Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!

[Bucky]

Granted. Instead, your toilet began spewing sewage that leaked through your ceiling, and the cat attacked your spouse who dropped your keyboard into the sewage and was subsequently hospitalized.

I wish I could get past my writer's block.

[bug_sniper]

Granted, but now you have writer's cramp, which makes your writing very messy and painful.

I wish I had sovereignty over my house and diplomatic immunity in the surrounding country.

[totadileplayz]

Granted! However every single country declares war on you at once excluding the country which borders your own. Though that's more due to apathy and will not help one way or another. Have fun.

I wish for a bowl of raisin bran cereal.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Granted! It's been sitting on the back of the shelf for 30 years and tastes like the box it came in.

I wish to burn my eyebrows off in an explosion!

[Bucky]

Oops, that got a bit out of hand. But look on the bright side - wait, you can't anymore because your eyes ruptured. Whatever, your brain case and airway both remained intact and that's what's truly important, right?

I wish to eradicate the fire ants infesting my lawn.

[Lacco]

Two words: carpet bombing! Three words: nuclear carpet bombing! Five words: nuclear bunker-buster carpet bombing!!! Let's say if they survive, they will be irradiated. Also: salt the ground (in ratio 2:1 salt:ground) to make sure nothing like that happens again.

I wish to cancel all my work meetings for today and have a free day for actual work.

[Dire Moose]

Granted. You get demoted to janitor. And those toilets aren’t going to clean themselves.

I wish that my flight tomorrow will be safe, timely, and not encounter anything unexpected.

[Snowblaze]

Granted. You get demoted to janitor. And those toilets aren’t going to clean themselves.

I wish that my flight tomorrow will be safe, timely, and not encounter anything unexpected.

Granted. The awful food is very expected, but it still gives you nasty food poisoning and you spend half the flight on the toilet.

I wish for my phone battery to last longer.

[totadileplayz]

Granted. The awful food is very expected, but it still gives you nasty food poisoning and you spend half the flight on the toilet.

I wish for my phone battery to last longer.

Congrats your phone now lasts forever. Unfortunately infinite energy in a small space means that your carrying a bomb that could go off at any millisecond destroying the universe with you or at least our region of it.

I wish to be able to manifest beings I imagine into reality bound to my whims and wishes.

[Dire Moose]

Granted, but you have a very powerful and uncontrollable imagination, so you can’t help but summon powerful creatures to wreak havoc on your enemies whenever you’re angry. This ends up causing a lot of collateral damage, and eventually the military is forced to take action by dropping a large bomb on you.

I wish for a drama-free vacation.

[bug_sniper]

Granted. Any Shakespeare tapes you bring will be confiscated and the theaters will be closed due to pandemic restrictions. Every travel brochure will inform you of this so there's no drama of the other type.

I wish for a meteor made of marshmallows and licorice to land on this planet.

[Gravitron5000]

The licorice is that really salty Dutch variety, and the marshmallows have gone hard from being on the shelf too long.

I wish for a peach tree.

[Velaryon]

You get PEACH tree (as in Please Evaluate And Critique Honestly), which gives you feedback on any ideas you tell the tree. Unfortunately, the tree is not very smart and gives generally poor feedback.

I wish for a cherry tree.

[Dire Moose]

Granted, but George Washington chops it down while you’re climbing it.

I wish for a really nice dress.

[Caerulea]

This absolutely beautiful ballgown qualifies. Unfortunately it's two sizes too small for you to wear.

I wish for a comfy chair.

[Gravitron5000]

Ok, but nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

I wish that other nationalities would also be inquisitive.

[Dire Moose]

Granted. You are immediately abducted by the Russian Inquisition and sent to a prison camp in Siberia.

I wish I had pink hair again.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

It grows everywhere but your head!

I wish for an octopus plushie.

[bug_sniper]

Granted, but the dog chewed all of its arms off so it looks more like a starfish now.

I wish for a trilobite.

[Lacco]

You have been trilo-bitten. Multiple times.

I wish for a solid notebook that never runs out of pages for me to scribble in and has a mentally-controlled "search" function.

[farothel]

No problem, you get a notebook that adds a new page every time you need one. I hope you have enough storage room to put it somewhere.
As for the search function: there is one, but it can't recognise your handwriting. You'll have to write in Times New Roman for it to work.

I wish I could go on holiday to Indonesia again.

[Dire Moose]

Granted. Your visit coincides with the breakout of an incredibly violent and bloody civil war in Indonesia.

I wish to stop the fighting.

[Caerulea]

Can't fight if your legs are turned into chocolate, that's what I always say. Might as well apply it to all of humanity because you did want all of the fighting to stop.

I wish for my legs back and functioning.

[somethingrandom]

You legs are returned to you as functionality perfectly as part of a device designed find and kick the cutest puppies ever born.

I wish puppies were safe from the device that Caerulea's legs are a part of

[bug_sniper]

Granted. Now, the device is designed to kick mages and men with staves instead.

I wish for mosquitoes to no longer exist.

[Bucky]

Granted. It's a shame that their eradication caused an exploding population of biting flies.

I wish my teammates would listen to me.

[Gravitron5000]

They only listen so that they can more effectively mock you.

I wish to team up with an all bard rock band adventuring team, to take the world both figuratively and literally by storm.

[Dire Moose]

Granted, but none of you have any musical talent whatsoever. The horrible noise you make causes people’s ears to bleed, and the audience starts throwing bricks at you.

I wish to become a powerful witch.

[bug_sniper]

Granted but one day, an ordinary teenage girl from Kansas arrives to put a stop to whatever nefarious plot you have. You use your fire magic to burn her scarecrow friend. She splashes a bucket of water to put out her friend and some of the water gets on you and melts you.

I wish there was a sequel to Wizard of Oz.

[Lacco]

No problem. It's going to be held in production for few decades, and the shooting will suffer from some issues (like rewrites every day, frequent recasting), but it will be exactly what you expect: an action/comedy starring Adam Sandler as Dorotheos (a cooler-than-you action hero, only spouting one-liners), who embarks on an epic journey through mutant- and alien-infested Oz with only his CGI dog, to find a teleportation device and the power of friendship. Cillian Murphy will reprise his role as the Scarecrow (now without brains as they have to drug him to make him act in this movie), Melissa McCarthy will be the bumbling technological genius Iron Man, and Steven Segal as the cowardly martial arts master of the Way of the Lion... the Lion. The Witch tries of course to seduce Dorotheos and is played by the charismatic Kirsten Stewart.
Also, the CGI dog will be dubbed by Dwayne Johnson. Directed by Tommy Wiseau. Enjoy.

I wish for a movie based on the famous RPG... F.A.T.A.L. (that I do not have to watch!)