Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!

[bug_sniper]

Granted but everyone has figured out your weakness to ethyl chloride and the villians have made an effort to stockpile large quantities of it.

I wish there were space fish swimming around in interstellar space.

[Dire Moose]

Granted, your starship gets eaten by a giant interstellar shark.

I roll to fly a plane.

[MutantDragon]

Granted, your starship gets eaten by a giant interstellar shark.

I roll to fly a plane.

Granted! You roll the plane into a skyscraper and are labeled posthumously as a terrorist.

I wish I had a completely normal can of completely normal Sprite.

[enq]

I wish I had a completely normal can of completely normal Sprite.

Granted, but you have to pay the bill for the needlessly rigorous scientific work that someone felt was required to establish that the can and its contents were completely normal.

I wish I could survive without water.

[MutantDragon]

Granted, but you have to pay the bill for the needlessly rigorous scientific work that someone felt was required to establish that the can and its contents were completely normal.

I wish I could survive without water.

Granted! You now require hydration in the form of human blood!


I wish for a free car.

[Bucky]

Granted, but it won't obey you, or anyone else, when you try to drive it.

I wish I could cast Feather Fall at will.

[Rogan]

I wish I could cast Feather Fall at will.

Granted. Your friend William allows you to use his tools to cast the sculpture "Feather Fall".

I wish I could change the size of every part of my body.

[Dire Moose]

Granted, but you don’t know exactly how to control it, so you accidentally tear yourself into bloody chunks due to making some parts bigger and others smaller.

I wish I owned a private jet.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Are you sure? I mean, it's just gonna crash. You know it's just gonna crash, right? Alright. Granted! *CRASH*

I wish for an original story idea!

[Starlit Dragon]

Are you sure? I mean, it's just gonna crash. You know it's just gonna crash, right? Alright. Granted! *CRASH*

I wish for an original story idea!

This one is original! However, it's deeply distasteful. Bordering on repulsive, really. Still, definitely fresh and exciting.

I wish for an original and good story idea.

[MutantDragon]

This one is original! However, it's deeply distasteful. Bordering on repulsive, really. Still, definitely fresh and exciting.

I wish for an original and good story idea.

Granted! You happen upon a story idea of such sublime originality and quality that your mind cannot withstand the strain of its sheer awesomeness. You are now quite mad.

I wish for $3.50.

[ziproot]

Granted! You happen upon a story idea of such sublime originality and quality that your mind cannot withstand the strain of its sheer awesomeness. You are now quite mad.

I wish for $3.50.

Granted. I've also adjusted it for inflation, backwards.

I wish to learn if the universe experienced a period of inflation.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Okay! I've successfully filtered out all the articles about economic inflation. The bad news is that I forgot to forgot to turn on safe search, so your godlike knowledge of cosmic inflation is going to be mixed with, um... a third thing.

-

I wish for the ability to take away wishes.

[Rogan]

I wish for the ability to take away wishes.

Granted. You can take away wishes by killing the entity who grants them. Your chances of success are very low.

I wish for a comfy chair.

[enq]

Granted. It's so comfy you cannot be persuaded to leave it for any reason, and if made to do so by force, you will sit in it again at first opportunity.

I wish that I could touch fire without pain or harm.

[MutantDragon]

Granted. It's so comfy you cannot be persuaded to leave it for any reason, and if made to do so by force, you will sit in it again at first opportunity.

I wish that I could touch fire without pain or harm.

Granted! You are now a living flame...until the isolated bush you're on burns out, anyway.


I wish I could see trough solid objects.

[Bucky]

Granted, but it replaces your ability to see through air.

I wish I could beat Super Mario 64 without ever pressing the A button.

[bug_sniper]

Granted, but instead you have to use the numpad on a controller that comes with a numpad.

I wish I could use the mouse and keyboard for every game, even the console-only games.

[animorte]

Granted, and you can play them all through a simulator on your phone! Only your phone.

I wish I had a controller that I can use for any electronic device.

[Dire Moose]

Granted, but it’s terribly designed, can only be held in a way that causes major nerve damage to your hands, and the controls are constantly malfunctioning and making you do the complete opposite of what you’re trying to do in the games you play with it.

