Granted, but it doubles as a CIA assassination drone and you keep having problems with telling if it’s set to photograph or kill.

I wish that drone wouldn’t find me.

[Rogan]

I wish that drone wouldn’t find me.

Granted, but it kills everyone you like, trying to lure you out. On the bright side, you will always get some pictures of their last moments...

I wish for an EMP weapon to stop this done once and for all.

[somethingrandom]

The EMP takes out all electrical equipment within 100 miles of the drone including the equipment keeping people alive in hospital.

I wish that there was backup equipment that could be deployed in time

[Bucky]

Granted, the CIA has more than enough spare drones to assassinate them before they die of their existing conditions.

I wish for sunny weather tomorrow.

[Dire Moose]

Granted. The sun is now ten times brighter than before and the earth is a scorched, lifeless wasteland.

I wish people would stop fighting over everything.

[ChrysalisM]

Granted. The sun is now ten times brighter than before and the earth is a scorched, lifeless wasteland.

I wish people would stop fighting over everything.

Granted. For a summary of the situation, look up the song The Sun is Also A Warrior by Leslie Fish.


I wish that the Power Rangers existed.

[bug_sniper]

Granted, but so do their enemy monsters. Their fights tend to be rather destructive and so your homeowner's insurance rates go up.

I wish for an electron microscope.

[ChrysalisM]

Granted, but so do their enemy monsters. Their fights tend to be rather destructive and so your homeowner's insurance rates go up.

I wish for an electron microscope.

Granted! It's a microscope the size of an electron!

I wish I had a better idea for a widh.

[Dire Moose]

Granted, you decide to wish for world peace, which results in everyone dropping dead at once.

All I ask for is a tall ship and a star to steer her by.

[paddyfool]

The wheel’s kick sends you overboard, and you sink into the sea’s face with a grey dawn breaking. Your sad drowning later becomes the subject of a merry yarn by a laughing fellow rover.

I wish for a quiet sleep and a sweet dream.

[ChrysalisM]

The wheel’s kick sends you overboard, and you sink into the sea’s face with a grey dawn breaking. Your sad drowning later becomes the subject of a merry yarn by a laughing fellow rover.

I wish for a quiet sleep and a sweet dream.

Granted, but you never wake up...

I wish I was dirt poor.

[Velaryon]

Granted, you are so dirt poor that there is no dirt whatsoever within 100 miles of you, thus making it impossible for any plants to grow.

I wish pets lived as long as their humans did.

[Dire Moose]

Granted, humans now have shorted lifespans to match pets.

I wish for an official Red Ryder, carbine action, 200-shot, range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time.

[animorte]

I wish for an official Red Ryder, carbine action, 200-shot, range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time.

You get an entire coming-of-age story, including the soap dinner and an eye patch.

I wish to be a hygiene-active pirate.

[Rogan]

I wish to be a hygiene-active pirate.

Granted. You get the irresistible urge to attack clean seamen. When they are dirty or sweating, you remain inactive.

I wish for long, hot showers to become an universal human right, which has to be provided for free.

[bug_sniper]

Granted. Friend computer gives you the right to long showers with scalding hot water to properly sterilize your exterior. But if you turn down the temperature by 1 degree, you won't be sufficiently sterilized and so the temperature dial is blue and if you touch it, you'll be terminated for treason.

I wish for my security clearance level to be upgraded.

[Dire Moose]

Granted. Your security clearance now allows you to access SCP-682’s containment unit, and you are responsible for cleaning it every day while SCP-682 is asleep in the corner. Try not to make too much noise?

I wish I could just magically make everything ready for Christmas and do all the daily cleaning without having to put in so much time and effort.