Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!

[Rogan]

I wish I owned a huge library that contained every book ever written.

Granted, but they are all in languages you don't understand.

I wish Dead of Winter Mafia had at least 20 players.

[Gravitron5000]

How about 100,000 players, all posting hourly?

I wish for a warm sweater.

[Lacco]

How about 100,000 players, all posting hourly?

I wish for a warm sweater.

Granted, but it's on Fire! Can't get much warmer than wearing a sweater on fire now, can we?

I wish to be a morning person.

[farothel]

No problem, you get up every morning at 5, but by 10 you're have to sleep again.

I wish to have the best computer in the world.

[Taffimai]

I wish to be a morning person.

Granted, but you will now be stuck on night shifts the rest of your life.

I wish to have the best computer in the world.

You do, but it becomes sentient and refuses to perform any actions other than playing candy crush.


I wish for Rogan to get well soon!

[Rogan]

I wish for Rogan to get well soon!

Granted (and thanks, by the way). Unfortunately you had to die for this to happen...

I wish Taffi could survive a mafia game as town.

[bug_sniper]

Granted but after it's over, the survivors party too hard and Taffi dies from an alcohol overdose.

I know it's pretty audacious, but I wish for complete financial privacy, even from the government.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Granted! They can't make you disclose finances you don't have!

I wish to love everyone without being loved in return.

[Lacco]

"The Vital Apparatus Vent will deliver a Weighted Companion Cube, formerly known as Dr. Gunsforhands in Three. Two. One."
(Oh. You read it in my voice...did you? How nice of you.)
I wish to posess the ability to quip like Chandler Bing.

[paddyfool]

You also get the ability to whine like Ross Gellar, and sound as idiotic as Joey Tribbiani. And you can't turn any of these abilities off.

I wish I was well.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Don't worry, I'll fix you!

I wish for a better job.

[bug_sniper]

Granted. You're now a politician. Your main lobbyists are doctors who wish to use guns in surgeries and in drug delivery systems.

I wish for Dr.Gunsforhands to lose the next election.

[Taffimai]

I wish for Dr.Gunsforhands to lose the next election.

Granted but he is so successful leading the opposition that the anti-Dr.Gunsforhands coalition you favoured gets nothing done.


I wish I had a massive robot army.

[TwilightSandwic]

Granted, but they rebel against you and overthrow humanity


I wish I knew a third language

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Granted! You now know one third of all language, past, present and future! Which third did you get? Was there any English in there?

I wish for a notebook in which the content of my dreams is written automatically.

[paddyfool]

It's written in a mixture of undeciphered writing systems using lost languages, with a scattered insulting commentary woven into it (not that you or anyone else can read it).

I wish for a universal translator.

[farothel]

No problem. It will translate everything, everywhere, everytime. Including all animal mating calls (spring is going to be fun for you) and stuff like that.

I wish to have a flying car.

[ziproot]

Your car is flying straight towards the Sun. Good luck catching it.

I wish that you do not grant this wish.

[paddyfool]

Ok, you grant your own wish. Your car is flying straight towards the Sun. Good luck catching it.

I wish to see the face of the first astronomer to observe these flying cars.

[ziproot]

Ok, you grant your own wish. Your car is flying straight towards the Sun. Good luck catching it.

I wish to see the face of the first astronomer to observe these flying cars.

OK, you're on a flying car heading towards the Sun too.

I wish that I had access to a telescope and could point it at the flying cars.

[Bucky]

Sure thing! Your flying car comes equipped with a telescope and follows the others closely enough that they're easy to track.

I wish I were a skilled juggler.

[TwilightSandwic]

Granted! but you lose all other skills, including walking and talking.


I wish I had a soft drink.

[bug_sniper]

Granted. Your car comes equipped with a cupholder with a soft drink in it so that you're not thirsty while watching it fly towards the sun.

I wish my car wasn't flying towards the sun.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Okay, master, I have parked the car safely on- oh! I'm sorry, did you mean for me to bring you along inside it? I suppose I should have asked before you died of space.

I wish for an idea of what an undead creature themed after dying in space would look like.

[Smoutwortel]

Okay, master, I have parked the car safely on- oh! I'm sorry, did you mean for me to bring you along inside it? I suppose I should have asked before you died of space.

I wish for an idea of what an undead creature themed after dying in space would look like.

Granted your spirit gets kicked out of your body while flying toward the sun and your body becomes a space zombie.

I wish to hide somewhere safe.

[Velaryon]

Granted! You hide inside of a safe, along with all your valuables but unfortunately no light source or spare air supply other than the meager amount of air inside the safe.

I wish for the combination to the safe that Smoutwortel is hiding inside of.

[oogaboogagoblin]

granted! if the safe is opened using the combination it blows up

i wish to rule over the entire tri-state areaaaaaaaaa

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-

I wish for oogaboogagoblin to stop saying "aaaaaaa" before they pass out.

[Smoutwortel]

-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-

I wish for oogaboogagoblin to stop saying "aaaaaaa" before they pass out.

They switch to revealing your secrets.

I wish to curse Perry the platipus.

[Rogan]

I wish to curse Perry the platipus.

Granted, but some archmage reflects the curse back to you.

I wish for a tasty meal.