I wish for my own swimming pool.

[MutantDragon]

Granted, but it’s terribly designed, can only be held in a way that causes major nerve damage to your hands, and the controls are constantly malfunctioning and making you do the complete opposite of what you’re trying to do in the games you play with it.

I wish for my own swimming pool.

Granted! It is, in fact, swimming away as we speak...

I wish for a graphing calculator.

[DisavowedPaladi]

Granted! It is, in fact, swimming away as we speak...

I wish for a graphing calculator.

I would give you a calculator made of Graphene but it's not the place for that. Instead you will receive a calculator with an arm capable of holding a pen and drawing graphs. If you have an adequate supply of paper, it may well outperform a traditional graphing calculator.

I wish to be on the nearest solid ground with breathable atmosphere (Last I was seen, I was stranded in space with faulty armor near the moon.)

[Dire Moose]

Granted, you are beamed down to an extremely dangerous jungle region on a planet known for its swarms of vicious, flesh-eating bugs that devour people within seconds. And you are wearing the red uniform of a 23rd century Starfleet security officer. I think we all know what happens next.

I wish we’d stop losing so many redshirts.

[bug_sniper]

Granted. The redshirts realize their odds and start demanding their commanding officers to perform a few high-risk interactions. The death of a few senior lieutenants reduces starfleet readiness and makes them lose the Federation-Klingon war, turning humanity into a subordinate heavily taxed state.

I wish I could sit out this conflict by living on a habitable planet in Andromeda with armor thick enough to protect from flesh-eating bugs.

[Rogan]

I wish I could sit out this conflict by living on a habitable planet in Andromeda with armor thick enough to protect from flesh-eating bugs.

Granted. I hope you don't mind that you have to take off your armor for things like eating, drinking and other necessary body functions. I'm sure the bugs will be polite enough to only attack when you wear it...

I wish for the Romulan Empire to attack the Klingons, so Humanity has a chance to revolt.

[DisavowedPaladi]

Granted. I hope you don't mind that you have to take off your armor for things like eating, drinking and other necessary body functions. I'm sure the bugs will be polite enough to only attack when you wear it...

I wish for the Romulan Empire to attack the Klingons, so Humanity has a chance to revolt.

Honestly, a galactic scale war feels like enough of a side effect to me. However, because of my contractual obligation, you will also be the martyred figurehead of the revolution. You won't live to see it, but the strongholds of oppression will burn in your name. Viva la Revolution.

I wish to combine my efforts with bug_sniper to survive this planet we are both stranded on. (I haven't died yet because they didn't take my swords)
PS: Is bug_sniper someone who is a bug who also has a gun, or are they really good at shooting bugs. If the latter, that seems very helpful in our present circumstances.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Together you survive. Though no rescue ever comes, you nonetheless carve out a niche in the alien world and make yourselves at home, until one day decades later you die in each others' arms. Does that even count as corrupting the wish? Perhaps not. It's bittersweet, is all.

I wish for reunification between the Romulans, Vulcans, AND Remans.

[MutantDragon]

Together you survive. Though no rescue ever comes, you nonetheless carve out a niche in the alien world and make yourselves at home, until one day decades later you die in each others' arms. Does that even count as corrupting the wish? Perhaps not. It's bittersweet, is all.

I wish for reunification between the Romulans, Vulcans, AND Remans.

Granted! They reunify to exterminate all inferior species, including, of course, humans.

I wish the Federation would be promptly reestablished with a fighting chance against the Roman/Vulcan/Reman alliance.

[Rogan]

I wish the Federation would be promptly reestablished with a fighting chance against the Roman/Vulcan/Reman alliance.

Granted, and you are the captain of the flagship, which is always at the most dangerous position of each and every battle. Good luck!

I wish for some advanced shield technology to improve the survivability of the flagship.

[animorte]

I wish for some advanced shield technology to improve the survivability of the flagship.

Granted. All power to the shields, which are now completely indestructible. Unfortunately this also removes the gravity field and oxygen supply.